Mischief
by RawMateriel
Summary: an exploration of the illusions, hallucinations, errors of judgment in individual lives, the central scene of this story being a love addict's paradise and subsequent sacrifice. Juniper Malfoy is in way over her head but that's no reason to believe she can't pull it off, she is a bit of a wild card after all and all bets are off once you start breaking strangers out of Azkaban.
1. Nut Job

**a/n: ****My writing does improve during the fic since it is the first time I have ever written a full story before so critique and comments are always welcome to help me progress further!**

**so please enjoy!**

**Chapter 1**

**Nutjob**

_20th of December 1991_

_11:47 a.m._

It started, I was sitting at my desk in half a school uniform reflecting on the shape of my finger nails (square or oval?) when I heard the boiler down stairs start a-boilin'. Now, I know what your thinking, 'boilers will do that', but no one has turned the boiler on in my place of residence in living memory. The boiler was kept for special occasions, like if you had hypothermia on your birthday and you were going into labour and you were elderly. There was one other excuse to excuse it, a fancy guest (possibly a dying elderly women going into labour while trying to blow out candles on a cake). Tempted to see what exactly that might look like (and grabbing some towels to mob goop off the baby) I made my way down the long clinical corridor to the spiral stairway. The tarnished copper of the stair banister bit in to my skin as I misinterpreted its skin melting heat as frosty tongue grabbing cold for a millisecond to long. I let out what would have been a yelp if I had absorbed any liquids since the Tuesday before. Instead a pathetic short release of alarmed air signified my raw hands plight. Well maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration. The banister was just warmer than expected, moving swiftly on.

I poked my head around the corner to see if the baby was a boy or a girl I noted the presence of a stranger who didn't seem to be doubled over with contractions at all. The stranger, tragically, didn't even seem to be a woman. Although thankfully the wizened old man with his genial expression in the tepid heat of the institutes canteen was wearing a wonderfully elaborate party hat. It was definitely someone's birthday, party hats were not traditional garb for weddings and crowns were for Christmas. The mans velvet, star printed pointed hat meant only one truly important thing. The presence of cake, that along with the added draw of perhaps belaying the contraction of pneumonia for another week or two thanks to the heat of the neglected boiler, I approached the canteen which I so often strived to avoid.

The mans face was presented to me in profile and I decided to take the time in which his gaze was averted to grab a moth-eaten over coat off a clothes horse to cover my lack of leg things. I had forgotten to remedy my half dressed situation sooner to my utter crinkly browed dismay. Alas, I wasn't about to risk another banister incident just for trousers. Not when cake was at stake. I jammed my feet in to my oily leather and lace boots and kicked the door of the canteen open, first impressions are important after all. I sang the first notes of happy birthday before deciding to stop as I didn't know the birthday persons name.

The wrinkly man crinkled around his eyes and showed his teeth. My angry fake teacher mom screeched in a fairly placating tone considering her angry teacher like nature;

"This is she." I raised both my eyebrows because even though some times I managed to lift just one I didn't want risk looking silly in front of the man with the party hat by making a crazy twitchy face. The mans crinkles folded even further and I crinkled around my eyes too.

"Hello Juniper", the man said gently, "I am Albus Dumbledore." I shuffled forward noisily so as not to loose my shoes and offered him my hand.

"Happy birthday" I said, over pronouncing it so that I seemed confident and articulate. He reached out a fat veined withered hand and shook my recently scorched appendage friendlily. he went on to explain that he had things he would like to discuss with me if I would take a turn with him around the garden. I thought it was a waste of good boiler heat but I did have a coat on already so I agreed. Bending down unsteadily to tie my shoes in an awkward fashion that wouldn't reveal my lack of leg things. I nodded briefly at my fake mom and she sniffed at me as I followed Albus out the water damaged solid wood backdoor.

"Do you often take canters around dishevelled gardens with belligerent youths, Albus?" I quipped, feeling in no mood for being overly considerate but deciding there's no time like the present for flowery language.

"I suspect I do it a great deal more than other people of my age." He replied pleasantly.

"That's bizarre", I ran my hand through my prematurely silvery hair, "I tend to be of the belief that I spend a lot less time taking turns through the wilderness with belligerent youths than other people of my age" I smiled at the greying sky and then turned my colourless eyes on Albus. "What are you here to discuss with me?" I enquired in a polite tone.

"Ah yes" Albus took a restorative breath, this was the start that led into a lot of middle, I could tell, he began. "Your full name Juniper, as I'm sure you know is Juniper Augustus Malfoy, and so far you have been raised among people who were not quite like you, am I right in saying that?" Dumbledore seemed to have no fear of embarrassing facial expression mishaps as he lifted one whispery eye brow at me. I snorted a little and rolled my eyes,

"I don't remind myself of anyone I have met in particular", I sighed, "and that is my full name."

Dumbledore smiled kindly and pushed his half moon spectacles up his comically crooked nose. "Well, you were placed in this institute under the pretence that your parents were both mentally unstable and therefore unable to take care of you and died soon after it was organized to have you taken into care here, correct?" My brow furrowed as I mumbled

"Pretence?" clumsily.

"Yes , that is the first thing you must understand, although it is true that your parents were mentally unstable the people connected to this social service institute did not cease you from your home with your parents, they, your family, hid you here before they died." he looked at me with a grave expression. "I am a professor and current headmaster at the school in which your parents were taught." he continued. "I don't know what exactly they hoped to achieve by hiding you here, but upon your seventeenth birthday the means by which they hid you could no longer prevent us reaching you and I came here to at last reveal onto you the truth." I blinked and began chewing at my nails.

"What truth?" I asked in a voice which came out much smaller than I had expected. Albus mouth set at a tense angles and he placed his hand on my shoulder before continuing.

"Your parents had the ability to do things that the people in this place can't, they had the ability to do thing that you and I can but you abilities have been bound within you by your parents. These abilities mean there is a whole other world open to you. One in which you are already a fully emancipated adult. You and I are magic Juniper, you are a witch." I opened my mouth and then closed it again before making a decision in my head. I didn't mind if this man was completely insane. I didn't mind if he wanted me to sing him happy magic birthday every day forever. If I had gotten anything from this conversation so far is that not only does he have access to records about me but he also seems to hold sway with monster mom. I would follow anyone anywhere as long as this place became my past. I did my best to keep a straight face as I slowly nodded.

"You and I can do magic?" I asked in an attempt to seem like I was beginning to buy it in a sort of child like wonder way.

It was true that I knew very little of my heritage, I was unusual looking with my ash blonde hair accompanied by bossy silvery strands and my practically white, colourless eyes. I was normally built for a girl and had decidedly oval shaped fingernails. But I was also unusual acting and it was becoming less cute and more controversial topic of conversation at the dinner bench. Apparently I was now to agree that my parents were crazy people with magic powers who had something to hide. That was the reality I had to wake up into if this Albus man was going to reveal more of his 'truth'. This place, in the leafiest part of sleepy Devon, wasn't safe, the farther I got from being a weird child with a history of mental illness in the family the closer I got to being an deranged and dangerous adolescent who suffers from delusions. The people here were the only people to whom my existence was relevant. If things got ugly there would be no detective to find me to tied to a solid lead loaf of bread ion the cellar and save me. This place, which I am doomed to give another year of my life to seems quite keen on either fixing me or giving me lobotomy. It was time for me to join my own kind, this man was obviously a massive freak because upon further inspection he didn't seem dressed for a party at all but rather for potion brewing or something to that effect. No it simply wouldn't do to stay here and become an exemplary case of child hood eccentricity gone to far. But this nut jobs nonsense might be my golden ticket.

"Yes , your mother was a witch also and your father was a wizard, as you are an adult, I am now going to offer you a choice." He said this with the utmost seriousness. I nodded solemnly in an attempt to reflect my understanding of the severity of the situation.

"You may come with me and I will introduce you to the world from which you came or you can stay here with and continue your life with no more interference from the magic-" "Of course I'm coming with you Professor" I cut across waved my hand to signify how preposterous any other option would be. "I don't belong here, that much is no secret." as I said the words aloud I felt like my face was turning inside out and this made me see just how true those words were. Being in this place had only every thought me that there was no home for me among normal people. Having long moved on from this fact it was bizarre to be discussing my life as an abnormality among the boring youthful masses here at the institute.

"Yes well, I will go inside and have your person removed from the non-magical records here at Pembride." He looked at me with stabbing eyes that gave the impression of looking through mine and I found myself wondering how a man who was obviously intelligent and kindly seemed to me so utterly taken with all this wizard business. "Are you absolutely sure?" I thought of all that I had to lose. Sure the institute wasn't really home but it was all that was familiar. I was never successful at making connections with people, something about my obtrusive and unapologetic manner of speaking was not conducive to forging ties with people. There would be no lost love between me and the carers at Pembride, there was no family here. I was the only child who didn't leave shortly after arrival. Ms. Cartridge often complained as I grew that it was as if people coming into gawk at babies in cribs and kids in neatly arranged mismatched uniforms didn't even see me standing there. I had grown up in the shadow of rejection.

I was clearly past the boundary of welcome there, why not push my luck some place else?

**a/n: Thanks for reading, please review**


	2. Horrible Fish

**A/N: sorry if this is terrible, I did the best I could, please enjoy!**

It was my guess that Dumbledore was still sending strongly lettered words to the loony bin about why they should have never given up on him, I'm sure it would take ages for him to wonder why I won't go away. I remember the time the timer eventually ticked over to 'go away already' at Pembride: this woman who I never got past calling 'Missy Sarah' even though her name was Catherine or something to that effect used to forlornly announce things like;

"Such a pretty child as long as she keeps her mouth shut." each time a couple sauntered by with out so much as batting an eyelid, "They could at least take her for a week or two until they got to know her. There ignoring her for all the wrong reasons!"

I always wondered what reason Missy. Sarah had eventually tacked on there well meaning gazes passing over my conspicuous ash blonde hair and bright coloured socks which completely did not clash with my uniform at all. If not my 'outlandish' statements and questions, then what?

"Something in that child's demeanour" she had sniffed, "it makes people uneasy."

I pursed my lips and crinkled my brow at the memory and at Dumbledore simultaneously. My childhood had been devoid of nurturing or cheek-pinching or even of notice really. No, there was nothing here for me but security and old fears. It was time for me to be afraid of new things, someone wanted to take me away from here. Someone wanted to make me part of something separate to this place. It was a very quiet sort of pride at the final acceptance, I was used to being rejected when paraded. But this loony had sought me out to make me a part of something which he felt I belonged to.

"Oh I am very sure that this place belongs in my past Professor, I want to know who I am." I didn't want to bring up any of that magic stuff when consenting to leave. It would tarnish the truth of my need to distance myself from Pembride. Dumbledore did not remove his penetrating gaze as a sort of light played in his eyes.

"Juniper, it is natural to doubt something which is new and unexpected." I looked down at my bare ankles sticking out of the top of my boots before my leg disappeared in to the dust scented coat.

"I don't doubt it." I lied before looking at Dumbledore earnestly, "This isn't for me." the old mans long cotton beard seemed to bristle a little as he stood. He smiled serenely looking at the caged railing of the wild garden before turning his glowing blue eyes on the back wall of the institute.

"I think you would benefit from a demonstration of the sort of magic you have in you blood." Not expecting to be confronted with some show of smoke and mirrors so soon I simply nodded dumbly almost feeling a sense of anticipation. I suddenly found myself hoping that it wasn't a lie at all. I new now that I would be dreadfully disappointed if Dumbledore asked me to think of a number between one and ten.

Dumbledore seemed to straighten up to his full height as he pulled from his sleeve a decorative and unusual length of wood which I assumed was his magic wand. He saw my curious expression and gave me an encouraging smile

"Brace yourself , this will be a turning point for us all."

I firmed my footing and prepared to learn the truth of all this, I wondered why he would say that. Dumbledore centred his stance dramatically and raised his wand;

"Expecto Patronum" he semi-bellowed impressively.

I felt goose bumps rising all over my body and my arms fell slack against my sides as I stopped biting my nails. My mouth became impossibly dryer as a large white bird emerged from Dumbledore's wand. The beautiful shining creature soared through the air and did indeed feature smoke but there was nothing but truth in its presence. What Dumbledore had just done was very real, this apparition was true magic. Power came off it in ripples as did a sort of jovial radiance that made me want to dance and holler. I began to laugh as it surrounded me with the sort of security that I imagine only true love and a real home could bestow. The creature flew around us both drawing the eye and making me spin with it, my heart swelling in my chest, the sun shining from my gut. The phoenix did one more elegant sweeping orbit around me before fading into strands spiralling sand which acted as if it owed nothing to gravity or atmosphere as it whispered through my fingers like ink running through water before disappearing completely. I smiled wider than someone off the TV even after the dull cold of the surrounding brambles once again became the distinguishing features of my world, or they would have if it were not for the ancient and mysterious wizard standing in his star endowed robes. I was not disheartened as my laughter died down, I felt as if the bird was a part of me now. As if I had a light in me that was shining like a lighthouse, as if a part of me was actually good.

Filled with feeling I closed my eyes and ran my hands through my hair before raising them up to the sky. I felt the leather of the old boots I was wearing rub against my bare feet disagreeably and smelt the decaying materiel of the coat. I felt a tear rapidly cool on its path between the edge of my nose and my ice bitten cheeks. my face stretched with a smile as I let time gently pass. When I at last opened my eyes Dumbledore was gone. I whirled around but he was no longer in the garden, my heart began to calm and my skin began to lose its hypersensitive edge as I trudged back to the institutes back door and pressed my ear to the outside.

"Yes, yes" I heard Dumbledore's soft voice carry effortlessly through the space between us. "It is quite alright, after the fall you took it is to be expected that you would experience some confusion." I heard Ms. Cartridge cough loudly, she seemed to never be free of such ailments and I always seemed to have the uncanny ability to guess which illness she would suffer from next when I was upset.

"I feel much better now thank you , I just feel as though I have forgotten something." I heard the unmistakable sound of one of the stiff staff chairs screaming across the floor as someone stood up.

"Quite alright really." Dumbledore replied in a concerned sort of tone.

"Yes well, I trust you have all you need?" Ms. Cartridge said as if she was hoping that he wasn't intending to delay his departure in anyway.

"Oh yes I do indeed, it seems I must continue my search for my long lost great Uncle Howard elsewhere, trying to trace once family history can often be more trouble than it is worth you know." Dumbledore quipped sounding truly woebegone. "Thank you for your help Madame."

I heard the screeching of a second chair and stepped back from the door as I heard there voices fade. Upon hearing the door to the canteen protest as it shut I slipped in. The heat from the boiler flooding my heat deprived limbs with some much needed heat I slipped through the door into the atrium containing the stairs and Ms. Cartridge making small talk about other archives accessible to the public. I flew up the stairs as if the devil himself was at my heels. I am magic. Magic, the word ran like a mantra through my head as I began collecting my meagre possessions.

Schools in the area sent packages filled with old uniforms for the children living in Pembride which meant that all children wore a full school uniform however the uniforms rarely corresponded with one another. As one of the oldest children in the institute and having been here longer than any other person ever has, including staff, I got first pick. A white shirt and blue plaid skirt which finished at my knee was coupled with navy tights... or goofy socks if I thought I might get away with it. I put on my navy tie and thickest goofiest socks before pulling on my skirt. I went to the wardrobe at the end of the hall and took my favourite coat. It was a dark brown leather coat, it was frayed around the elbows but it was heavy so I guessed it was expensive. I twisted my hair into a neat bun atop my head and stopped to look at my reflection in the reflective glass on office door. I looked at my face and thought about what I would look like without skin. All my blood would leak out from between the creases in my facial muscles and my ribs would struggle to hold in my lungs. All my magic blood, I grinned goofily. Magic, good magic. Magic was my home just as much as my skin was my home. the newest and best part of me.

I opened the door to the office and stepped inside, I went to the cabinet and found my file missing. I frowned as I was trying to find my personal effects but then realised Dumbledore must have already retrieved my record. I still wanted my one true possession though, a ring with my family insignia was kept in this office until I was old enough to claim it. Did Dumbledore find that too? How would he know it was here? The woman who was charged with it when I first came had since left. Perhaps since Ms. Cartridge didn't know Dumbledore could not magic information about its existence or location out of her. I searched through the bureaux before I turned to search the drawers of the desk, I found one locked. Deciding this was my best shot I took a letter opener from the desk and began to mutilate the lock until it eventually gave. inside were photos of different kids being held by crack whores and tattooed men along with some trinkets of varying value. I found the ring and saw a rolled up piece of parchment rammed through its centre. Confused, I removed the parchment easily and glanced around feeling a little harried but wanting to read the note. I sunk lower down to the floor and unfurled the aging scroll. A single name was scribbled on its corroded surface followed by a bizarre symbol, 'Sirius Black' I murmured the name as I ran my fingers over the parchments surface. I studied the ring in my hand for a moment before placing both the ring and the parchment in my pocket.

I shot up from the ground and straightened my skirt before bustling downstairs. Once again I felt my heart flutter as I thought of the shining bird. Ms. Cartridge seemed to still be enraptured by her prattle as I waved my hand from my semi concealed position behind her to reveal my location to Dumbledore. He nodded imperceptibly before clapping his hands together in and gesture that exuded finality and my fake Mothers voice stopped abruptly.

"Time for me to return home I think." Dumbledore said as he pulled a whirring time piece from somewhere in his robes. My old guardian seemed to readjust her posture slightly and I wondered what Dumbledore had done to her to make her find the foyer so distracting.

"Of course, of course", she muttered airily. "Good evening." she said before Dumbledore nodded politely and strolled out the door.

Ms. Cartridge closed it behind him before placing a hand on her forehead and walking to the canteen. I heard the steady clicking of the boiler halt as my ex carer shut it off. I came out from behind the latest boxes filled with worn uniforms and mismatched pairs of socks. I approached the front door for the first time since I tried to run away the eleventh and final time at the age of nine.

I put my hand on the cool stainless steel door handle of my oppressive yet generally untroubled hiding place and hesitated. What if this wasn't the door to outside but the door into my head. My whole life there had been mutterings regarding my behaviour. How I showed every sign of being someone who had intentions of putting as much distance between them self and reality as possible. How I had a thousand dreams for every actuality. Magic, was it my eventual surrender to paranoid delusion? I turned and caught my face in the mirror above a bench where people generally waited as a procession of illegitimate and unwanted children were marched downstairs. I looked like a woman more every day. I had the changes in my face terrifying ever since I read the poem 'Mirror', when I saw my reflection I felt as if I was drowning the girl looking back at me. I would send her in to the mirror and then come back to find her and the girl looking back at me was never the same as the last. Every new girl came from deeper and deeper in the mirror. Soon she wouldn't be able to rise to the surface at all. This always unsettled me greatly, but now it only gave me a sense of urgency. There was no time to waste.


	3. Ready or Not

**A/N: If I may interrupt as my first and most loved character ventures out into the wizarding world for the first time that if you read through this whole story and you get to the end and Jodie genuinely leaves no impression on you then I hope you enjoyed the story anyway but if you find that you care about her by the end even a fraction as much as I did when I wrote about her please leave a review and just tell me. It would mean a lot to know that someone else hears the voice of the character that filled my every waking thought with such strength that I was forced to write a story this big about her, to feel as though she could express the voice of naive timidity that we are all forced to over come in adolescence when the world opens its doors to us.  
**

**Also I promise that this will be the only time that I write something that cheesy in a note. So sorry, God I make myself sick sometimes.**

**Anyway, ENJOY!**

**Chapter 3**

**Ready or not**

I took a moment to study set this almost woman in my memory, after this neither of us would be the same. Her face was pale and untarnished as someone who new very little of blistering winds or play in the sun. I was untouched by the world, my prematurely greying hair pulled tightly away from my face and making no excuse for the glassy transparency of my uncoloured eyes. I had seen very little through my own eyes and relied on my minds eye to show me the world beyond the sky and the view from the institute. It was clear that reading and dreaming weren't enough for the approaching woman looking back at me any more as her face became set in determination, the girl in her was retreating. I decided I had let her down by looking back. Even if what I believed to be true beyond reprieve was of my own invention I had to make the choices that were real to me. Pembride could quite easily be a prison I had thought up and was now on the brink of escaping. No, it truly made no difference what was reality and what was wonder if I couldn't tell the difference. No more hiding, I released the doors latch and pulled the handle allowing the door to swing open.

A tarmac square surrounded by barb wire topped steel fences stretched out before me. Beyond the chain links of the fence old naked trees searched for the skies with long crooked fingers and the sky lay just out of reach coated in grey clouds which I still had to squint to look up at as the subdued sunlight assaulted my eyes. Dumbledore stood just outside the tall gate at the end of the garden and he offered me a reassuring smile before glancing behind me. I nodded before I turned and closed the door quietly. I then took the longest ten paces of my life so far.

'Remember Juniper, you are in hiding. Although your parents motive for hiding you here is a mystery even now, I can tell you that it was very important to them that you would not be found by the wrong person.' he said as I stood before the creaking gate

'Professor Dumbledore, are you the wrong person?' I suddenly felt foolish for my blind trust so far. Had the happiness the bird made me feel been some sort of opiate to make me docile and passive? My mind instinctively screamed no, the magic apparition which Dumbledore had summoned was on my side. I felt slightly more at ease in that knowledge. 'I mean to say', I stumbled, 'a headmaster of a school, why have you sought me out? Why would anyone come to find the daughter of two mentally ill people when they did not want her to be found?' He set me with an assessing gaze.

' , the wizarding works like this one has not always been peaceful or safe. The school at which I teach plays a central role in society, it is one of its most ancient and well upheld traditions is to introduce all magical people in its jurisdiction to the wizarding world. As soon as you were born and named the school catalogued your existence. I have been working to find you ever since I saw your name and it is my duty to introduce you to several important customs even now that you are seventeen.'

I heaved a sigh and decided it was trust him or turn back. I could not let down the girl in the mirror again. I wasn't at a crossroads, I was on a straight road. I could either go back to where I was or see what lies ahead. Besides, Dumbledore had a magic wand, if he truly meant me harm there was nothing to stop him now that he knows where I am.

'I have been seventeen for three months now Professor, couldn't you find me sooner?' I enquired. He said nothing but simply pulled out his time piece once again and said 'ah.'

' Actually, you have been seventeen for seven hours and seven minutes. The forged records held some discrepancies. More importantly however, the world will now see you as you are. As soon as you step beyond the gate.' I felt remarkably excited,

'and if I don't?' I asked.

'You become a sitting duck.' He answered gravely.

'Ah.' I thought of the retreating girl one more time and let her go. It was time to step forward as a woman. I stepped through the gate and looked up and down the leafy suburban road, children's laughter floated to me as I realised I had been near happy homes all along.

'I will bring you to somewhere where we may talk freely.' he said simply, I nodded and looked at him as if to ask how and he presented his arm.

'If you would please take a firm grip on my arm Ms. Malfoy.' I did as asked. 'Now brace yourself, we are going to move instantaneously using apparition.' I met his gaze and was in the middle of a curt nod when suddenly I was falling.

I continued just at the edge of falling as I attempted to jolt back upright when I slipped into a tube that pushed my body together so tightly that halfway to the end of the tunnel I wasn't anywhere at all. I then shot out the other end of the tube with a pop as space allowed my body to take up the space its mass demanded. My tummy was especially unhappy about the happenings of the last few seconds. It became clear however that due to my lack of interest in digesting anything that wasn't written by Oscar Wilde my stomach had nothing to offer the hard wood floor where my feet had met solid ground. I dry heaved several times before my body adjusted to its usual condition and I was able to straighten up. I was in a small lounge of sorts like something from a Sherlock Holmes novel. I thought I would have fit in quite well with the decor dressed in a cigarette coat and sporting a bowler hat with a moustache. A fire burned in the hearth and the room was a cluster of over stuffed heavily patterned furniture with decorative Edwardian wall paper. Dumbledore directed me to a chair that seemed to have never ending cushioning. He said something about the sensation being one which you have to get used to. I nodded as I muffled several coughs and blinked my watery eyes.

'Now, .' I sat down delicately and felt myself sink several unexpected inches into the mashed potato armchair . I surveyed Dumbledore and morphed my face into a serene and attentive mask in an attempt to mimic his approachable demeanour.

'I would prefer if you called me Jodie, Professor. It is what I was called, if I was called in the institute.' I continued to hold back the thousands of questions buzzing around my head as I fingered the ring in my pocket. The room vibrated and squirmed with a tension that seemed to have no source.

'Please ask you questions Jodie and I will answer them as best I can.'

I felt as though my mind would never adjust to all this sudden change, not just to being 'magic' but also simply not being within the walls of the familiar walls of the institute. I felt as though a lot of water had been up to my ears since as long as I could remember and that it had suddenly receded leaving me a little lost but very pleased. Pembride had fed me and given me my own cot and desk but it was not a happy place. The very idea of not being alone almost every minute of the day and having free reign over where I decided to go had me reeling.

'What happened to my parents?' I heard myself ask.

Dumbledore removed his party hat and I was reminded that it was, in fact, my birthday. He touched his finger tips together and relaxed slightly into his own bulky chair before he began; he explained in his light familiar tone of how the 'wizarding society' as he called it worked rather like a racist Mafia in some respects and I felt my belly start to hurt, eventually I realised he hadn't explained my parents part in it all.

'and my parents?' I prompted shyly.

'They both came from well respected pureblood families, however they were outcasts among there own. Your mother was the only daughter born to the Prewett family, she was named Jasmine Prewett." I tucked my legs beneath me as the fire cracked, "The Prewetts were not very incensed where pureblood morals were involved but your mother suffered from bouts of paranoid schizophrenia and began to think that her family were plotting against her. She came to believe they had told her blood status wasn't important so she would marry below her and they could then excuse shunning her as socially acceptable."

'How do you know?' I discontinued gnawing on my oval nails to ask.

'The wizarding community in Britain is tight nit Jodie, keeping things under wraps can be very difficult. Especially for people who are related to large families or old families who have a history of scandal.' I began to feel a niggling anxiety, hearing your own back-story after everyone else was hair raising. The people here knew more about me than I did.

'oh' I said returning to mutilating my left thumb nail which was almost to the point of bleeding as I was told of my mothers decent in to the darks arts and her eventual mission in the ranks of 'Deatheaters' to collects information on other possible followers for the 'cause'.

"This was how she first heard of your father.' I knew that my serene mask was completely lost to me now as I sat curled in the chair chewing my lips, wide eyed and enraptured with Dumbledore's every word as if he was reading aloud the most brilliant story I had ever heard.

"Malfoy?" I rasped.

"Not at that time," Dumbledore went on in a subdued tone " The Malfoys are said to be magically engineered to have one male heir for each generation. This tradition carried on without fail for centuries until you Father was born. After the birth of Lucius Malfoy the Malfoy patriarch was beyond shocked when his wife fell pregnant again within the year."


	4. Very Good

**Chapter 4**

**Very Good**

The more I sit in this chair the less it feels like mashed potatoe and the more it feels like guacamole coated in swim suits and wrapped in this fleur delys imbibed materiel. Dumbledore went on;

"Your Mother searched and the Malfoy library was a resource made readily available to pure blood sympathisers. She stumbled across the story of the unexpected pregnancy and saw the only record of the name meant for your father. A note referenced the still birth of one, Cancer Malfoy. The Healer had signed the page on the day your father was born before smuggling him away to await orders."

My stomach began to relax slightly as I started to wrap my brain around the concepts being thrown forward like a swim suit around guacamole. Dumbledore crossed his legs and tilted further in to his mashed potato chair before relinquishing more details of my family history,

"Your mother found the healer who's name was signed off on both Lucius and your father, Cancers birth. She had assumed he was trusted by many pureblood families and that he would have helpful information since he was closely tied with the Malfoys." I could practically here my brain whirring as it connected the intricacies in the tale.

"The man gave her several names but she continued to press for information, the healer confessed all that he know regarding the incident." I ran my tongue across my drying lips. The room was probably as warm as nineteen blankets after a half hour of settling in.

"So she began to look for him? The missing Malfoy?"

"She did yes and she found him soon after. She told him what she knew and soon after meeting one another your parents married under the name Belfoy. Little else is known about there life once they married. At that time Lord Voldemort and his followers were very powerful and beyond merciless." Merciless, my mind echoed eerily as Dumbledore went on;

"When you were born your parents were on the run, they were being pursued by law enforcing wizards called aurors." I spent the briefest of moments imagining myself as very powerful and merciless. My colourless eyes devoid of anything but calculation and me using my magic like a tool instead of embracing it like a friend.

"Your mother lost her mind when your father died in the night from heart failure. She took his body to the ministry of magic and screamed about revenge. She was so distraught that she lost control of her magic and released a massive burst of raw power that destroyed the entire first floor of the ministry. All that was left in her place was a black onyx ring that is believed to be kept in the department of mysteries." The air in the room felt heavier as Dumbledore finished and my palms felt as if I was pressing them to glass. As my mind eventually caught up to what I was hearing as if it had been decoding each word individually I gulped. The tension in the room disappeared so suddenly I thought I felt my ears pop.

I had known that my father had died from a heart attack and that my Mother had killed herself afterward but I never imagined that they had been extreme bigots and crazed murderers.

"So what happened to the death eaters and Voldemort?" I questioned, prepared for the worst.

"Voldemort was killed when his own curse rebounded off the baby boy it was meant for and the movement disintegrated from there. Trials were held and many Deatheaters were imprisoned my the ministry of magic. After the purist uprising many people simply made efforts to put the tragedy behind them." I nodded and readjusted my legs, I was to late however and blood began to stab its way back into my foot painfully.

"So its over?"

"Some would say so yes, but there are still those who remain loyal to Voldemort and sympathetic to his cause." He said, causing a glass filled with amber liquid to appear out of no where with a flick of his wand. "Would you like a drink?"

"Water if you don't mind Professor; what happened to my Fathers older brother? Lucius?" I leaned forward and accepted the glass of water. "Did they arrest him?"

"No, Lucius Malfoy went on to marry a pureblood witch and together they produced a single male heir. Little has changed for them since the end of the war, they claimed to be under the influence of a spell which caused them to act as they did."

I was dumbstruck, "But he allowed my mother access to his library to help with her mission for the Deatheaters!"

"Yes he did, but it is believed that he was not in his right mind at the time."

"Well, what do you believe sir?"

"I believe Lucius Malfoy is a well respected man in wizarding society who has a large fortune and powerful connections. More importantly however I believe he has kept his nose relatively clean since the end of the rising."

"So I am a pureblood witch?"

"Yes you are, you are the only daughter born to the Malfoy line ever to be recorded."

I laughed lightly at this, "No, I'm not." I held Dumbledore's X-ray gaze for a moment "I'm not recorded am I?"

Dumbledore smiled kindly, "You are at Hogwarts."

"My Mothers brothers?"

"Your mother was born long after her brothers, they had already left home when she was born. The Prewett family were considered blood traitors during the war and both of your uncles died defending their families respectively"

I felt nauseas, the more I learned the more it seemed all my family history had to offer was death, sorrow and Deatheating. "So, who am I?" the question slipped from my mouth easily and I felt as if the weight of the strife of the wizarding world had compressing my brain. It felt as if the question had been squeezed out of me with a lot of force even though there was no real barrier keeping it in. Life ripping off a plaster (band aid?) with the help of a Doberman instead of the flick of a wrist.

"I know it seems that you are alone in this world but you are an adult, your life here is something you must forge for yourself." I sank in my chair slightly, I knew Dumbledore's words were supposed to reassure me but he had missed the mark. Being alone was perfectly fine, I had been very much alone my whole life and I have known that my time at Pembride would come to an end. Although it had happened different to how I expected I knew very well that one day I would be sent out into an unfamiliar and unforgiving world with nothing to rely on but myself. In this world I was actually less alone. Jodie Malfoy the witch had an identity, there was to be no anonymity once I made my debut, I had a family. Jodie Malfoy the ordinary girl would have entered a world devoid of any rippling response to her presence in it, no heads would turn. If I had even made it out into the real world before being snapped up into an institution for the eternally batty.

No I wasn't afraid of being on my own in the magical world, I was scared of being stripped of my security in how the world around me worked. I ran my hand through my hair.

"What do I do now Professor?" I took a sip of my warming water and felt my throat loosen slightly as the liquid soothed my oesophagus.

"I think it is time we got you a wand, magic blood is all well and good but wands are an important tool for controlling your power." Dumbledore explained as I began guzzling the water down hurriedly. I placed the glass on the end table beside me and wiped the dribbles of water from my chin with my shirt sleeve before wiping the dampness from my sleeve using my navy tie.

"Very good." I smiled and I felt the weight of my tightly wound and bound organs as they swished around my torso in there condensed form. As I stood I felt them start to unravel easily as if there was design in there form that meant that the pulling of a single ropy piece of innard would cause the whole unsolvable lump to come undone with minimal fuss. I took a long restorative breath, I am a witch and a woman who is no longer a child, very good.

"where precisely are we Professor?" I asked as I once again cast my eyes around the stuffy but cosy room.

"We are in a private function room above a tavern called the three broomsticks which is typically used for conversations between business associates and the like. Although usually these conversations take place through the floo." seeing my blank expression and seemingly realising he had forgotten himself for a moment Dumbledore went on to explain that floo was a means of talking over distances using a sort of enchanted powder and a fireplace.

"Ah," I blanched slightly, "Well where does one go to get a wand sir?" I asked excitedly.

"The best wand maker in Britain keeps a shop in Wizarding London, I believe it would be agreeable for you to purchase your wand there, am I correct?"

"It would be most agreeable sir," I paused awkwardly for a moment before expressing my concern, "perhaps this time we might utilise a method of travel that is a little more gentle than taking your arm?" I enquired some what timidly.

"In this Jodie, we are quite fortunate." Dumbledore seemed to be quite pleased with our progress so far, "I think it would be best to travel using the floo, it is just as efficient and much more roomy." Dumbledore talked me through the process of how to travel using the floo and my nose wrinkled around the edges slightly as I stepped in to the soft and harmless green flames. "Gringotts bank and treasury." I stated clearly before adding another puff of powder to the hearth.

**A/N: Thanks for reading and please review**


	5. Gobbledygook

**Chapter 5**

**Gobbledygook**

My back felt cool as I slipped through the floo as if I was sliding down hundred of wide flat banisters all in a row before I finally near tumbled out the other side, good thing I had been practicing my banister dismounts I thought as I caught my balance and preformed a small bow for the adoring crowd, what? A girl cant bow? Gringotts bank was a gothic sort of building with tall intrusive podiums and lots of marble. The fireplace I had come out the other side of was large and formed from dark stone, it seemed to be carved in to the wall as opposed to built into it.

My boots made a muffled tapping along the floor as I moseyed toward a pillar that was thicker than an elephant and set the edge of my shoulder against it, I smiled. So far so good, a few seconds in the wizarding world without Dumbledore and nothing had gone awry. I looked ahead of me and saw an abnormal piece of wooden panelling and began to follow the line of it with my eye before noticing a small desk lamp at the top.

"Bless us and save us!" I exclaimed when I saw the small malformed creature atop the desk stamping forms, now scanning the wood panelling which towered like a Trojan horse all the way to an even more grossly large top desk in panic I saw that each was topped with one of these stout cantankerous bureaucrats. The splendour of Gringotts bank seemed to serve to distract newcomers from its occupants. Rumplestiltskins many heirs seemed to grumble collectively at my outcry and the nearest whiskery misshapen head seemed to turn to me in growing irritation before returning its paper maché features and featly eyes back to its all important stamping and quill scratching. Forgetting my horror at the mere sight of the creatures I huffed indignantly at its withering glance. I was about to begin to rattle off a list of the reasons why my exclamation was completely legitimate and ask to be excused that I had dared to enter the domain of a bunch of stood on people whose corpses were left to lie for a while before being reanimated to run a bank when Dumbledore stepped from the fire place, his robes now looking less ridiculous and almost regal as he gestured for me to join him and began making long caged tiger strides toward the head goblins desk.

"What are these things professor?" I whispered deciding perhaps it would be better to get in there good side if I was to expect any money I kept here to not go mysteriously missing at the worst possible time, like if I was going to the zoo, I had always wanted to go to the zoo and I didn't want to ruin my chances by being a loud mouth like last time. I forlornly reminisced on how I had missed my chance to be brought to the zoo by Missy. Sarah because when the chosen children were being rounded up I had asked if the kids who did the best animal impressions were aloud to stay in the zoo forever. When Missy. Sarah had said to "be quiet you little weirdo." I had said something rather inoffensive about her working on her rhino impression "very often for someone who didn't have aspirations to join the zoo." Dumbledore pulled me from the memory as I was reflecting on the part where it had all gone wrong by answering my question.

"They are goblins, a magical sort of people who work best with stone, treasure and secrets. They aren't known for there social skills however so it is a good idea to be on ones best behaviour." He explained in a non condescending manner that made me think he would have made a very good professor indeed.

"Do I have an account professor?" I asked almost hopefully.

"It is a possibility that you are entitled to have access to the Prewett vault and perhaps even a vault of your fathers possession in the Bulgaria's National Wizarding Bank but you most likely have no means to access them unless you can lay your hands on one of these." Dumbledore then produced a small key which was amassed with several others on a gold chain. Its thumbnail sized handle was delicately put and shaped into a H. "You may take a loan from Hogwarts for now and when you have the means you may return whatever sum you need to get by until such a time as you can support yourself."

"Sir! That is beyond generous!" I felt my mouth and eyebrows start races in the opposite direction in an attempt to escape my wide and rounded eyes.

"Now now Jodie, you are not the first person who has had to encroach on Hogwarts hospitality, this vault is here for people in situations like yours. I am going to retrieve a modest sum of money for the basics and of course, your wand. You will be alright to wait in the foyer and maintain and amicable disposition, I trust?" He quipped light heartedly.

"Of course Professor, thank you." I the skins of my face rub roughly against the flesh underneath in the attempt not to make an expression of false contrition, this caused my cheeks to redden as Dumbledore began grunting with the goblin in what I assume was gobbledegook as I saw a row of finely upholstered chairs and went to plant my bum on one. After several moments of admiring the archaic design of the seemingly ageless building and once again turning the ring over and over in my pocket I spotted a tall and leanly built man dressed in materiel finer than the chair below my warming bum talking haughtily to a delicately featured and equally well dressed woman. They had there hair in almost matching hair styles and seemed to be trying to out snoot one another quite competitively. The sharp nosed man made a valiant effort with a feminine and seemingly well practiced flick of his platinum blonde hair followed by a fix of his winter blue eyes on her soft rounded ones, but the woman once again released a gaseous tumble of self serving righteousness by releasing in an ice cold and cutting tone a simple but apparently monumental phrase;

"Not here, Lucius." She then became completely static and met him with her own doe eyed gaze just as I sprang from my chair. Lucius? Was it a popular name in the wizarding world, was I having heart palpitations over the utterance of the wizarding equivalent to John? Dumbledore had long since followed the Goblin below ground , leaving me alone with the regal couple whose eyes turned to me as my feet carelessly pulled me towards them and the uninterested goblins.

"Do you mind not gawking like a loon," Lucius hissed, "foreigners are such an abhorrence" he seemed to say for the benefit of his wife but he looked directly at me as he said it. I looked for myself in him as I opened my mouth and said;

"I'm not foreign." Without really planning it out purposefully, there I was I thought taken aback. In the crinkle of Lucius Malfoys brow and the space in between his nose and mouth I saw myself repeated. Then an unfamiliar calculated malicious smile made its way across my features where they existed on my Uncles face.

"A muggle born then." He scoffed in a contrived almost polite gesture that was repeated almost simultaneously by his wife. He made a dismissive gesture before beginning to turn his back to me.

"My blood remains as pure as yours actually," I heard the tidy phrasings slip from my mouth in a similarly self appropriating manner. I suddenly felt very related to this man as I discovered it was apparently in my easing ability to be politically impolite. "Uncle." I finished in a careless manner which did not reflect the feeling I got as blood seemed to pool in my brain and palms began to vibrate and burn as if I was doing a hand stand on a car engine.

"Insolent girl, you dare to make any claim to the Malfoy line as if a woman had ever even been born to us." Lucius eyes seemed to narrow and I saw myself again in the line centred on this brow, "This is a farce for which you will not escape consequence."

"Oh, Uncle," my mouth crooned as it tried not to catch my brains eye, like a dog who ate your dinner off the plate when you left the room and doesn't really regret it enough to not try and do it again, "you wound me, surely you should take the time to peruse the records in you home before discounting the possibility of discountenance in the Malfoys apparently undeniably consistent line. Look upon me cousin and deny my features, their claim to similarity with your own or more so, those of your forgotten brother."

"Stay your mouth child, your reprehensible claims hold no stock among the true heirs of my most venerable line." The up heaved Mr. Malfoy spat discontentedly. "Hold your tongue lest I take it with me and return it to you by owl when I think you have successfully learnt your lesson." His darkened eyes seemed to blaze

"There is little to be learnt from extended periods of slurring dear Uncle but if words do not see fit to pervade your misinformed state perhaps a trinket such as this would ease your mind." I slipped my hand in to my pocket like an anteaters tongue and wrapped my digits around the rings finely decorated surface. I would have definitely been kept by the zoo, I did a stellar anteater.

"This was left with me by my parents," I tipped my head, "perhaps it was given to me to simplify the raucous hesitance regarding my return and recognition." Malfoys nose wrinkled as I held the ring on the flat of my lightly glistening palm and I could see his apprehensive curiosity replaced with a settled expression as tipped back and straightened his posture.

"This is no Malfoy heirloom." Lucius sniffed but seemed more relieved than a man who had only gotten what he expected. Mrs. Malfoy stepped forward to address me fully for the first time, she had, until now flanked and mirrored her husband like an expensive incorrectly dressed mime. She, however, seemed to get no comfort from my ever more mysterious rings.

"You are right, of course Lucius," She whispered in a voice that reflected her harrowed expression. "this ring is awarded to a charge of the most ancient and honourable house of Black." She spoke the words in a rush and her eyes gave the impression that a herd of land rovers had settled into her favourite grazing meadow. They then narrowed and her face became ugly as she hissed, "Where did you get this you filthy mud blood." I clenched my fingers around the ring and she wrapped a wiry hand around my wrist. Suddenly the space between us reappeared and the two Malfoys seemed preoccupied with talking to a goblin at the main desk as the top of Dumbledore's hat came into view on his rise from the underground. I lowered my hand from the air swiftly in a suspicious movement that I was glad Dumbledore's eyes didn't spot, even if his midnight blue party hat did.

**A/N: Thanks for reading and please review!**


	6. Sirius Lee Black

**Chapter 6**

**Sirius Lee Black**

The cart on which Dumbledore sat was very obviously not built for someone of his towering height but he somehow made it look completely run of the mill as he rose with ease before thanking the goblin driver. He strode towards me and extended a tidy purse which I assumed contained wizarding money,

"Money in the wizarding world is comprised of only coins, the most valuable are the large gold ones called Galleons, they are followed up by sickles which are the smaller silvery ones and the small dull ones are called knuts which are worth the least." Dumbledore explained as I thumbed through the bag of wizarding money.

"Concise." I muttered, I was still preoccupied with the happenings involving the ring, I had been told the ring was on my person when I was first taken in and that it was imbibed with a family crest. Why wouldn't I assume it to be my own (mean) family? Yet all I had now was yet another tie to the family of Black and that name, Sirius. Malfoys wife had called them ancient and honourable and all that so it felt safe to assume that this ring held the crest of a family in similar standing to my own. But Narcissa didn't say it was the family crest, she said it was a crest put on things which were awarded to the _charges_ of the Black family.

I watched as Malfoy flashed his own ring and presented his wand to the goblin at the head desk, the creature gestured for him to be escorted below and I decided then and there to chance my luck.

"Professor?" he smiled at me encouragingly in response to my hesitant question; "Might I speak to one of the goblins sir?" I fiddled with the ring in my pocket and shuffled my feet before pulling up one of my lagging mismatched socks.

"By all means Jodie, the staff here are hired to help you with enquiries as well as in financial dealings." He did however seem a little resistant and I assumed that this was in regard to my manner, as before I had very nearly caused an uproar. Twice in fact, since arriving, if you account for my out rage at the dismissive behaviour of both the goblins and the Malfoys. My face tightened at the thought of there callous reactions to me, so rude.

"I will play nice of course." I pulled up the sides of my mouth, "I'll just be a moment." I watched my battered boots whishing across the floor as the laces of my left shoe dragged along as if it didn't want to come with me. I knelt down below the highest podium to tuck it in to the side of my shoe,

"Your coming and that's final!" I told the fraying piece of twine.

"A witch kneeling before a goblin? I cant say I have come to expect it." the goblin seemed to gargle above me. I ran my hand over my hair in the hope he had not let loose any saliva into my now harried bun.

"I am Juniper Malfoy." I announced to the knurled creature, he seemed to brace his posture in prelibation as I rose to my full height.

"I am curious as to whether I have access to the funds of the Black family since I am there charge." I said this with a sort of quiet persuasiveness that was really only being put into practice so that Dumbledore would not over hear. I pulled the ring from my pocket and placed it on the counter in a gesture that could be mistaken as me simply placing my hand upon the goblins desk.

"It would seem I am..._ in cahoot_s with Sirius Black." The goblin seemed completely taken aback by this but lifted the ring from the table and using a complex bronze eye piece he seemed to have produced from no where, he began to examine its finely detailed surface. I fidgeted nervously and hoped Dumbledore's attentions were drawn else where but didn't dare to glance behind. The imp then placed the eye piece and the ring before him and gesticulated to a nearby goblin who came buy and retrieved my ring before standing down from the platforms of scowling bureaucrats.

"Mr. Dumbledore will not be permitted to escort you to your vault. Please make your way to the cart by the stair." He scratched out before pushing his glasses up his long pointed nose and retrieving a lantern from a nearby shelf. Dumbledore turned toward us as he heard mention of my accessing a vault and I pressed my lips together and lifted my shoulders as if I had no real part in it. Dumbledore gave me a concerned look,

"I won't be a moment." I called over to him as I joined the goblin in the cart.

"I am Juniper Malfoy." I introduced myself as if I was completely comfortable being squeezed in to this demeaning position within the rail car being steered my a rude and squished sort of man. He truly looked as though he had grown from an old and mistreated seed.

"I know. I am Gorgos, please brace yourself." He cracked in what I had come to decide was quite a good natured way by goblin standards.

"Of course Mr. Gorgos, thank you." The clanking sound returned like it was raining anvils outside and I hoped that no one nice got hurt by the heavy metal blocks. I didn't have much more time to reflect on the trials of the people out of doors as I was suddenly clambering for my own life. I didn't scream as the cart began to fly so quickly along its tracks I could only assume it was heavily aided by magic. I simply released another strangled fraction of stuttering air as I had earlier after scolding my hand on the banister. The small car screamed to a halt moments later as sparks flew up in all directions.

"Vault 711." Gorgos barked out. He extended his hand, which appeared as arthritic and twisted as an illustration from a book based solely on how twisted arthritic hands generally appeared. I reached out with my own hand, which was probably whiter than the pages the book would be printed on and turned my palm up as he dropped the ring into it.

"Mr. Gorgos, I'm curious, what exactly permits me to enter this vault?" I enquired politely.

"It is not in the interest of goblins to encroach on wizards affairs, but your connection with Mr. Black allows you to enter his vault." He turned his whiteless eyes on my near all white ones. "The business with Mr. Black and his business else where is of little interest to us. However the protection and inviolability of this domain beneath wizarding feet is sacrosanct. If you intend to enter this vault and you are not who you claim to be, you will suffer the consequence." His blink made a sort of lick a stick sound and I turned to the vault door. I decided it would be better to not ask about the foreboding 'consequence' whatever it was.

"I don't know if I have a right to open this door Mr. Gorgos," I looked at the ring in my hand as I straightened up within the cart and stared into the amassing darkness beyond the light of the lantern.

"I don't know much of anything, but I know his name." It was unnervingly true of course but not reprehensible enough to slow my movements as I stepped onto the platform under Gorgos's scathing gaze. I approached the door as I tightened my hand around the ring hoping just a little that it might leak its secrets through my blood into my brains. The door seemed to be clicking with energy of 100,000 unmoving cogs.

"Take your time Ms. Malfoy." Gorgos croaked and I turned to him and nodded my thanks. An unusual goblin perhaps, or maybe they all simply took some getting used to.

Trying to cool the cogs in my own brain I studied the vaults surface, it was covered in various strange symbols but just at the level of my eye was one that called out. I realised with a start that it matched my ring and I felt as if I had just discovered the buyer of a present I had received which no one took credit just by studying its wrapping. I ran my fingers across the lines and ridges before realising what was needed to open the door.

Not knowing or caring what had introduced the bizarre notion to my head I stretched up on to my toes, leaned toward the emblem and carefully pressed my lips to its unrelenting and cold surface on impulse. I instantly felt my skin react magically as if I had rubbed it raw with sand paper, my eye lashes seemed to stand on end and attempt to escape their follicles. I wrenched myself away from the door as images of my own face flew into my brain. I looked happier than I had ever been but my eye brows slanted at an unnatural angle before my face mutated into that of a bird flying for me. As I stumbled away from the imaginary bird the door swung open with a screech that sounded to me like the trill of a raven.

"There is no longer a need to fret over your right to the vault Ms. Malfoy. You have passed a test about which you did not know. I will return when the door is shut." The cart began to slide along the tracks disagreeably once more and a soft light appeared from within the safe ahead of me.

"No longer a need to fret," I felt a wave of apprehensive fear, "Nevermore." I breathed out. "Quoth the raven." I let out an unnatural laugh before pulling my hair free and massaging my scalp.

I allowed my breathing to calm before I turned my attention to the task at hand and entered the vault cautiously. Inside was large and cavernous like an atrium in which an eighteenth century cadaver was taken apart each week. The inside, though spacious, was no where near full, although large stacks of gold coins seemed to defy the pull of gravity at its east side. I thought that if I pulled out the bottom most coin they would remain in their ostentatious piles unmoved due to the glue of some charm. I felt as if my ease of access to this room must have some horrible consequence and my mind flew to the story of Midas. I approached a pile of leather bound sacks on what appeared to be an end table despite my misgivings. I was much more disturbed by having to encroach on Dumbledore's generosity than I was at the thought of accessing money which was but a kiss away. Perhaps Sirius Black would find out about my presence here and find me. I wasn't entirely adverse to the idea as I felt my need for answers fly around my head.

I swatted my hands around distractedly before groaning at the impertinent thoughts refusal to be deterred. I had waved my hands around for goodness sakes! it used to work just fine before.

"Insufferable, loathsome thoughts. Need to learn there place!" I pouted as I began to pile money into one of the mould spotted bags.

"I was the one who thought them up, if they don't learn to behave more appropriately I shall have to unthink them and then we will see who is swatting who away." I giggled to myself as I began tying one of my special knots in the bag which reminded me of my still rather stretched organs which had come undone before I had arrived in the bank but were still feeling a little worse for ware. They seemed to sag in my belly and were tender when I reminisced on the distressing state they had been in as I learnt of my family history.

"Sirius Black." I tried his name aloud once more, sounding it out. I snorted "Sirius Lee Black."

"So robbing me isn't enough?" My whole body seemed to seize up "You have to make tired old jokes as well? Have you no humanity?" I took running and tripped over my own ankle as I ambled fearfully to the door. I assaulted the ground with my knees and elbows as if it had insulted my reasoning. My insides reintroduced themselves into the knot as if the mangled state was an old friend they had been meaning to catch up with. The voice which had spoken seemed rich and unquestionably masculine if not a little out of practice. Another strangled unsound passed from my lips and I decided I was going to need to start carrying bottled water if I was ever going to release a dramatised cry the way I intended.

When I look back now I can't believe those were the first words we shared.

**A/N: Thanks for reading and please review**


	7. March of the Gladiators

**Chapter 7**

**March of The Gladiators**

"Who are you?" I shrieked as I stumbled to my feet. I began to pile excessive amounts of golden coins into the asthma attack inducing sack to give it some weight.

"Sirius Lee Black, apparently." The voice responded in a bemused tone, I felt my nostrils widen as I exhaled heavily.

"Show yourself!" I demanded as I swung the overfilled bag of heavy coins over my right shoulder which strained indignantly under its weight as its only regular exercise was the carrying of heavy books and page turning. I valiantly prepared to swing the heavy bag at the fabled Mr. Black should he try anything.

"What? You think I'm at the bank? Right now?" The disembodied voice asked as if taken aback.

"Wh-why wouldn't you be here?" I said shakily, I forced myself to speak confidently as I went on; "If you are indeed Mr. Black then this is your vault, is it not?"

A heavy laugh seemed to emanate from the stone walls, it reminded me of an over excited and very vocal canine which has just had a cat and its cream all to itself.

"You really have no idea do you?" The man continued.

"Oh, I do apologise sir," I spat out, "I wasn't aware there was a code of conduct to be followed when addressing talking walls that every one was aware of but me!" I briefly wondered if this was true before the voice started up again.

"Could you at least not be in the middle of robbing me before you start yelling at me?" the voice asked, sounding rather surly but still on the edge of laughter.

"I am not robbing you Black, I am authorised to access this vault, now I am going before you continue to throw around more wild accusations!" I readjusted the bag so that it was easier to carry before opening my mouth again,

"You are pretty high and mighty for a man trapped in a wall." I growled as my panic subsided and I began to empty the unneeded Galleons onto the vaults uninteresting floor. I made a sort of horse noise as I exhaled heavily through my nose to show how unimpressed I was, horses are never impressed by anything, I then turned gracefully on my heel as I made my way to the exit. I teetered slightly by the door however and somehow managed to trip over nothing. I lay on the floor staring dejectedly at the ceiling before sighing and sitting up.

"Did you fall over again?" The voice asked mockingly.

I said nothing as I got to my feet quietly, I had spotted a small box laying atop a pile of bronzed coins. I strode over, quite taken by its mystery.

"Are you ok, love?" The man questioned. I ran my fingers over the blue outside of the box before opening it and peering within. Inside was a collection of vials containing shimmering liquids and powders. I pocketed the box before making my way to my funds.

"Fuck," the disembodied and not at all pleasant deep husky voice of Sirius Black exclaimed as if concerned,

"are you okay?" He interrupted again as I saw a mahogany door on the left of the door of the vault.

"Would you be quiet?" I snapped as I approached the door.

"Jesus, I thought I was never going to here your shrill complaining ever again, excuse me for being concerned." He seemed genuinely put out and I felt my mouth tighten pleasantly as it threatened a smile.

"What is this other door?" I probed indelicately.

"Can you do me a favour love?" The voice responded.

"Maybe if you stop calling me love." I relented in a crooning tone that displayed no light teasing or anything else of that persuasion.

"Can you please, not go in there?" The voice seemed to be slightly more breathy at this point and I decided I had delayed quite enough as things were.

"Well since you said please." I responded quite pleasantly. The only answer I got was ragged breath and my brow furrowed, I didn't really want to stop talking to him even though I didn't really like it. It was an astonishing internal conflict that was immediately banished and forgotten as his hyperventilating broke into a bone shifting scream. I literally felt the joints in my body role over one another as I heard the disparaging cry form into that of an animalistic keen bounding off the walls.

"Mr. Black?" I called out quite loudly but in an unconcerned tone because I wasn't really_ that_ bothered by the voice or anything. I mean he was a perfect stranger, his mere outcry would never have been enough to make me tremble, how could it be?

"Sirius?!" I cried out again and although my quavering voice may have indicated otherwise I was actually totally unaffected by his lack of response. (Jeepers creepers no need to look at me like that.) I was answered with nothing but stony silence.

Shaken up and disquieted I pulled myself along with the mouldering sack of coins from the ground and rushed from the vault, slamming the door behind me. Pitch black closed in one me as I pressed my wait to the cool metal of the vaults circular door behind me. The money shifted in the purse as my hand shivered around it. I had no clue why I was so jarred but then I had never heard a grown man scream before. Moments later the shifting and claustrophobic darkness was thankfully interrupted by the soft glow of the lantern as Gorgos returned. The silence was ended my the shrieking of the cart along its track and I winced into the harsh presence.

_Pull yourself together Jodie. _I ordered myself firmly as I stepped away from the door. I felt better already, I tried to convince myself.

"I trust you got all you needed?" Gorgos croaked concisely.

"I did yes, thank you Mr. Gorgos." The goblin nodded his approval as steeped forward and folded my self into the precarious cart and placed the small but bulging leather purse on to my lap.

I closed my eyes as we began to creak along and when we built up some speed I tried to allow the sound of Blacks cries to blow from where they had nestled into my ringing ears. I squinted into the obtrusive light as I stepped out from the cart and I quickly spotted the ostentatious Dumbledore sitting in the same chair I had been sitting in prior to my encounter with the Malfoys.

"Thank you Mr. Gorgos." I met his onyx eyes and lifted my mouth at the sides carefully before heading toward Dumbledore.

"I seem to have rights to some money after all sir." I said as I lifted my newly acquired purse and inclined my head so as not to encourage any disparaging questions regarding the loot.

"Oh," Dumbledore stated as he stood. "How marvellous, now Jodie I think it is time for us to acquire a wand for you." I smiled excitedly and nodded vigorously like a chimp listening to the Philharmonic play something jovial.

"Yes sir" I felt the sense of guilt I had been carrying since entering vault 711 dissipate considerably as Dumbledore seemed untroubled at my trip underground. Then he slowed and turned gravely just before we stepped beyond the banks grand gothic threshold;

"First Jodie I think I might ask, is there anything you wish to tell me?" Dumbledore peered at me over his glasses and I felt thoroughly villainess for a moment before deciding that my little secret was probably only temporary. No need to fret about my right to enter the vault were Gorgos's own words after all.

"I think sir, that there will be a time for things to be made crystal clear and a time for them to go unsaid." I stated before diplomatically adding; "and I would say we are caught in the limbo between those to points in this moment as regards this particular issue."

"As you wish it Ms. Malfoy." Dumbledore stated amicably and I decided he knew more then he was letting on anyway. We turned to the exit with what I believed was a growing sense of comradeship.

As Dumbledore walked me out of the bank he made a sweeping gesture with his arm which drew my eye to the sumptuous surrounding area.

"This," His eyes warmed scintillatingly, "is Diagon alley, the heart of wizarding London" I stared;

The cobbled ground seemed about ready to give way under the collective weight of the magical architecture stacked upon it. The various shops and stalls reminded me of the children lined up in Pembride in there uniforms. Each making a tidy bit of sense in there own respect but once thrown together in lavish lines there diversity was impossible to ignore. Although in Pembride the mismatched uniforms were cause for carefully done laundry on this street the differences between the various proprietors only seemed to enhance their marvellous attributes. I felt like every dream could be a reality here and I allowed my feet to carry me forward as I descended the steps of the goblins bank which was equally majestic from the outside as it had been in the foyer.

The occupants of the street passed by satin and cotton tented stalls which stacked themselves haphazardly in front of various clumped buildings. Although a seeming moment away from anarchy the street seemed to function with little or no fuss. Haggling, auctioning, stiff prices and various other marketing strategies seemed to be utilised as people were tempted to buy everything from small cages containing bats and toads to more untoward items such as collections of shrivelled and mangled human heads conversing jovially from the strings on which they hung. Books shops, jewellers, cafés, boutiques, animal menageries and the occasional broom supply shop sealed in the magical patrons on their way through the bustle of there everyday wizarding lives.

Once my foot settled on the cobbles of the street the clambering of the well adapted wizarding population engulfed me in its fire spewing expansively cloaked depths. The people seemed to favour extravagant hats and simple shoes. I felt as if I was at a ring ling circus convention from 1924, a woman resting on her hands upon an African elephant would most definitely look more sensible in the current environment then I did in my taupe boots and brightly coloured socks. Dumbledore seemed less nutty by the minute as he happily bobbed ahead of me through the opulently robed throng. The witches and wizards seemed to part in Dumbledore's wake and I saw that he must have cut an impressive character in the society here. He had said the people were tight nit, a wizard as wizardly as Dumbledore must have been born into a wizarding family. I had never heard of anyone called Dumbledore before anyway, it could be a wizarding name that made people make way when you walked through a place like this.

_ Did they know who I was?_ The thought leaked through my mind as I ogled the strangers. Of course they couldn't possibly, not yet. In that moment I was just a face denied my name by even my own relationships. I was no Malfoy, maybe I could just be a Belfoy from here on out. Maybe I should learn to cart wheel or tame lions, I'm sure skills like those would come in handy at some point. I could have a stage name, like Blue Jay or Jodie the Magnificent Mysterious Meandering Malfoy who Manipulates Magical Mutant Mountain Lions On Mondays. That probably wouldn't be as much fun as it sounds, I never liked Mondays, the canteen made terrible risotto on Sunday and then served what was left on Mondays. _Horrible_, I shuddered.

I began to imitate a fluted version of "March of The Gladiators" aloud, I had found the sheet music for the tune in the back of a book containing a story about flying elephants in the circus, it was a very exciting day. My warbling was drowned out by the surrounding wand wielders as I followed the peacock palette of colour which adorned Dumbledore's cloak through the labyrinth of magic nutters. _Magic_, I laughed lightly as I read the signs over shop doors and inspected the content in their windows. Magic, I could do just that forever, meander the wizarding market and absorb all the grandness it had to offer.

My thoughts were suddenly blunted when the edge of my hip had a disagreement with the pointed edge of a stall I was passing.

"Jeez Louise" I called out before smiling triumphantly at my successful outcry, I then grimaced in response to the complaints coming from my mistreated hip, meeting the eye of the carts owner I crinkled my eyes at the sides and pressed my lips into a neat unpleased line.

**A/N: Thanks for reading and please review.**


	8. The Bants with Lupin

**Chapter 8**

**The Bants with Lupin**

"This is what happens when foolish wizards decide not to attach cushions to the sides of their outlets," I hissed, "people like me must suffer the consequences!"

The sandy haired man glanced over his shoulder and nodded at Dumbledore before returning his amber eyes to my unimpressed face.

"You mean clumsy people?" He put forward politely.

"No," I spat indignantly, "people with more things on there mind then trinkets and different methods of sharpening cart edges." I straightened up and raised my chin before attempting to give the man an authoritative once over, his features were actually quite kindly if not a little mischievous and his tattered robes hung on his slim physique with a quaint acquiescence toward being just upward of uncomfortably penniless. I threw some mental chairs at him. Silvery scars wrapped themselves around the mans fingers and peaked out from the collar of his cloak unassumingly, they looked as if they belonged there. Like they were as much apart of him as his nose and manicured moustache.

"Ah yes, thinking while walking can be difficult when I am focussing so much of my energy on trying to make my workplace as disruptive an obstacle as possible." He lifted the sides of his mouth and I turned my attention to the stall itself.

"What are you selling?" I asked as the pain in my hip subsided to a tender but generally good natured clomp of healing capillaries.

" Potions ingredients, a few enchanted amulets and hand embroidered rune cloaks." The man rattled off, I thought him to be quite soft spoken. Dumbledore seemed engrossed in a conversation with a hunched man, they were heatedly discussing the recent augmentations made to the standard constitution of a potion called "veritaserum". I turned my attention back to the dry humoured wizard.

"I would like a cloak, something either very special or notably unexceptional." The man bit the tip of his tongue and the edge of his moustache twitched as he lifted the lid from a poorly put together pine and oak box. I took my hair tie from my wrist and spun my hair into a knot before catching it in place with the worn elastic. My hair fell sloppily around my face as some pieces fell short of the haphazard twist.

"The rune on this cloak bestows light footedness upon its wearer." The man smiled tightly as I wrapped my fingers around the top of the burnt orange cloak. The materiel was thick and smelt of sheep despite the fabrics dissimilarity to wool.

"Does it really work?" I asked, as I studied the interlacing symbols on the robe.

"I don't know," The man answered, "They don't make it in my size."

I rolled my eyes as I met his tempered gaze, I sniffed humourlessly and ran my hands over the cape. The rune seemed to flow into itself with delicacy and a charming sort of elegance, it held an independent sort of power.

"Do you know much about runes, sir?" I enquired as I help the clothing to my frame.

"Sure, sure," he spoke calmly, "curious things, very old sort of magic. Not overtly powerful, the work they do is like the growing of a seed, a trifling beginning with magnificent results."

"Do you have one for problem solving?" I asked hopefully.

"We have an amulet that allows for focus." I pressed my lips together as I studied the amulet held in the mans scarred hand.

"Anything else?" I pushed, the man returned to the mixed wood container and began to rummage through it thoroughly. He retrieved a burgundy cape with a coppery rune in its centre, I decided to buy it as Dumbledore seemed to be wrapping up his closing statement and I found it very alluring.

"I'll take it." I pulled a golden coin from my purse and offered it forward testily, unsure if I was under or over shooting the garments value.

"Very good, clarity of mind," he indicated the rune, "in case you were curious."

He took the coin from my hand and folded the cape before looking at me expectantly.

"And two sickles if you don't mind." He held the robe out as I offered two silvery coins hoping I had correctly remembered Dumbledore's explanation of wizarding currency.

As I took the cloak the man stared at the my coins uncomfortably for a moment before allowing the golden Galleon already in his hand fall to the ground.

"How clumsy of me." He breathed as he bent to retrieve the coin.

"Just leave the sickles on the box there." He advised from the ground. I did as he requested as he rose to his feet and added the Galleon to the pile.

"Yes well," my eye brows pushed together at the top of my nose as I failed to make sense of the mans aversion to small change.

"Thank you sir." I pushed a stray strand of hair behind my ear as Dumbledore came to stand beside me. My hands spelt like old leather and even older leather and I quickly moved it as far from my face as possible.

"Good afternoon Remus." Dumbledore took my pile of change from the counter and handed it to the man, Remus, with the Galleons at the bottom.

"Good evening Professor." Remus responded quite affectionately, he received the coins and placed them in a steel box adorned with spirals.

"I see you have met Ms. Malfoy, Jodie this is Mr. Remus Lupin. A former student of Hogwarts school. Remus this is Juniper Malfoy" I cringed slightly at being announced as a Malfoy, it wasn't something I could really hide from anyway. I extended my hand,

"Please," I raised the sides of my mouth, "call me Jodie."

Lupin took my hand and gave it a hesitant shake, he seemed to be disturbed by our introduction.

"I hope you like the cloak Jodie." He bit his tongue and he flexed his hand lightly after shaking mine.

"Thank you Mr. Lupin." I ran my hand over the metallic rune and smiled, it was very charming.

"What news of Hogwarts Professor?" Lupin turned his attention to Dumbledore.

"All is as it should be." Dumbledore smiled "Nothing is going as one would expect but the repercussions are as they should be." Lupin nodded and appeared to enjoy a moment of nostalgia before his features betrayed a sort of desperation.

"and Harry?" he looked quite distressed.

"You will have heard he has been sorted in to Gryffindor," Dumbledore allowed kindly, Remus nodded in the affirmative,

"well earlier this year he successfully caught the snitch in his first tryst as seeker against the Slytherin team" Dumbledore announced with a quiet sort of pride.

"Seeker? Blimey, at eleven?" Remus seemed sort of choked at this and his moustache quivered slightly.

"Enjoy your Christmas Professor" Lupin murmured in his level modulation.

"And you to Remus." Dumbledore placed his hand on the other mans shoulder as he made to leave.

"Goodbye." I whispered in what I hoped was a kind tone. The unusual wizards only nodded slightly as I followed after Dumbledore.

"What happened to him Professor?" I blurted once I had fallen into stride with the towering old man. "The scars on his skin, what are they from?"

"ah," Dumbledore looked troubled for a moment, "the scars occurred as a result of an accident when he was a young boy."

"What sort of accident?" I asked.

"A tragic one." I decided to not press any further as it was obviously an exercise in futility. He seemed intent on holding his tongue on the matter and I doubted any cat was quite lucrative enough to loosen Albus Dumbledore's tongue.

"How very sad." I responded in my best placating tone which was usually reserved for either talking to myself on left over risotto day or (more recently) when conversing with petite bankers. I turned my eye to the sky and watched a fluffy sock shaped cloud make its way through the sky on whipping winds which seemed to have no effect within the Diagon dome. As I followed my line of sight my eyes fell on my next destination. It stood among the throng of buzzing and bantering wizards as if the thriving metropolis had been built around it. It looked like it had been sellotaped together, old and new bricks clumsily piled one on top of the other through different eras to repair varying degrees of who knows what damage.. Unlike the surrounding window displays this ancient patched up building had its front almost completely clear aside from a single wand resting on a floating velvet cushion in the right window and the black sign above the door which read "Ollivanders est.395b.c." I thought it novel.

I sprinted past Dumbledore toward the shop and heard the clinking of an ominous bell as I burst into the whispering gloom of the shop floor. Long-shadow winter sunlight streamed through the clean but smudgy glass of the shop, casting heavy sun filled streams of dust-highlighting yellow across the shop floor. I ran my hand through the rays whimsical warmth and felt my heart pirouette unexpectedly underneath my own self as an elderly man skid from the other end of the shop to my side upon a towering apparatus. His shrieking flash across the room drew my attention to the rows and rows of cobwebbed and mottled boxes as the steel eyed man descended his portable stairway.

"Good afternoon young miss," the mans silvery eyes flashed and I realised I had never seen eyes so like my own, "What service is it that you required?"

"I-" I began just as the ominous bell tolled again and Dumbledore eventually entered the shop, "I am in need of a wand, sir." I felt half my face lift in a smile and put my hand to my face to feel it. I quite like this shop, the smile grew under my hand.

"That will be no problem at all Madam, one moment," the shop keep turned his attention to Dumbledore as I continued to survey the store. Teetering piles of wands towered over every aspect of the area, even the God-knows-what infested rafters were piled high with thin mismatched boxes reaching just under the length of my foot and some a bit over. I looked at my feet, they looked a bit unhappy, a scowled at them and gave them a look so they would stop sulking about having to stay in shoes. I did feel bad for them, they were always grounded.

**A/N: Thanks for reading and please review!**


	9. Peach Ribbon

**Chapter 9**

**Peach Ribbon**

"Good afternoon Ollivander!" Dumbledore lilted over the name and I realised that the cloudy haired old mans family had been filling skinny boxes for millennia. The moon eyed Mister was no sales assistant, he was a wand maker.

"Mr. Dumbledore!" Ollivander seemed to greet Dumbledore with a sort of weary familiarity, "What brings you to London? I trust," His compelling peepers flicked toward me in a comical and unmistakable gesture that reflected his hesitance in speaking with me here, I bowed my head and smiled at the floor. "all is well?" He finished eventually.

Dumbledore laughed breathily "Oh, all is perfectly well Garrick, Hogwarts is under siege from only the mildest of life threatening insinuations by our standards. A relatively quiet year considering we have a new Finnegan and a new Potter in the school."

"Quite, quite. I do suspect that Mr. Finnegan will have some trouble with that dragon heart string. The brother cores for his new wand are very temperamental…" Ollivander seemed to trail off slightly, apparently enraptured by the thought of angry dragon bits. I wondered what dragons were like, I did always think they were real. If one was to look at a the animal kingdom objectively and chuck a few dragons in I think you would be more inclined to question the giraffe or the hippo if seeing them all together for the first time. Certainly, upon spotting a whale a dragon would barely blip.

"I see you have met Juniper?" Dumbledore pulled Ollivander and I out of our airing thoughts as the old man turned to me curiously.

"Yes, I believe," he allowed his eyes to linger shamelessly on mine for several heartbeats, "You are in need of a wand?"

I nodded dumbly and Dumbledore took a seat on a cricketing stool by the floating purple wand topped cushion at the window. The circus outside continued there individual side show performances, jester like characters who gawk through the wand makers window at the apparently gossip worthy presence of Dumbledore. I suppose they were probably wondering why he wasn't training up there misshapen and bizarrely talented kids, who would supervise their machete juggling with the headmaster gone?

"What was the core of your original wand Ms…?"

I felt my mouth clamp shut and my nostrils widened slightly as if the unspoken words were attempting to escape from anywhere they could.

"Malfoy. I have never had a wand before Mr. Ollivander, nor do I know how to choose one." I threw a look over at Dumbledore and found him to be quite absorbed with the bustle outside and not at all concerned with my hopes of finding the correct wand.

Ollivander was letting out a politely suppressed closed mouthed chuckle as he made his way through the towering aisles beyond the counter. The gloom continued to thicken in the shop as the Spring sun failed to acknowledge its promise of brighter days and began to set. I caught a flighty movement in my peripherals and spun around thoughtlessly, the movement successfully deposited me on the floor. I saw another whiz of peach disappear behind my right shoulder as I remained on the wood dust dusted old floor boards. A ribbon of peach then lay itself flat against the seem of me left leg from ankle to knee. I shrieked before backing across the floor as I batted at my legs. I regained my footing and pressed myself to the edge of the counter. Dumbledore continued to gaze merrily out the window and I felt as if I was in more of a dream than ever. Feeling almost reassured at the thought of waking up in my old lonely world for a moment I decided it was because I didn't like strange crowds. The hellish peach ribbon continued to make tentative progress towards me and I saw numbers lining its sides. Having been taught how to maintain a tidy lady life style I recognised it as a measuring type one might have for fitting dresses.

I reached my hand out to the enchanted menace and aloud it to wrap itself around my wrist and do its best impression of an exasperated conscious being. The tape set to work at a lightening pace and began to whip around my whole figure as I resisted the urge to bat it away like a bat. After taking measurements of everything from my toes to my earlobes the tapeworm seemed pleased enough to eventually let me be. I decided to reserve the approach of standing and waiting for something to end for future dealings with nonthreatening apparatus that I might find trying to assault me. Ollivander then emerged from behind a stack of especially rotten old boxes with the measuring tape squirming in his grip. He held the tape so close to his face that one would think he was trying to block everything else from his view as he sifted the tape through his hands and studied from one end to the other.

"How very queer…" the man murmured as he made it to the other end of the disgruntled vine, "How unanticipated…" he repeated his sentiments as he reached my point of the counter and was followed my a levitating stack of oversized cigarette boxes. He didn't pause in his investigation of the measuring tape even as the boxes settled themselves on the counter in a tidy row and the least shy container began to open itself with the help of invisible hands.

I saw from where I was standing that the inside of the box was coated in a pale purple materiel which seemed liver spotted and moth-eaten. I wondered how a moth had gotten into the box, assumedly there had been a great mass of them and they had invaded its debts as a team. But there was some fabric remaining so perhaps only one or two made it in before it slammed shut again like a temple of doom. I rearranged my toes in my shoes as Ollivander eventually turned his shallow reflective eyes on me. I turned my head from the fascinating fabric containing the remains of some brave and underfed moths and looked him in the eye with my own pearly stare.

" Wands," Ollivander said easily, "are very mysterious anomalies Ms. Malfoy, they have a power and consciousness which is very much separate from the wizard wielding it." The old mans voice scratched this out with purpose as he etched the words into the space between himself and I.

"It is not your job to choose a wand, it is up to the wand to choose you." I tilted my head to the side and braced myself forward on the counter slightly to take some of my weight from my feet. I once again felt scepticism rising as I turned to eye the well formed yew.

"How will it choose me?" I asked coolly as I glanced at Ollivanders clean hands coated in dry fine powder with the still unhappy tape wrapped around his unrelenting fingers.

"You know Ms. Malfoy, I remember every wand I've ever sold… You are, intended for the young Master Draco?" He seemed to set forth the query in a manner that indicated the knowledge was of unprecedented importance to the wand acquiring process.

"No sir," I blurted, "I'm his cousin." Ollivander seemed distressed by this and I thought gratifyingly, that wands weren't the only mysterious thing in this shop. I spared a moment to observe Dumbledore before reassessing Ollivander and decided that the thought had come a bit late, as after all, men who have lived like these wizards for what seemed a very very long time must have more than one skeleton in the closet under the stairs.

"His cousin? But then why do you carry the Malfoy name?" Ollivander seemed to be trying to make sense of the situation as he continued to move his eyes from me to the strip of plastic disparagingly.

"It was the name of my Father." I said in an affirming town as if a bit of authority would succeed in forcing the thought into his head, the stark skinned wizard eventually paused in his scrutiny and his eyes glazed slightly as he nodded.

"Yes yes, the results would indicate… undeniable similarity." Ollivander allowed the tape slip free of his grasp before turning into the shop and emerging with a new box as the currently open one on the table beside me resealed itself like a little moth coffin.

"May he rest in peace." I said as the box floated off and Ollivander shuffled forward distractedly.

"perhaps," Ollivander prized the lid from the elongated box with his hands and presented a glossy piece of ebony surrounded by plush and untarnished green velvet, "this…" Ollivander extended what I assumed was the holding end toward me.

I reached out my hand towards the domineering black wood and wrapped my fingers around it cautiously.

**A/N: Thanks for reading and please review!**


	10. Nevermore

**Chapter 10 **

**Nevermore**

The wand felt fused to my hand as a rush of goosebumps ran up and down my arms, I decided to eat some butter later to better lubricate the squirming of my insides because they had gone way beyond knotting together now and seemed to be doing a fairly painful version of an American free way as the spun around and through each other at harrying speeds. The black wood released a red light from its end that collapsed one of the aging rafters. It clattered down beside an unmoved Dumbledore and was followed by the wands it had been supporting just moments before. The surrounding boxes began to sway threateningly but settled after a few skipped pumps of my heart. Then, almost as if in slow motion, one of the elongated dusty boxes fell from its perch and came into contact with Dumbledores hat clad head, successfully knocking his party hat to the floor. Dumbledore then glanced up at the ceiling and with a "So sorry." and a flick of his wand he returned the rafter and all its boxes to there original state. I looked at the wand gripped tightly in my steady hand and look then glanced down to see my free hand shaking like a leaf.

"I don't think this wand likes me Mr. Ollivander." I croaked out in a disconcerted tone. "But I don't think I can put it down either."

Just as I said it my hand snapped open, quite without notice, and the imposing piece wood clattered against the floor, as if it had made no offence aside from what I had caused it to do.

"Liar!" I hissed at it. As I bent to retrieve it from the floor, with the edge of the leather jacket barricading my hands. "I'm sure you are just a regular piece of wood who never tried to blow up anyone!"

I placed the puny stick on the table and narrowed my eyes at it. Ollivander said nothing, but put the wand back in its box.

"Not this one, I think." I snuffled a bit and threw my eyes around the shop at the other boxes, they suddenly looked less like insect coffins and more like vessels of mischief.

"No," I agreed, "Perhaps something less obtuse."

I felt a little sullied by the wand, the first I'd held and it wouldn't even listen to me, I just wanted it to make bird. I wanted to see my magic fly around like Dumbledore had, but nooo, damn thing. I lifted my hand up to my face and stretched my fingers wide apart and decided that I wasn't going to let one unfriendly wand ruin this for me. I squished my hand onto my face like it was a jelly fish with a temper and pretended it was attacking me as I tried to pry it off. Several seconds later the cephalopod was defeated and I took in great gulps of air. I smiled smugly after faux catching my breath. Close call, but Jodie wins again, untill next time. I narrowed my eyes at the future before realising I was accidentally glaring at the back of Ollivanders head.

"Dragon Heart string, willow, thirteen and a quarter inches." Ollivander extended the box with the wand laying inside towards me. I gripped the greying wood and felt a soft sort of feeling from the wand. As if it was shaking my hand with a warm and gentle grip. I flicked the wand and imagined making it a life long companion and the box which had assaulted Dumbledore flew from his lap and toward my face. I slapped it to the ground and it landed on the floor with a thud. I looked at the wand in my hand and felt a sort of a detachment to it. It had let go of me, I placed it on the counter and lifted the troublesome box from the floor. If Goldilocks and the three bears was anything to go by, this wand would be just right.

The box was made of a crumbling card board, pieces of with made there light and lazy way toward the floor as I lifted the lid. Inside the box was a sort of tissue and a perfumed scent rose from its depths. I shifted the paper to the side delicately and looked at the wand rested snugly, like a treasure.

"Phoenix feather, ash, fourteen and a tenth of an inch." Ollivander rattled off to my left. Ash, of course, I placed the box on the counter and ran my hand through my smoky hair before wriggling my fingers and gingerly scooping up the wand in my left hand. I braced myself as I thought of the bird, the great bright singing beast which had swept through the air like a phantom made of a child's laugh.

I arched the wand through the air and thought of light and warmth and all my excitement moving through my blood and my hand and into the wand. Straight from my heart, the ash wood would work as a vessel to release the goodness into the shop. Somewhere in the shop I swore I heard a pin, or something of that magnitude, drop and clatter loudly on the floor. I laughed loudly and swung the wand purposefully again and the wand reached right into my middle. The wands power worked with my own to throw out a great sparkling silver whip of light. I felt it whip over my shoulder and it sped through the rafters before slowing in front of me to give me a curious look.

I began to tinkle out mine laughter

As it came down from the rafter

and the stately ravens stopping

Allowed our gazes a moments locking

Before he made haste toward the door

But he did not stop to stare down

Or taunt or caw or cause frown

but continued fly fly flying through the window, like before

and as I still felt like glowing, with the raven always knowing

I felt something I now knew growing,

I smiled and whispered;

"Nevermore."

The two wizards continued to stare after the raven as I lowered my wand and took in a great load of air through my nose, I smelt wood and blood and mould and cedar in the shop. It was like a recent battle had taken place on a marsh, it was actually quite soothing. The ash in my hand seemed to whisper in my blood and I readjusted my grip on it slightly before beginning to inspect its smooth pale surface.

"Do you know a great lot about magic, Ms. Malfoy?" the words seemed to fall quite tetchily from Ollivanders mouth and his eye brows had all but disappeared into his whispy hair line and I felt my head tilt to the side in an attempt to make sense of the roundness of his mother of pearl eyes layered in delicate cataracts.

"I know that I am coming to like it a great deal, may I have this wand?" I raised the wand up beside my face but did not hold it out to Ollivander as I did not want to put it down so soon.

"That was a very beautiful piece of magic Jodie." Dumbledore's voice floated over from where he sat with his eyes till fixed on the window. I turned my head quickly between the Headmaster and the Wand maker in an attempt to assess the baffling situation. From wide eyes to still ones I became frustrated and felt a line form on my brow.

"What have I done?" I asked beseechingly, "What is the matter with you two? I like this one, are we done?"

The two men still seemed distracted but they shared a look before Ollivander spoke.

"I would like to offer you an apprenticeship Ms. Malfoy." I whipped around and slammed my hand down on the counter dramatically to catch my balance. Dumbledore was once again formed into a tower of white beard and heavily patterned materiel as he approached the counter behind me.

"Garrick, Juniper has no formal education in witchcraft although Hogwarts extends the offer of a full education to any person signed on in the castle, she has yet to explore the option." I nodded vigorously and bored my eyes into Ollivanders shallow plates.

"It is of no importance, it is probably an advantage to have an unbiased approach to magic when learning the art of wand making" Ollivander let the words drop out of his mouth, he was so very curious a man, I blanched;

"I am just as likely to poke myself in the eye as touch my toe Mr. Ollivander, I don't have any formal education in anything." Me? A wand makers apprentice?

"Is she your charge Dumbledore?" Ollivander pressed as he seemed eager to hear the final word on the matter. A wand maker, Jodie the uneducated wand waving creator of vessels to your magical hearth and performer of beautiful pieces of magic, as told my Albus Dumbledore, I pressed my lips together as I thought of it, it wasn't without charm.

"I am seventeen," I studied Dumbledore in my peripheral vision to see his reaction "I am an adult and as you said professor, I must forge a life for myself. I need a profession, a forte, a niche. I like this room very much, and I like all these boxes and I think at this could be a very grand and wonderful thing to happen." I said all this with my eyes glued to my new wooden comrade.

"Jodie," I turned to Dumbledore and looked up his giraffe like figure and met his searching gaze. "You must do what you feel is right, but just remember, help will always be given to all at Hogwarts, if they were to simply ask for it." his eyes stabbed into mine and my wand hummed in my hand as I nodded slowly.

"I think, for now at least Professor, I will be just fine." I reached out my hand toward the wizard and he took in both of his before bent slightly to look at my face.

"I believe you will do very well here with Mr. Ollivander, Jodie, and I wish you the very best." My hand was very warm and for a little moment I felt like there might be more then magic on my side in this world. I felt cared for and smiled a small -the boiler will never be off with Dumbledore coming to visit- smile and nodded.

"You've got a friend in me Dumbledore." He laughed lightly and straightened himself out like a robot with lots of joints who had been well oiled recently. I stepped toward the counter, straightened my posture and held out my hand to the wand maker.

"I whole heartedly accept, Mr. Ollivander." Ollivander wrapped his tough skinned well cared for hand around my own wand flicking page turner and gave a single hearty shake.

"Wonderful." We beamed at one another, our white eyes flashing. Wonderful.

Dumbledore gave me one more heavy look before turning on the spot and vanishing with a pop. My eyes goggled in my head and I took a step back with out really expecting to.

"He's gone!" I blurted. Ollivander chuckled airily,

"Yes," I turned to look at the old man as he opened the side of the counter and gestured for me to walk behind, "he has gone someplace else, such is his way. Very busy man Dumbledore, no time for dallying."

"He runs the school?" I pressed, hoping to unravel a bit more of the man behind the cloudy beard.

"Yes, yes, among other things." I followed the charming old man through the unending corridor which I suspected would have been a ball room if it was emptied of all its wands. We reached the back of the shop and I was confronted with a series of complex and delicate looking instruments along a work bench surrounded by series of small and haphazardly attached drawers, one of which was open, from it a single ruby red feather came into view.

"Watch your step." Ollivander called down to me from the stand a lone spiral stair case which he was ascending. I stopped in my tracks and my eyes flew to the ground. Sure enough, the floor boards had been shifted and the foundation invaded to reveal a bank of wood. A recently harvested root was winding through the shop floors ground granite foundation. The wood looked to be oak, as its leaked sap, even from the root. The resin oozed from creases in the fresh cut wood and I examined it for a moment before approaching the stair, I paused at its base.

"Come along Ms. Malfoy." His voice carried down the stair way and readjusted my grip on the ash wand and draped my cloak over my arm.

"Jodie, if you don't mind Mr. Ollivander, I would prefer it."

I put my foot on the first spiralling step and eyed the banister warily.

I narrowed my eyes at the rail, "I'm onto you." I hissed.

**A/N: Thanks for reading and please review!**


	11. Sorceress

**Chapter 11**

**Sorceress **

Ollivander showed me around the three town house stories above the shop once I finished having it out with the banister. The first floor had a sort of landing and Ollivander explained that the "experimental work" room was to the left and the above shop flat was to the right. I nodded slowly and asked what the top two floors were.

"Well those floors are my quarters, of course you need only send a bell if you are in need of anything. I have some soup on the stove which you could have for supper if you like," he paused a beat before turning to me, "Jodie, but I am afraid I am not much of a cook. I tend to eat what I must to sustain myself for my work and research and not much more, to be honest." I was looked at the top flat door in confusion.

"But why is your flat down here when you live upstairs, Mr. Ollivander?" I asked, befuddled. Ollivander looked at me for a moment before smiling slightly.

"If I was to live in every room in the house where would you stay Jodie?" I was taken aback a moment, I sort of thought I could creep into the vault with my new cloak as a blanket, it seemed rather silly now. That Dumbledore would leave me alone and homeless just because Ollivander had offered to take me on.

"Why, Mr. Ollivander, that is beyond generous!" It really was, a flat. No questions asked… right here in the shop, on Diagon Alley. He began to bat his hand airily before fixing me with his eerie contemplative stare.

"You know wands, Juniper, they react to you. What happened when your wand chose you wasn't something a witch or wizard can fake, the wand didn't choose you, it bonded with you. You have a valuable quality that many wizarding craftsmen could only dream to have in an apprentice, Jodie." I tipped my head to the side as Ollivander approached me purposefully and lifted my wand wielding hand up so it was easy to inspect.

"Even now, you are connected to it, you are not a hexing transfiguring sort of witch. You are a Sorceress and you will make very fine wands, because it is part of your affinity for magic." A bell seemed to ring in my head, I am not normal here either. I felt a little disheartened, even in the magical world, I wore my unnatural self on my sleeve. I looked at the wand in my hand and smiled, I may not fit the mould for a witch, but I fit this wand just fine. Not to mention my affinities apparently had there perks, I made a perfectly good glowing bird and I had gotten my self a job in one fell swoop.

"Dumbledore can do what I did when I" I looked at Ollivander to make sure I was using the correct term, ""bonded" with my wand, he showed me."

The elder nodded and released my arm.

"Yes, but Dumbledore isn't really a hexing transfiguring sort of wizard. The Patronus charm is a very advanced piece of magic, and often can be performed by wizards who can produce a sort of silvery light. Your Patronus however, was fully formed and you did it without instruction or incantation. It is a very moving thing to see a Patronus like yours produced with no more then a deep breath and an arching arm."

"It felt perfectly natural to me, I wanted to create a magic creature like Dumbledore's ever since he showed me, it was so very moving, like you said, I had never seen true magic before then." I couldn't help but confide just a little in Ollivander, life was suddenly becoming terribly exciting and it was all catching up on me. Ollivander pulled a long oak wand from his sleeve and with a swish and a distant clatter a bowl of tomatoe and basil soup came flying into his hand. He moved his wand in a stirring motion over its top and steam began to rise off of it as he handed it to me.

"For the beginning of your training Jodie, I want you to read the books stacked on the shelf in your flat as quickly as possible from nine in the morning through to noon I would like you to work with me in the shop or the experiment room. After that I believe all I expect from you for quite some time will be for you to attempt to master your wand and assimilate into the way of things." I felt a bizarre need to embrace the craftsman but simply placed my hand on his shoulder.

"Thank you very much, Mr. Ollivander." I smiled one of my largest genuine smiles and he presented me with a set of keys. "For the shop, for the flat, and this is the key to the vault into which I shall send your wages."

I was about to negate the final key but he gave me a look and then focussed his gaze on my soup and I realised that I couldn't very well assume responsibility for my basic expenses without announcing my seamless access to Blacks vault. Thinking of Black was really befuddling and I pushed his silly blathering voice to the back of my head, although his tenor did have an objective charm to it, I felt no need to commend it.

"Thank you." I said simply, for what felt like the hundredth time, "for everything."

Ollivander did another dismissive sort of wave and mumbled;

"I think that's the shop bell…" before descending the small spiral stairs.

The landing which I was on had another free standing stair case at its end . The walls were coloured a lined blue and the carpet was peach like the menacing ribbon downstairs. I turned to the sandal wood door to my new flat and felt a huge anticipation. "Jodie Malfoy, independent tenant in the flat above her knew place of work, where she studies and trains to produce the best wand the wizarding world has ever seen. Emancipated and powerful, with everything to gain and nothing to lose." I jammed the bronze key in the aging lock at the level of my hip and entered the flat.

The inside was mostly yellow with woody everything. There was a stove and a counter top with a small pine table set with two chairs to the right of the door. Ahead of me was a large circular window overlooking the bustling wizards. I approached the window to smile down at the throng happily, there was a squashy cream coloured couch on the left side of the room next to an arm chair. I placed my wand carefully atop the low dresser by the door along with my slowly cooling supper and draped my cloak over the hat hanging stick. I surveyed the room , the large light wooded book case Ollivander had mentioned stood flat against the wall to the right of the door. As I took the room in I felt something was a bit off, after a moment I decisively hauled the solid armchair over to the window noisily so I could look out at the sky and the people when I sat in it. I plonked down in it after a great deal of huffing and puffing and watched the clouds darken for a moment. Lovely.

I stood once again, to continue my exploration, I found a hot press, a free standing porcelain bath sat alone in a room, a lou with a little sink and a bed bigger then I could have imagined being anywhere but in a queens home. I thought on my cot and chair in my old room and pulled off my leather jacket as I headed back toward the main room. _My_ main room. I was very very tired, more tired then I can ever remember being. Which made sense! I picked up my bowl of soup with my wand and eyed the arm chair before deciding it would be far to stimulating to see the world when all I wanted to do was sit somewhere quiet and dark. I entered my new bedroom, which appeared themed in reds and creams. I kicked off my shoes before demolishing the soup in a gulp and a half. I removed my tied and socks and bra and lord knows what else before beginning to get into the bed. I imagine it was quite like trying to find a place to rest in the belly of a beast made of clouds. I was crawling on a bed for goodness sakes! I found my way into the middle and clambered under the covers with surprising ease. My wand was still clutched in my hand and was sending a happy sort of warmth through my arm. I barely registered the closing of the curtains surrounding my royal bed before I fell asleep. I very much hoped I would still be a sorceress with a wand when I woke back up.

**A/N: Thanks for reading and please review!**


	12. Hey Jude

**Chapter 12**

**Hey Jude**

My eyes split open as if to come right out of my head and I was about to roll over dangerously onto the floor from my small cot as I tried to recount details of the lucid dream from the night before. I sat up and realised it must be very late still as the room was still dark and warm even below just a single blanket. I flicked my wand and dim winter dawn light flew onto the red bedspread which stretched out to cover the expanse if my four poster bed, I stared at my wand and puzzled over its existence. The light attacking my eyes drove the reality home.

I felt, I didn't know how to feel. I clambered out of the bed in my wrinkled shirt and ran through my flat. My flat. I felt energised and right way in which was strange because I hadn't even realised I was inside out in the first place. I jumped up and down and laughed and my wand laughed to with swirly shots of golden light. I stilled my joyous hollering and my wand released several more ribbons of shining golden light before calming also. A clock resting on the small dresser by the door told me it was half seven in the morning. I was pleased to have not missed the winter sunrise on this, my first day as a woman.

I observed myself in the rectangular mirror built into the dresser.

It was as I had feared, Jodie from yesterday was gone. My parallel stood in the mirror looking slightly concerned as she searched the space around me.

"Are you looking for her to?" I asked the woman and she mouthed it with me, we nodded together.

"She's gone." I smiled sadly with the new Jodie in the mirror. A circular black line was all that separated the white of her eye from where the colour should have been, just as it was with all the other girls from the mirror, berry stained lips and ash blonde streaked with conquering silver. She looked like some creature, not like a woman, but a nymph. She tilted her head and I saw a single dark freckle peep from the edge of her shirt collar into view. I looked in her eyes.

"Good bye." I tell her and she dutifully says it with my but she looks afraid. We reach for each other and I see her wand for the first time, she looks at it and seems happier. We nod fare well.

Approaching the kitchen cupboards I discover some grains and I add some water to them from the tap. After my breakfast I can see the sky brightening and hasten to the window to view the sun peeping out from an arch with "the leaky cauldron" written above it. The sun is a warm yellow and I feel my wand hum.

"I love the sun." I whisper to it, "No one can catch it, it comes and goes as it pleases." I watch the sun until it is to high to look at and then move from the wood framed window.

"We will rise now, I think." I tell the wand as I take my cloak and return to my room to make myself decent.

To my surprise I find some clothing in a trunk in my room. Mostly old fashioned shirts but at the bottom of the chest there was a dusky blue cotton dress with laces running from the neck to the hem at its back.

I slip into it and find my frame to be a bit thin but still tall enough to wear it.

"Can you tie it at the back, please?" I asked my wand and I felt the dress whoosh in from its end at my ankle to the back of the collar, the top was rounded and the piece seemed to have an organic, simple design.

I had never dressed so informally in my life. I but my red rune cloak on over it and smiled. I wore no tie and no tartan, I was dressed like I would have liked.

I went to check the clock and saw I wasn't due to talk with Ollivander for another half an hour, the dress flowed around my legs as I padded, bare foot across the floor to my leather jacket.

I brought it to the table in the kitchen, and lay out the contents of its pockets.

I looked down at the curious assortment of items, so much the mystery. Here lie its clue.

"They are all of my life." I told the wand in a tempered voice, "Unfamiliar as I am to myself, having known myself long, but familiar as you are to me, having barely passed time at all."

First; the ring and the scrappy piece of paper which possessed Blacks name with the abnormal symbol, which I now recognised to be a rune. Then the box which I had retrieved from the vault along with the purse of wizard money.

"How now?" I asked the ash wood in my hand and I felt an excitement in it glow into my skin as a book flew from the shelf behind me.

"Scrying for answers, the art of problem solving with water. By Rumilda backle"

"You ought feel me comrade." I told the wand as I felt it reach forth for my answers to save off speaking. The bond, reinforced, was calm and comfortable. It was like nothing else I knew but made a very perfect sense. I was feeling more myself then I had recently felt. This new day would lead only to better.

There was little time for further investigation of answers but, alas, I stood and followed out of my flat, keys, wand and purse in hand.

Ollivander was at the desk on the alternate side of the reaching root when I touched base of the spiral stair.

"Good morning ." he turned his moon eyes on my and smiled fondly just as the clock beside him called for nine o'clock.

"Good morning Jodie, punctual I see, very good." I smiled at his praises and jumped the root before approaching the desk.

"What intention?" I enquired. Ollivander leaned back in his wooden work chair and produced another with a flick of his wand. I sat in it gently, unfairly suspicious of its sudden appearance.

"This morning I will be showing you the basic mechanical aspects of wand making, shaping wood and such, next week I think we will be able to move to methods of binding to different magical to different woods and why, of course, all the theory will be on the top shelf of your shelf upstairs." His eyes lit as he spoke of his plans and I felt myself looking forward to having the mysteries of wands unravelled,

"So we begin!" I announced happily, like a child.

"now Jodie, we do not use wands to make wands, it tampers with the works, so wand away please."

I looked at the ash in my hand and looked over to the window sill.

"Keep an eye on the sky, will you?" I asked the wand as I placed it on the sill, I returned to my seat with Ollivander and he launched into various teachings. He seemed to have a great love of his craft and nothing turned that thought to principle more than working with him. His enthusiasm with the way of even the most mundane aspects of the work in wand making was contagious and I found myself teetering on a precipice for every word he spoke. We paused for tea and bread but noon had arrived in moments and Ollivanders golden cogged mechanically faced clock announced angelus. He paused his speaking just as I had finished a semi smooth inner casing for a unicorn hair and ebony wand.

"I believe that anymore learning as is this would have you unable to maintain a standard of practice Jodie, we'll break till morning I think." I nodded happily and reached out my hand as the my wand returned to it, Ollivander shook his head,

"Simply marvellous." He stated as I got to my feet.

"Till tomorrow Mr. Ollivander." He waved me off and I ascended the stairs to my flat.

I peeped in the unchecked presses in the kitchen, plates, gloves, clothes, remaining cereal and cleaning products. Among the cleaning products I sensed a whisper of magic however and as I put out my hand to pull it forth a broom flew into my hand.

Of course, I turned to the circular window by my stuffy chair and thought about pizza ads I had seen on TV for a moment before I marched over to the window and undid the latch. It opened out to the wide like a door and I grinned as I sat upon the broom.

"Fly!" I cried and I flew through the window straight up into the sky like a rocket.

I screamed and laughed as I sped over the head of fellow witches and wizards, my wand thrummed against from its place in my bra where I had stowed it to keep it close to my thumping heart. After circling high above the street for several moments I saw London city in the distance and decided there was on thing I would do before the day was out. I slowly brought the broom down to the ground and dismounted clumsily.

I lay in a crumpled heap on the ground, I felt rather like the underneath of a shoe, trod on. I huffed and hopped to my feet,

"Insolent contraption!" I told the broom. "Wait up there till I call you down." I told it and it dutifully rose several metres above the crowds and sat static, I felt like I had scolded a child who was only playing.

"I didn't mean to snap," I called up to it "I'll be back soon." The broom made no indication having heard me but I shrugged it off. I turned and came in contact with the bemused expression of the scarred vendor, Remus Lupin.

"Mr. Lupin." I acknowledged. "A pleasure." I nodded and decided that my blush could be played off as a reaction to the cold.

"Pleasure is all mine I assure you." he let loose a small smile.

"Oh dear Remus, if your humour was any dryer you would have us all dying a death from dehydration." I rolled my eyes at him and ran my hands through my fine hair.

He laughed breathily as I smoothed my hands over my cloak.

"Always a joy Ms. Malfoy." hi little moustache shifted and I smiled.

"Keep an eye on my broom, won't you?" I pressed.

"Where else would I be?" He shrugged and I realised we were right beside his menacing cart.

I waved as I walked toward the arch for the pub, Ollivander had said it was the way to get from our London to theirs. I weaved my way through the crowd, I needed to get into muggle London. There was one mystery that could be solved right away. I wanted to hear the melody for "Hey Jude", magic was something I had never dreamed of, but the yearning to hear the beautiful words formed in the right way to the right sound had been a very old dream of mine. I thought on it often. I jumped a whistling box being dragged behind a plump witch as I closed in on my destination but, alas, I was intercepted before the archway.

"Cancer." The heavily tailored black and emerald robes spat and I raised my supercilious gaze accordingly.

"Excuse me?" I asked, affronted and perplexed.

"Cancer Malfoy." and I realised who the robes contained, my uncle looked distempered and in seeming disarray as I took in his haughty appearance.

"What about him?" I asked sardonically as Lucius seemed to teeter slightly. I stood confused for a moment as Lucius glared at me with his malevolent height. I was very glad to be a tall lady at that moment. It made not summoning my broom and running away a lot easier as Malfoy opened his mouth again to say something undoubtedly hurtful and offensive. What a knob head.

**A/N: Thanks for reading, please let me know what you think**


	13. Mirror Man

**Chapter 13**

**Mirror Man**

"Show me you arm, child." the mans snootery seemed to fail him as I shrugged and presented my right hand. Sure, the man was undoubtedly notorious, but he was, bizarre as it might seem, my family. As he observed my outstretched appendage he seemed to have a similar sort of reaction as he had when I had presented him with my old ring. A sort of compelled horror followed by a resignation, but as if Narcissa had once again stepped forward to ruin the abject comfort of disassociation with an orphan raised by muggles our line returned on his brow.

"Your wand arm, I trust?" This man lived to baffle. But I lowered my clumsy right hand and lifted my deft left.

"I'm left handed actually, Uncle. Really, your only niece and you don't even know-" but Lucius seemed in no mood as he covered his mouth with his hand as if nauseas. Really! it's a hand, not a neglected child's nappy. He lifted his own left hand and held it parallel over mine, I felt a sort of… something and jerked my arm back.

"You scoundrel!" I cried indignantly, "Have you never heard of propriety?" I lumbered back several steps. "Someone presents their arm and you set out to… to .." I didn't quite know what he had been trying to do, but he didn't look like a scoundrel. On the contrary, he looked rather like a tortured aristocrat, I felt like I had when I was scolding the broom all over again.

"To suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, eh, Uncle?" I tried to lighten the mood by way of apology, he was a bit of a Hamlet after all, with a name like luck.

"Your name?" He stepped forward to where I was standing and I realised the part of the street where we were standing had been vacated. We were in an amphitheatre walled with nosy wizards and I turned to see Remus at my back looking questioningly at me and I shrugged at him before turning to Lucius.

"Did I not already say?" I probed, quite irked by the shameless on lookers. Lucius just shook his head no and continued to look both lost and condescending. He was a true exercise in contrast to Dumbledore, firm footed and down to earth. No perhaps there was room for arrogance in the visage of both gentle men. I decided to follow there lead.

I flicked out the edges of my robes dramatically.

"I am Juniper the maleficent mandible mover who utilizes her skills for mandating many minds and mentalities of mortal men and most magnificently reinstated as the recently rediscovered meandering muggle raised Malfoy… who munches mandarins on Mondays." No one really said anything and Lucius looked distempered, good, back to his old self.

"Yeesh, tough crowd." I sighed. Some people just don't appreciate well alliterated adlib antics and Lucius Malfoy was one of them. I rolled my eyes as he opened his mouth to say something rather ghastly judging by the fact that he appeared to have smelt something very terrible.

"Juniper Malfoy in case you have difficulty with my full title." I felt no real need to deliver un to Lucius a plumed feather form of speech. I was more up for verbal sparring yesterday. Right now I had a great big world to marginalise and become disillusioned towards. Surely my Uncle can understand that, I can't pervade my whole day around him and his fine blonde hair. Am I the only one talking or is there something wrong with my ears? I wondered but then as I pivoted slightly to observe the crowd I saw various weirdly shaped wizards doing whispering to one another and seemingly making a very big mountain out of my mole hill of life. I like learning about wands and spend most of my time indoors, whatever they were whispering about could really involve better subject matter then me and my notorious Uncle.

I saw Remus still at my back and tried to look at him in a way that would impress upon him the importance of his return to work and the watching of my broom. He simply looked on, he seemed to be enjoying himself thoroughly but when he saw me looking at him he mouthed,

"You're crazy."

"Runs in the family." I wonder if he could tell what I was saying just by me mouthing it but he sniggered so I suppose there was something funny about it. When he looked up he gazed over my shoulder seeming troubled and I turned my head to see a hand grip my shoulder, Remus sort of lurched forward. He was quickly followed by my stomach as I was squeezed through some interdimensional tooth paste tube. I came out the other end feeling like a seriously abused accordion, or a cartoon character who had gone all stretchy.

I was in a palace sort of place and I scowled.

"That wasn't very polite!" I crossed my arms and span to see Lucius standing in front of a painting of Lucius. They both had matching looks of haughty derision and I sat on the floor.

"Why did you bring me here?" I asked from the ground.

"Oh stay your mouth Juniper, it isn't ten years of plague every time you choose to be quiet!" Lucius spat out and I sighed but said nothing. The room was a canary egg blue met with white and gold guild. To my right was an incredibly large tree reaching for the high ceiling. I was briefly reminded of gangly adolescents when I looked at the tree and I wondered what Lucius might have looked like when he was a gangle. I assume he wasn't a fat kid. He was no longer standing in front of me but had pea cocked across the room (a considerable distance) and he had picked up a box.

I stood and followed.

"What do you make of all of this, Mr. Malfoy?" I found it hard to call him Lucius or Uncle when I wasn't mocking him. I very much wanted to know what things would be like with my bigoted family members. I didn't want a lot to do with them, but perhaps it is good to ally yourself with the influential from both angles. One should not doubt the hand held out, after all.

"All Malfoys are left handed, did you know that?" I shook my head.

"No, I don't know very much of anything." I admitted, trying to ease my apprehension. The wand made no indication of feeling threatened and I decided it would help me protect myself if need truly be. I felt it agree.

"Well there is a great deal to learn, assuming you need to know it." I crossed my arms and remembered how Ollivander had explained about using wands to burn. Voldemort had used this magic to mark his followers on there skin. Lucius wore a heavy material robe but I reckon the sleeves would be less difficult to shift then most of it. It fit to his figure dramatically well and I thought it a bit effeminate.

"When you ran your palm over mine, what happened?" I pressed, hoping Lucius might have fresh answers.

"It is a way of recognising kin or those to whom you are magically bonded." He shifted hurriedly through the box.

"Why did you bring me here?" I queried and shifted my weight on my feet as I observed the finery surrounding me. I felt like I was standing on a floor made from original manuscripts of King Lear and canvas where Da Vinci explained a thing or two about the Mona Lisa's smile. It wasn't a very pleasing way to feel.

"Answers." He mumbled in his very fancy voice.

"Can I see your arm Lucius?" I asked curiously, he looked at me from the corner of his eye before pulling a file from the box laying it on top and presenting his wrist.

I poised my hand as he had done but then moved to twist my hand around his arm before tugging at his sleeve. A button may have gone flying or a shaved, break dancing panda could have made its way through the room but I didn't notice either way because for an extended moment all I could see was the mark on my Uncles arm. The dark mark, I stepped back and Lucius yanked his arm free with unnecessary force.

"Foul play." He hissed.

"A concept I suspect you are not unfamiliar with Uncle." I firmed my footing and my concern for family ties disintegrated as Lucius I reflected on the repugnant taint on the mans arm. He had done bad things and he would do bad things, he was no ally.

"You ignorant bigot." I spat as Lucius buttoned the remaining button on the cuff of his spun gold coat of pretension which sat on him like a second skin.

"You naïve insolent child, dare to offend me in my own home" He pulled a snake head studded wand from a smooth black cane and I received a heavy blow to the chest which seemed to reach inside me and pull the air out, as if with a hoover. "and Dumbledore is not here to protect you." The very thought alone seemed to make his day. I sucked a great roaring gulp of air back in from where I lay, splayed across the floor and dizzy. I coughed heavily as I turned to my side, the ruch of air turned my stomach and I felt bent. Having developed a talent for balancing my weight when falling, thanks to plenty of practice. I didn't seem to damaged. I inhaled another sharper breath through my nose before exhaling as I turned on to my stomach on the ground for a minute before rolling to my side and spinning on to my feet.

Another flick of his wand and I was tossed back a step, a shooting pain ran through my Achilles tendon and my leg buckled.

"You know what they say about racists and bigots, Uncle?" I pressed as I tasted something metallic. The man was so proud, he flicked his wand and I received a sensation much like being punched in the lower back. I flinched and felt a need to fold myself in half.

"Something soft and passive I'm sure." I firmed my footing as I cradled my assaulted stomach. I turned my white eyes to his;

"They say they don't change;" I splutter as I straightened. He tilted his head and as I stretched my arm straight out in front of me I felt my wand shoot down my sleeve into my hand, "they die."

Lucius began a march toward me but the wand pulled his dark wooden box of papers from the table and bludgeoned the back of his head with it violently. He hit the floor with a thwump and I jumped a little as his wand clattered across the floor.

He skidded onto the polished wood several feet from me as the box skid across the floor and bumped my foot. I inspected the wand from a distance briefly and observed that it was much like the one I had first tried. A Malfoys wand.

The box on the ground seemed to be full of all sorts of papers. Everything from wrappers of sweets to the moving photos I had seen in news papers and shop windows. There, right at the top, was a page with a fancy script reading;

"_I have hidden him and I will discover the truth before I retrieve him. I do not believe Freesia is a harlot but I do not believe I have had two sons. I can make no sense from it._

_Cancer is without reason. He is cursed for it, magic inverted, I see not why this is as it is._

_There ought be no pluralism in progeny, the child is born of mirrors. All is backwards since he had come, he is a corruption of the way of things, of order._

_He will stay with Miklov for now."_

It was a journal entry, about my father. I shoved the fresh parchment in my pocket. It was a copy I think, to fresh to be anything else. Lucius began to stir and I saw something else peek from the edge of the box. His name, Sirius Black. I clutch the top of the page and slip it from its place before holding my wand tight and asking it to get me out of here. It seems apprehensive, it doesn't know how. I panic but there is a fire place in the room and I run to it in search of floo powder.

There is a rustling by one of the large doors and I point my wand at Lucius he flies into a chair. The door opens and there is a sheen of white blonde hair.

"Father?" I hear a caricatured version of Lucius voice hum through the room with the lilting tones of a child. I continued to search frantically for a moment and spot the pot on the other side of the fire place before I am met with a suspicious pair of steel blue eyes on a fair boys face.

"He dosed off." I gestured toward the unconscious man but the kid ignored him. Did Dumbledore mention the kids name? I did know there was a kid involved. "Did he tell you I might be coming to visit?" I asked as I begged my eyes not to flick in the direction of the floo powder or anywhere else suspicious for that matter… like the doors or at the shifting wizard in his expensive looking chair. I tried to tuck my wand in to my sleeve a bit while distracting away from the movement by running my hand through my hair.

"No, as a matter of fact, he didn't. Who are you?" I opened my mouth and closed it again and then felt myself do a number of other suspicious things like glance at Lucius who seemed to be gaining vigour.

"You might not want to be here when he wakes up, kid."

"I asked you-" a blue streak cracked the wall by my head as a dishevelled and uncoordinated Lucius Malfoy rose shakily from his chair. The blonde kid looked at me like I had cancelled ice cream and I thought for a moment that I probably did, like if he was coming in here hoping for ice cream, now he definitely wasn't getting any. He turned and began the process of storming out and I caught myself in the shape of his ear and its curve to his jaw. Cousin. I dove forward as Lucius set off another notch of marble from his fire place and near impaled myself on the poker. I lifted the side of the ornate pot and rolled into the fire beside me before calling out the only address I knew of on the floo. Why getting in to a bank has this direct a method I must question. I slipped belly first this time through the fire place and judging by the parting site of Lucius hurrying through the floo I had a pursuit on my hands. I prepared myself for a fabulously angled floo dismount as I saw the edging of the floo grate for Gringotts ahead of me. Next time I will just flag Remus down from my window if I need to buy something. I think that experience had shaved about ten years off my life. My rib cage ached dully as I slipped through the floo and the metallic taste in my mouth had been blood, surprise surprise.

I tumbled out the other end of the floo in a slightly different fashion then planned but still re-emerged with style, my own personal style of trying not to crack my skull open. Lord knows, I had family members to do that for me…

**A/N: Thanks for reading and if it made you think of anything you might want to say, from "smiley face" to "This story taught me a lot about the importance of migratory duck patterns." please don't hesitate to make my day by letting me know.**


	14. Fear

**Chapter 14**

**Fear**

I attempted to stay calm as I scanned the bank, I knew that there was no time to make it to my broom or Ollivanders and certainly, there was not enough time to owl Dumbledore. A Deatheater, my damned damn family, Deatheaters. I winced and began to run up the aisle lined with shrunken men, the head Goblin glared at me other his spectacles. Slowing my pace, I ran my hand through my surely harried hair and approached his podium nervously. My foot steps hurried, I didn't want to cry, I so very much didn't want to cry. My eyes felt like little pools but my mind felt so rational, I begged the water not to fall out, everything I said or did would be so hindered by anymore signs of hysteria. I really must not allow these tears to fall. I commanded myself, I gulped heavily and felt like the gesture might tide me over for a few words.

"I…" I began but felt a pushing sensation move from the back of my head toward my face, I stayed quiet for a long moment which I didn't really have and balled my hands into fists.

"Yes?" The goblin attempted to coax my words from me but unfortunately my silence was my only protection from the dam before my eyes being water soluble and not much use at all. I did a sort of half curtsy in the hope of keeping up the pretence of thinking these Gollum's to be lovely and to win some time to suppress the interceding of hiccupping wheezes on my speech.

"I, uuuh" my voice shook but I pushed forward, telling myself that only I could hear the quaver but I knew it was a lie, "I wondered if Mr. Gorgos is here, if he is available to escort me to my vault? Please?" My voice was very quiet and I hoped to God that the Dryad had heard me, repeating myself would be next to impossible. I heard body hit home by the floo and seized up. Calm, foreboding footsteps clacked their way across the floor in rhythm with the tap of a cane. I felt like someone was testing how an orphan reacted when under high stress situations in environments with severely low oxygen levels. I took in a tight breath an felt as if I was asphyxiating. I barely noticed the gesticulating of the head goblin but felt a little relieved at the familiar site of Gorgos holding the lantern.

"ah," I squeaked before clearing my throat and gulping thickly once more. "Thank you sirs." I sighed out to the head Goblin and Mr. Gorgos. The Head Goblin raised his eyebrows as I inhaled shakily but simply pushed up his spectacles and nodded. The steps continued, time seemed to drag very slowly as one by one every follicle in my body tensed sporadically in quick succession. I followed Gorgos and hoped that Lucius had stopped tapping due to being slowed in his concussed state. My wand buzzed from where I had it rested against the inside of my sleeve. I sensed Lucius mere inches from me, the goblins paused in their work and I felt Lucius point his wand into my back with painful force;

"Are you as much of a fool as to try, as to even think you could evade me?" He hissed in his posh grumble. His breath disturbed my hair and it brushed infuriatingly over my over sensitised skin. Fear, I whimpered a little before lurching forward as if pushed and span on my heel, continuing to flail a bit for balancing but facing Lucius all the same. A few tears slipped free but I pretended they weren't there as I firmed my footing and tipped back my head.

"You know uncle, I think it odd that in my life it has become far worse to call someone a racist then is to actually be one." I spat the words out vehemently and narrowed my eyes to match my uncles.

"You dare-"

"I think it is quite apparent that I do in fact dare, now please, lower your god forsaken wand." but he didn't, of course. His mouth tightened and he moved toward me, I stepped back and my thigh hit the cart.

"I will not be talked down to by an ignoramus." Lucius had obviously reached his limit and I felt a rope spin around my middle. I looked down and saw nothing but my uncles sadistic leer was demonstration enough as I felled my lips numb and my head spin. My wand found its way into my hand and I was pushed in to the cart. It shifted and Gorgos sat ahead with his lantern.

Lucius had cast some gibberish spell and I felt my head becoming heavy and lines blurred between space and thought, even by standards of uproarious "is this not a banquet hall" imagination. Lucius was reaching for me but I kicked out at him. He lost a small amount of ground and I thought it odd that he hadn't anticipated my attack. Perhaps he had is eye on my wand, the cart chucked ahead a few feet and then flew off. Everything span around me and I felt my aches more and more. When I closed my eyes I could see the dark mark and the flash of Lucius abstract fury. As the cart stilled I felt a hand brush mine lightly and I opened my eyes once more.

"Did you hear him calling me an ignoramus Mr. Gorgos?" I questioned in a breezy voice before I sat up and supported my head in with my hands pressed over my eyes.

"I did Ms. Malfoy, we are at your vault." I nodded floppily and groaned.

"At least he didn't call me a racist though, eh?" to my surprise the goblin did allow a chuckle for that and I pulled myself out of the cart to the outside of my vault with a small smile followed by a grimace.

"Perhaps it would be couth to wait here until my uncle had vacated the premises." I vocalised indelicately, "for an evasion of further chin wagging, is that acceptable, Mr. Gorgos? I apologise if it is disruptive."

I was lying on the flat of my back on the landing before the steps toward the vault door staring at the endless cavern above, had we really dropped this far down?

"I think it tactful." He surmised and the cart sped off.

"You are very kind." I called after him in my new, stumbling and aloof tone. I stood and wobbled up the steps to my vault. I did remember it being moderately warm inside and it was dank and drafty in the cavernous underground. Hello Sirius, I thought to myself obligingly as I pressed my lips to my rune on the door, I felt a bit giddy at the thought of talking to the man in the wall, Lord knows why. My body filled with a tingle which was reminiscent of Lucius "kin finder" trick and I an image of a raven flying toward a barred window slipped passed my eyes for a moment.

"Magic, how about it?" I asked the door, as I felt the fog in my brain clear with my vision. I took the parchment with my grandfathers journal entry from my pocket and tore of a scrap from the side, I began staring at the ground around my feet. I took a soft dark stone from the step, placed it over the symbol imbibed on the door and took a rough rubbing. I held my work out to survey it as the door swung open.

"Not bad." I said to myself as I shoved it back in my pocket, I began to miss my foggy brain as I became more aware of the aches and pains in my body. I entered the vault as quietly as possible in the hopes of delaying or perhaps even forgoing Blacks notice, don't say a word about the aforementioned giddiness, I had been touched in the head! Completely excusable.

I lay on the floor for a moment and closed my eyes, taking raw, deep breaths.

My leg, my back, my neck, my ribs and my esteem seemed in the most peril. I tensed up every part of my body I could and counted back from five before letting go and allowing tears to fall. Silently at first but I began to release semi suppressed keening sobs after a few moments. I rolled onto my side gratingly and gave up trying to stay quiet. It was giving me an ache and made my head feel like I was standing on it, which is physically impossible to my knowledge. The thought made me choke out another cry, any knowledge I had was so superfluous now. I pulled my wand into my hand and held it tight. It connected so fully with the light in my middle and I fought to remember it was there, like Dumbledore had shown me just yesterday. The most amazing and beautiful thing I had ever seen and it was a part of me. But Lucius Malfoy was also a part of me and so were all the dead girls in the mirror and all the scared girls who I hadn't met yet. I sniffled as I sat up from where I had lain on my side, my back made a dull throbbing complaint. My dad was like a mirror.

I took the journal entry from my pocket once more and stared at it. My dad; the mirror man.

"Hello?" I heard the smooth drawl inevitably and threw my hand over my mouth, hoping he would go back to what ever he had been doing.

"I can here you tapping your foot or something." He teased and I stared own at the treacherous appendage which was indeed tapping. I pulled my hand from my mouth to hold it still before spotting the blood on my finger tips

"Shoot." I hissed out and then flung my hand back to my mouth to keep it quiet and jab at the blood collecting on my lip. "Damn!" I muffled through my hand. I got to my feet gingerly and walked to the desk with the varying leather things on them before draping myself across it gently.

"Whatever, you caught me." I sighed before picking up a singular cotton bag among leather and blowing my nose on it.

"Lovely." I heard him chuckle.

"So you aren't dead then?" I asked scathingly as I folded the cotton bag and threw it behind an ostentatious wall of gold.

"I'm not dead and your not crying." He remarked as if that settled it, I flew up from my rested position on the table.

"Ow!" I hissed as I gripped my ribcage, note to self, don't move; "I am not crying!" I called out, "Not anymore anyway. Don't you have better things to be doing then constantly monitoring this vault, Black?" I began to weave my hair together, really, the nerve.

"Well usually it doesn't need monitoring two days in a row, in fact usually it doesn't need monitoring at all. Now tell me, why were you crying, love?" He seemed to be really enjoying himself and he reminded me of Remus for a moment. I wonder if Remus was worried about me, I was essentially forcefully apparated to God knows where right in front of him after all. I smiled a little smile before answering.

"Because I went to the Doctor today and clocked in at sixteen stone, it means I can only have three or for chocolate bars with each meal now! My life is ruined!" I cried out in as genuine a way as I could while trying not to laugh.

"Oh, well." He seemed to be searching for something to say "Uuuh, really?" What a genius, his voice actually split my sides from trying not to laugh and as the pause grew I knew he must be getting suspicious. I was in enough pain as it was, why must I crack myself up?

"You're having me on, aren't you?" My laughter began to crack around the room in great peels as I tried to control myself.

"You, you…" I continued to pant it out through playful laughter, "I so had you!" I finished as I began to maintain a level of decorum.

"Well I didn't want to be insensitive," his light heartedness was offset with a familiar air of desperation. He talked as if he had to much air and not enough at the same time. As if he was high on a mountain but the thin air was pure oxygen.

"Black, what is happening?" I asked, with mounting dread.

"I, I cant talk anymore, I, ah;" his speech was punctuated with a whispering and I felt my wand shift in my hand. "If you, if you hear people saying, about me, just. Be something for me." He seemed to be seriously struggling and I was now running my hands along the walls from which his voice leaked. Trying to reach him.

"What would you have me be?" I asked frenziedly, although I really wasn't overly concerned because I don't even know him so feeling a connection with someone you don't know when you don't feel one with anyone you do know is crazy so that isn't what is happening here.

"Just be the person who doesn't believe the hype, please, just that just…" and there it was again; I tucked myself against the wall and pressed my hands over my ears as he cried out.

I didn't dare answer or call for help. I barely wanted to move, his terror was gut wrenching. Where is he in the world?

My wand buzzed in my hand and I felt a sheet of paper shoot into my right hand beside my eye as there was a sort of inhuman howling.

On the familiar page was his name, Sirius Black.

**A/N: Thanks for reading and please review!**


	15. Burning Betrayal

**Chapter 15**

**Burning Betrayal**

I gritted my teeth as keens continued to flow from the walls and I begged my ears to become deaf to no avail. I unwrinkled the sheet, which appeared to be a newspaper cutting, with tingling hands, **"Sirius Black arrested by ministry officials for murder of former friend Peter Pettigrew and intimate dealings with He Who Must Not Be Named" **the headline read, a square picture on the right of the page showed a cackling man. He screamed silently out at me, the illusion reinforced by the animalistic whimpering surrounding me. Trapped in my vault so as to protect myself from Lucius I tried to think of a way to endure the horror. I felt like I was listening to the background noise in hell, it grated my nerves and I began to shake more erratically as The voice refused to relent, my brain begged for silence.

I needed to find out more about Black, I needed to find out the accepted truth of what he insisted were lies. I stood in the middle of the vault clutching the article in my hands, not able to process much more than I had. Could it be true that the only person I had ever really wanted to get to know was a murderer? A blood supremacist who was swiped from the right hand of the darkest wizard to ever exist and who was no becoming hoarse with a more and more human scream pouring into my ears. Filling me with apprehension.

"You have a lot of explaining to do Black!" I yelled loudly as I wiped a few risky tears of compassion from my face. The only thing claiming he was worth human compassion was him.

"Harry," He choked out; "Oh God, James." the man was sobbing doggedly and the sound fixed itself in my ears. It was so foreign, I had never heard anyone cry before. I was surprised that other people cried at all, I suppose it was silly to think that. His deep lumbering cries became shaky breaths as he began to recover. The contrasting quiet pressed in on me like being on the inside of an elephant in an undersized bodice.

"Hey lady?" He whispered, he seemed scared, his voice quiet.

"Yeah." I answered delicately.

"Are you real?" The paper in my hands which had been momentarily rustled a little as I dropped my clasped hands to my sides loosely.

"Yeah I am, are you?" I asked, feeling jarred and off kilter, I glanced at the article again

"**Mass murder" "Betrayal" "Tragedy" "Helpless" "Black"**

The words sang off the page as I ran my eyes over it, the man in the picture was wearing pyjamas and holding a license plate, he continued to scream out at me. It was obviously a big hobby of Blacks, screaming like a mad man.

"**Betrayal"** I saw the word again before I turned my eyes back to the vault walls. Looking around as if Black would waltz out from behind one of the piles of coins in his pyjamas.

"I don't know." He answered, he sounded afraid and exhausted, I forgot all about leaving as I lay on the ground. I felt so drained, I was so fed up of being full up. I was so used to being able to control my environment, I did one hundred mind numbing dull things a day at my own pace before. It all seemed like moving in slow motion when I looked back. I had done as much that day as I had done in the average year at Pembride.

"Are you ok?" I asked the convict as my wand pulsed in my hand.

"Would you mind humming a tune, Love?" I felt a little tingle when he called me Love, no one had ever called me anything more intimate then Jodie, and Jodie wasn't even my name really. He began to explain his bizarre request clumsily "I used to, well, when I felt… well I just cant remember any myself. You know… right now." His voice was still hoarse but I liked how it sounded, you know objectively, I mean he is probably a mass murderer anyway. But I couldn't bare the thought of hearing someone suffer like that and not grant them such a simple request, even if they had put a knife in me.

I began again to whisper out the lyrics to "Hey Jude", manipulating the perfect words to haphazard and mismatched tunes.

"Hey Jude," I began delicately as I imagined a reassurance shooting from me through to Black, where ever he was. "Don't make it sad, take a sad song and ma-"

"Wait." he hissed out before letting out a lofty chuckle, "I think I know this one better then you do."

He began the song again and cracked out the first few words unsurely, but then a flow emerged. His dulcet serenade filled the room like steam and settled on me thickly as I picked up the tune. I began to sing along and by the end of the first chorus a little tear had mapped its way down my cheek, just off the beaten tear track, from the corner of my colourless eye in to my silvery hair. The coffee stain on my singular copy of lyrics to the song put a pause to my knowledge of the lyrics and I felt my heart begin to pick up a little as Blacks voice continued to reverberate around me. A little piece of me found a leg to stand on in my new world of stumbling, I had finally found something I was searching for. I opened my eyes and rose from the ground assuredly. I held my wand in my right hand and the paper with Blacks name on it in my right as I rubbed my last frivolous tear on my cloak sleeve.

I burnt the article with a flick of my wand, I chose my side right then I suppose, and as Black dropped the last sultry note I delivered a familiar arch of the arm, releasing my raven into the room, ignoring the stiffness in my limb that felt immensely better while the raven began to pirouette through the air,

"How far can you fly?" I asked it and it swept around me once more before shooting upward and through the vault ceiling. A breathy laugh came out in return.

"I suppose I had known it all along." His intonation was quite warm and I smiled a little.

"Goodbye Black." I spoke in a tone which didn't betray how warm my skin had become. The man seemed to somehow radiate balmy, even from where ever he was, his voice made my skin flushed and dewy. How very bizarre. I made my way toward the vault exit, throwing a curious glance at the forbidden door with in the cavern.

"Bye Jude." I hoped the edge his voice carried was the edge of sleep and not an impending night mare. For what man could survive it? "Don't forget about me, ok?"

"Ok" I called back, as the vault door slammed behind me. I would return to the bank now, deranged uncle or no. I was done stumbling.

**A/N: Thankyou for reading and please review!**


	16. Initiative

**Chapter 16**

**Initiative**

I stepped out onto the platform outside my vault feeling confident. I had to just remind myself that I am Jodie, I am Juniper Malfoy, the same girl who cried about being weird and not being able to make friends. The same girl who dreamed about running away with the zoo. The same kid who learned how fun it could be to dance even if no one would dance with you. Who Dumbledore found. I was full of light, I had learned that there was a light in me. I always thought I was tainted, wrong, and maybe I was, but I at that moment I was Jodie, woman of the world. I saw a belle on the edge of the platform and stepped forward to give it a ring. I read over the journal entry about my Father. If he was this way then what way was I? I love walking around with no shoes on. I mused, I should go to the sea and make friends and celebrate Christmas, there was so much to do. First things first, I needed to deal with my Uncle, learn how to make wands and find out more about Black.

Moments later the familiar shrieking of the cart approached and reminded me of every shriek I had ever heard in my life; the kettle, me after one of my dreams, the broken radio and Sirius Black.

" still occupies the foyer," Gorgos announced gruffly; "You are quite well."

"I am, thanks for asking," I said jovially as I climbed into the cart. "I think I will come kick him out for you, would that be agreeable." Gorgos began to adjust the carts break and we sped off;

"Lucius Malfoy is a formidable wizard." Gorgos said gravely as he set me with his all black eyes.

"I suppose your eyes are so Black because goblins are fans of the under ground and things, better to catch the light." I smiled and then put my hands against my face shaping my fingers around my eyes like glasses.

"The sun hurts my eyes because they are so pale, they fill with juice."

"Is this the tactic you intend to use to rid us of your uncle?" Gorgos looked at me sceptically and I laughed.

"You have excellent comedic timing Mr. Gorgos, did anyone ever tell you that?" Gorgos simply turned his back to me and shook his head a I continued to laugh.

"We near the surface, ready your wand." He croaked and my wand tickled me from its place in my sleeve. It was like a hamster. I wonder what its like to swim.

The light stung my eyes as we trundled back into the bank. I straightened up and smoothed down my blue dress.

"Thanks, it was ever so kind of you to give me somewhere to hide so I could recover from the first degree assault I received from my only living relative." I said smiling, I would love a glass of water. Gorgos merely gave me an uninterested look before taking the lantern from the front of the cart and stepping out.

"I expect I will be seeing you soon " and he shuffled off.

I love the jungle book, I wonder where Malfoy is. I never thought I would meet another Malfoy. Lucius swept out from behind a majestic pillar, He was missing a quotient of elegance I remarked inwardly. Perhaps he was still suffering from a certain knock to the pratty head.

"What was wrong with my dad?" I asked before his sneer could leak out in a series of flaccid and uninteresting statements.

"Oh, I think you know." I rolled my eyes and placed my hands on my hips, this man really reminded me of the kids back in Pembride. Trying and prying was like practically mandatory by their standards. I really abhorred most people I met, they made little genuine effort to be kind and really the only decent people I had met were either very old or very suspicious. Like people covered in scars or living in walls.

"For goodness sake, is it not quite apparent that I know nothing of use at all?" Lucius began to bring up the sides of his mouth in a truly unpleasant manor and I bristled. I had never been one for kicking and screaming, I was more of a resourceful striker. I liked to make quick practical accurate blows.

"You know what? I'll figure out for myself." I began to rush passed the highest goblins desk, he looked down from his perch and raised his eye brows.

"Thankyou very much." I said politely as I turned to face him before completing the spin to face the front door. As I opened the door I was once again faced with the roaring street but as I raised my foot to reached the first step I felt something bind my ankle. Looking down I saw nothing;

"Curses." I muttered and the pressure on my ankle increased before I felt a sudden tug backwards and crashed down toward the steps. The tie on my ankle released as I got closer and I went tumbling down. My knee collided with the first step, sending a jarring sensation up through my leg. My shoulder caught the next step and I flung my arms around my head to protect it. I tumbled down, incredibly aware of each strike I obtained, each one hammering the reality of my Uncles insanity home. As I lay at there base, sprawled on the ground, wheezing around a fractured rib I was thoroughly incensed. Black spots clouding my vision, my brain lay helpless encased in my broken, frail shell and I tried to move. I cried out as another shock of pain racked my nerves, I bit into my lip and a woman bent down beside me as I straightened my posture.

"Are you alright dear?" The woman asked, her Irish brogue and blonde hair reminded me of a character out of an old story book. My eyebrows crinkled up as I pulled myself upright.

"How clumsy of me." I coughed into my hand and I saw a spot of blood against my palm. The woman looked horrified.

"Oh don't worry!" I assured her, "That's from earlier." Her eyebrows shot up further and I reflected on what I had just said.

"Right." I said but then I saw a swoosh of Black fabric on the top step, from my place at the base of the stair I saw his cold pleasure.

"Help me up please." I said to the lady and she nodded. I gripped her fore arm and she pulled me to my feet.

"Are you sure you should be-" She began; I gave her a big fake smile.

"We get knocked down." I said to her assuredly and hoped that settled it. I looked up at Lucius.

"I am going to have you for this Lucius, you dolt!" His wand seemed to move carelessly in his hand but I raised my own.

"I don't know how to work this thing," I tried to ignore the spots clouding my vision. I am a fully grown witch, a few stairs weren't going to change that. "but I am pretty damn good at it," I continued, my wand knocked his from his hand and I turned into the gawking crowd who shifted to my favour;

"I will personally see to it that you have reason to look over your shoulder for the rest of your life you insolent child." Lucius spat after me in his regal baritone. I huffed and span to face him for what I decided would be the last time; his barbs were poorly placed and tiresome as it was;

"Well there will be no need for that Uncle since I will be so busy attacking you head on looking for you behind me would be a waste of time. You ought to know that if you are faced with an adversary the boldest plan is the safest. Or have you played the coward to long to figure that out?" He marched down the steps in my direction as I moved into the crowd.

"Think on your empty words as you run to cling to your childish delusions." I watched from behind the blonde witch who had reappeared to shield me from view as he scanned the crowd and rolled my eyes. He soon adjusted his focus and began moving toward his wand.

"Thankyou." I whispered to her ear and I felt her soft hand brush mine, It was a little tingly.

"Till we meet again," She said kindly and walked into the crowd. I furrowed my brow as she turned her eyes on me for a moment and gave me the heaviest look I had ever gotten. It was quite warm really. I nodded and headed toward Remus's stall.

He stood in his earthy robes, fidgeting through his box of change and throwing furtive into the crowd. My broom floated several metres above his stall and I gestured to it, it slammed into my hand. My wand began to pull the black spots out of my eyes but my body still throbbed. Remus glanced up to wear my broom had been and looked panic stricken for a moment and I smiled, he thought he was in trouble.

I walked over to him and leaned on the counter as he looked around the side of his cart. I rang the small bell their. His stall was decorated with little mementos and personal bits. A half eaten bar of chocolate, a "Get well soon card" with little waving people on the front and an interesting book looking book on "_The up and coming controversial legislations to be faced my dark and half bred populations in Wizarding Britain_" I picked it up.

The ribbon in the book marked page included some prattle about were wolves to be registered officially at the ministry and that an unregistered were wolf was to be spotted by civilians and named using identifying techniques yada yada scars yada aversion to tin based and silver bla bla, I flicked through a few more pages. There was a detailed series of suggestions regarding vampire communes and I raised my eyebrows, really? Vampires and were wolves? I suppose it did make considerable sense what with the witches and the wizards and the dragons and the goblins and all that. I wondered if there was anything on goblins in here and snorted as I saw more obviously outlandish speculation. Even to someone as ignorant to goings on as myself I found it hard to believe that vampires had no control. They had been unmonitored till now hadn't they? As far as I could tell there was no neck snapping on the busiest street in wizarding London. Really!

Remus emerged beside me having apparently walked the circumference of the cart in search of my broom;

"Having fun?" He quizzed, I started slightly. I turned to him and held the book up at eye level;

"Really Remus, Don't tell me you buy into this drivel." I gave him an assessing gaze and his eyes flicked to the book. He gulped slightly as he watched it in my hand.

"I assume this isn't actual law!" I went on as I placed it back on the ledge below the haphazard counter. He let out a nervous laugh and Remus slipped back behind the stalls edge.

"No, but it very well could be." He said it as if the thought left a bad taste in his mouth. I gave him an assessing gaze. I smiled a little;

"Are you a werewolf Remus?" I asked curiously, remembering how he had seemed upset when I tried to give him my silver sickles. I looked down at the little waving characters on the card and picked it up. There was a photo glued to the front. I looked again at Remus and saw that he had lost a lot of colour.

"Remus?" I asked concerned, I flushed a little as he grew paler; "Oh sorry! I didn't mean to be brash I just thought, well what, do you mind being a were wolf?" He looked around edgily and stepped forward, moving as if to put a hand over my mouth but instead just placed a finger over his own,

"Jesus, keep it down Jodie!" His eyes were wide and his jaw on edge. I blanched, and looked down at the card;

"Touchy" I breathed quietly in a sing song tone as I looked the card over the card. No. Way. I ran my hand through my hair. Remus was giving me an incredulous look and shaking his head but I ignored him;

"Who is that?" I asked, pointing at Blacks smiling look-alike standing next to a waving lady and a man waving a toddlers hand. A plump little man stood beside them looking self conscious, he waved a podgy hand out. Remus had a far away look and then dropped his head in his hand. He started pulling at his hair and I frowned before coming in behind the counter and leaning against the carts back wall with my broom next to me.

"Remus, I'm sorry, what have I done?" He turned his wide, pained eyes to me and worked his mouth before tuning the carts sign to closed causing thin curtains to shriek across there rails as they covered us in. I pressed my brows together again but then relaxed a little against the wall, my body was caterwauling over my recent injuries and being in here with Remus was really quite nice. Even if I was apparently a great cause of distress to him I would quite like to befriend him, He was the least suspicious nice person I had bumped into who wasn't very old.

"Remus?" He had is back to me and it seemed tense. I felt like the air was a bit crackly and I crossed my arms and huffed out a great breath of air. I felt like a dead horse. I pulled a loose thread from the edge of my boot and set it aside to bind my hair after I braided it.

"How did you-" He turned to me and I felt like a wave had broken upon me as he looked at me. I felt my mood plummeting. Why did I always do this to people? Why did I never know the right melody or the right thing to say? Why did I do everything stupidly? I continued to braid my hair and a familiar tugging started in my belly. Please tell me my insides aren't going to knot themselves up! I begged. My wand buzzed in my sleeve and I pulled it out before placing it back down the front of my top.

"What are you-?" I looked up at his amber eyes and noted a scar stretching down the side of his face.

"How did I? What am I?" I looked at him confused; "What have I done wrong _now _Remus?" He shook his head again and gulped, I thought of that glass of water again, tall and perspiring. Phwoar.

"You have only gone and unhinged my brain in half a second." He spat vehemently, I recoiled. He turned away from me and then span around to face me again, this time he just looked concerned.

"What happened between you and Malfoy?" He asked, seeming worried. I opened my mouth and tilted my head and then sank to the ground. I put on my 1920s greaser voice;

"Siddown son, you aw makin me noivus." Remus moved to sit in front of me stiffly. We sat on the dirty, trod on cobbles under his cart roof in silence for a moment and Remus set his back against the edge of the cart.

"Will I go first?" I asked, hoping I had taken us somewhere more amiable. I really abhorred most people but Remus was different, maybe because he wasn't a person at all. He gestured for me to go on;

"Yesterday Dumbledore came to the place where I had grown up, told me I was a witch with a bunch of bigoted relatives, brought me to Diagon Alley, you and I met. I went into the wand shop, I was taken on to train. I did that, we met again, Malfoy took me to his palace, things sort of kicked off, I flooed to Gringotts, he followed me. I got away, I came here, I showed off my great social ineptitude once more and you went all pale;" I stole a glance at him and saw him staring at the canvassed roof with a little twitch in his moustache. "I invited myself behind the counter of your evil stall, then this happened." I finished and he lowered his eyes to look at me as if I was totally off it. I felt dumb. He looked at his hands;

"Well;" he began, "This morning I was casually trying to make a sale when you made me stare at your broom which you were having a heated conversation with moments before. Soon after that you took it upon yourself to insult one of the most influential wizards in Britain while claiming to be his niece and then you disappeared with him. You returned with blood on your mouth, went through my stuff, accused me of being a monster, _loudly_ and then pointed at a picture of my arch enemy as if you didn't know who he was. Then proceeded to come in here and plait your hair as if nothing off beat had occurred." His posture made in seem as if he was trying to make something very clear even clearer and I nodded slowly.

"So you don't want me people to know you are a were wolf or that Sirius Black sent you a get well card?" I pressed testily.

"Is that a question?!" Remus jaw hung loose and I laughed loudly.

"Lets be friends." I said with a grin and he pulled the chocolate off the counter and ate a piece. He chewed it slowly for a minute before giving a snuffly little laugh of his own and offering me some.

"OK" He replied, continuing to look at me as if I was completely mad.

I took a piece off it, nibbling a bite pensively for a moment; I glanced at Remus in the muted light and smiled happily.

"I'm right though, you're a werewolf." I should become a detective.

"Drop it. Its not polite conversation between to new friends." He grumbled and I rolled my eyes.

"Don't worry Remus, I'm backwards, that can't be much better. Besides I think you'll find that polite conversation is rarely either." He raised an eye brow at me and we both took another bite of chocolate. Finally he sighed.

"Can't be much worse." He stood up as I bound the edge of my plait. His scarred hand held out to me and I allowed him pull me up. I felt the familiar familial tingle run up my arm. I glared at my hand;

"Damn thing is Broken." I frowned down at it. Remus gave me a strange look and took his card from my hand. He flipped the sign around and the light flooded in.

"Watch it!" I cried, "I have very sensitive eyes!" He just shook his head.

"Buy something or get out Malfoy." I rolled my eyes and stepped outside the stall.

"Pass me my broom Remus." I smiled and he passed it out. I smiled and looked up at the sun.

It must be about four o'clock. I saw an owlery down the street.

Still plenty of time to get in trouble.

"I'll see you later you total human you." I said to Remus and he gave me an unamused look as I waved and headed off to get myself in trouble. What's life without taking a little initiative?

**A/N: Thanks for reading and please leave a review**


	17. The Bants with Tonks

**Chapter 17**

**The Bants with Tonks**

As I stood in the owlery in the rent-an-owl queue (having been sent to the back by numerous disgruntled patrons after by apparently obnoxious stroll straight to the front, search me) I couldn't help but think that I was being a tad irrational. I was worried though, worried that I was in a dream, if I woke up in Pembride tomorrow I didn't want to go on without doing a few choice things. I wanted to eat a piece of chocolate on a day that wasn't Christmas or my Birthday and I wanted to get a funny hair cut. Discovering the melody to Hey Jude and having a picnic next to a lake were also high aspirations of mine. Somehow, between dawn this morning and this moment now I had decided that I didn't want to picnic alone.

I had never sought company, not since I was small and scared. I had thought about it, I had cried because I didn't have it but I had not gone looking for it for a long time. As each hour on the outside passed I wondered how I had made it this far alone. When I was now entering a life where everyone exists in a bigger and more complex knot then my organs on their worst day. How many of the gawking wizards walling me in with Lucius today went home to tell there wives who told there friends who would tell Lucius wife? I imagine she would say it to him and they would argue about him embarrassing her by assaulting some girl in the middle of a street twice in one day. Then she would be shocked to find out that I was indeed kin and tell Lucius to come get me so she could cram my feet into paunchy shoes and make me baby sit my pointy faced cousin while practicing posture with a boring book on my head.

"No!" I cried out loud and several owls hooted, distempered, I heard the squeak of someone's shoe as they adjusted their stance to gawk at me. I looked behind me too, to make it seem as if I was looking for the source of the strange outburst.

"hmph" I hmphed thoughtfully before I raised my eyebrows confusedly at the witch ahead of me. The wide brown haired woman narrowed her eyes at me in a gesture that said "I am not impressed".

"Face front." I sneered, she looked affronted and opened her mouth as if to speak. I made a movement with my hand as if winding a circle, signalling for her to turn around and her skin became ruddied. People here are so strange. Maybe I had over isolated myself, back in the home I grew out of talking to adults and usually just mended things for crying kids. I wouldn't tell them I did it though, I didn't want them snotting all over me in their "please be my parent" gratitude, yuck.

The man at the counter was tapping his fingers and the lady eventually realised she was next in the queue when the girl behind me cleared her throat. The plump woman began to pull a trove of letters from her person before beginning to place them on the owl poo smattered counter and I groaned loudly.

"She is some piece of work." I said to myself aloud, shaking my head. A laugh emanated from behind me;

"Says you!" came the glib voice of the throat clearing girl. I turned to her, she had hair like mine but neatly tied back and I opened my mouth before closing it again, I looked into eyes almost as pale as mine.

"Oh God!" I said feeling thoroughly tired by the very concept; "Please tell me we're not related!" the girl laughed and shook her head, I watched with wide everything (as per usual) as brassy tones flowed through her hair like a wave. She looked at me now with crackly brownish hair and soft brown eyes on a heart shaped face a few brief moments later. Grinning wickedly. I wondered for a moment if I was hallucinating but talking a moment to assess the room full of owls I came to the usual conclusion that if I was, I was to far gone to merit worrying about anyway.

"Wotcher" She continued to smile the greatest smile I had ever seen and I was suddenly very glad for the ugly fat woman's never ending bodice full of drivel scribbles to be sent to other fatties in tatty plumed hatties with furry pet catties (Alliteration forever!) I raised a hand in the traditional manner used to show you hold no weapon and the girl looked at it for a moment and then shook it.

"Tonks." The girl said, she must have been about my age. Imagine! A girl my age.

"Jodie uuuh" I dropped her hand as I floundered and then glanced at the counter, the woman continued to be an abhorrence and I turned back to the girl who was the same age as me.

"Nice hair." I finished my trailing, broad vowel where the "Malfoy" should have been.

"Thanks, you are the new Malfoy then?" the girl asked and I cast my eyes around and repressed my Remus like flails of would-you-please-shutuppery.

"Yes, its terribly exciting." I said and pulled in a little squeaky noise as I made fish lips; "How do I do that with my hair?" I asked as I looked at its maintained shade of bronze touched brown. She flooded it with a bright pink, it suited her.

"Sorry old friend, I was born able to do it." She said, shrugging. Are all girls our age like her? I greatly doubted it, people like her didn't turn into people like fatty at the counter just by aging a few decades. She called me her friend.

"So you are weird?" I asked, keeping my tone neutral but feeling a bit hopeful, just a bit.

"No, I am totally awesome." She said, as her hair eyes flicked from there brown to a purplish colour and back again. She pressed her lips together as if she had a bad taste in.

"Oh" I looked at the ground and bit my lip.

"You didn't seem to forward with the whole being a Malfoy bit." She said tersely and I felt my eyebrows push together to form a what I now knew to be a very Malfoy line at the top of my nose.

"Yeah, the Malfoys I have met are pretty dumb." I shrugged, continuing to avoid the cool girls eyes. I felt smaller than the normal girl (who for the record was my age and new the difference between a wand end and a barracuda unlike some silly Malfoy kin).

"Then why the melancholia over a few oddities?" She asked, seeming a little appeased and pleased with my answer. My skin flushed a little.

"I guess I just thought it would be normal once I got here." I answered. I did think that my character would seem less outlandish among the wand waving cloak flourishers but apparently alliteration was as under appreciated as ever. The girls hair darkened slowly to a severe red and returned to its pink as she looked at the ground and then at the owls surrounding us. I adjusted my broom in my hand.

"Sorry to have not met your expectations oh grand Mistress Malfoy," she hissed at the ground and I felt frustrated.

"Wait, what?" I pressed but the girl began to walk out of the shop. The man at the front fixed his stare on me.

"Feel like holding up the queue all day?" The man fussed and I gave a little condescending laugh. My arm flew back behind me and grabbed Tonks robes in an iron grip and I walked ahead to the counter with her struggling on the end of my arm.

"I'll have a pretty owl, sir." I smiled sweetly and then turned to the girl inflicting further injury on my already freshly beaten body.

"Tonks!" I cried indignantly when she wrapped her teeth around the side of my hand. I really never thought I would seek out company but for some reason I never expected to meet a girl my age either. She paused in her movements and her eyes flashed to me.

"Shove it Malfoy." there was a truly mean look on her face. I rolled my eyes,

"I am not a bigot and I think we should become friends." I said and I let go of her robes as an especially with a dramatic flourish and turned my back to her as ugly owl flew onto the counter in front of the smug owl man,

"Very funny." I smiled up at him; "You have some poo on your head." I dropped a galleon on the table and put my arm out for the owl to climb aboard. The girl beside me snickered and I smiled a little smile.

"I need her for one day." I told the man who was now patting his head lightly with his hand and smelling it. I winced a little as the owls talons dug into my arm.

"For that galleon and two more sickles I will give you the ugly flea bag." The man said as he wiped his hand on his front and crossed his arms.

"Yeah," I snorted, "like I'm cleaning the things cage." I looked at the owls orange eyes "and I don't think your so ugly, endearing more like." The owl let out a little coo. Maybe I will buy it some other time. Or just not bring it back.

"Suit yourself." he waved me to the side and looked over my head.

"And for you, spit fyre?" He smiled at Tonks with her fiery hair belligerently. God I really hated most people. I made my way over to the quill bay and rested the great owl upon a perch as I placed my broom on the floor.

"One moment," I heard the girl say, the queue let out a collective grown. I suppose she could have become a woman by now. She was suddenly beside me and she yanked the quill from my hand. She used it to scribble on my hand, it was numbers.

"Good luck with that." She smiled at me and returned to the counter. I shook my head at the phone number written on my skin. I transferred the number onto paper and shoved it in my pocket before looking at the orange eyed owl above me. Taking a piece of paper from the pile of stationary I wrote his name.

"Sirius Black." I looked around the domed room surreptitiously and saw the proprietor of the shop prattling with Tonks. The witched and wizards in the queue either talked amongst themselves or stared distractedly into space.

"Can you find him?" I held up the piece of paper to how the owl and it made no indication aside from lifting its right leg.

"Ok then." I picked up my broom from where it lay at my feet and using the tye from my hair attached the sheet of paper to the owls outstanding leg.

"Fly high when no one is looking." I told the bird and walked outside smiling. I just love it when a plan comes together.

**a/n: Thanks for reading.**


	18. Dark

**Chapter 18**

**Dark**

I had never thought of myself as the sort of person to disregard rules. Mostly because I had never really made a habit of comparing myself to anyone else before but as I met more and more people I couldn't help but wonder if this whole being different thing was good. Pink Floyd had a point, there were a lot of bricks in the wall. Why would I want to join them? I mean, I wasn't going to be one of them. I poo on your wall society! Haha!

I felt that a good way to poo on that particular wall was by breaking out a mass murderer from prison because he had a nice voice… or atleast it sounded nice enough to be the voice of someone who wasn't a murderer. He had never threatened me with death… I don't think he did anyway. As I watched the tail feathers of the great grey owl sweeping ahead of me and sped along on my broom I couldn't help but think that I was acting a bit off the wall. I mean, this was just out of order but I didn't have a high enough level of complacency to leave Sirius Black in prison. Excuse my naivety but arent we supposed to send the bad guys to jail?

Hello Lucius Malfoy! Not only that but as I looked down at the long shadowed site of London city I decided that Sirius Black was innocent.

Why? Firstly because he told me so, secondly because he liked the Beatles, thirdly because Lucius Malfoys high level influence in wizarding society made me sceptical toward societies ability to judge who ought to be behind bars and in front of them, fourthly because I knew a thing or two about unjust accusations. Ranging from the "Your crazy!" and after just over a day; "You are a Malfoy which means you are a Bigot!" and last but not least the fifth reason was just that I kinda just wanted to meet him. I mean, why wouldn't I? Every second thing I look at has his name plastered on it. I was his charge.

I thought to myself as I the sun moved closer to the horizon that if I felt like killing some "muggles" I would probably stitch up someone from a family like mine, someone like Black.

The country side rolled out below me and my owl companion. I felt like I was watching the telly as I observed the odd country houses spotted about in the wide expanse of green grass and some low clouds catching the winter light. It was like something Turner would paint. I reached my hand out to brush it through a wisp of cloud and the icy air hit my hand like a shock. I retracted my hand quickly. Several more moments speculation led me to the assumption that the broom was somehow magiced to make the rider warm and as I reached my hand outside the bubble of recycling and warmed air I was very grateful for it.

After a windswept hour and a half by the sun I began to get nervous. The Grey owl had started to lead me out over the sea a while ago and I was trying to not think of the night mares I used to have after hearing stories about the bird man of Alcatraz.

Suddenly I felt very cold. It wasn't the sort of cold like I would expect even from outside of the brooms bubble, this was something that started in your middle. It had been like a knot, nothing new there, but then it had frozen solid and had reached out with greasy tar like tentacles to fill every organ in my middle with an ice. Pulling my veins out from my arms by there ends. Leaving a slippery keening pain in my limbs.

Then my heart, the ice made its way into my heart and my head. It peeled right in like a knife. The dark, blackened ice was like a fighting contrast to the warmth I had become so accustomed to since yesterday. The light, yellowed fire that lived in my belly like a crouching tiger, cornered, nervous, poised to attack. Then I thought about it, the light in my middle. My wand flew into my hand and I gripped it tight as the owl flew on. The ocean was in turmoil below me and as thunder sounded above my head, I did something I still wish I hadn't; before that moment I had felt that the darkness was something I could be rid of but then I looked up. I knew then that the darkness existed independently of what I felt; that the light in me, the purest source of wonder and the only good thing about me; that that light had an enemy.

The sky writhed like one hundred thousand reaching hands covered in ash. It was perhaps, the blackest darkness and as my eyes adjusted to it I saw no depth, bottomless. Down near me there was tattered materiel warped to surround masses of long limbed very thin dying creatures. I knew they were dying, the death rattle, I heard it escape from behind the hoods of the many cold and floating demons.

Then they descended. Black on black on black on black on black for Black.

Suddenly a rotting and long fingered hand constricted around my right arm and I heard its rattle once more. Due to the hood of the creature, I was only able to see the blunted outlines of the creatures features, they were simple enough to distinguish. There were no featured. Only a rattle hole. My lungs constricted, my brow furrowed and I squeezed my eyes tight shut.

I felt a tug and, like the turning of a tap, I felt the weight of every moment I had ever spent alone begin to fill me and stretch my skin out from the bottom up. They no longer seemed like a host of memories filled with contented contemplation of which humdrum activity to fill the day with. Those memories which brought me the comfort of familiarity were now scary and miserable. Days spent alone, each one a scar of the loveless child hood I continued to deny. The empty, lonely, death rattle of a life I hadn't even bothered to lead. Then Dumbledore, but every time I thought about him or Remus or sunlight I felt like those things were irretrievable falsities. I felt like I would survive, but that hope would die. I would have preferred to die with it.

I realised, as my life played out like a vignette of terrible things that happened because of me and showed why all I would ever be was a terrible thing I heard a noise besides the dying demons.

It was that nerve scraping, teeth grinding keen that I had become increasingly familiar with. That hopeless desperate screaming that made you want to reach out and give anything you had to make it stop. To save whoever could feel that much despair from going on as they were. Then I realised that the sound, the dreadful pained sound was coming from me. I was screaming, eyes shut, head splitting the light in my middle felt like it was shifting and shrinking and trying to get out with the scream. As if seduced by the rattle but then my wand called it back, brought it back to where it should have been. Because if hope is lost then it is lost and if my life was lost then I would have been lost but if courage is lost, then all is lost.

"Please?!" I screamed hysterically. I never thought I would cry that way but suddenly the tar on my insides upchucked because I thought wonderfully of someone answering me. Someone who I had never even met but who I had to believe I was strong enough to save.

Brave enough, audacious and by the Damned love of the light and the fear of the mirror courageous enough to save. I opened my eyes and saw only light. There was no owl, there was no black shrouded putrefaction of all that was sacrosanct. There was only me and the ash wand and the stately white raven. I could breathe, I could feel, I could remember but I could not forget. Couldn't forget how for those never ending moments my life had felt like a waste. I no longer cared if what I was doing the right thing. I wasn't going to go home and pretend I didn't believe in doing something I almost died for, something I almost lost the light to. I wasn't going to die without leaving anything behind, even if all I left behind was a legacy of torment. I would not go quietly, I would fight.

Then I saw something beyond and as a silence descended and the raven threw great bolts of silvery smoke out over the ocean I saw a great looming stone citadel. The fortress was black as coal and in the glow from my precious sanctuarious raven I could see the great grey owl frozen in flight. Making big sweeping movements of the wing but making no further progress to a gaping hole, crudely barred.

I took a deep breath and tried to focus on the heat surrounding me. I would meet him. The innocent murderer, a man who cried. Remus's enemy, this was his flowerless window box. This was his cold disparaged demented life and I was his charge. It made a great lot of sense really.

A large white hand appeared out from in between the bars and as it touched the owl the still slowly flapping bird began to shoot back. Its movements remained steady and purposeful as it faced the opposite direction to the way it passed. Moments later the creature was out of site and then the it was gone. Over the horizon and out of site. I guess I wouldn't ever be buying that ugly owl. More is the pity and I urged the broom toward the window and stopped several feet away from the precipice.

Everything was very slow, it was hard to explain, hard to even think about. I was there, on the broom, flying. I knew he was there. When I tried to put my thoughts in order, to cry out. I was afraid. I felt like there were two of me living in my head and one Jodie had all the answers and the other was running after her hoping she could say them.

"Black?!" I yelled desperately into the dark cell. A white slip flew out from the window and I caught it with the side of my hand. It was the paper from the leg of the owl. I would be forever haunted by the damn name. I threw it down into the ocean.

"Sirius Black?!" I saw, beyond the bars a flighty movement and then his hand.

I flipped my wand to release him and the bars bowed out ward from where his hand remained. I moved forward to the warped space between the death rattle contaminated air to the black face of the building with my hand out stretched. My stuttering heart beat slowed. My breath seemed to amplify around me and I felt very still. He was there in front of me. Black hair, white face and blazing grey eyes. The inside of the cell was lit and my raven flew in side. Black watched and then smiled a little as it span around the room and out behind me to keep me safe from the death in the dark. He looked at me, frozen where I was; my hair was moving slowly around me in the enchanted space of slowing time and I knew my whited features must have appeared even eerier than usual in the harsh phosphorescent glow. He was watching my outstretched hand. He stepped forward and he held his hand just above mine. I wondered if he touched me, whether I would suffer the same fate as the owl. The air around us smelt like sea salt and filth. Our eyes met and he looked at me like a question; He leaned toward me, closer then I had been used to.

"Hold on." He said. His voice was perfect and I would have nodded if I could. Hell I probably would have smiled if I could. Sirius had a warm dry hand. I could feel the flaking remains of dried mud breaking apart against my own appendage for a moment and then as I looked down at the bizarre sight of my little hand wrapped around the large warm palm of Sirius Black I felt a whoosh and then we were flying. He didn't let go, his hand was wrapped so tight around mine I thought it might break. I began to feel the slovenly disintegration of the enchantment and as we flew my raven proceeded to whoosh around us and evaporate as if it had never been there. At our preposterous speed we were already passing over London. Then we began to descend toward the "muggle" part of London.

"We need to stop;" Black shouted and I turned to him; "We are headed for the ministry!" I felt a sort of abstract terror. What was the ministry? I felt as if Dumbledore mentioned it but then I felt panic rise in me and just nodded. I looked at Sirius's big hand around mine.

"Stop!" I demanded. And we did. Abruptly.

**A/N: Thankyou for reading, I would love to know what you all think so please tell me.**


	19. Reckless

**A/N: Special thanks to Stella, Erin, Brighe, Angel Eyes, Anica, Nana, Maheen and AmaranteX for your wonderful encouragement, I wouldn't have made it past the first chapter without your support.**

**You are all to good to me,**

**Please enjoy!**

**Chapter 19**

**Reckless**

Perhaps I should have thought this through a little more.

The inkling floated about in my head as I found myself careening toward the ground on a substandard broom with a strange man who was understood by most people to be criminally insane clutching my arm so tight I doubted it would work again. Did I mention that I was breaking the law on a whim? Well, I was doing that to, its all in good fun though, isn't it?

I could not believe I had done it. This sorceress gig really has opened up a few doors for me. Upon further reflection I realised that I may have let the whole magic thing go to my head. Perhaps I foolishly thought that magic meant nothing bad would ever happen again but all that it had meant so far was a lot of trouble. Then again most of the trouble had been brought on by my rather insalubrious decision making. (Worth it)

Alas, the primary thought on my mind as I began to fear for my life was that I had never really figured out how close to death I had been every day I had been alive. Then I was less worried about it; for breaking Black out of jail probably had better odds of wonderful outcomes then something dull like eating poorly cooked meat.

And so I had found myself on the outside of what I was used to, there in; why couldn't I be someone everyone else wasn't used to?

Unfortunately around the same time I had come to this happy justify-your-own-insanity conclusion the broom below a certain jail bird and myself had shaken off its tail spin toward the ground. It may have seemed like good news for a moment but it became thoroughly less elating when the treacherous contraption started pulling us back in the direction we had come from.

"Oh for fuck sake." I could here Sirius groaning from his place half draped around the side of the broom and half clambering for purchase in the foot-holeless air space below.

"We need to get away from the broom!" I cried over the whistling wind and the convict gave me an incredulous look;

"Have you no plan?" he looked at me like I was really really wrong and I frowned and looked over the edge of the broom at the blurred landscape below.

"I am jumping the next time I see something shiny." Black gave me a confused look and I explained in the slow clear voice which I had always liked using for first meeting people; "Shiny means water." and then a second later I hoped that the ridiculous speed at which we were going would still allow me to land in the water as I saw it and not end up splattered terribly across a jagged rock due to a delayed reaction.

I didn't spring this kid from jail and travel cross country twice just to get caught. I was most definitely not getting caught.

There was a splash and a great long moment of wondering where all the air was as I felt a long dizzy sensation stretch and pull at my brain. Lights blurred in the clear coppery lake water and I smiled under the water as I saw a large bubbly disruption of the waters surface. The man had done something right at least, he had been savvy enough to know that someone who grew up under a rock and who has read a large enough selection of novels on adventure to know when to jump ought to be followed when the time came.

My lungs began to struggle against my sealed air ways but I felt that inhaling water would be counter productive to not drowning so I made for the surface.

Familiar black dots made their way into my vision and I glared at them, or I would if the weren't outside of glaring range. Warbling of water, the stuttering of bubbles of air as they found the surface above and then crack,

I broke the surface of the water with a roar and lay on my back to float as I took in gaping lung full's of air. I heard sporadic splashing off somewhere to my left as dusk made a further turn toward the sunset. Black had survived the fall well enough to whinge about it, I thought as I heard him complaining loudly.

It would be dark very soon. I could feel the leaves of plants moving gently beneath my palm. I had never thought that that would be how it would feel to be in a space of water bigger than me.

I thought it would be turbulent around me but instead I found myself to be a great disturbance of its former tranquillity as I rolled onto my side and continued to breath heavier than I had ever done before. This week really was full of extremes, why didn't I just catch up on my reading like I was supposed to? Why did I have to be such a bid Beatles fan?… Well that was a silly question, yes, dying of pneumonia for the Beatles was a worthy cause.

I could see a stony bank not far from the algae infested waters I was moving through clumsily. I new how to sample and identify thirty two different types of algae in perfect theory and it did me no favours as I struggled through the numerous clingy, itch inducing plants.

I shook my head at my own fool hardy struggle as I began to regain logical faculties and propelled myself to the bank quickly with a flick of my wand. I sat with my legs tucked under me with my head rested on my folded arms on the ground. I felt droplets of freezing water running from my hair over my nose and shuddered under the weight of my heavy cloak as I shook violently. It wasn't as bad as the cold from the terrible black monsters at the wizarding prison, it wasn't even as bad a pain as Malfoys more crude assault. I suppressed an outcry as I pulled my head up and lifted my arm high to point my wand over the water. We had reached the blue hour;

"Black!" I shouted out to the wand and there was a whistle of wind as the man came flying out of the water, landing heavily beside me, my voice echoed back to me. Black rolled on his side to cough loudly, he made a great show of writhing about like a drowning fish and I rolled my eyes before standing.

"Oh don't be so dramatic! You're fine." I huffed over my new cloak, it had taken on a horrible layer of grime which I flicked my wand at. The water and gunk from my clothing sifted into the air in front of me to form a ball and I frowned at it, how charming, it flew into the lake with a splish.

As an after thought I extended the favour onto the convict beside me. How had I ever done without my wand? I asked myself as I turned to Black, he was clearly attempting to throw things at me from the ground using only the power of his mind.

"Bloody" - insert gushy over dramatic breath - "hell woman." I laughed at his admonishment and shook my head. Maybe I needed to cut him more slack, who knows how long he had spent in that place, with those monsters.

I bit into my lips and sat on the ground beside him, I began to twist my hair into a wet braid as I rested next to the shaggy man. I felt something nudge my foot and saw that it was the strange mans hand, I really didn't know what he had been complaining about because his hand felt exceptionally warm to me. My eyes made a point of looking at his hand touching my stumpy boot and my brain wondered how heat from his appendage (that should have been ice cold) was travelling from where he barely touched my thick leather boot and radiating right up my blanketed leg. He really did just let out great waves of balmy temperature, it was quite probably the loveliest sort of feeling. I didn't really know what to think of it.

"Thanks love." I flicked my eyes to his face, quite startled considering what I had just done. I had thought I heard him say it but as I watched him his eyes were shut and his skin like chalk. He was breathing very deeply and I thought he must be sleeping.

I sank to the ground, very carefully assuring not to disturb Blacks hand. It was like a heater.

I sat beside him while the moon went up and the sun went down.

Surely if they retrace the trajectory of the getaway broom; which must have reached Blacks breached cell by that stage. They would know that the bank was a likely place for us to have landed. I couldn't break him out of prison just to get him caught again, not to mention they would probably throw me in as well, Dumbledore would be disappointed, so would Remus, Sirius Black was his enemy. He had said so.

Maybe I could run away, I barely existed anywhere. I had worked with for only one day, Lucius didn't really want anything to do with me. Goblins are always mouthing off about keeping to themselves and Remus has secrets of his own to keep, surely he wasn't going to go blabbing mine around like any old thing. I could just go be a muggle with a wand and disappear to Bermuda.

I sighed deeply and looked down at Blacks sad, long, underfed body. I could not send him back.

I observed that he had shaggy lengths of black hair and wore a black and white get up which appeared freshly laundered after my lake water removing spell.

I still puzzled over how different men looked to women, I had not seen many men up close. I quite liked how Black looked. I took his hand from my shoe and held it in mine again.

When I had seen our hands together before I had found it so… distracting. There was something about the way it looked, my heart hurt a little for the sake of me missing that something. The way his hand looked around mine wasn't all that simple, I just knew there was more to it. I scoffed and dropped his hand down on his slow moving chest. My mind was being foolish. He didn't react.

"Remember, to let her into your heart," I sniffed under the cold as I sang the familiar words in the unfamiliar but oh so right tune. I wrapped my arms around my chilling body. "Then you can start, to make it better."

I felt a tear run down my cheek and I turned away from Sirius to find the clouded sky.

"Hey Jude, don't be afraid." My voice failed me then, a small, bizarre strangled noise cloyed its way from the back of my throat and attempted to give way to hysterics. Don't be afraid, I told myself.

When I had read the words that survived the spill of coffee and remained on the sheet they had inspired me. I had dreamt of escape. That it was my destiny to go out and find her… me.

The girl who had a terrible habit of getting lost in the mirror, I had always wanted to find her, to let her in but getting out into the world had only gotten in the way. The last words I knew in the song, the lyrics that I was familiar with, "Hey Jude," I whispered out over the lake; "don't let me down"

My body felt terrible. I felt terrible. I lay down on the flat of my back. At least I hadn't let Sirius down, even if I hadn't found the girl I was supposed to save I felt like there was something else missing that was within my grasp.

Sirius Black was a puzzle piece in this damned chaos I had made for myself and I had him.

I stood up again and jumped up and down a little on the spot as if trying to shake away the shackles of my own over bearing emotional and physical pressures. I could push more, I would have too.

I looked at Sirius on the pebble strewn ground. A high winters night had fallen and I was thankful that the winter was not bitter enough to freeze the wide lake.

"I am not going to make it to work tomorrow." I thought aloud to myself and shook my head disappointedly. "What a shambles." My wand began to send little silvering bolts through my body and I felt as if I was being pulled together. I pointed my wand toward the sleeping man on the ground and decided that he had enough beauty sleep for one night of absolutely fatal importance.

There really was absolutely no way I was going to allow myself to be caught, I thought again as a great streak of orange shot from my wand and I smiled. Absolutely no way.

**A/N: Thanks for reading and for everything else**


	20. Pop

**A/N: another chapter that is a complete anomaly from my point of view, a bit extravagant perhaps but it gets the point across. Hold on to you hats an enjoy!**

**Thanks to everyone who head through to this point, I know it is a bit of an odyssey but I think we are almost a quarter of the way through the middle so… yeah.**

**Enjoy.**

**Chapter 20**

**Pop**

"Five more minutes…" I heard him mutter from the ground and I shook my head. It might have been funny if there wasn't the beginnings of a tundra wind blowing across the valley. There was a cracking as the lake beside us began to turn over into ice at an unnatural speed.

The dead were coming for Black, of course they would. He was supposed to be theirs.

"Not anymore," My voice whispered aloud as I firmed my footing and cried out; "come on Black." My voice was scratchy but loud. I could see my breath escaping my mouth in a great puffs as the convict at my feet took in his own rattling breath before flying upright. I knelt beside him and wiped a stray tear from my face covertly.

"We need to get out of here Sirius!" I spoke into his ear as he the first of the sweeping, rotting monsters swarmed down over the lake. "We must not be found."

Sirius turned to look at me and nodded hurriedly, his face paler then any I had seen, his eyes sharper then shard of glass. I realised in that moment that I wasn't there because I was upset at how unjustly he had been treated or because I suffered from half mad latent need to rebel against what I had been taught, this was not about getting the world back for making no sense by acting in ways that made no sense. I was here because there was something more to Sirius Black and I had never wanted to know anything so desperately as I wanted to understand what that something was.

"Can you pop around?" I asked him, incensed; but he just stared at me confusedly. I felt a sincere sense of panic until thankfully my wand pulled my arm toward him and the ash spear sat wedged between my steadfast left hand and the tremulous mans forearm. I stared at our linked limbs for a moment and then met his eye as the wand pulled through to the light with in me and I could sense another sort of magic just beyond the thin wall of my wands end. There was something beautiful in Black.

and I then felt a violent pull and gripped him tighter as the horrific sensation of being pressed out of existence in one place and spat out somewhere else had me opening my eyes in a moderately familiar previously empty bath tub which then featured, a certain socially stunted pure-blooded sorceress draped unceremoniously over the very overtly masculine torso of her first house guest.

"Ah," I managed, as I avoided Sirius's shale eyes for a reason I wasn't quite sure of; a sound not unlike a laugh escaped me; "Home sweet home." I winced as I moved slightly and looked confusedly down at my burning arm.

It seemed to be missing quite bit of mass as a long, red and bleeding laceration shocked out in the greying light of the empty monotonic room. The scene held only every shade from Black to white which was disrupted by the violent, gushing, candid scarlet life-giving elixir wasting itself out onto the porcelain bath. A momentary flash of fear gripped me before I sleepily gave way to an unfamiliar abstract detachment.

Detached, like I was an onlooker who watched, quite fascinated; as Black noticed the silvery haired girls mangled appendage, he cursed insensibly, he began to shake his head foolishly while chanting "No" repetitively, as if that was going to help anyone.

I moved through my body and it felt unfamiliar and strained.

"As long as you are being Sirius Black, you stay in this room, until I get back." I warned in a hoarse croak, barely above a whisper. I pulled myself up with my right hand, shakily shifting off of the oddly compelling wizard. He seemed frozen in place but as my body teetered through the distinct haze and I landed heavily on the dark, hard tiled floor beside the tub he began to shift frenziedly. By the time he was done slipping on my blood in the bath tub I was upright once more and I administered further loose clumsy control on my body.

"Don't leave this room." I hissed again as his hands moved to my shoulder. I didn't know what he intended to do but his hands retracted quickly as if shocked as I used the light to force him away.

Then I was in the darkened hall of my flat, stumbling. The world adhered to my movements as I forced the light out of each item in my environment. The door holding Black in slammed behind me, doors ahead opened, a fire began in the hearth and swaths of materiel pulled them selves from the curtains of the nearest window and began to cling to the angry, emptying flesh on my arm tightly.

I remember a more involved part of my brain making some sort of remark on how there seemed to be a lot of blood on the floor around me. I agreed. There was a lot of blood staining the floor and furniture of the once bright and yellowed room. The flames of the fire made it feel like a bloodied, lonely, foolish hell.

I felt fear again, I looked at the table across the room and spotted my effects, the ring, the mysterious box and an old mouldering bowl of soup. When had I last eaten? I mused quietly but then shrugged as it was common knowledge that I maintained a staple diet of outdated conservatively censored articles from The NewYork Times and woebegone poetry that I barely understood on a day to day basis anyway.

There were so many of me in that moment, feeling the pain, feeling the fear, fighting it out and giving it up, barely even caring. More than anything I was Jodie, Jodie who just wanted to find a way to not die.

I cried out for it, for anything. The box on the table flew into my hand and I opened it to reveal the strange vials of coloured powders and elixirs. I suppose I could chalk my next decision up to desperation, it was the sort of thing someone on the brink of ending would do, and that was where I was. I stumbled to the table, barely aware of my hoarse attempts screaming, the banging of Blacks fists against the door of the grey room down the hall failed to truly register. I took the vials from their place in the dusty old box and poured them into the tomato stained bowl from the night before, then I fell back into the chair beside the table. Slightly relieved as I had fully expected to find my sagging body scattered across the floor. I encompassed the delft in my shaking red hands and tipped my head back extravagantly, my hair stuck to my face with my own drying blood, my lips chapped, my throat burning. I could no longer feel my lacerated left arm. I began to drink the thick concoction. Begging for something to happen, for anything to happen. Tears began to run down my face as I felt my mind receive a brief flash of congruent clarity. Please my mind cried out.

The bowl fell from my violently shaking hands and shattered across the floor. I was feeling tired despite the uncontrollable hardy beating of my heart as it tried to beat its way out from behind my quivering rubbery rib cage.

I saw _her_, Jodie. Reflected in the mirror to the right of the door in my home. Looking at me, draped across her chair, her wand tucked between the bandages securing her blood in her mangled appendage, her hair run through with blood. Her eyes oddly sharp through the mist in my peripheral vision and as I sat, shaking and weak, unable to move in the rickety wooden chair, she seemed to suffer no weakening. She stood from her chair, betraying the logic understood by everyone outside of the mirror with me, but finally doing something I knew she could. This girl wouldn't drown like the rest. She wouldn't fade into the background of the mirror when I closed my eyes.

I felt a cloying anxiety a moment later however as the broken and bloodied girl approached the mirrors surface. I couldn't help but feel that I would rather any Jodie from the mirror find a way to get out rather than this one. Any Jodie be saved from drowning bar her, because she didn't look like any airy nymph. She looked like hell. She appraised me staunchly and I thought for a moment that her side of the mirror didn't look like light would reach it.

When I try and think of when I had fallen asleep I have trouble, finding the exact moment you loose consciousness is like timing the end of a bout of hiccups, it is almost an untraceable moment in time really. What I do remember however, as my blood began to trill and I felt cold and warm and in pain and blissful and dizzy and deaf, I saw her hammering her hand against the mirror, her corrupted, twisted, torn right hand.

**Bang**, and its surface shook as her brow furrowed in a familiar gesture, although I wasn't sure quite where I had seen it before. **Bang** and I heard a whimper escape me as her eyes flittered toward me disinterestedly. **Bang**, **Bang** and fear and black.

Then as if no time had passed a shy warmth stabbed through my eye lids, the sun was halfway up and I was still alive.

**A/N: I hope you like it, let me know?**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Karla.**


	21. Cheshire Grin

**Chapter 21**

**Cheshire Grin**

"Juniper!" I heard myself hiss; **Bang Bang** "Juniper?!" I called again from the other side of the room, sounding thoroughly displeased, "For fuck sake Juniper would you ever wake up and get off the ground and stop acting like a big baby?!" I went on furiously, frowning at the cruel sunlight's merciless attack on my poor sensitive eyes I took in the view and quickly recognised the water marked and recently smoke damaged ceiling of my home.

."To quote Sirius Black;" these words escaped my own mouth in a hoarse tone; "Five more minutes." I finished, then grimaced and rolled over to lie flat on my belly, face down into the floor. I felt cracked, a long broad vowel leaked from my dry mouth as a tremor ran through me, I took in a long illustrious breath.

"uuuh…" I was really in no mood to deal with… well anything.

The slow return to reality experienced on the floor of what I took a moment to realise was my flat was monstrous. For a moment I was becoming quite accustomed to the idea of being dead but;

"Ok." I cracked out and I hauled myself upright. Lying down really wasn't getting me anywhere, not to mention that this was the morning that the escape of Black would probably hit the headlines.

I grabbed the edge of the table with my poorly bandaged left hand and did a double take as I realised that the appendage covered in dry, crackly red powdery old blood was working to a regular extent and the murderous edges of my wound had faded. I managed to clamber into the rickety and blood stained wooden chair. After tearing the bandage from my arm I gasped. The previously gaping laceration had crudely sealed with a layer of tough translucent tightly stretched skin covering the grotesquely visible anatomy beneath tactlessly.

"Euww." My voice blurted from the other side of my room, my surprisingly agreeable head span to look at what really ought to have been a Jodie sitting in the same chair I was looking bewilderedly out at me from the mirror, instead however the insolent mirror girl had her face pressed up to the opposite side of the glass and was gawking at my arm.

Shortly after this realisation I fell off my chair and did some shrieking like a banshee on acid. A few incoherent words found themselves babbling out of my mouth. The girl watched me for a moment and then rolled her eyes;

"Stop being such a twat Juniper you little priss!" the mirror girl called out in a weird sort of tone to hear in my own voice; "Pull yourself together woman, you don't see me lugging down every box of God knows what I can find and then taking naps in the middle of the floor!" I nodded stiffly and shutup,

"Right" my momentary agreeability wavered under the weight of rationality a moment later, I fell back onto the flat of my back and then sighed warily before I flew up onto my feet. I paused and looked at my feet planted on the ground for a minute feeling like I had missed the beat that had brought me up there but not really finding it to be a major concern; I addressed my obnoxious reflection.

"By which I mean completely not right," I finished, then marched over to the mirror and stared into my own challenging eyes; "what is happening?" I asked myself, or rather, my other self.

"Have you ever heard of paranoid schizophrenia?" she asked and I looked down at my mutilated arm before shrugging and moving it to run through my hair only to find my hair still thoroughly matted with blood. I settled for crossing my arms and then nodded coolly.

"Yeah, I have." I jutted my chin up to myself and really wished I could have practiced in the mirror before hand. No longer an option so I would just have to hope that I didn't look like a deluded young woman attempting a botched Popeye impression.

"Well if anyone tries to tell you that what is happening they don't know what they are talking about." the other me had her jaw set, she removed her forehead from its original place pressed across the mirror and continued to address me with her bizarre white eyes, blood strewn hair and lacerated limbs. We were quite a sight.

"You ever hear of balance?" the other me asked and one of my eyebrows found itself in a sardonic position about an inch before the other, I lowered it quickly to avoid the possible, terrible outcome of face spasms.

"Have I ever heard of balance?" I repeated back slowly in a tone that implied the preposterousness of the question.

"Well when something or someone tips the scale sometimes it can take a while for things to…" the girl jolted, her eyes fixed on a place behind me. Her mouth gaped and she began to tremble. I wanted to turn back to see what horrific sight approached at my back, beginning to quiver myself as a great unsettled feeling passed over me.

Bumps raised on my arms as I felt my hair displaced by a puff of cold air. I whimpered quietly, my veins burned and for the first time since waking up I noticed the absence of my wand. I turned myself quickly on my heel to face whatever threat I may be defenceless to ward off but who I refused to allow to sucker punch me.

My apartment was empty, the large circular window on the centre of the wall opposite still partially open, the sun shining in reflecting the gruesome and bloody reminder of what had happened. I saw nothing but then, a slow, cricketing old sort of reaping chill, it felt like a hand reaching into my gut and stretching my entrails into two ends. The cold, clinically moving hands began to tie a slow purposeful knot and I cried out. I closed my eyes tight shut and as I did my view was very different.

A Cheshire grin on a red eyed face surrounded by a room full of smoke. Looking down I saw charcoal like hands reaching into my leaking stomach. The blood which covered the hand as they removed themselves from there previous work of binding my insides was shining and white. My eyes, searching behind my eye lids flew back to the shining red beads ahead of me and saw fury. The cracking hands ran up and through my hair.

My eyes flew open and I was greeted once again with my sunfilled apartment but I could feel the grating shivering touch of the black hands running through my hair. The horrid feeling jumped through me and I closed my eyes to be only blind, I saw nothing more. When I turned back to my other self in the following instant I saw my own terrified face exactly as it was.

"What…?" but the other girls mouth moved with me and even as I began to pound the glass and call my own name the only sight was the silent moving mouth in synch with my own and a slowly tenderising mutilated hand following my own movements to a tee.

I cradled my unnaturally healed hand to my chest and began to cry. Surely that had been it, my chance, the girl, my only constant in life; I had to find her again.

"Jude?" I asked the crying girl in the mirror and she said it with me. I craned my neck to look around her but then I just met her eyes again.

"She isn't here." We told each other and I felt a thrum by my heart as my organs began to readjust into their preferred state. I placed my hand over my belly gently and sighed. My wand shot from its place by my heart, down my sleeve into my hand. The light in my middle was coaxed to shine a little brighter by the wand. I turned it over in my hideous, monstrous appendage and shrugged;

"Life goes on." I muttered and glanced over at the clock, saw it was just turning over to eight, only an hour till work and I needed to shower.

**A/N: Thanks for reading and please review**


	22. Indian Summer

**Chapter 22**

**Indian Summer**

The flaking blue box and shattered vials lay scattered across the floor beneath the table were behind me. Rubbing my finger in little circles on my temples I shifted and bent to pull the box from the floor laboriously before deciding that cleaning my flat at that particular moment was probably a lost cause. The moulds in which the vials had been stored were then shifted showed some sort of writing in smudgy ink behind.

"Oh great." I muttered and tore out the lining of the box unceremoniously, quite down with the awe of sentimental care with items of mystery. I couldn't spend my whole life hoarding decorative mouldering cardboard boxes. I barely had time to finish my signature rendition of happy magical birthday and I was already up to my neck in crucial things to hoard, including a magic stick and a man of questionable character.

The writing below was a list of what I had so wisely digested, really well thought out plane. I had taken something with sleep in the name that I assume makes you sleep, probably why I was drowsy, I had taken something called pepper up, once again its all in the name. Some I couldn't quite make sense of, I had taken nine "bezoars" and a vial that had just been labelled "boil for what ails you". I crumpled the list into a ball and through it on the floor sniffing. After all I was alive and although a mirror demon had somehow stopped me talking to mirror Jodie who was probably a hallucination even if she claimed not to be what real difference would it make now?

"What's done is done." I told myself in the mirror wondering if she could still hear me or if she had ever heard me. Speaking of things that can't be undone or ignore.

He was not an easy man to deal with and not just because he could get me arrested if he was discovered. Pulling down the sleeves of the powdery blue dress to carefully hide the sick joke of an anatomy lesson which my left arm had become I approached the door of the room with the bath in it. I wrinkled my nose at it apprehensively, the handle stained with blood from where I had attempted to pull it shut before just sealing it with my wand the night before.

I flicked my wand and the door swung outward followed by the collapsing out of a man who spelled trouble. His eyes flew open and he looked up at me from his place laying on his back on the floor;

"Who are you?" He hissed, seeming instantly very much awake. I pressed my mouth tight together and stepped over him toward the lone standing bath. I began to run the water, cleaning out the remnants of mud and blood from the night before. Pulling off my cloak I threw it in a heap in the corner and pulled the plug in the bath, it drained quickly. I rearranged my quivering lips quickly and turned to look at Black over my shoulder.

"I have to go to work soon, are you hungry?" He was standing now, I wanted to keep looking at him but I didn't.

I began to fill the now moderately clean tub with fresh water and run my hair beneath the flowing tap. The water was cold but I felt flushed anyway due to Mr. hotter then the centre of the earths eye on my aching back. As the water came closer to the edge of the tub I watched little red rivulets spread from the end of my matted hair into the water. I focussed on blacks shifting figure in the corner of my eye until he moved to eye level on the opposite side of the bath tub. I wanted simultaneously to talk with him and to wish him away.

I shook my head and pulled my wand from my sleeve. I pointed at Black and watched his frowning mouth.

"Don't lie." I demanded, as I took in his face I couldn't decipher his expression, it was unfamiliar. I looked away, feeling like I had to but instantly regretted it as I caught sight of blood staining his shirt. I hoped it was all mine. I could see his eyes flickering to my arm and I was thankful that the unnatural wound was shielded from view. His head nodded slowly and I kept my wand trained on him as I asked with conviction;

"Did you do it?" I looked at his eyes "I mean, Did you ever kill someone?" I silently berated my poor delivery, Adrienne Rich would not be proud. Our eyes argued and I guess I won when I pulled the answer from his mouth with a blue smoking light.

"I would have." He rasped and I decided that I would forever keep it a secret how wonderfully odd his voice made me feel.

"but you didn't?" I kept the urgency from my voice, barely. He narrowed his eyes at me and gritted his teeth as he leaned forward but I remembered how I had felt at a loss last time I had looked away from his eyes and refused to flinch. My hand clung tightly to the ash in my hand. As the blue smoke was once again inhaled by Black to his poorly masked alarm;

"No." and I felt the relief.

"and you are Sirius Black?" I said to verifications sake and to hear his voice a little more. He looked at me like he knew exactly what I was thinking; but I doubt he did.

"In the flesh."

"Will you harm me?" I pressed as we maintained strenuous eye contact from our places on wither side of the tub in which my overly long silvery hair remained partially immersed.

"If I have to." he looked very… uch, "serious", well he looked sombre anyway.

"Do you want too?" I felt my relief recede and I felt nauseous anxiety climbing but he sniffed;

"I obviously don't want to have to." He rolled his eyes and I felt a moments relief for breaking away from the storm of his eyes. I wasn't used to it and I was very warm.

I wanted to ask why but I didn't. I could maintain my fantasy of him being introvertly gentile if I wanted.

I lowered my wand and he pressed his hand over his mouth as I stood heaving a sigh.

"Ok." I began to pull at the ties on the back of the dress before throwing it to the side of the room to join the cloak. I stepped into the bath and began to clean my gored arm. I blushed a little under Blacks scrutiny he looked a little surprised but I suppose the wound wasn't exactly run of the mill. I attempted to hide my arm from sight but in the process I caught site of a similar wound tearing along the side of my rib cage for the first time. I saw the muscles connecting my ribs to one another in the four inch long broad laceration coated in the same touch translucent sort of skin. I hmphed at it and then turned to face Black with an emphatic look. He hadn't moved at all really.

"How gross is that?" I pointed to the _very_ gross window into my insides. He didn't look to green in the gills at least;

"How did you heal that way?" He asked, seemingly finding his voice which I was, for the record, completely indifferent to but strictly off the record I was loving it. I just shrugged.

"Substance abuse." I blurted thinking of the now empty and for the better part destroyed vials on the floor in the next room. But then I felt much better all round because he laughed, I felt a little less deformed and it was like his laugh reminded me of the light. Free and good.

I looked down at my poorly fitted peachy satin knickers covering my mottled body under the water. Day three, my body tinted the water pink, I tipped my head to the back of the porcelain bath tub and closed my eyes, imagining things to be just a little different, my limbs like they were and Sirius Black famously innocent. I heard him shift and when I opened my eyes his back was rested to the tub.

"You were in my vault." he told the wall opposite and I thought it odd but nodded and then remembered he wasn't facing me;

"Yes." I cracked out and then tried to clear my throat quietly.

"You broke into Gringotts twice? Into my vault." I snorted;

"I didn't break in anywhere." I could no longer feel my toes.

"So you said when we spoke before."

I stood up out of the tub and grazed my eyes over my thoroughly broken body. I wondered heavily sedated my wand actually had me as I gazed at it in my hand but decided it was best not to find out. After numerous encounters with wand ends and hard surfaced I was a mess. Tearing at the seams, literally didn't even know I had seams until now I thought as I spared one last distressed moment to stare at my wretched holes.

Still alive; I told myself. I stepped out of the bath and flicked my wand to pull the remaining grime from my hair before beginning to braid it;

"Follow me." I walked out of the room and I heard Black shifting behind me. I pointed to the door leading ahead to the sitting room.

"Don't go passed that door or open the curtains on this side of the flat or make to much noise or else dumb." I led him into my room and pulled on of the old fashioned shirts from the chest at the end of the bed, deciding it would do on its own.

"Get some decent sleep." I advised him and then marched through to the front room, pulling a few books off the shelf at random along with the oaty cereal from the press.

I brought them down to the bedroom and kicked the door opening;

"I'm sure I can safely assume you are hungr- oh." Black stood in the middle of the room with his bloodstained tattered shirt in his hand. Apparently he didn't just wear clothes because everyone else did like most people; he had to do it so as not to cook other people alive by removing the protective layer. My mouth was suddenly very dry and I put it down to the heat rolling off his thin and ink stained physique. Sirius Black wore clothes for other peoples protection. Men really don't look like women at all.

I decided that this one need further investigation;

"After work." I promised us both aloud and then nodded before dropping the books and food with a clatter onto the ground and moving to purge the house of all traces of blood mud and other law breaking.

When I entered the hall I opened the cupboard there and turned the heater off;

"Won't be needing this anymore…" I allowed as I pulled at the collar of the over sized frilled shirt away from my body and blew seemingly useless air across my dewy décolletage.

He was like an Indian summer all on his own and when I did make myself and my flat in a moderately decent condition the sound of the door closing forced an unhappy sort of cold with it.

He was in my apartment, I smiled a little smile. I had saved him, that's one good deed to Jodie already. I knew I wasn't evil.

**A/N: Thanks for reading and please leave a review**


	23. The Plan Queen

**Chapter 23**

**The Plan Queen**

When I reached the end of the spiral stairs I found Ollivander staring fretfully down at a newspaper. I could see the door to the shop from where I stood and the signed was flipped to closed.

"Good morning Mr. Ollivander." I attempted an airy smile and balled my hands into tight fists as I realised that being light and airy became harder and harder the more attachments to the world bound you down. Links to things outside of myself felt like a strain but I was still feeling the buzz of carrying out vigilante type justice along with my thriving independence and this depleted my sense of dread somewhat. My hands remained tight closed however, for I may have made peace with my actions personally but as I saw the face on Ollivanders paper calling out to me I felt physically sick;

"Why is the shop still close sir?" It was a sensible question if my deceptions were realities. What had I done?

"A most terrible thing has happened." He responded forebodingly with a flash of his white eyes and I began to wonder what sort of reaction this amended for a person who had no idea who this Sirius Black was or his general significance thanks for asking. but of course he didn't ask.

"A very dangerous follower of He Who Must Not Be Named has escaped from Azkaban prison."

"**WANTED**" The front of the newspaper read in very bold letters. _How to recognise him, people involved in the investigations, words from the minister of magic, how did he do it? And who to contact if you think you may have spotted him. _Article after article, so much for keeping a low profile.

"They say he was assisted from the outside, they have put numerous people under investigation, a piece of paper with Blacks name on it was recovered in the ocean below the prison and the suspicious sensory system flew an owl out to the ministry, of course owls and things get caught in the stream all the time but it was the day that was in it I suppose, some wood and a seagull were also recovered, hardly groundbreaking. Aurors are swarming the streets, parents are pulling their children out of school not to mention the dementors are in uproar! I think I we will suspend lessons until further news arrives. Things won't be quite back to normal until Black is back behind bars." He folded the newspaper and my lip pulled back in a little flinch. I could have handled the sound of a bird singing far off outside a window or a child screaming or laughing in a far off room in a creaky house but these controlled sounds were beyond my reach. But my body was my home now, if I wanted a familiar sound I could listen to the noise my voice made while I was talking. I still craved it though, craved for each of the events I had experienced, the actions I had taken part in, that they had no ramifications. I just wished on some level that the things happening all around me would be of less consequence, foolish things caught in the isolated safety within the pages of a book, wonderfully detached. The more I did, the more experienced, the more terrified I became. I was scared.

I felt like I could hear Black walking around upstairs;

THUD THUD THUD like a tell tale heart;

"Are you finished with that?" I tipped my head toward the news print but refused to lift and point with my obviously shaking hand, I didn't want to rouse suspicion.

"Oh" Ollivander shifted from his stool and moved to this work bench. He bent and retrieved a newspaper bound to another with a frayed burlap cord from under his work table and held them out to me. I recognised the article on the top of the bundle, I had burnt the first copy I had seen.

"**Sirius Black arrested by ministry for murder of former friend Peter Pettigrew and intimate dealings with He Who Must Not Be Named" **Talk about your Dé ja vu. I almost wanted to burn it all over again but I just smiled wanly and pulled them to me quickly so as not to flash my quivering fingers.

"Its really considerate of you to help understand so clearly." I tucked the papers under my arm.

"Will _you _work, sir?" I queried curiously;

"No, no; I am to ward the shop and I promised to assist Madame Malkin on the corner with similar duties. Quick to fall into old ways you know, there is a community of sorts among the shop keeps here and we must look after on another so uh" I stiffened and nodded; a community my actions had upset, ward that could reveal my part in it.

"So, only people to whom you or I forward explicit permission to should be able to enter passed the shop counter once it is correctly enchanted." I was watching my shoes; my slackening shoulders may have been taken as a small amount overly relieved but then I thought of what this was all for and my excitement to return upstairs circumvented my apparent unease with deception. Deception which could easily be interpreted as betrayal, but it wasn't, saving an innocent man perverts no justice. I relaxed further; no black shrouded red eyed grinning shadow could haunt my psyche with half as much gusto as my own guilt.

Jodie, judge, jury and executioner us not who I wanted to be but I didn't work alone. I was an instrument of the light. Maybe not an instrument with the best tuning but allowing something so good to be my guide, it was the only way I could think of to deal with the decisions I was faced with, and fortune favours the bold anyway, right?

"At least for some part we are safe." I remarked in a tone befitting a moments rest in tumultuous inner turmoil. His clouded, pearly eyes found mine and I felt frizzy, I quickly stared back at my shoes. I almost wanted to confide in him, he was trying to protect me, he looked at me with concern. As is he cared, as if I was making him worry. My actions for justice had brought terror to wisdom. I couldn't win, I remained silent.

"For some part." his reply came finally and he pulled a brown paper parcel from a shelf by the window. He handed it to me and I received it with steadying hands. I tested the weight of it and picked at the side of the binding paper for a moment.

"Breakfast." He said simply and I suddenly felt stuck. I smiled at the bundle in my hand.

"Thank you." I had to cough delicately, more to crack the tension in my throat. It felt tight, I didn't expect a tightening of the vocal cords was what one feels in moments of sentimentality but that was the only words I could really apply to the feeling. Warm, welcome and disconcerting. It was like my voice was looking for my heart, searching for my the words there.

"It means a great deal more than I quite know how to say." He began to wave me off and I laughed lightly,

"I mean, I know that breakfast is just breakfast but its just… very lovely."

"Oh, well, its really quite alright, I just;" Ollivander began to wave his hands about and then he just turned to the front of the shop, "Wards." He called back, and I watched him march his way to the front of the shop. My legs began to itch, he turned, he was very kind. I turned and flew up the stairs foolishly, almost falling twice and probably not reaching the top any faster than I would have at a leisurely lollop to the next floor.

I reached my door and shifted on my feet.

What am I doing? I asked myself as I began to struggle to reach my keys between the bundles and papers on my person. The key slipped into the latch fluidly;

"Living." I told my ears and I slipped into my flat as quietly as I could. When I closed the door behind me I sank to the floor and stared at the wall, the packages falling to my sides. My mind was a mess. Nothing matched, I needed a plan, that was it.

From now on I was like the plan queen, planorama right up in the brain of that girl Jodie. She is so full of plans, oh yes. So very full. My brain babbled; as I slowly lolled my head from side to side and began to develop the mental concept.

Plan for today: I continued;

Eat breakfast with Sirius Black

Talk to Sirius Black

Discuss newspaper with Sirius Black

Think of ways of hiding Sirius Black

Ask Sirius Black about dumb ring…

Figure out where you last had the dumb ring

Make friends with Sirius Black

Clean nice dress

Go out to get something for dinner and check on Remus

Come home and eat dinner with Sirius Black.

I continued to stare at the wall vacantly. I was zonked completely, breakfast was definitely a good idea, living off the amount of food I usually ingested sometimes made me to lethargic to get out of bed never mind actually do things, speaking of bed I could really use some of that.

I pulled myself onto my feet with an unnecessary sound effect and headed for my room with my mornings entertainment in hand.

I was standing outside my bedroom door around four and a half seconds later when I realised how much I really needed to work on my attention span. Whatever happened to having a plan and remembering you forced a wanted man to get into your bed just over an hour ago. Things would be so much simpler if I had just left him locked in the room with the bath I thought as I stacked the mysterious breakfast package on the side of my hip and turned the door knob.

Ok. Eat breakfast. Simple, right? Wrong.

**A/N: does anyone feel like leaving a review? Thanks for reading!**


	24. Breakfast in Bed

**Chapter 24**

**Breakfast in Bed**

The door swept out in front of me nonchalantly as if it was any other day in any sort of place and nothing out of sorts was occurring.

"Don't mock my absurdities you great ridiculous slab of wood" I cried indignantly and stomped my foot. I heard a clatter as my keys fell from their precarious perch by my elbow.

"Shoot." I hissed as I bent at the waist to feel around on the floor. A pair of sock clad feet came into view and I glared at my own bad luck. It was not the manner in which I wanted to be seen after three and a half minutes of so called work. Curled up like an abused centipede in a poorly fitted mans shirt in the full knowledge that ones unhappy day old satin knickers were secreted under the edge of the bed wasn't the best first not about to die introduction to be making by any standard. I dropped my bearing and lay back in to the floor of the corridor, legs crossed at the ankle. I was so very passed caring.

"Oh, Sirius!" I cried up from the floor; "We are in so much trouble." I groaned and rolled onto my belly.

"uuuuuh." Came the opening to whatever remark the damned human heater had decided to grace my crumpled distempered form with; "Can I talk with you, Miss…?" He trailed it into a question, I rolled over, sat up and stretched out a hand so that the convict could help me from the ground. Believe me when I say I was so incredibly ready with my perfectly articulate "My name is Juniper Malfoy and I think a long conversation in which you turn down that internal thermostat sounds just lovely." but then he touched my skin. I opened my eyes. He wasn't standing above me, he knelt in front of me and held my left hand in his. His lightly inked pale flesh only highlighting how my own once lily appendage had been torn asunder. The red stood frightening and vibrant as the sleeve of my sepia shirt slipped.

"I.." I had nothing. He ran his thumb over the gored rip and I flinched. I could feel his eyes focused on my own and I looked to meet his gaze but his eye quickly shifted to fix on the accelerating shift of blood in my veins sickly visible through the window of clinging skin. He was just do damned warm and yet I shivered. Maybe I had a fever; "uhm…" I slipped my wrist through his hand and wrapped my appendage around his in a svelte gesture. A firm shake and a similarly shaking smile, I was home free. I pushed myself back with my foot as I cradled my hand to my chest. A cough, our eyes met;

"Talk?" I managed. What was happening? Some part of my mind just new that I couldn't ask, so how was I going to get an answer?

His haunted icy blue eyes were on mine as he nodded and another unsmile moved across my mouth placatingly.

"Alright then," he responded in an infuriatingly steadfast tone and an unexpected little smile formed on the mans face in quite possibly the most -why don't you lean closer- way I never expected "Have your mystery Jude." and we were on our feet. I picked up my package and my papers and tried not to start yelling at the incorrigible man for just creating questions that had never before needed answering. Why on earth did he have to happen? Just when I was doing so well without him.

I moved passed him into the bedroom and somehow managed to hold the door open for him while maintaining a grip on the piles of junk which I was really starting to resent. I gestured for him to follow and closed the door behind him. I felt a little more secure, like this would protect us. I took the candle from the bedside locker and moved onto the bed. I sat with my back to the head board and stared over at the end of the bed, I patted the spot beside me;

"Talk?" Black repeated as if it was a point to be pressed, he sat on the edge of the bed hesitantly and I huffed.

"What else?" I rolled my eyes and then I blanched; was that it? Was that the question which I wasn't supposed to ask, was there something else. Damn. He didn't catch me on it though he was just shaking his head and now sat beside me. I pulled out my wand and it closed the beds curtains before lighting the fat candle obligingly. I sent the candle to float ahead of us and nodded my head assuredly;

"I just feel more secure like this." I spoke softly and stretched my arms, one cracked.

"Who are you?" He asked, there was some door slamming and disturbance around the front of the flat, Sirius tensed beside me but I waved him off as I yawned,

"Its me." I murmured by way of explanation and the curtains surrounding the bed shifted slightly as the troublesome trinket pressed in to the palm of my hand along with all the other weird crap I had accumulated, the little pile of scrappy papers stacked in my hand and I placed them on my lap.

I began to pick the pile apart and decided to start at the top;

"What does this mean to you?" I asked in my new soft voice which I reserved for candle lit conversations and solving mysteries; double whammy, right? I held in one hand the emblem imbibed ring and in the other the scrap of paper with his silly name and that damned symbol which had come with it.

His hand moved toward the items slowly as his fingers floated just above there surface almost tenderly, like they were sick little birds or made of dust. His bright, sharp eyes studied the items and my hands wanted to shake under the scrutiny.

"Oh." the vowel escaped his pouty little lips and I found myself staring at them before they pulled themselves into a laughing little smile. "Can I help you with something?" I was looking at his eyes now and I really wished I wasn't. Why would I close the curtains and turn out the lights? Was I trying to cook myself alive?

"I don't know." I told him, it was the truth. I pressed the paper into his hand and pointed at the symbol under his name;

"What does this mean Black?" feeling as if we were getting no where slowly.

"It means bound." He showed me his left ring finger and the symbol was printed on his skin in a smudgy blue edged ink.

My eye brows reintroduced themselves to one another in their little crinkle; I held the ring for him to take;

"and this?" He shook his head and negated touching the ring and instead wrapped his warm heavy hand around my arm to pull it closer to his face.

"It won't bite." I offered gently but he didn't move to touch instead he held the ring clutched in _my _hand up to _my_ face and ran a hand through his hair.

"How did you get this?" He was finally catching on and his voice fell into a similar soft tone to mine.

"I own it." we looked at one another, his eyes looked flinty and cold and I shifted to face him more fully;

"Why did you bring me here? What is all this about?" His lip was curled and he practically spat the words at me, the candle beside me flashed brighter for a moment as my wand made a threat, a little demand to be acknowledged. He was up on his knees now, standing in a way, towering in every way. For someone so betrayed and malnourished the aristocratically featured man was certainly imposing.

"Because you didn't belong where you were and I didn't want you to get caught and because well… I," I huffed and met Sirius on his knees to face him; "Because your name is written on every Goddamn thing I find. Everything was pointing to you and you told me to not believe them, it was you who asked me to believe you were more than people said. I was just doing the right thing! I didn't break into your vault or steal the ring if that's what you are trying to say!" I pushed him from his kneeling position and had on hand to the side of his head as my hair curtained down from one shoulder. "My name is Juniper Malfoy and I brought you here because there was no where else to put you, ok?" His mouth began to move but mine was faster as I continued to unleash more ridiculous frustrations on the complete stranger.

"I did not get to this point by pussy footing around issues so if you have something to say just come out and say it Black, really! Please enlighten me toward what exactly is your thought on the last whiles development because I don't really have anything else planned for today." Who knew that eyes that did such a good impression of crushed eyes could look that completely warm. The flint in his eyes was gone now and had been replaced with a heavy thrilling heat.

"Malfoy?" He said and I nodded; "You can't be married to one of them?" he looked confused and I giggled as I pulled my hair back to my other shoulder with my free hand;

"And why can't I?" I enquired as I tried paid special attention to the shift of candle light and pointedly ignored the true cause of the rolling warmth. Another slow, confusing hazy smile presented itself and I had no idea what to do about it.

"Because you are engaged to me." I nodded slowly. Married was when a man and a woman shared a house and a bed and had kids after getting a nod from God as far as I was concerned, that was it. Engaged? Was one born engaged to someone? I fisted the ring in my hand. Apparently I was.

"My dad was a Malfoy." I explained and the arm holding me over the troublesome man began to tire.

"No girl had a Malfoy for a Dad." The shaggy haired man scoffed and I rolled on to my back beside him.

"I can think of one." I pressed and I pulled another piece of paper from the little pile, the journal entry from Granddad Malfoy. I passed it to Black and explained neatly;

"Juniper Malfoy, daughter of the mirror man, Cancer Malfoy, son of some other idiot and brother to one especially distempered and sensitive bigot named Lucius, Papa made literally no name for himself but managed to royally mess up the system even more by having a daughter." I pointed to myself. "Makes no odds, where I came from my relatives are either dead or Deatheaters."

"So the ring?" I asked and I looked at Sirius from my place rested just below his eye level.

"Is an engagement ring." He answered in his lacquered voice, I nodded and looked away, failure, I know.

"Oh." came my response;

"You really didn't know?" Black pressed and I raised my eyebrows at him, he put his hands up in surrender;

"I am just saying love, you pretty much dragged me the length and breath of Britain and half killed yourself just to get me in bed." I wondered about the significance of the bed for a moment and reflected on the phrase "living in sin." Beds had always had a great lot of significance in those parts of the eulogy.

"I have breakfast." and the man grimaced. "Real breakfast."

I cracked open the abused parcel to reveal an unhappy looking selection of pastries.

"Is it had jam its mine." I announced as I passed a chocolate topped croissant to Black. Biting into my jam doughnut I felled an elegant run of jam slip from the edge of my mouth.

I was in real need of something this yummy.

"mmmm" I moaned, I was going to need a lot more of these;

"Speaking of not pussyfooting around." I turned to meet a pair of dark eyes and I frowned;

"You know I have some stuff I really have to do." I rolled my eyes.

"Oh yeah?" I pressed; "People to kill, right? not on my watch Black, get revenge on your own time but if you get caught and then I get caught then I am going to start my own list of people to kill." I pulled the jam from the edge of my lip with a lithe finger before pulling it into my mouth. I hummed and wiped my hand on the bed covers. Black watched my movements fixedly and I rolled my eyes.

"What? You don't expect me to maintain decorum around you all the time, do you?" I scoffed; "I can barely keep up a façade of holdittogetherism when I am dealing with my boss." he didn't seem to really be paying attention and I shrugged.

"Is my brain fucked or are you actually as deranged as you come off?" the public enemy remarked flippantly and I felt stung. I was heavy.

"I reckon its just you." I clambered to the top of the bed and shimmied under the covers. I swallowed the last of my doughnut and tossed the newspapers over to Black. I pulled off the damned frilly shirt and the candle light extinguished.

"We need sleep." I hissed in a town reflective of my jilted feelings.

What a fool I was to think that that would be end of discussion.

**A/N:**

**Thanks for reading!**

**PLEASE REVIEW**


	25. Hot

**Chapter 25**

**Hot **

"Excuse me?" his voice cut through the dark just as my shoulder sank in to the mattress happily.

_Ignore him Jodie_, I told myself;_ he is dumb_. But he didn't want to be ignored and went on;

"Are you seriously trying to tell me you didn't know we were engaged until this moment and you don't even care to discuss it more than you care to nap?" Jail really wasn't the sort of place one goes to learn manners or anything to that effect I decided.

_Why?_ I asked myself for the thousandth time, _why didn't I leave him locked in the bathroom?_ I prodded myself disparagingly, it just wasn't nice to have to deal with anyone with a voice. It was like Pembride, questions questions questions. Why Jodie? Why Jodie? Damnable questions.

I sat up, to poke some holes in the mans distracting distress;

"What difference does it make if you have a little skin stain and I have a ring? It doesn't mean anything. We aren't getting married. You don't want to be engaged? Fine! engagement broken. See? Simple. It matters about as much to me as napping does to you, which is apparently very little." I pulled the edge of the duvet cover over my head and tried to pretend I wasn't thinking about Blacks mouth. I liked it, so sue me.

I had read in all sorts of books that said when a man saves a woman he puts his lips on hers in a kiss. Similarly it was a seal on marriage. It was like shaking hands but more intimate, except in some countries on the continent where it was like a wave hello; or so I had thought, but I had never thought people actually _wanted _to kiss other people, it was something you did. Like shaking hands, I hadn't ever really wanted to shake someone's hand, it was simply done but; well I suppose I had wanted to shake Sirius's hand once I thought about it, well to touch his hand. I just liked the way he felt, similarly I liked the way he sounded, it was then that I decided that he would never know either of these things.

"You know you don't sound or feel that nice." I informed him and felt a little more in control. Find a hole in that façade fancy man. He just did a little laugh and I frowned. What does a laugh mean in response to a wonderfully executed lie like that?

"You can't just become unengaged once your traditionally engaged Malfoy." His voice was in some way irritating at this point, like genuinely, not just saying so, his tone was seriously off putting. I sighed;

"Fine. We will just stay engaged then will we?" I hissed, there was no winning with this man.

"Argh." He growled and I rolled onto my back in the darkened canopy. He began to have a little session of what missy Sarah used to call a "mouthing off"

"Do we have to sit here in the damned dark eating doughnuts or can we act like normal people? Who else is involved in this organisation? How do I know anything you say is true?" The man spat out various wild offensive allegations to this effect and I decided to see how long I could ignore him before he realised. Maybe I could get in a few hours sleep before he would be done, oh, I should be so lucky. The convict really needed to take a moment to appreciate the benefits of bed sleep as opposed to drug induced curled up on the floor sleep in a heap covered in your own blood type sleep.

"Right." I sighed and sat back in my original place at the top of the bed, my wand opened the beds canopy and allowed the daylight leaking through the light beige curtains into the bed, I sat back up to the edge of the bed and sighed.

"Get yourself in order Black, are you …alright?" I didn't want to think about where I had taken him from. He was weakened, tortured. I should have done something nice but since my best shot at nurturing had been the small day making efforts of distant and untraceable favours done unto kids with poorly maintained toys, maybe I ought to pat his knee or something. I opted instead to try and come off as someone more adept to dealing with the distresses of fellow men. He didn't need to know about my insipid short comings. I could have lived a wonderfully even and rounded life, maybe I just had a strange disposition and a far more development involving life style. Trying to think up fake milestones of intimacy for myself I crawled from under the bed and wrapped myself around Blacks torso.

"What are you…?" He began but I shook my head;

"Why were you crying before?" I pressed; "Who is Harry?" I remembered the name from his mournful sobs. Black began to push me away but as I pulled him tighter the hands he had pressed to my sides to push me away instead lugged me closer to him. Oh god he was so very warm;

"You aren't wearing a top Malfoy." He hissed as my hand began to move up and down his back. The gesture made sense.

"I noticed." came my response and I felt the mans gently hands run a light line over my spine, I shivered as goose bumps followed the burning trail curiously. Maybe I shouldn't have moved so close to him, surely someone as warm as I was feeling while covered in this much tingling could be contagious, I didn't want to make him ill.

His hand ran over my gored ribs on its odyssey over my hypersensitive bruised skin;

"Don't." I hissed feeling like I was something frightening and not just an orphaned liar, but which was worse? "I am sorry;" I coughed as I felt a little drip run down my back. He had been crying. Even if only a little. What was I playing at? Black kept one hand on the undamaged edge of my waist and the other up at the level of his eye as I moved my head from his shoulder where it had fit so well. His great heated eyes, his eyelashes damp and a stare sharp as knives I felt silly;

"I um" the man began but where did he intend to go with it? I may have gotten sick of being any other sort of warmth but the more I sat with him I found I felt as if I couldn't sit near enough.

"I didn't mean what I said; about it being bad you know? The way you sound and the way you… the way" I didn't seem to find the word _feel _to be quite as easy breezy as I once had. It seemed suddenly weighted.

"I saved you didn't I Black?" Maybe custom would play to my favour, I mean I hadn't seen it in a book but surely it made some sort of sense. He lowered the offending mutilated rib cage violating hand to his side and our eyes met again. Don't quit Juniper, damn it don't look away, he is barely a man. More like a pale inky shell filled with stormy weather on the inside and a whole lot of warm on the outside. A **whole** lot of warm.

"It's hard to tell if I'm honest." he whispered and there was an urgency in his deep, husky voice which my heart seemed to respond to as it decided it wasn't close enough to the man in front of me. He wasn't getting it out of it that easily. His eyes moved away, victory!

"I sprung you out of jail, don't be so flippant!" I frowned and the heavy hand on my hip began to shift lightly over my skin as if it was regular. My breathing didn't seem to think so and it became significantly lent toward irregular as it took a pause before it escaped along with the stutter of my heart, was this a spell? After effects of all those potions?

"I said thank you didn't I?" The man hissed and I felt the warmth of his eyes along my front. Was my body, all recent deformities aside, abnormal some how? A topic of interest in one way or another. I looked down between us and found myself quite caught in what I felt.

His large warm hand on my side, pale and just,

"Oh," I muttered down at my flushing torso; and I decided perhaps it would be best to meet the mans eye again. Some how it was as hard to look away from the balmy, palpable sight of his touch then it was to hold the intense overbearing gaze of his shattered glass eyes. He was a man of reactionary everything, no wonder he was famous. "But I never said your welcome." Maybe this is what kissing is for.

I lent forward and pressed my lips to his top lip for a moment. It was soft, I brought my hands up to bring him closer, kissing was almost like confiding something in someone. Soft and mysterious and just a little devious. Like I was going to get in trouble for it. His hand was rough on my side, his skin soft under my own cool half mangled appendages, the light cotton of the borrowed shirt was barely enough of a shield against the intense temperature of the wizards body. It may seem like I say it a lot but he was just sooo… I pulled my mouth of his;

"Hot." the word found its way out from in between my mischievous lips into the space between me and the convict. My eyes seemed to wanted to remain half closed and my toes and fingers had scrunched up like claws. Was it a spell? A trick? I was practically hyperventilating and my heart seemed to run a marathon of its own and Black shifted below me; I turned to see my wand resting nonchalantly against the side of the displaced but unforgotten pastries.

"But if you are over there then…" a brief misconception was made at this point which fit looselt along the phrase of my own personal favourite way to add two plus two,

My wand is over there + I feel a wand over here = Black actually is a mass murderer who is bewitching me to kiss him and love it for who knows what reason therefore it is up to me, Jodie the great unmasked Malfoy vigilante to uncover his deceptions and punish him for them.

I started with an outraged gasp in the middle of who knows what sentence on its way out of Blacks and was quickly followed up by a quick poorly thought out -somehow knocked us both to the floor head butt-.

**A/N: Thank you for reading and PLEASE review**


	26. Flimsy Conclusions

**Chapter 26**

**Flimsy Conclusions **

"Fuck!" Black professed and pressed his hands to his forehead as he lay on the flat of his back on the floor;

"Shoot!" I hissed more quietly to myself after realising how much that particular knock hurt. I decided that head butting was only step one of a master plan so rolling my eyes I pulled my wand from the bed. I moved one knee onto Blacks chest to limit his pathetic squirming. He was still holding his head and cursing, I frowned. I pointed my wand down toward him,

"Ok, stop." I demanded as I pressed my knee further into his chest. Really! He stopped his struggling and had moved his hands slowly to the sides of his eyes. He stared at the end of my wand and I took a moment to appreciate the finer points of his mouth before once again appreciating the immediate danger I found myself in.

"Don't move." I insisted to the man who refused to be trusted, I leaned forward onto the mans front, my wand pointed centrally between his eyes I ran my hand down his front purposefully to retrieve his wand;

"Woe, woe…" His eyes were wide and my hand paused a moment, silly plan. I suddenly found that I wasn't quite as heavy as I had previously thought, with what seemed to be a sufficiently small amount of effort on his part, I was very much under Black and as I lay under the warm worldly dangerous man, suddenly the lack of assuredness I now had toward his possible wand wielding person made that dangerous little edge of the ludicrous troublesome aspect to a kiss much more… compelling. Feeling like a sort of a wave had broken some where on my body my hand seemed to loose interest in loosing the mystery of just how armed my fellow wizard was.

Maybe if I was going to be in constant danger I should learn to enjoy it said some part of my brain that I barely new and I decided she had a point and that she seemed to know what she was doing and every other thought in my head was only questioning everything I did. Who needed good decision making and initiative when it seemed so much more human to be impulsive. I looked up at his eyes, his hair, the line of black hair down across his face. Dark eye lashes, my hand was on his face and I decided that that was genius.

He moved his mouth to say something but I shook my head urgently;

"You are about to ruin at least ten minutes of cautious thinking followed by two minutes of flimsy conclusion making if you say something now Black so just…" I pushed his hair from his face and studied his captivating features. "Kiss me?" I asked of him, because it needed to be him, it was an important part of it I decided.

"What? Are -did they send you seduce something out of me?" the man asked down to me and I understood "seduce" to have three dictionary definitions, one which had a long line of marker run across it. I would bet every non-silver hair left on my head that was the one I needed at that moment.

"Who would send _**me**_ to do _anything_ to _anyone_? In what reality is it that the way I go about things suggests anyone but me influences anything I do? Really, enlighten me Black, or better yet, you owe me a favour, don't you?" he seemed ready to react to my question as I slipped my hands up into his dark hair; "don't worry, I actually know the answer, will you kiss me now?" But apparently Black wasn't as interested in kissing as I was. He promptly rolled on his back to lie beside me and acted as if he wasn't like a giant, warm, dangerous, mysterious, smoke scented, ink stained felon who I would very much have liked to kiss for reasons beyond my comprehension. I decided that the voice that demanded I explore the new and compelling development that was the feel of Black and whatever deep seated reason drew me to rap myself around him was a liar who needed to know when to quit. But for on some level I still agreed with her and bitterly scorned the denial of the simple request. The thought that I should convince Black that he was gross seemed infinitely more tempting as I myself began to feel suddenly very naked and inadequate. I huffed.

Considering how little a fan I was of clothing in general I suddenly wished I was wearing something. I spotted my weirdly crisp floor crinkled old school shirt. I pulled it on like a little coat and slipped the tie on with it.

"Forget it, I didn't even really want you to kiss me anyway, I was just making sure in case you wanted to kiss me, I wouldn't have let you it was purely for educational purposes." I supplied flimsily in a classic rambling tone that may or may not have raised questions among most people. I pulled my hair over to my opposite shoulder and presented a smile to the distraction of a man.

"So I can get out of your way and you can just take your wand and go and kill more innocent people or be a totally humanitarian, which ever you would usually so when not in jail." I continued to run around in circles and decided I had successfully cut nearly all bonds to my favourite person and or oncoming enemy.

"Oh, I want to." he had one arm over his eyes and the other along his stomach, it reminded me of being out by that lake when he fell asleep. I huffed and lay back down on my side to face his mostly obscured profile;

"Then why don't you?" I pressed;

"You know when you touched me you almost made me feel normal, like myself, like none of what had happened had happened. I don't trust it and just because we are probably engaged doesn't mean you have to;" he moved his arm to look at me but his hand quickly covered his face again; "why have you put on that school girl costume Malfoy." He sounded the most enthralling type of annoyed; it almost made me want to be the same sort of annoyed;

"I think because I am a school girl Black, or I would be, if I had attended I would be half way through my last year I guess." and then Black was sitting straight up and looking me up and down and pushing himself away and running his hand through his hair, he generally looked thoroughly stricken;

"Oh fuck! This is so not my fault I outright refuse to be credited with feelin up kids, this you! Ok? Fuck! I am fucked! I can't believe I-" and then he stopped and smiled, laughing and his eyes were burning all over me now as he turned back to me; "what are they gonna do, eh Jude?" he asked and I propped myself onto my knees as my breath took a momentary hike. I like it when he called me Jude.

"Throw me in jail?" He prompted and I found myself laughing as well; it was true that it was good to be outside of the law, less to loose. Oh I wished I was funnier. I really loved his laugh, and as I laughed like a belle and laughed like a dog he leaned very close to me and kissed me very all of a sudden.

Warm, confusing, pulling. He didn't stop after a moment, I didn't know what to do before he was pulling away because he wasn't pulling away. He had caught my small lips in his own warm pout

My heart picked up, I felt my blood rushing under my skin. He had me pushed to the ground again, his heart caught on my waist and on my leg. He pulled my top lip away from me and I genuinely did not want it back, keep it, I would have said if I had it.

His breath was coming fast and suddenly his hands were every where and a moment later I felt the gentle slip of his tongue over my lip, before any further thoughts could be developed I went from a whisper of

"more" in a voice which was unexpectedly husky and came from my mouth to a sharp snap across the balmy, energising mans face. I saw the red print form on the side of his pale cheek but didn't stick around for much more as I decided this was not a situation I wanted to be blind in.

The pale man didn't seem to mind even though his face must have hurt more then my tingling palm and I thought my palm at a perfectly reasonable level of pain to complain about… a lot really. His eyes looked more full then I had seen them really, beautiful and brimming with everything, he looked like he had just… I don't know but I wasn't going to stat around to find out.

"I have to, um, Sirius Black I give purposeful and explicit permission for you to occupy the spaces behind the first counter of Ollivanders wand makers and proprietors." I explained to him in a such a flurry I doubted he understood it but I simply took the opportunity to stand quickly. I grabbed my clunky boots by the door, followed by my leather coat and plaid skirt, right.

"Bye now. Same rules as before." and I reached the door, bent my finger wrong the door handle emitting a small "ouch" before making it to the other side, this was quickly followed by some barging to the front part of the house where numerous terrible things had happened. I went and sat in my window seat and decided I needed to find someone to ask about… tongues and brains making there own new strange ideas and generally I had just decided that the more time between the action I do in regard to Sirius Black and the present the more insane the original act looks.

"What on earth did I do with that girls phone number?" I asked the room. The room didn't answer me.

**A/N: Rrreeeevuuuueeewwwwuuuuhhhh and thank you for reading!**


	27. Hugging is Strange

**A/N: BloodandViolence, , AmaranteX and Angel Eyes, you are all a credit to this community of writers and I dedicate this chapter to your diverse and ever growing talents!**

**Chapter 27**

**Hugging is Strange**

Half an hour later, after a short shimmy down the knobbly bricked edge of Ollivanders shop, home of the over protective Mr.-you can't go out there it's to dangerous!- man who was also my boss and who was so overly upset about the escape of the king of killing Mr. Sirius Black that no one would consider for a moment that his own ward, aka me, was housing the wanted man of scandal in her mysterious Malfoy bed sit. It did turn out that the upstanding character that was Garrick Ollivander was like a large shield to the suddenly appearing Malfoy whose arrival was unfortunately suspiciously coinciding with the escape of the much less commended character who occupied that particular orphans every thought… well not her _every _thought. More like some of her thoughts, anyway I was out of Diagon Alley and on through the humpback occupied Transworld pub, and it truly was like a different world once you reached the other side.

London city had cars and cash desks and everyone dressed like a less classy version of the first girl met who was my age. Speaking of, with the savvy acquaintances number delicately penned on the back of my hand I was enjoying the terrorising view of the crowded muggle street of central London from a charming urine scented red wooden box which a police officer had so kindly directed me toward where I enquired where one was to go to locate a phone. He had even supplied me with a nice coin to rent the filthy phone with. Terribly altruistic really, considering what both the books I had read and the fly over parents in Pembride had said about enforcers of the law they really oughtn't be so helpful. Despite my suspicions I ignored the discomfort of witnessing numerous still images of the screaming Sirius Black littered across shop windows on the muggle side and began to practice dialling.

Feeling about ready to insert the coin I began to practice what to say to the girl, woman.

"Oh, hello Tonks! It is me, Juniper… um, Jodie Malfoy! I just wanted to ask you some things about some things! Maybe I could buy you lunch? When are you free? I am free now. Is that good for you? It is? Ok then I guess I will just pick up the phone and call you now then!" I stared at the phone and it didn't say anything; "Yes, I will call you now." the phone continued to do nothing. "you are being really unhelpful" I told the phone and then sighed. Jamming the coin in the little coin receiver I held the phone to my face and carefully dialled in the number.

Boom boom, boom boom, boom boom. The phone said and I pursed my lips, shifting on my toes. "come on." I felt uncomfortable knowing that the less than overjoyed and unpredictable felon remained in my room, even if my blue smoke did say he was innocent I had my suspicions regarding that damned wand of his.

"Wotcher, you are speaking with the youngest Tonks once you start speaking." came the cheerful intimidating shameless friend filled tone of the colour changing girl.

"Hello Tonks, it is Jodie Malfoy. Are you hungry?" I asked as if I wasn't reading it off my wrist;

"Did you read that off a piece of paper or something Malfoy? You sound like a robot!" The overly perceptive girl giggled down the phone and a frowned at my wrist and lowered it to my side, I had no answer written to respond to the overt girls comment.

"Damn Tonks! Just answer the question." more laughing resonated from the end of the phone and I slumped dramatically to the end of the phone box very nearly falling out the door.

"Well I was just on my way out the door to get a bite to eat to be honest." came her answer and I smiled broadly.

"The Leaky Cauldron seems like a good rendezvous point doesn't it?" I asked her smiling at someone who couldn't see you made little sense but I continued my pointless grinning. My eyes shifted up to the wooden sign above the door of the little bar. A short little syllable escaped the phone in Tonks lilting tuned voice but was then interrupted by the familiar;

Boom boom, Boom boom, Booom click. My smile fell. I placed the phone back in its handle.

"Fabulous." I muttered. And fell back toward the door only to tumble out the other side of the smelly phone box. Pity I hadn't learnt from the incident three and a half seconds before.

"Ow! Poor gentle bum, cruel fate, to punish one so innocent and undeserving of such misfortune!" I pronounced to the whisper of sky visible through the cracks in the towering buildings. I pulled myself from the ground and resigned to reside in the Leaky Cauldron, seated surreptitiously at the bar like someone who never broke the law.

I entered the pub as I rubbed my bum and chose an especially kindly looking stool. I earned this bum cushion, I thought to myself, as I planted myself down firmly with a huff.

Moments later I found myself staring out over the counter begrudged toward the varying glass bottled containing a coppery selection of liquids. Like decanted distilled golden blood. Syrupy. A moment later the warm concocted liquids seem to perform in a further style of oddity. As the glass began to turn slowly opaque.

"Oh!" A high worrisome tone strangled its way out of my throat as I began to shake my head vigorously. "Damn!" I hissed as the light frosting on the glass lead to little fractures in the rounded bottles surface while the liquid with in expanded into frozen amber, as it seemed, did every liquid finding its way faster and faster through my body at that moment. The inelegant syllable which had slipped passed my cracked lips with a little puff of smoky air was followed my several more white clouds as my breath came faster in my panic.

My wand, my hand glided over the edges of my thick, heavy mildew coated leather coat.

Then the rattle, the incriminating rattle of death as it escaped the two hooded creatures floating through the once cheery and warm bar. The candles extinguished along with any manner of talk or thrum or chuckle.

POP. I heard and flinched at the sound of toothpaste tube fast as a flash magic travel that had left me mutilated.

"Wotcher Mal…foy." My name very nearly died in her throat as the magenta sporting girl seemed to loose her vibrancy to a dull Black which caused her staunch white skin to appear as death. She stared at the backs of the hooded creatures and drew her wand.

"He's not here!" one of the warped creatures span to face her and I wiggled my soar bum in my seat for a moment before releasing a barely audible exclamation of exasperation and with a snap of my wrist my wand met my hand having slipped unexpectedly out of the edge of my sock. Why would I put it in there? I moved quickly to stand beside Tonks but she made no move of reaction to my support. Not that I noticed due to the painful sluggish movement of my heavy icy blood-sludge as it moved argumentatively through my veins, stabbing the edge of every capillary and cracking me up like one of the amber containers behind the bar. We stood, side by side, wands trained on the two black creatures who turned to face us, blurring my view of everything else, I felt about ready to shatter into pathetic shards but I gripped my wand tighter, trying to remember what it was like to be warm. I couldn't remember, it was like I had never known.

"Get out of here you blighters, what would Sirius bloody Black be doing in here in broad daylight? You will patrol after closing as you are permitted to do. You are not commissioned to terrorise anyone here. _**Leave**_." Tonks seemed unfavoured, seeming to have found a strength somewhere when I was about ready to cry. The girl beside me did not shake or quiver but I felt her sweaty palm slip into my hand the next second and she gripped it so tight that the heat of her nervous hand almost reminded me why I had stood up from my seat to face the horrific, terrifying jailors in the first place. They dressed in rags but they demanded you to cower. Not I, I returned the girls little squeeze and remembered warmth and light as if they had never gone away.

"Sirius." I hissed, hopefully very very quietly and the silvery raven climbed from my wand leisurely before approaching the creatures. I had to keep him protected, he was out here because of me, hunted because of me. The bird shifted its wings slowly on the spot for a moment as if to observe the creature and one took this opportunity to turn itself unto me. Throwing its ghastly, rotting, stinking form forward the demon began to pull at me.

I was on my knees and my heart was behind my face, pumping heavy cold black through me.

My eyes closed to hold it in but this allowed me to see like before, see what I didn't understand.

The black, bottomless creature, the light of everyone around, the flow through each connection, the silvery web keening from my wand to the bird to my heart to the hand of the great shining shifting form next to me that was Tonks, plaits branched around through many people in the pub and I was momentarily distracted by the thick barbed ribbon of light pulling out of Tonks middle to the far end of the tavern. The glow of the man with the hump, the woman with the bustle, the boy and his rat and there was also dark, in the corners, in the demons. A chameleon stumbled from the centre of the escalating glow of the woman whose hand gripped ever tighter to mine and as I opened my eyes, feeling a little release of pressure from my head and I squinted through my lashes at the ambling progress of the two smoky creatures. I watched as the two glowing creatures tumbled around the two deaths as they tumbled toward the exit a flurry of movement and further wave and spat and gone.

No one said anything and I joined them in not saying anything for a moment before someone pulled themselves from behind the bar and sniffed before wondering aloud; "isn't that the girl Lucius Malfoy assaulted the other day." and I lay back on the floor and laughed a little.

"Oh yes," came a response from the opposing end of the room in a familiar voice, "that's her." I rolled my eyes as Tonks pulled me from the ground.

"Shutup Remus." I muttered as I dusted myself off, the girl pulled me close to her suddenly in a tight hug as I watched a lovely, familiar shade of pink flood her lengthy hair as it began to curl cheerfully. Hugging was strange;

"Thankyou." The girl whispered and I shook my head as she released me. My mouth seemed to want to impress the audience with a good fish impression for a moment as it gaped and closed several times before I nodded slowly and lifted my arm to find something appropriate to say scrawled on its side;

"Hello Tonks," I read again and she rolled her eyes before lazily planting her hand on her hip and smiling. Conversation began to restore itself around us as I saw Remus crossing the room toward us;

"It is Jodie Malfoy. Are you nunyrg?" I frowned and squinted closer at my wrist. "Oh yeah;" I said more quietly before meeting Tonks coy eye; "it used to say hungry, its kinda smudged, see?" I jammed my arm in her face and she flinched back laughing, and that was how every hope I had for talking with Tonks was destroyed; the moment her clumsy bad luck landed her elbow squarely in the gut of one Remus Lupin they were both lost to me for the evening. After several more minutes of them falling into an in depth discussion regarding the likely hood of heredity in the "metamorphogus gene" and the curls on my supposedly new friends head seeming to get tighter and pinker every moment caused me to realise that obtaining a word in edge ways was out of the question.

"Till next time then…" and I took my leave after being on the receiving end of two pathetic and inconsiderate little waves. Really, I decided that I would just return home and scry for answers using that book at Ollivanders instead.

At least they got along… it would not be nice if my only sort of friends in the world didn't get along.

I should bring Sirius some lunch. Would the death go to Ollivanders? No, surely not. I marched through Diagon Alley purposefully toward Ollivanders and discovered the perils of attempting to shimmy back up a a building while holding a bag with battered fish in it.

I managed it anyway and as I approached the book of explanations I decided some revelations were in order. If only Tonks and Remus had decided to become temporary enemies instead of immediate friends.

You cant win them all I guess.

**A/N: Hope you liked it,**

**Feedback is VERY MUCH APPRECIATED,**

**Thanks for reading**


	28. The Bants with Jude

**A/N: Don't expect to many laughs with this one! Its pretty heavy.**

**A SPECIAL SHOUT OUT TO Ms. TonksLupin FOR BEING EVERYTHING A YOUNG LADY OF ESTEEM OUGHT BE!**

**And with no further adieu, please enjoy:**

**Chapter 28**

**The Bants with Jude**

After a long time reading about the special need to use fresh mountain spring water that has been untouched by human hands and how this super pure water needed to be stored in a stone that had formed naturally into a plate by water erosion I decided that I did not care if my responses were a little shabby, how different could the whole process turn out just by using a ceramic bowl and some tap water? Not to different I liked to think.

So there I sat, ceramic bowl of water in hand, cross legged on the dusty floor in a nice sunny patch of space. Taking my wand out of my pocket I smiled down at the water.

"Apparently I need to say the question out loud while waving the sort of quartz that matches up with my place of birth." I looked at the book again and sniffed; "Hogwash! As if anyone knows their place of birth!" and then after a moments though I rolled my eyes. Granted having grown up in a foster home it seemed increasingly likely that innumerable people did in fact know their place of birth. What a strange piece of information to spoiled with. I pulled myself up from the ground and crossed the room leisurely, approaching the mirror by the entrance, it looked at me like it know I was onto it.

"I am onto you." I confirmed for the mirror and then met my eye. "Come on." I told the other girl and we reached for each other. I brought her to sit beside me by the bowl of water, she did the same. As usual.

"Right, so here is the plan Jude, I am going to ask what this junk is all about ok?" she mouthed along with me and nodded. I rolled my eyes and stared at her again. "Come here Jude." I repeated. Nothing.

"Suit yourself." I muttered obligingly and I stared down at the bowl of water below me before glancing over at the book. Opening Rumilda's great useless tomb again I opened it on its middle page. The page was Blank and I smiled before pouring the water over it. The water darkened the page from its yellowy cream to a sort of damp grey and as it did so the writing from the page after showed through the newly translucent paper. I dried it with a flick of my wand and put my face in my hands, feeling the end of my wand press into the skin of my cheek. The sound of the book being pushed across the room by my intent to escape it, along with the echoing ceramic skid of the bowl was then followed up by something I was both hoping for and dreading; there was a shuffling by the mirror; I looked up from my hunched position and saw my self laid back, my legs stretched across the round and crossed at the ankles as I lent back on my palms. I mushed my face back into my hands.

"Hey Jude." I muffled into my palm.

"Hey Jodie." the mirror girl answered. "Right well, I have something for ya." I looked up at her, she hadn't moved. I sat up straighter;

"What?" I asked as I began to work a braid into my hair;

"News. Do you want the good news or the bad news first?" I shrugged and she smiled in a strange half smug half sad way;

"I know why you are married-"

"Engaged." I corrected her as I retied my hair,

"Lovely, anyway, listen. That grandfather of yours? He did a number on all this shit and guess why;" she looked at me half expectantly and I felt my eyebrows crinkle;

"Give up." I said and she huffed before continuing;

"Because the old codger, Abraxus, decided he would make a deal with the Grin." I bit my lip;

"The Grim?" I whispered back;

"Oh Lord no, that would be to simple, wouldn't it? Look, Malfoys have always been into breeding the whole lot of them, and that was weird, far a you can go back in a line the Malfoy clan mad a deal that they would have an heir for every generation. They made that deal with the Grin because the Grin was Fucking up for it, you follow?" I shook my head no but she just went on;

"Your Abraxus fella decides to reconvene connections with the damned red eyed life sucking demon bastard and get a little power boost, basically your Grand Pappy decided he wanted to be a Warlock, Wizard just wouldn't fuckin"" cut any longer." I frowned and ran my fingers through my plait to loosen it, Jude was giving me an earnest look.

"So he made some sort of deal with the devil type of deal with this demon?" Jude nodded; "So what did he offer as collateral?" The girl smiled bitterly,

"I am glad you asked" she answered as she mirrored my posture before continuing, she looked at me a certain way and I wondered if she was trying to be unnerving on purpose, I didn't question her though, more important questions, although I did take a moment out to consider getting a kitten. But wouldn't it be terrible when it stopped being cute but you remained emotionally attached to it? Then you would just have a yowling cat. So not worth it; any way Jude smiled and I decided I quite liked her voice, despite her crassness as she began;

"You see, demons like the Grin, they aren't made with all the same components as a fully formed being; it lacks certain uhm…_qualities_. It has no ability to empathise or imagine or lie, but the fact remains. It has a talent for deception given the right tools, but the thing is, it is an incomplete being and it needs to fill these holes with something, do you follow?" I shook my head but gestured for her to keep going;

"I'll figure it out, just keep going." I answered aloud, she nodded and continued;

"Right well, the Grin asked for three things in return when your Grand Dad brought him into his home to ask after the old magic," she lifted three fingers and as her shirt sleeve slipped I saw a bandage still on her wrist where mine was unnaturally healed, I made a note to ask about it later.

"The Grin pretty much told your Granddad in no uncertain terms that he was going to take these things from his families next in line but Abraxus was cleverer then he made out, the tricky dick figured that the Grin could go ahead since his wife wasn't knocked up yet, so guess who the heir to the Malfoy thrown was when Abraxus agreed to allow the Grin have free reign over his future in exchange for personal gain?" I shook my head; and Jude smiled, flashing my own two chipped bottom teeth;

"None other than your Grandmothers sister-in-law turned widows second fucking husband! Sweet Walburga Blacks new husband had the ability to comprehend bias pulled from his person fluidly. He was unable to father a kid who would have any thing less then an unalterable sense of diplomacy, why did the Grin want that you ask?" Jude put her hand to her ear and wiggled an eyebrow and I couldn't help but feel endeared to her pantomimic nature, was I like that? I did love a good flourish… Jude continued sombrely;

"Well the Grin had nothing beyond what was there to _see_, being able to see and believe things different to reality is something powerful for creatures like _it_." She said the word with a sort of crick to her expression, she wasn't comfortable with the concept, that much was clear.

"It was a form of deception, deception was something only mortal beings should have but there you go. It was done. The second thing the Grin wanted was to be able to change into Abraxus's form, your Grand dad didn't really like that but he agreed to let the demon do it just once, he allowed, for the witching hour on Samhain the demon could adopt his form; bad call really. The last request was quite simple really, he asked to be credited when people were to ask of the Malfoy Patriarchs new found abilities. That was it, the deal was made, bound in magic and blood just as the deal that had made the Malfoys such stable breeders for all those years the Grin delivered again." My hands were shaking a little;

"I have encountered the demon have I not?" Jude frowned at me;

"You have of course; more often then you know." I placed my hand over the laceration on the side of my ribs and ran my fingers over it gently;

"Oh no, its not that;" Jude responded; she sat up and knelt down in front of me and I sat up to do the same. She put her hand to the mirror and her hand pressed to it like a pain of glass. I did the same. It just felt like a mirror.

"Oh Jodie;" The girl looked at me like I was tragedy and I frowned; was I going to die? Was the Grin behind me? "I wish that was it, for our sake, I really do." her lip was quivering and for a second all I felt was resignation;

"Just tell me." came the words, because how much worse more could I lose?

**A/N: I have kinds been avoiding this for a while cause its gonna get pretty heavy for a a chapter or two but hey!**

**No there is no but hey, ultra heavy load on the way. I hope your up for a birra dark stuff**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Karla**


	29. Knotted

**Chapter 29**

**Knotted**

"The demon, on the night of Samhain he took you Grandfathers body and, well. He used it to make your Father, not purposefully and doing it up very near broke the original Malfoy pact. Your parents did try and. you know, to protect you, to protect you both." I nodded slowly, I was afraid. "Your Grandfather wanted your son to live but the Grin had made a deal with the Malfoy clan, one heir per generation. No change of term or circumstance. No glitch. Your Father wasn't allowed to exist. Your mother tried to protect him too, but in the end it got him. One night when he lay next to your mother, both pursued by the ministry and the curse. It was Samhain, the Grin was at strength. It forced through his bones and blood while he slept and clutched his heart in its claw till it couldn't beat, it left no mark. It never did. That is why you were bound more _extensively_" We were crying but I couldn't stop listening and it was probably for the best because the girl didn't seem to be able to stop talking; I wanted to ask about being bound but I couldn't interrupt.

"See they had hidden you. They had already hidden you. Black, your fiancé Sirius Black, you had to be attached to the Black family. Otherwise, if you were no ones ward, no ones intended. You needed to be bound in an old way, that couldn't be unbound because otherwise the Grin could take you." I rubbed my tears from my eyes with the hand that wasn't still pressed so firmly to the mirror, I risked breaking it or having it move from its position tipped against the edge of the chair down onto the hard ground so it would shatter all over the place and probably gore up my already gored up arm.

"Tuh," I sniffed and tried again, trying to still my quivering lip; "T-take me?" Jude pressed her forehead to the mirror and closed her eyes.

"Your Mother, your Grand Father, even Sirius's brother. They just _disappeared_." She opened her eyes and met mine with a resigned steel. "The Grin is weakened every time a glitched life appears in its workings; you are one such life; that is why you and I are not one, that is why Sirius Black had no dark magic and that is why you are engaged to Sirius Black." I nodded and picked at a loose fibre from my shirt;

"I wish that was it Juniper I really do." I looked to see Jude, I felt my heart tug toward her;

"You understand that the Grin, if you had a baby, it would be cursed, like you? A glitch, it would weaken the demon further, it could bare near kill it unless it finds someone to steal;" I nodded solemnly and she looked up toward the roof as if looking for an answer; "So he wouldn't let it happen." I tipped my head;

"What?" I asked, lost as to her meaning. She placed her hand over her belly gently and shook her head before looking once more to the side another tear escaped her. She may have been sharp but right then she just looked like she hated herself, hated herself for the truth. I wanted more then anything to save her from it. It looked like she was being twisted by it, she looked vulnerable and due to the impression I had of her invincibility, it was disconcerting.

"It uh;" She fell back onto her bum and brought her knees up and arms up near her head, the soles of her feet pressed flat to the floor, she began to sob messily; I didn't know what to do but then she was pointing at me; pointing at my abdomen.

"The knot, when you are weak;" and she took in a breath and keened a little before continuing as she pointed accusingly at my belly. My heart moved fast, my palms sweated. My hands continued to shake as she continued to cry out of the mirror toward me; "when you are you can feel it, you feel it reaching in. it breaks you up, its tearing you down inside, you _must _feel it; the hands, the blood. I am so sorry. Oh Juniper it's the knot, that **thing **has knotted you up so that you ca-can't have a child." I was didn't understand fast enough to even know why my mouth was asking when it did.

"Since when?" It said as I touched over my stomach. I understood. You get married and when you are in love a baby can grow inside a woman. Apparently I didn't have an inside, I was just mangled.

"Oh Juniper, didn't you ever wonder why we didn't even have a fucking period? Fuck I just mean, oh Jodie, listen, that man. You two, you are mixed up in all of this but you are in it together ok?" It wasn't but I answered like it was;

"Ok? A period?" Jude just looked out at me, tears running down her face, flowing hard and fast like they were never going to stop. Red rimmed white eyes. Her brow crinkled in a way that was so like me that I wondered for a moment if she was gone. Her mouth picked up at the edges a little and she nodded slowly; and said;

"Well I guess, that's the good news;" I pushed the remnants of the tears from my face, the tears of fear and confusion and frustration and the tears that a pathetic woman cries. I wasn't even a woman. I was just an ignorant glitch wrapped around a useless knot of a broken torn baby house.

"What?" I sniffed and the girl on the other side of the mirror pushed her hands into he hair and exhaled through her mouth as if pushing out all the pity she felt for me. Juniper the unsightly smudge who exists as a result of a monsters mistake.

"Juniper ask me a question about Sirius Black that you don't want anyone to know you don't know the answer to." I immediately felt stuck. What did it matter what I thought after all I had learned? What difference would it make to the world if I up and ended myself? Someone who was so pathetic that her thoughts didn't matter should surely know better then to delude herself into thinking that her need for answers are anymore important.

"For God sakes Jodie would you get over all of this. Nothing has changed but your understanding." I shook my head and met the mirror girls eyes. My eyes, my stupid unnatural eyes; my mouth opened and I felt my wand tearing up through from where it rested, stored in my sock; the skin on my leg was splitting with fractures and bleeding through the patterned wool, I could feel it as my brain tried to jump out through my mouth with its response;

"_**EVERYTHING**_** HAS CHANGED!**" I screamed the words louder then I had ever made a noise in my life. The girl in the mirror didn't even wince and I pointed my bloody wand at her; "Don't you see? I am going to die and Sirius is going to die. Just like my Mum and Dad, they were Deatheaters! _Demons_, the bad guys. I am the flesh and the blood born from monsters and sinners." the wand in my hand sent hairline fractures up along the skin on my arm and blood began to bead at the tattered skins edges. I was shaking, I was angry. I hated myself, I deserved to hate myself. People who didn't spend everyday up sat night damning me ought be damned for foolishness themselves.

"You are hurting yourself Jodie." The ridiculous woman whispered and I dropped my wand to the floor and slammed my face into my bleeding hand to catch my tears. I looked up a moment later and saw the blood and cuts to be gone. Facing the mirror I saw something I hadn't been prepared for. They were on Jude, all the way up her harm to her neck, her foot leaked onto the floor.

**A/N: Please let me know what you think, it was tough to write.**

**Thanks for reading**


	30. Locks and Keys

**Chapter 30**

**Locks and Keys**

She was breathing hard and she looked at me sternly before explaining as if it was simple;

"They had to get to Sirius Black, he was the son of Orion, the boy that the Grin got to. He was bound to be innocent." I shook my head and frowned; I was ready to say it but even as I opened my mouth the blood was being pulled back into her body as the lines began to draw themselves back ward on her skin. I ran my hand over my own neck and just asked;

"My Mother? She wasn't zapped by the grin or anything of the sort." I pointed out, feeling disappointed even as I said it because it was true and for a moment my parents had the potential to have been good within the parameters of this new mottled reality. I didn't want to be evil, I only hurt Jude. I wondered about her arm;

"Oh how could you be so blind Jodie? You _saw_ for yourself! your mother could _see _like you, it haunted her but she was able to use what she saw to try and do the right thing. It is how she found your Father, and it was how you found me. Think Juniper!" and I did and it took only a moment before it clicked into place like a clock striking twelve. I still felt retched, though less of a retch.

"The threads." I said aloud begrudgingly, in a way I was quite dead set on being the worst sort of scum but as I thought back to the times when I closed my eyes and saw things differently it made sense. The demon. When it had reached into my middle. I put my hand over my stomach and nodded. Oh yes. I knew what she meant. Had my mother been able to see like that to? Could she control it?

"Why could she see that way? Why can I?" I asked as I looked back to the woman; she looked relieved, I decided I felt relieved, it was like the worst of something was over, even though in reality, I was still a barren, ignorant, inexperienced and frightened girl who was being hunted my a sadistic game playing demon who claimed a menacing repertoire of crimes against all that was good in its every action. Still, I felt relieved and Jude talked;

"Mirrors work in opposites Jodie and a mirror can't do anything in a dark room. Darkness is just what happens when there is no light. If darkness had its way, it would be the other way round. When something dark happens it changes lights purpose, light doesn't just show, it _tells_.

Quite simply;

light finds the right people and then it puts on a show;

it shows you every connection and its your destiny to know." I nodded.

"So you are the light _in_ me? Coming to _tell_ me instead of just show _me_?" She smiled a moment and shrugged;

"I don't know Juniper, reflectively I think you are just off the fuckin' wall." I narrowed my eyes sceptically and then smiled. I wasn't going to make a family so instead maybe I ought to find one. Jude didn't think badly of me and she knew everything bad about me. She still talked as if she liked me even when I felt to shameful to be worth talking to, I have had people refuse to talk to me just because of my demeanour. I had been hated for so much less then the real motivations for hating me. That sort of support was something like family, maybe even better then family. I felt good. Maybe that was it, that something that made people ignore me or scorn me, I had a giant evil demon hovering just behind me.

"That's what they used to say about my mum." I pointed out, thinking on how the ideal is maintained still, even Dumbledore had said she was a paranoid schizoid;

"Yeah." Jude sighed; "I reckon she was batty and all." We laughed and the feeling of relief still felt like it belonged there even though it came with so much tough stuff I had to deal with. It was like for every problem there was something that happened to try and make it all worth while, like no matter how bad something there was a salvation was there because even though one corrupted selfish decision had infected my whole damned life, it was still going to happen as it should, because for every tragic hero, something is gained, something finds its place. The people, though left at a loss their world will balance. I don't know why I thought it would be easy but I was relieved because I could except that it wasn't, but that's just ok.

The demon may have corrupted a lot of life but without, Sirius may well have been a Deatheater, even then it was at the cost of his brother. Cancer would have never been born and therefore never found any love, even the briefest love, with my apparent Heroin of a Mother and being their child was an honour even if it came with **a lot** of baggage, cough -Lucius- cough- ancient curse- hem hem.

"Ok" Jude said as she rearranged herself into a more comfortable looking position. "Now ask!" and I did, that question that I didn't know why I wasn't aloud to ask;

"Why is he so _damned_ **warm**?!" I asked and Jude smiled knowingly.

"because since he is a man and you are a woman and you are a hormonal teenage _virgin,_" she said the word like a private joke and I pressed my lips together; "you want to shag him;" she gave me an expectant look and I narrowed my eyes for want of not giving her the satisfaction I gave in with due reluctance.

"Give up." I said to show how I was most certainly not going to play a guessing game, this had been going on to long, it was like there was some sort of universal secret everyone was in on but me.

"You know what you have got in your knickers, right?" I nodded; "Well somewhere hidden between you legs there is an anatomy lesson to be learned. Its like uuuh… a lock? Yeah, you have got a lock down there called a vagina, you follow?" I glanced down at the tops of my thighs for a moment and then shrugged before nodding, _vagina_ the word seemed pretty made up but I committed to memory as Jude continued. I was tempted to ask what her motivation for explaining all of this was but I supposed we were quite like sisters in a way. Like long lost twins, I would answer her if she was looking for a good book to read or if she wanted to know what the pH of the average cat stomach if she wanted to know, somehow however I felt like the information she was giving may be slightly more useful in the grand scheme of things.

"Well its safe to say that, generally speaking, girls have locks and boys don't." My face scrunched up and Jude smiled mischievously as she continued; "Boys have keys, when they aren't using it on locks its pretty harmless but when they are, well… things get more interesting." I didn't dare ask how and over the course of the next half an hour at which point I hadn't nearly exhausted my source of questions to push the topic of sex which after several rounds of disbelieving laughter I eventually excepted as a real life occurrence and not just a joke gone to far there was a crack from the other side of the door leading onto the other rooms in the flat. Jude and I caught each others eye and a sneaky smile shaped its way across her mouth as she winked in a way that was suggestive of something entirely different to what my mind previously thought it to mean.

I stuck my tongue out at her, still quite displeased with her for laughing a little _to_ hard when I told her what at transcribed between Sirius and I that morning. I picked my wand up off the floor and looked at the door apprehensively. Black may not have had a wand but he was now armed with something much more unpredictable. I scrunched and uncurled a few of my toes as I contemplated my next move.

**A/N: Thanks for Reading!**


	31. Picnic

**A/N: Enjoy!**

**Chapter 31**

**Picnic**

"you should bang him" said Jude saucily.

"do you have to be so vulgar?" I rushed out in a wide eyed response.

"oh come on! For me?" she made a lovely little praying pouting combo followed by a lovely moment of air grinding in an attempt to persuade me;

"That's an unseemly request to make of someone Jude." I folded my arms.

"oh for fuck sake Jodie, stop thinking about being seemly and start thinking about semen for once in your life!"

"Jude" I cried, scandalised.

"Less comely, more cumming!" she retorted shamelessly, she was in stitches laughing a moment later and I could feel my cheeks heat.

"Whatever." I blundered and then stood to walk to the door where I could hear Black shuffling aimlessly. I pulled the wrapped fish into my hand with a flick of my wand and heated it with another.

"One day you will be happy to have someone like me in your life Jodie." she called from the mirror.

"Don't count on it." came my response, even though we both new I was kidding, we had an understanding. I smiled to myself and then shook it off. Sirius Black was a full grown man who I had rolled around in various states of undress with since our introduction the day before. My fiancé.

How much should I tell him? I asked myself, still stalling outside the door. I am an orphan? a virgin? a sorceress? a seer? A girl? A woman? An insane person? A cursed person? His fiancé? His captor? His liberator? His destiny?; the last one sounded good in some ways but terrible in others. I decided to opt it out for the time being.

"you think to much." Jude called over and I giggled in an abnormally high and uncomfortable pitch.

"Very helpful sweetie, thank you." I turned the latch in the door and was met almost instantly with those eyes. He stared at me, I breathed incorrectly. He looked out over my shoulder and saw the front of the flat. He wrapped his large hand around my arm and pulled me forward, the door was kicked closed behind me. We stood together in the dark hall way and I resisted the urge to touch him. I would have really like to have touched him. His hand burned into my arm. I could feel his body heat. I didn't know the words for how he smelt but Jude had supplied a few; masculine, sensual and sexy all seemed quite fitting.

"Who were you talking to?" He hissed out in a fan of hot compelling breath and I shook my head in the dim light;

"None of your business;" I kept my tone petulant so it wouldn't sound overly breathy. It didn't really work; I span and removed myself from him;

"I brought food." I called back over my shoulder as I marched toward the bedroom and made faces down the hall when he couldn't see. It was just to get a few of the melodramatic and distressed expressions out of my system; I even took the time to mouth "Oh God why?!" and stare up at the ceiling beseechingly before I turned back to the fugitive and released a canned smile. Safe, recycled and unenthused expressions were to become my new specialty I was sure of it. As long as more than a metre of space was allowed between that body and mine I would be safe enough. There was less assurance to be made for his eyes, light in colour, dark in intent. Maybe I should just _bang_ him… Jude was such a tactless influence.

"Are you fucking kidding me? What are you playing at? Why do you have me locked up in a flat above one of the busiest establishments in Diagon Alley? Why do you never wear clothes? If you know I am innocent then how can you not know anything else? How can you figure out something in a few hours that wasn't figured out by the people who had known me my whole life in ten years? Who are you with? Why are we wasting our time here? Don't you realise that Pettigrew, the filthy rat, is still out there!? And Harry! He needs me, what did they do with him? My family? My friends? And who the **fuck **are you anyway?! And don't give me any of that Jodie Malfoy crap, are you even listening to me?!" He was pacing up and down the hall, clearly enraged, unendingly scary. My smart mouth seemed ahead of me though. Really wished I had more of a reign on it;

"Actually I stopped paying attention for a while in the middle, is there anything else you want to get off your chest before dinner or…?" I trailed off into a question and bit the inside of my cheek. Damned motor mouth was going to get me killed, but at least I would die sounding cool and defiant and not stuttering and pathetic, right? Had to count for something.

"Just answer me." he stood, firm and unrelenting in my hall way. Maybe I did think to much;

"Fine, if you must know, I took a wild guess toward your innocence because I didn't think you sounded mean. This is the only place I have to go and I owe my allegiance to few but acted on none of those loyalties in bringing you here. I don't really have a plan. All I have is a warm meal that is going cold so pull yourself together and start acting like an man." I said all this to his shoes even though in my peripheral vision I could see his flashing eyes burning all over me. In the dark as we were, with him standing as he was. It reminded me of when I first caught site of him in that flash of lightening. Dramatic and terrifying and upon looking to the past. Incredibly sexy, I couldn't think straight but I decided that it was paramount that I acted like I was having no issue at all. He had finally moved down the hall as I pulled the coverlet from the bed along with the pillows.

"What are you-" he began but I was already explaining;

"Picnic." I said cheerily as I hid my face from view behind the piled duvet. I pushed passed him and kicked open the bathroom door just as he launched into an explanation about how we couldn't just float around the way I seemed to like to and go for a picnic in the Norland somewhere but I had already set the blanket on the bathroom floor and planted my bum on a cushion. I threw one to the other side for the man who now stood above me. He looked down with the air of someone who didn't quite understand something and I glowered up at him.

"It's not the most terribly complex process Sirius just sit on the cushion and have some fish;" I turned to tear some of the paper; I saw his feet shifting on the tile beside me and I tried not to think of it, any of it. Rhythmic, primal and hot. Now that I new there was more it seemed to be the end of every line of thought. In a brain where **man standing next to you + man is Sirius Black = Possible naked hug scenarios** is pretty much the be all and end all of linear thought I begin to question the good humour in which Jude imparted the information she had chosen to pass on. Haha Jude, haha.

During the time which I was taking to think up ways in which I could pull something similar on Jude Sirius Black decided that he was going to ignore the careful placement of his cushion and kneel very close to me while simultaneously placing himself directly in front of me. I felt air touch the side of my eyes as my eye lids pulled back in shock.

My whole body seemed to be trying to pull away, my lungs pulling in all the air that they could, my eyebrows trying to hide in my fringe, my lip disappearing in between my teeth as I bit down on it distractedly. My heart didn't seem to get the game however and made great efforts to escape my chest as I looked the man over in a more lascivious manner then I really wished I had. He met every standard of what I would hope to see apparently, as my heart moved faster and my blood trilled. It took in the bow of his top lip and the pout of his bottom, the domineering, sharp inline of his jaw and his well bred facial structure that could be used to carve diamond. Pale skin, dark hair, and the ink. Little symbols littered up and down his torso, shamelessly pressed up against his skin. My finger tips itched. They were jealous. His mouth shifted into a little smile. How long had I been staring? I begged myself not to look into his eyes. I really did but I am only one woman and he was, well he was everything else.

Grey with the slightest split of fine blue like a snow flake or sharded glass. Sharp searching and intelligent. Compelling and engaging.

"How are we ever going to talk or eat if you keep looking at me like that?" He asked in a deep lingering altercation. I jumped slightly as he broke the silence but once again my mouth was faster;

"I was about to ask you the same question." Said the mouth that obviously had a death wish, or perhaps more extremely, a wish to be kissed and to kiss. My voice was lower then usual as well and it travelled passed lips that expressed a similar view to the supposedly innocent man; we both smiled roguishly at each other for a moment, as if to challenge on another. As if I had any fodder with which to stake a bet or a dare.

"I dare you." I said as the word passed through my brain as if it new exactly what it was doing. He placed his hand on the edge of my throat and I closed my eyes. My skin sang. He was so very warm.

"You are going to get us both in trouble." his beard tickled the skin of my cheek as he spoke directly into my ear; his warm breath echoing off the shell. I shuddered;

"I am fairly sure we are maxed out on troub-ah! Oh…" my statement was regrettably interrupted my but I couldn't claim to care. The pale coloured soft mouth of Sirius Black had wrapped around my ear lobe sinfully. It felt demeaning and dangerous and I liked it;

I was scandalised but I was over it;

"More." I hissed out as my hands began to flow up the mans torso. One boldly slipping under the cloth of his shirt to reach bare skin;

"Please." I breathed out embarrassingly but I didn't care, it worked. Within a moment he had pressed my back down onto the duvet below and was looking down into my eye as if that action could lead to anything but more writhing and wanton sighing from my part.

"As long as you promise not to hit me again." he smiled playfully and I frowned up at him, this was serious business. I needed to figure this out and I was not going to be mocked throw out. Narrowing my eyes up at the older man I allowed my legs to slip up around his waist and pulled him flush against me. His weight causing me to release a shallow sort of broad vowel.

He growled suitably and I laughed lowly;

"Whatever makes you feel secure Sweetheart." I murmured in a movement so close to the curious mans lips that I could almost feel the weight of the shadow coming from his own cupids bow. He raised an eyebrow for a moment and I felt as if I could maintain my cool in the upcoming events. Unfortunately he followed this gesture up with a disarming wink. While I was being momentarily offended by his lack of expressional congruence he had taken whatever my next statement was going to be and thrown it under a bus somewhere.

His mouth pressed mine heatedly and I arched toward him, pulling him closer.

**A/N: Thanks for reading, all reviews are welcome**


	32. Body and Mind

**Chapter 32**

**Body and Mind**

I didn't know what I was doing and in retrospect it was terribly good thing that I knew to little to care what exactly I was doing. I had deduced that it was not regular to jump from polite conversation to heavy petting on a duvet but the order in which events had found them selves seemed to suit me down to the ground. No pun intended.

I challenge any person to make an attack on my moral fibre for if anyone on the planet could survive a day in the knowledge that a man as compellingly physically heated as the person above me without finding themselves in a similarly compromising position existed, let them cast the first stone.

His hot heavy hand weighed itself on the back of my thigh, curving it to his hip. It made every part of my skin tingle just thinking about his hand and the tug and pull of his soft warm lips against mine was something I didn't know how to react to. Overwhelmed I was a flushed, flustered pleading mess. Sirius Black moved with assuredness, his movements steady and congruent, for him, this was only the beginning of an evening of touching but for me this was the first evening to ever feature any touching.

Carefully latched onto him I tried not to reflect on what he must have been thinking. About what his motivation was for all this kissing.

His right hand drew soft loose patterns on the skin of my hip and received a gasp and a buck in response. A mechanical aspect of sexual encounter mentioned earlier by Jude suddenly made a more present sense. Sirius kissed my neck, it was warm and distracting. He smelt like every good smell I could think of and a few that I couldn't think of even as I smelt them. It was a addictive and I inhaled deeply. The cold air placed the heat of my skin into a more clearly contrasted view. I felt faint, I was hyperventilating. His thumb moved over my hip again and my bum once more shifted from the ground toward him. His tongue ran over my neck and I didn't know what to think of it, all I knew was that as I held to his shoulders which as much strength as I could Black's tongue licked like a flame across my clavicle. I was entirely to warm, another pass of my hip and in some way or another Blacks own hip moved down to meet my thrust.

"Oh." I blurted as a shot of I don't know what smouldered up my middle. I couldn't keep track of the quickly building towering inferno between my hips. I repeated the movement with more force and groaned lowly. The deep primal pressure drove me from logical thought. Hooking my leg around Sirius provocatively I slipped myself onto the front of his hip after somehow flipping him roughly onto his back. Gazing down at the attractive mans light eyes I was driven to distraction for a moment. He ran his hand through my hair gently as I stared fixedly into his eyes. I knew in that moment that I was missing something of Sirius Black. Having just met him and barely trusting him I thought about what Jude said about us being in it together.

Sirius pushed himself up into a sitting position with me draped across his lap. I could feel his masculine anatomy pressing through my cotton knickers. It took a deal of restraint not to shift rhythmically at a point. Instead I just mirrored the mans attentions unto himself as I slipped my fingers through his soft black tresses gently.

"Sirius?" I asked, searching his eyes carefully, searching once more for the sort of person he was under all the confusion. Was he a gentle moderately bitter intellectual like Remus? Definitely not. Was he a free confident spirit like Tonks? Maybe he was once, surely Tonks has her spirit as a side effect of her incorrigible youth. Wise and dutiful like Albus? Kind and diligent like Mr Ollivander?

No, Sirius Black was not very much like any of these people, he had displayed few of these qualities. So far he seemed more like a heater who liked Beatles music, a man who had an unfortunate life. A man who was very full of light. My intended. He moved to allow his lips to touch mine as he spoke;

"Jodie." his lips caught mine for a moment in a sensual caress; I quivered as my body refused to calm along with my argumentative mind.

"I am sorry I can't keep you somewhere safe Sirius, I am sorry I didn't think this out. I didn't mean for any of this to happen." I pressed my face against his neck, I had no idea the way I felt at that moment was a way that a person could feel. Wrapped around him, close to him, like I had never seen stars but then he had shown them to me. As if they were there because of him, I felt about ready to credit him with every good thing I knew about, not that there were many. Maybe I am a cynic. His hand ran up and down my back gently; the gesture left a path across my skin that reverberated through my skin. It was such a simple, casual, erotic diversion. I sighed deeply, as he spoke I could feel the words murmur through his throat deeply;

"What are you doing getting mixed up with this shit love? What does this have to do with you, if you didn't know-" he paused and I sensed it was disconcerting for him to admit it; "if, uh, you didn't know about us being, well engaged and that. Why?" I frowned into his shoulder for a moment before answering;

"Sirius, I… well, I found out I was a witch just a little while ago and since then I found out that my family were crazy and that I had this vocation for living. I just want to be honest with you, you and I were set to be together when we were kids because if I wasn't engaged to someone I um… I would uuuh, this thing, there is this curse and my parents saw what was happening and just, this monster, ok? This apparition is wants me dead Sirius. It wants us both dead?" I felt the steadfast man stiffen below me;

"What are you saying Jodie? That we are marked for dead? Because that isn't exactly anything new." I leaned back and met his eyes once more and smiled in a way that I suspected looked quite watery and broken but I knew it was unusually genuine. Sirius was grinning ruefully and I ran my hand through my hiar absent mindedly;

"What is that look for?" I asked quietly.

**A/N: Thanks for reading and please review!**


	33. Crash

**Chapter 33**

**Crash**

"Oh, I was just thinking…" he lauded out in his husky tone and my curiosity peeked further. I wonder if the he had a way of making people react in such a way on purpose. To be automatically drawn to him just by his manner of speaking. It was quite clever really. I decided to ask him about it when I was finished blushing because of it. He ran a thumb along my cheek and I felt little dimples rise up all over my skin like a static electric shock. I didn't shudder on purpose. I knew that any little bit I let go would just lead to a lot more letting go.

"Yes?" I prompted indulgently; knowing it was what he had set me up for but not really caring as I met his slate eyes. They persisted and I gave;

"I was wondering whether you were a still water that doesn't run deep or whether you are being really straight forward because if this is you being straight you should know you are a natural at confusing me." I laughed naturally and found myself holding his hand. I stared at his inky hand covering mine for a moment and felt my eyes crinkle when I smiled down at my mutilated appendage trapped in his meticulously decorated one.

"and I was just wondering whether you made me feel curious about you on purpose with some clever trick." I carefully avoided probing further into his last statement; though I was enticed and perhaps slightly offended. "Sirius, do you think we should go and have your name cleared? Surely then we could go for a real picnic." the man was giving a moderately incredulous luck and I seriously considered changing the subject by rocking against the tempting man methodically. I couldn't seem to forget about our situation quite as well as he seemed to have managed as he infuriatingly continued to leave his answers with lips that traced over the skin of my neck and over my mouth. His stupidly coherent answers;

"if everything was as simple as you made it sound Jodie I would very much like to do many things, and if the world were to adhere quite so much to my plans for me as it apparently does for you and yours I wonder what should be wrong with the productivity of our party if we did not get them all done completely before tomorrow;" I frowned and almost considered moving away from the incredibly robustly scented, warm pale upper class side of London city accent wielding man but upon reaching the end of that sentence decided against it. I would not be beaten away by poorly assembled sarcasm.

"I am going to make life terribly simple and lovely for both of us before this time next year Sirius; you will see." he laughed and I smiled. How I loved his laugh. Even when it was bitter.

"Sure, it would be lovely if the dementors and the aurors and this apparition you are so worried about shag off and maybe if you decided to make any sort of sense with the shit you spew." it was my turn to laugh bitterly; I followed up my own altercative laugh by pushing enough space between Sirius and myself to deliver a passionate glare.

"Maybe I should take my skill for reckless indolent behaviour and throw you out the window to be held at the mercy of the authorities who you so cleverly got yourself arrested by. You know its funny how you managed to get yourself thrown in jail without committing a crime where as the only time I have ever been to jail was to break the law and I didn't get in any trouble at all." Black raised an eye brow at me and I responded with a smug smile I had saved for such occasions. I hadn't really been allowed to bring out as often as I would have liked. Meaning only when dealing with Lucius and I had fit it in once or twice when conversing with Remus. 'I am not offended' said the smile to the world even though it blatantly lied. The smirk had a point to prove which I wholly endorsed. Unfortunately it wavered greatly when faced with the all encompassing force of Mr. Black because without much warning I was kissing him. Not only was I kissing him but in surveying the situation now I am fairly sure I started.

The surface of his lips was like silk and the heat that flowed out from his person was so disarming that I moaned. His hands weighed heavily on my hips as I combed my fingers through what was clearly competing to be the worlds longest hair.

Sirius firmly pulled me down against him and I thought for a moment that we couldn't possibly have gotten any closer as my hands found there way across his back, allowing to pull him impossibly close. He smelt incredible, he felt incredible and I felt an unfamiliar and bizarrely pleasant sort of weakness flow through every muscles in my body (and I do mean _every _muscle) when I realised the thrumming rhythm beating out against the fraying school shirt I wore was in fact the pulse of Sirius's own heart. Hard and fast.

I sighed as he moved the slant of his neck and caught my mouth, I could feel his smile against my own as our lips pressed together again and it made my whole body feel light. I carefully adjusted the angle of my centre over Sirius once more and shivered as he met me mid swing. The movement proved addictive and my stomach tightened considerably as I once again felt the soft, wet and confusing weight of Blacks tongue over the softened pucker of my top lip. My face heated with a blush and I new I had been caught; my heart was racing, my head span and I felt as if I had some sort of glorious vagina fever and Sirius Black was the only drink but as I ran my own tongue against the seem of his mouth lightly, I was going in blind. I broke away for a moment and met his eyes.

The flash, the challenge, the Goddamnned towering inferno. His pupils were dilated and his lips looked bruised, the dark set of his eye lashes that had no business being attached to a boy and the single dark freckle visible peaking out form the edge of his shirt. He was like a teasing fantasy painted by Donatello, that he was allowed to walk around in reality with the rest of us was an assured farce. The little smile found its way across my mouth once more as he pushed a stray silvery hair from my field of vision with an inked in hand; he wasn't allowed to simply waltz around the place like everyone else;

"Insipid convict." I hissed in a harmless barb;

"Naïve nut ." He shot back and I pinched his arm; although really I had to forgive him; alliteration forever after all;

"Atleast I didn't get caught." I retorted in a sing song voice as I ran my tongue over his slightly open mouth experimentally; his eyes closed for a moment and I marked the gesture as good when he slowly inhaled before meeting my white iris featuring gaze again.

And then, unfortunately, an incredibly loud and obnoxious shrieking feedback suddenly emanated from the front side of the apartment and Sirius and I stiffened against one another as a subservient series of crashes could be heard at what sounded like the front door; the crashes were a disconcerting and percussive beat to the cool croaking male official who was speaking as if through a mega phone;

"_**Jodie Malfoy; you have been corralled under suspicion of hiding the dangerous fugitive; public enemy number one to both the magical and non magical community: Mr. Sirius Black.**_

_**The Ministry officials from the Department of Defences and the Corporeal unit have been warranted to enter you home at flat number two, Ollivanders Wand makers and store, Diagon Alley, London.**_

_**And escort you to Azkaban Prison where you will be placed in holding until such a time as you are cleared of all charges.**_

_**Thanking you kindly for your time;**_

_**Auror Squad leader,**_

_**Ernie Prang." **_Gritting my teeth I turned apprehensively to meet the sardonic and surprisingly smug expression of Sirius Black; **CRASH. **Came the sound of the door on the other side of the flat

"You were saying?" he said as if we hadn't just been handed to the authorities on a platter.

"Is this really the time Sirius?" I cried as I removed myself from him and ran to grab my shoes. **CRASH. **I heard him shuffle up from the ground behind me as I dug around the bed for my family ring and the documents I had that would reveal my predicament.

"I don't know what your so worried about Jude, knowing you, you are going to have yourself strutting **-CRASH- **across Manhattan or something before the sun sets on your first night in the joint; weren't you just saying what a little Houdini you are?" I stopped my flurry having collected all I needed and stored it in the pockets of my haphazardly laundered rune cloak. **CRASH. **I stopped and stood in front of him, eyes narrowed and nostrils widened;

"What is this to you, some sort of joke? Some of the people here aren't quite so accustomed to life in that cosy sea side resort you seem so eager to get back **-CRASH- **too!" I cried as I poked the mans chest with my finger, he didn't react for a moment. Then his hands were on my shoulders and his eyes brought down to my level. I couldn't shift, only flinch under the intensity of the mans stare as he seemed to focus all his bitterness onto me in a beam of guilt; he had a lot to shoot.

"oh no Jodie. it's the kiss for me." **CRASH. **I was about to ask his meaning despite the serious case of waterless mouth I had come down with, I cracked hoarsely through the Sahara desert but Sirius cut me off with the needed explanation; **CRASH**.

"Those big black swooping monsters they have at the prison? The dementors? Well I guarantee you that after this show they are going to be given permission to suck out my soul out of my mouth, so no this isn't a joke to me because unlike some kisses, that isn't one I am looking forward to." his hands were waving all over the place, my heart was sketching having never been put under so much stress in its existence, every hair on my body stood on end and worst of all I could feel the coil of the knot in my stomach; was it here?

"I'm sorry Sirius." I whispered. **CRASH. **;

His hands dropped to his sides as his posture slumped and he turned to me; **CRASH.**

"Let's just try and get out of here Malfoy." and I nodded cautiously as I passed him the leather jacket from Pembride before he stood close beside me. I took the mans hand in my own.

"I guess its worth a try." I waved toward my wand in my sock and it shot itself up into my hand.

"Maybe I should try it Jude, I have done it before." he held is hand out toward my wand and I felt my wand touch my middle lightly. I gave it the equivalent of a nod and it passed over into Sirius's hand. He firmed his hand around it for a moment and took a firmer grip on my wrist before nodding his head at me. **CRASH. **I nodded my head lightly and felt the compression begin on all sides. Heavy and pained and unnatural and then the feeling of the pull around my stomach seemed to shift itself to pull at my back.

**A/N: Please review and thanks for reading**


	34. Ties that Bind

**Chapter 24**

**Ties that Bind**

When my feet did eventually meet firm ground my wand flew back into my hand and Sirius and I stood gripping each other firmly in my front room; I turned and looked at him expectantly;

"Wards." he hissed by way of explanation and both our focuses span around and returned to stare down the door of the flat. **CRASH.**

My whole body seemed to shake reflexively in response. Black tightened his grip on my arm and I shifted in front of him slightly.

"Jodie,.." he turned to me as it was turning to him

"Sirius,…" I proclaimed at the same time, feeling weak and watery. We faced each other for a moment, as if both looking for words while allowing the other to speak but then something broke like a dam and we flew toward each other. His hands bound around my waist and I pulled him into my arms as if holding him tight enough would squeeze him into my heart where I could keep him safe. I leaned out of the embrace slightly to look in his eyes but I was met with his lips. His soft hot mouth pulled on gentle ruddy bottom lip for a moment and then the moment ended as it was a fight to stand in front of the others defence as the door began to give;

**CRASH.**

They were in. sombre faces and expensive shoes flooded into the room, wrapping around Sirius and I in the middle like an amphitheatre, the image threw me back to my encounter with Lucius the day before. Something I didn't really ever want to be reminded of.

"Juniper?" Mr. Ollivander stood looking in confusedly from the door. The mans moon shining eyes caught mine and if it weren't for the flash of heat from the magnetic man gripping my arm I probably would have remained frozen where I stood, staring, fixed with guilt.

"I'm so sorry Mr. Ollivander!" I shrieked over the crack of the officials boots. My voice rang, desperate, high and clear, as, in the blue light of the dusk people of all shapes and sizes flooded the room, wands drawn, they stood like a bureaucratic force of fury. Each one looking personally offended and outraged at the sight of Sirius Black in the old fashioned shirt and his jail gotten pyjama trousers. I couldn't help but reflect that he looked quite dashing in that leather jacket for a moment before returning to the terror at hand.

It was then that I realised that a man with an off-white piece of paper was making a calm proclamation amidst the chaos. I felt Sirius palm begin to sweat against my wrist as I tuned into the words. And the words were there, dementors kiss. The sentence was set, I could feel his hand shaking. It was a he had predicted, the crowd slowly divided and the black creature swept forward.

I could still just about see Mr. Ollivander in the crook of the door way where he was blocked in by a large lumbering auror. I felt more like my Mother by the minute, giving every impression of betraying my loved ones due to a helpless response to my own lunacy when in reality, I should be so lucky.

The creature drew closer and Blacks grip on my arm faltered as he stared, transfixed, at the rattling cloaked giant. I realised in terror that he gave every sign of a being a man who was resigned to his fate. But this was not how I was going to allow it to end. If this was the end then what was the point in any of it?

My parents, his brother, all those years of both of us being prisoners due to other peoples lies; it couldn't be let be in vain.

I was so very assured, quite possibly by nothing more then dumb naivety that it couldn't have all been for nothing. But even as I latched onto this last belief the creature loomed.

It was pulling in all that was around, pulling the hope right from my heart. Sirius had fallen to his knees. He was weak as it was; ignore it as I might, he was out of sorts. No matter how warm or large or imposing a person he was, he was vulnerable; his strength was all but gone.

My vision blurred; bright blue lights shot from all over the room and targeted Sirius and I. the lights worked like lashing ropes and I was pulled onto my knees next to Sirius a moment later. A voice cried out in the room;

"Expelliarmus." it cried and I realised in the haze that it was a voice I knew. I was in barely a state to register my wands presence in my hand but it ceased to matter for it was out of my hand and across the room already. The wand dropped delicately into the purple nail-varnish encrusted hand of a girl with matching purple hair.

"Tonks." I was surprised my voice cooperated enough to call out in shock at her being there. I followed my eyes from the ends of her deep purple hair and saw the hue was chosen to match her neatly pressed auror robe. I exhaled fearfully;

This, I didn't need. The girl who I admit, I admired as more than a pier, to see me and how I must have seemed to her in that moment. On the other side of the law, in cahoots wit a mass murdering death eater on the same day I had so ardently stood to defend her. What she must have thought as she slipped my wand into her pocket and met my eye remains beyond me.

I saw my own horror mirrored in her gaze, she looked betrayed. She looked as if she felt foolish, that was one feeling I could definitely relate to. Our contact was broken as an arm cut across to send another binding lash to hold Sirius in place, as if he could shift a quarter of an inch as it was. As if he even intended to struggle in his place, laughing maniacally on his knees.

I turned to face him as the black thing towered over us.

"Stop cackling like a crazed maniac Sirius!" I called over the prattling, searing noise of the beams being cast in our direction. Eerily illuminating our faces and the rattling death procession breathing in all the hope I could no longer retain;

Ignoring the slimy sensation of the latest shivering band of blue light binding my ankle to the floor I attempted to lurch toward Tonks and summon my wand to me. Unfortunately as soon as I struggled in the restraints they made my thoughts fuzzy. Barely holding onto my disrupted objective I grabbed Blacks hand and reached my other argumentative limb out in front of me. The blue binding strained. Sirius had stopped laughing.

I yanked my wand toward me in a moment of clarity and called out as loud as I could over the humming din.

"I vouch for him, tell Dumbledore. And Tonks… I'm sorry." I successfully clipped the words out and tore the binding surrounding Sirius and I with a lacerating whip of the ash wand. Pressing every bit of energy from the enchantments that had bound us in the room I took the energy and like a small pathetic conductor ran it through my limbs and veins until I had successfully cut Sirius and I off from the hostile room.

Surrounding the two of us was a Lord-knows-where-from collection of bricks. From the other side of the impromptu brick wall the sound of the purple robed officials chaotically bombarding the stone reverberated around us from all angles.

Their efforts to enter the room were pointless however as I had only further bound Sirius to the great black debtor. The dark creature which I had learnt to be a dementor towered above us both. Sirius had slumped to the ground and was still. A frost emanated from the rattling rag cloaked figure as it lent over Sirius and I pulled myself to my feet, the creature moved as if it did not see me. In that freezing room I watched the warmest person I believed to exist have all the heat torn out of him as the stone shook around us my heart seemed set to fall right out of my chest. For an eternal moment hope was lost to me. I joined Sirius on his knees.

If Sirius and I didn't escape tragedy then I was wrong. Justice was irretrievable, I was powerless and alone and I was going to die like everyone I had failed to defend.

For the longest moment all I could see was Sirius and his light eyes like I had never seen in reality. Lifeless and tortured. Suddenly I was brought away from the series of horrors running through my head by what I realised was my own ear-splitting scream. Disconnected flashes of light drew my attention next as my shuddering vocal cords cooled. A meagre space in the shuddering stone had formed as the willowy wraith lowered its hood and rattled over Sirius.

I didn't know a person could panic as thoroughly as I did in the next moment but in that moment I _saw,_ the silvery lights stretching out from the people outside the walls the walls pushed into the chamber like gossamer web. So many phantom webs flowed right through to Sirius where he lay on the ground and I began to panic as I watched the thread growing more strained and dim as the black monster positioned itself over Sirius I saw it working to absorb the strings right out of the light out of Sirius's middle. Then I noticed something and I didn't know how to react to it. Right out from the left side of my chest bloomed a thick silvering band and it reached right into Sirius's heart in the same way. Another thread spat itself from my hand as I reached out and pulled itself toward the corner. A voice blinded me to the other view as I came back to reality;

"Jodie listen! Please!" it called out to me; I was disoriented.

I slammed my hand over my chest in search of the line connecting me to Sirius but of course it was lost to me at that stage.

The hoodless rattling creature lying over Sirius's body was slowly working to coax the light out of Sirius's middle. My wand charged light through me like a fighting force and summoning what little strength was available to me I rose to my feet. Once upright I lunged forward and caught the dementor in the side of the head with my foot. It shifted its posture grotesquely to face me and I reeled back. I caught my wand in a familiar dramatic arch and thought of the sound of laughter as I said the word;

"Expecto Patronum!" I bellowed out and suddenly the stone dome was lit by my swooping raven, unfortunately at this point the walls surrounding us and the dementor which writhed around like a provoked wasp the bricks began to disintegrate like ancient paper.

As the walls fell I heard the voice again, my voice;

"for god sake Jodie over here." crossing the room quickly I found the mirror still tipped delicately against the chair. Lifting it from its place I met Jude staring out at me, she stood aside and I heard her call;

"Get the fuck in Jodie." so I lay the mirror down flat beside Blacks unconscious body and with a suitable amount of grunting pushed him into the mirror. As I was holding Sirius's arm the sudden drop of his weight through previously non existent state dragged me with him and when I absorbed the reality inside the mirror I saw that nothing seemed to have any substance. The wispy world inside the mirror was about as corporeal as smoke caught in a persons hand. But as we fell side ways through the walls of houses and the sides of cars in London with Sirius unconscious beside me the one thing that did seem to have mass was the reflective surfaces throughout the dimension.

Like windows they lined across the ungraspable phantom space until Sirius and I were headed directly for a mirror reflecting numerous coppery pots and pans. A second later we had shot out the other side. I didn't know where the creaking black dusty house we were in was but I knew that it was far away from where we had started.

"is there anyone here?" I croaked out and I felt a reassuring light sourced from my wand a second later.

"excellent." came my response as I wrapped myself around Black like her was a hot water bottle and fell asleep. Or slipped into unconsciousness but that isn't nearly as romantic I don't think.

**A/N: THANKS FOR READING PLEASE REVIEWWW!**


	35. Good Morning

**Chapter 35**

**Good Morning**

_Warm_ I thought happily as I felt something soft move against my neck gently. It was a wonder how a feeling could make a person so warm and yet almost shiver with the need for more heat. As if the gentle, slow tug of my skin making my flesh lick against my bones like flame was simply a preparation for something more. My belly seemed to fall through toward the floor a little when I resolved that feelings such as these were not, in my more recent track record, completely out of the ordinary.

I half opened one eye blurrily and reflected that whatever was happening was probably more dream then reality. But then a shot of the familiar sensation ran through my middle unexpectedly and I inhaled sharply when I realised that the black mass creeping around the bottom of my field of vision seemed to have no issue being the thick head of hair belonging to Sirius Black and Sirius Black seemed to have no issue planting kisses along my clavicle when I wasn't even awake to enjoy it. I felt his teeth graze along my previously untouched surface and my hips seemed to take a remarkable and sudden repulsion to the ground as they found themselves angled into the air. A deep low full pressure seemed to set in through the very core of me and tighten like a spring. My eye slammed shut and my teeth wrapped around my lip as the warm unignorable weight of Sirius Black was suddenly measured against my rib cage as he hovered above me. Rested neatly between my legs as if there was no where else for him to go as his tongue lashed over my flying pulse. I could feel the press of my ribs against his inked-in front with each great gulp of air I swallowed. I was out of reach of myself as if my body existed independently of my head and was more then happy to oblige itself with shifting hands and regrettable wanton sighs. Goose bumps rose over the surface of my arms as my hands fan up the length of his torso of their own volition.

My lack of reserve did not make it past the reproachable man without comment, as if he couldn't resist but gloat at my lack of decorum, as if **he** hadn't been the one throwing himself at me. If he had at least given me a chance to say "hey maybe later when I have braced myself to adopt any sense of self control what so ever", but alas, I was unprepared; I had been hoodwinked, the very idea of speaking out as Black breathed out a lofty chuckle against the shivering over stimulated column of my throat unfortunately seemed like a bad joke. Something more difficult than climbing Everest. So, as too much blood flooded into my cheeks and my hips clicked upward like a gravity driven swing facing no resistance, I had no hope at all of beating Black at his own ridiculous game when he wrapped his large hand around my thigh while curving my back and pulling me closer with the persuasive lift of his other symbol dappled appendage. He brought his face to mine and I cursed my blush; he had a stupid grin on the caused me to sink further into his grasp as it made me contemptibly weak. He had such a interesting face, I found myself trying to memorise every part of it, his playful mouth and cautious eyes, as if he was full of life but constantly drained by the weight of it all at once.

"Are you having a good time down there?" his lips moved teasingly over my cheek and I hummed noncommittally; his mouth hovered over mine, brushing across the sensitive skin of my own softly; "What was that Jodie?" he inquired, his sedateness was infuriating but my breath only came hot and heavy as if to remove the weight and heat of his compelling body from my senses; though my mind knew this was no way to shape words my body seemed convinced it was onto something. He held my leg with an eased practice as he found it a place on his waist; I was then halfway through shaping what would have been a top notch sentence if he didn't at that moment decide to drop the pressure of his entire lower body toward the most uncalled for part to exist on or in my body in the first place. My eyes flew open and my blood burned through my veins at lightening pace but I managed to hold my tongue and arrange it into a more suitable state as I pushed out;

"You're hilarious Black." in a moderately respectable tone and then I bit my lip for although I had every reason to be proud of myself for grating those words out in an altercation distantly reminiscent to how I ought to have sounded I remained at great risk of following it up with an uninhibited outcry. His breath fanned over my cheek as he laughed in what I noted was a slightly more shaken tone then a moment prior.

"I know." came his response and I decided I had had quite enough of his demure façade.

If I didn't do something I was going to end up sleeping with Sirius before breakfast; which seemed like a really good idea when I was almost to full of lust to see. The words I had heard used in incomprehensible fashions a hundred times before suddenly had a myriad of slots to rest in. Words like erotic and lust and as Jude had made a most pointed point of, the "F" word.

My small hands caught on his shoulder and fanned across the bare flesh along his throat as I pulled his mouth down to my own. He moved with me once more and the sound of my response was partially muffled by the heat of his kiss, I could feel his smile as he reangled his head and I delicately caught his contentedly curved lip in my feverish pucker. He foolishly allowed himself to drop his composure for a moment however when he growled lowly as I pushed my hips up toward his and experimentally ran my tongue along the seam of his lip. I swore I could here a small parade playing off somewhere near by as I removed myself from him with a false semblance of self control to announce my victory sardonically;

"Try and contain yourself would you, Black?" I grated out in a low and husky tone that would have to do; "I mean I haven't even said good morning yet." I added before he unexpectedly pulled on my lip with his teeth lightly; my eyes weighed themselves down and I shivered, the spring below my belly tightened further and my breath stuttered. I realised I could taste him on my tongue and lapped over his lip curiously; I didn't know people had flavours but then I had never tried to taste anyone before. It was lovely; but as soon as I realised the spicy, honey tang of him existed I found that I couldn't get enough. Running my hands up the lapel's of the leather jacket that really wasn't doing my restraint any favour I hooked my legs at his back and shot my tongue through into his mouth. He groaned in response but I barely noticed I was so consumed by the ever building tension caused by the friction of my body against his and the unexpected intimacy of our deepening kiss.

My heart beat roared passed my ears like the rushing of air as I flew to fast on a broom and my hands shook harder than they had after cutting open my own arm trying to get from one place to another. My breath came tearing through my body but only carried his scent, his mind numbing sense enhancing heated touch, his hand slipped along the sides of my shirt and I shivered. He was driving me mad with every move he made, the sound of his breath, the scent of leather, his silky hair, the fascinating curiosity setting my mind alight fuelled by his seemingly never ending bill of secrets.

When he moved his mouth away from mine I was beyond containing my mewls of encouragement and despite thinking it common the seediness of it only drove me to further reaches of carnal bucking and unchecked writhing as Sirius moved slyly lower down my décolletage.

He ran the tip of his nose lightly over the cotton of my wrinkled school shirt as if to smell the flimsy fabric and I came closer to shaping a word or composing thoughts that contained something other than more kissing, like breakfast or figuring out where in the hell we were or how my shoulder seemed fairly displeased at how well acquainted it had become with the floor the further Sirius's lips were from mine. A moment later however when his mouth ran over the puckered pink nub at the top of my breast, the outline of which was lightly visible through my shirt, my back seemed to snap into a violent S-bend. This only prompted another chuckle from Mr. Black and my fingers began to respond by raking uselessly down the his leather clad back. He kissed my nipple wetly through my shirt while his hand found the other and my head turned to the side as I hissed incongruously, the wrongness of it and the unexpected cloying sensation running through me in response to his action sent my mind into a whirl. Black could laugh at me every second of every day until I was dead and buried as long as he promised to continue to administer attention onto my oversensitive breast. My breath shuddered as I felt the fiery tug of his mouth and the pounding in between my thighs which I was becoming better and better acquainted with. The feeling that made my skin sing and my muscles tense and my mind fly far beyond reach would simply not let up.

My head whipped once more around to face the other direction as Blacks tongue swept over my nipple as if he did it every day before and with a quick corrupting suck he drew the seemingly heavy mound of my breast away from my body through the dampening materiel of my detestable shirt before releasing the tingling nub with a light erotic pop.

"Oh… Sirius" I moaned and blushed deeper at my own exclamation; perhaps if I really wanted to hold myself together I could start by not allowing my fiancé drop maddening kissed down across my thinly veiled abdomen.

When he reached the top of my plaid skirt however and I felt the heat of his hand pressed to the back of my shuddering thigh my breath hitched. I wanted him, as much of him as I could get, but in that moment I wasn't entirely sure if I wanted him to have all of me. He seemed to know my body better then I did already but I was still shook up at the idea of losing something. If I gave myself to Sirius that way I wouldn't be able to get myself back, from the way my body was reacting to the simple acts we were already engaged in, that much was clear. But I couldn't say anything.

His hand found the drew soft patterns against the back oh my leg as he flicked the latch of my skirt with a dexterous hand. My mind swam with confusion was my hip bucked upward once more. My mind half lost in a haze of the scent sight and heat of my intended.

"I…" I attempted an explanation but no sooner had the syllable escaped my mouth then to my great upset and unanticipated relief Blacks movements seemed to switch objectives as he released the semi undone clasp of my skirt and stilled his hand on my thigh. He pulled his weight up on his elbows and I did the same. I looked into his eyes and I smiled weakly before dropping my gaze to his symbol imbibed hand. I felt him plant a warm soft kiss on my belly before he took my hand in his. He shook his head against my stomach and was on his feet in one abrupt movement. I looked up at his for a moment with raised eye brows and a slight questioning pout; this seemed to only drive him to further upset as he turned his back to me and ran his hands up into his hair;

"Fuck, you are killing me here Jude." he hissed at the wall opposite and I took the opportunity to do up my skirt and inhale a deep quiet measure of air;

"Oh yeah," I crossed my legs on the ground and allowed a measured amount of derisive laughter into my words as I went on; "that was _all _me. That's how I make people wake me up every morning, I mean, who needs alarm clocks, right?" I climbed to my feet and pulled my shirt off over my head before slipping into my rune cloak instead. When my head emerged out of the top of the cloak which I had lazily refused unbutton I was facing an incredulous looking convict;

"Why did you bring me here and more importantly _why_ can you never keep your clothes on?" he asked like it was very important altogether and I surveyed the room for a moment before feeling genuinely thrown off by its outright musty creepiness;

"Personally I think the first question is in more serious need of addressing than my undressing." I smiled at my own word play and met Sirius's eye. "Which reminds me;" I approached him happily and pressed my lips to his in a surprisingly searing kiss that had my heart thrumming before I broke away within a second; before I personally think the kiss had reached a natural stopping point. I ran my hands through the lapels of the leather jacket that Sirius really did pull of better then me as it further contrasted his black as coal, pale as marble colouring.

"Good morning." I told him, feeling thoroughly accomplished at the site of his slightly gaping ruddy mouth. I stepped passed him and trawled toward the door at the back of the spider infested, writing desk featuring room.

"Good…?" I heard him ask behind me and the almost question was followed by an ubiquitous huff before he followed after me to the door. He grabbed my mutilated wrist just before I gripped the door handle and I turned to look at him. He had a warning in his eyes;

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." he said in his casual dulcet tone. I felt a bizarre sense of easy unease take hold. As if I felt safe from almost anything with Black, even though he was the source of most of the trouble I found myself in I still felt safe from external danger in his presence, unfortunately I also felt tenuously on edge in the knowledge that when I was with Sirius Black I didn't really know myself very well. And hilariously, I am probably the biggest danger to myself that I know of. If it wasn't for Jodie I wouldn't be in any trouble at all.

"Why not?" I asked in a civil enough altercation;

"because it had a trick latch;" he pushed me aside lightly;

"here, let me." pressing his foot to the end of the door stiffly Sirius proceeded to apply pressure to the top side of the door knob which then snapped down to reveal a much smaller diamond door knob beneath which he used to open the door. We stepped out onto a stuffy landing and I turned to Black confusedly;

"How did you…" but my question was interrupted my a gut wrenching cry of anger as a velvet set of Black curtains flew open to the right of Sirius and I. A well put together woman sat with staunch posture as if an optimization of what it is to be regal ruined her flattered façade with a crazed spitting rant of which I had never heard the like;

"You!" it screamed; fixing its oddly familiar eyes on Sirius; then I realised I remembered the eyes form Sirius's own face. "You dare return here? You filthy traitor! You shamed abomination dare to return to this most venerable house? This most honourable and ancient house of Black? Filth! And what's this you have brought with you? Come to gloat with this mud blood whore?! Thieves! Scum!" the portraits nostrils flared as its eyebrows flew up; Sirius, who had seemed more terrified and taken aback by the painting then he had at the site of the aurors in my old flat suddenly had his hand fused to mine as he lifted our joint hands to show the fancy old woman in the magical yelling painting;

"Does the name Juniper Malfoy mean anything to you, Mother?" Sirius spat at the painting which did not blanch or pause in its spewing of hatred at the sound of my name but simply rambled on;

"You are no son of mine you traitorous waste!" I flinched slightly as the woman's onslaught continued and pulled my wand from my sock surreptitiously before gesturing toward the painting;

"Shut up!" I cried at a surprisingly high pitch and the curtains on either side of the painting slammed shut. I stared at Sirius's hand around mine and felt my stomach drop and my temper flare. I was so tired.

**A/N: Please review,**

**Thanks for reading.**


	36. Don't call me 'Baby'

**A/N: Special credit to AmaranteX for this one, she killed my writers block!**

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 36**

**Don't call me 'Baby' **

I breathed out a wush of air and turned to the man beside me who stood gaping at the curtain;

"So, what was that about?" I asked nonchalantly and Sirius released my hand with a jerk to reach up and pull at his hair;

"My Mother isn't my biggest fan." he blurted and I pressed my mouth into a thin line;

"No I got that bit, I meant the part where you felt the need to wave me like a shameful war flag in front of a painting of your Mother after almost taking my virginity on the floor of this derelict hell hole seconds before." He turned to me abashed and I felt a line form at my brow; "Well congratulations Black, if you wanted to make me feel like some cheap scum you couldn't have done a better job of it!" For once the sting I felt from the barb of another actually escaped and I instantly regretted my words. I should not have allowed him to see how much his actions affected me; I pressed my hand to my mouth and growled in frustration and confusion and in just general over whelming crushing reactivity to the pressure that had become every damned day of my suddenly overtly ludicrous life. I felt my skin tingle and the dust settled on the floor brushed off the ground in a whirl before settling again as I span around and stormed up a nearby stairs.

His plodding footsteps followed me and I felt my nostrils flare. I didn't know what I was doing; I kept running up a seemingly endless labyrinth of stairs until I eventually reached a stair that just led to a set of French doors. Sirius followed me up every flight, my chest was heaving, I really wasn't what one describe as fit by any stretch of the imagination and my beautiful gaunt fiancé seemed to have similar trouble negotiating the stairs. My hand reached for the handle on the glass door, I had no plan and I could see the winter rain outside. His hand was suddenly wrapped around my wrist as it jerked mine away from the handle.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." he hissed in an imitation of himself only moments before;

"What is that Black? A warning? An _order_?" I pulled my hand back away from him and held it to my chest, the damaged skin strangely smooth to the touch.

"It is just some advice love." he crooned and I pointed my index finger toward the underneath of his chin as I snarled;

"Don't. Call. Me. That." a sneer followed onto his mouth and was followed up by a cruel grin, something I could not bare to think about as I though of why I as bound to the man in the first place; his hand hit the wall to the left of my head as he leaned down to my level. Even then I could still feel the heat rolling off him in waves, my mind was still not completely calm from before as I felt the pulse between my legs start up and I pressed my thighs together pathetically to try and maintain reserve.

"You don't like it?" he asked and I felt my cheeks flush as my words got stuck in my throat. I closed my eyes and shook my head.

"Stop." I said but he only moved closer, I could here the rain pounding on the glass next to us;

"Stop what Jude?" he spoke close enough for his breath to disturb my hair before his mouth once again dropped to pull at my ear and I shuddered as a whimper escaped my mouth.

My skin sizzled as his teeth raked over the edge of my throat;

"Being a cad." I pressed as my heart fluttered fast in my chest and I felt my confidence slip toward my feet, I knew in that moment that if he really wanted to it would take Sirius little time to persuade me to consent to go to bed with him. I felt weak and meagre and I hated it.

"So this is your opinion of me." He crooned as if he were wounded. His hand which we did not have pressed to the wall crept up my waist and I opened my eyes as my temper finally shook off my lust; my wand was in my hand and Sirius was thrown to the other wall before even I knew what I was doing. He caught me with an assessing gaze and I ground my teeth off of one another.

"What do I look like to you Sirius?" I cried as I spread my arms out so that he might view me, my ash blonde hair and colourless eyes, my pale legs stretching out into my clunky boots, draped in the red rune cloak I had received from Remus and wand resting loosely in my botched left hand; he bristled as I stared him down;

"You're just a kid Juniper, you don't know what your getting yourself into, that much is apparent." his mouth set in a stubborn, arrogant line he placed his hand on the banister of the stair to leave.

"I am not finished!" I shrieked indignantly and my wand turned him to face me once again. He eyed my wand; my voice came out in a faux feminine tone, high compared to my deeper voice;

"Look at me sweetie! Do I not look like the sort of girl you can have at your beck and call? Am I not weak? Am I not an exemplary figure of naivety?! Is it not a good laugh that following my path of ignorance and foolishness I stumbled upon your cell in Azkaban?" He flinched at the name;

"Listen Sirius;" I lowered my voice to a whisper and approached him his place standing on the second step down on the stair allowed me to meet him at eye level, "if it wasn't for me you would still be rotting in that celland if I hadn't brought you here you would be worse off than the dead so maybe you should stop thinking of me as a vacuous girl you want to;" I stumbled in my speech for a moment but steeled myself for a moment before degrading my language; "to _fuck_ and **start** seeing me as the woman that I am." His eyes burned into mine, I thought of having him acknowledge. Of asking him if he understood; but I didn't want his subservience, I simply wanted him to see me as an equal. The rain continued to come down behind me and I released another puff of air;

"right," I breathed out and a wry smile found its way onto my mouth; "no more funny business." my wand slipped back down into my sock and Sirius's posture relaxed slightly. I stepped down onto the step beside him and he rolled his eyes before sniffing;

"You really are a Malfoy aren't you." he blurted and I smiled;

"Yeah, your Mother seems lovely too, you filthy blood traitor!" he shook his head and rolled his eye again;

"and I had to be engaged to you! Of all the mud blood whores!;" we laughed openly for a moment and I noted once again how I enjoyed his laugh; how glad I was that I had said the things I said even though I questioned myself even as I said the.

"You know this house?" I asked as I looked up at the creaking rafters;

"I grew up here." he answered and I coughed lightly;

"Oh," I murmured slightly abashed and I turned to face his light eyes gaze; "sorry I called it a derelict hell hole." I bit my lip and felt a little relieved when I saw him smile out of the corner of my eyes;

"You can call his house of horrors whatever you like;" he turned to me with raised eye brows and his eyes fell down to my feet before following back up to my face at an excruciating pace;

"You never went to school?" he asked and I shook my head no; he released a breathy little laugh that seemed more to himself and I felt my cheeks colour; "so, well, Jodie, if I am allowed to call you that;"

He raised an eyebrow at me and I raised a safe two in return before gesturing for him to continue; "just out of curiosity what sort of upbringing does a girl, sorry, _woman _like you have to have to keep her virginity for this long?" I felt my cheeks heat further and I ran my hands through my hair before dropping my weight on the wall behind me;

"What do you mean a woman like me?" I asked as I crossed my arms delicately;

"A beautiful woman." he offered with a silly smile that seemed to pull at the sides of my sternly set mouth;

"Couldn't you have just asked why I didn't go to school?" I prodded and he rested his hand on the banister behind him, the rain outside settled some what to a light mist;

"Oh, is that why? Because you can't keep your clothes on?" his lips shaped mischievously and I huffed lightly;

"Yeah," I quipped; "that's exactly why."

"hey I am just speaking from experience here Jodie, you said yourself you have trouble keeping it together, I think the only time I have ever seen you fully clothed was the night that you…" he trailed off as his eyes lowered to the ground,

"What was that?" I pressed and he shifted his lips to give a low whistle;

"Come on Jodie, I might have something to show ya." His eyes did seem to hold a genuine excitement as he turned before his feet thundered down the flight of stairs and despite the obvious subject change I still followed him with intrigue.

I followed him with heavy clunky boot clad footsteps until we reached the second story of the seemingly five story tall house.

"What…" I began to ask as Sirius still but then I saw his name on a dusty bronzed plaque on the door. I moved to wipe some of the dust from its surface but Sirius gently pulled my hand from the air;

"If I hadn't cursed it it would have been long gone." he muttered and I nodded slowly as I noticed the numerous blast marks around the door, its looked like smoked damage on the pinstriped mint and pine green coloured wall paper.

"Can you open this without your wand?" I asked and he shook his head; He reached out and traced the letters of his name and turned to me for a moment;

"Well I was hardly going to lock myself out." he reached for the door knob and it creaked as it turned stiffly. Pressing his shoulder to the door he crinkled his brow and applied enough pressure that the solid wood gave and shirked forward out of its frame. He grinned triumphantly and I released my own wry smile as he stepped forward into the room;

"Voilá!" he said as he strolled into the room, I took a step toward the door but felt a sizzle of magic around it. I huffed lightly and cleared my throat as I heard Sirius rambling on in the bedroom having clearly not noticed my absence. His head popped around the door and he looked at me confusedly;

"Come in Jude! No funny stuff, I promise." he grinned and I was about to explain about the non inclusive warding of his room when something he said woke up my mind;

"Jude!" I blurted and my palm hit my fore head, I wondered if I should go to see if I could find the same mirror she had sent us out of when we arrived here but I was not happy to go back my the painting of Sirius's mother; he looked from right to left up the corridor and looked at me bemusedly;

"Am I not allowed to call you that?" he asked and I waved him off as I began to march up the corridor in search of a mirror.

"What are you looking for?" he asked and I began to twirl a piece of my hair around my finger nervously;

"A reflective surface." I responded and he snorted;

"and they call me vain." I heard him mutter and I laughed lightly as I spotted a gilded frame and approached it to see if it was a mirror;

"Sirius I don't think anyone had called you anything but criminally insane for the last decade;" I reached the frame and saw that it was what I was looking for, except it lacked the person I was looking for. I wasn't in it either, no one was, as Sirius reached me his reflection stood facing him, he shifted his hair, he was kind of vein as he had said nothing and my reflection was conspicuously absent. A rivulet of smoke bloomed up from where my reflection ought to have stood and I watched transfixed as it spread out across the expanse of the inside of the mirror like a shifting black cloak;

"See you look fine!" Sirius told me as he gestured toward the blank space where I should have stood but I did not turn to him despite my relief that he was blind to what was there to be seen, or rather, not seen.

I saw in the corner, the beaded red eye of my own personal demon and my skin prickled as all my blood dropped into my feet, my gut twisted and I was stiff with fear.

The smoke covering the hall reflected on the inside of the mirror pulled back swiftly as it had pulled in and moved toward the front of the mirror, as it did the walls reflection bore a message written in familiar silver liquid, the sort I had seen pulled from my own gut onto the hand of the grin not to long before. I did not know what the symbols meant, the message was written in rune and about as easy to comprehend as Dumbledore's psyche.

The smoke from the mirror continued to sweep forward as I stared at the runes until I realised it had reformed at my feet, looking down in abject horror I saw the black gas sweep up toward me like a toxic cloud. I looked up at the mirror and was met with the blood shot eyes of Jude who called out to me as she hammered on the glass.

"Run Jodie!" but I was powerless, fixed to the spot as I felt the cool gas slip down my throat and fill my lungs like a compound of lead and fibre glass. Leaving me to leak and haemorrhage within myself. I placed my hand on my throat as I choked and felt my face wet. I reached up to wipe away the tears leaking from my eyes as I choked and saw my hand stained red. Blood.

My vision blurred as blood filmed over my eyes but I could feel arms bind around me as Sirius pulled me toward him. I realised I was thrashing, my mind seemed to fill with the dim, heady red weight of my own blood but I felt the weight of Sirius lift off me as my hand began to brush against something cool and smooth. I thought I could hear all sorts of screaming. My eyes stung so I kept them closed. My knees buckled so I let them shift of there own accord. My body seemed to have its own business to attend to as my mind lulled off under a pressure of pain and bizarre purposelessness. I felt as if there was no other way to me as my hands continued to brush over the wall and I scowled to myself as I was irritated by the desperate and distracting screams. Luckily a moment later my ears made a short pop and all I could hear was a low ring.

After a while the wall seemed far less important so I decided that I would sit down. It would make sense for me to be tired. I hadn't breathed in any air in a while, I was bound to feel a little weak. I opened my mouth to take a dizzy breath as I sank to the ground sleepily and wiped some of the blood from my eyes. In my stinging view as I opened my bleeding eyes a crack however I realised that a mouthful of blood had slipped from my mouth as I opened it to breath, I spluttered. It sort of blended with the upholstery of my cloak and I began to rub it in curiously until my lungs seemed to heave.

I began to retch and cough and splutter and was surprised to see a plume of smoke some out from my mouth; my head lulled to the side and I saw Sirius;

"Look Sirius! I am like a dragon." I puckered my lips and blew out a great lung full of the smoke and as I did I began to feel tired;

"That's great Jodie baby can I come over to see?" I looked over at him and saw that he looked markedly damaged sat at the end of the hall, I gestured for him to come over and saw my wand in my hand I raised my eye brows at it and nodded for him to come over as I exhaled another great plume of ash;

"Don't call me baby Sirius." I chastised and as I coughed violently for a moment and then teetered in my position slopped against the wall Sirius caught me.

"What happened to you?" my voice scratched as I saw a line of red formed along the side of him face; he laughed tremulously and I was surprised to see a tear run down his face as he pulled me closer. I felt drowsy; I heard the reverberation of his dulcet tone but I couldn't make out his words as he responded. I had decided I needed some sleep, I was drowsy. I convulsed again with a cough and then dozed off.

**A/N: Thanks for reading!**

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	37. Thankyou

**Chapter 37**

**Thankyou**

Sound, phonetic and deep, an unnamed repetitive scrith; scritch-scritch-scritch and a thud, one thud after another, methodical and incredibly annoying. I was tired. I needed to sleep, my body was tired, my blood was like sludge in my veins. The last thing I wanted was this, but at least there was a bright side to all the noise. _His _voice was so nice, whatever he was saying he was saying it well.

This didn't feel right, the skin on the souls of my feet was cold and the rest of my body was so warm. Leather, my head was like a puddle seeping out through my body, no tide to send a message, just muddy water from some place else swishing around with no purpose or connection. I could smell it, leather and wood.

There was a great pop and they pulled out the inside of my ears and made them able to hear by whistling and when they stopped the thud was foot steps and the mumbling made words and the scritch, well it was still a scritch but two outta three ain't bad, right?

"I never really did say thank you properly did I?" the warbled effect to the words cleared further and I listened; "I don't know, I don't know how to deal with this. I didn't think your voice was real, at first I though I had made you up, I really did. But then you asked me if _I_ was real, as if anyone could think me up! I'm Sirius bloody Black and you had never heard of me. It was all I could think about. You asking if I was real and then me thinking if the truth made you real." he started laughing. He kept pacing. All my sides tingled. I wanted to fall asleep but I couldn't resist eavesdropping on a conversation Sirius refused to actually have with me, or maybe he was babbling with nerves, he sounded nervous. I knew these were things I shouldn't hear. The sort of things you say in confidence to a silent room or to someone like Jude or just not to someone like me. People never opened up to me, so much so I started to wonder if people had anything on the inside.

"I waited for something to give, for someone to realise. To see a face again, to hear a voice. It reminded me why I had even bothered to stay alive for all that time. Something besides bitterness and I just needed there to be justice for my friends. For everyone. I couldn't let it be all for nothing and I know it sounds like I can't know this but I just feel like even if you don't get why I need to get Pettigrew I think that you understand about doing something to make it; to restore the way things should be. I need you to just not…" he paused, he wasn't even pacing. His hand slipped under my chin and he pressed a finger to my pulse. He laughed again. My body still wouldn't listen to me or I would of laughed with him as I realised why he was so anxious. He thought I was in some sort of mortal peril. I wanted to tell him I wasn't going to die before I realised that I might have been wrong. Maybe I was going to die. I couldn't bring myself to panic. Apparently I couldn't bring myself to do anything but remain here in a very PeterPan sort of way, in the place between asleep and awake where you still remember dreaming. Except for me the dream was on the outside. I was living the biggest joke of an adventure the world could of thrown at me. He still laughed,

"I can't believe you came to Azkaban prison on an antique clean sweep and you know I though about it, when you splinched yourself and you made me sleep in a bathtub, I couldn't sleep thinking about that note. That the owl brought in, you just wrote my name on it, a piece of paper with my own name on it. Its not exactly how I imagined my release papers looking, I have had more official looking detention slips off of Remus. Not the best counterfeit really." he breathed a huff of air; "This isn't a very good thank you is it? Well it isn't really my thing to be honest. I amn't really the sort of person you would describe as humble. While I am being honest I might as well tell you, and I know this sounds bad, but I actually really wish you had been someone else, that someone else had come. Anyone else. I mean, not because I don't like you but just because, I uuh"

I was glad he seemed like he was stopping, I didn't want to here anymore. It wasn't as if I had a choice; it was more like the direct opposite. I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. I was such a joke, I hated that every time I learned something about myself that I liked there had to be a reason to suffer for it. I had done something because I believed it was right and I thought that was pretty hard core but it just made me an even bigger joke; now I was a seventeen year old girl who was humiliated by the one person she cared about the thoughts of most. He kept talking and felt my emotions heave as he broke the momentary silence.

"I just didn't think I would ever feel this way about someone so quickly. I didn't think I would feel this way about anyone at all. I just regret it because I didn't want to meet someone like you this way. Where were you when I was your age, you know? We really could have used you back then Jodie. The stuff you do. I mean, I wanted to say thank you but now you are just going to go ahead and just lie there and you just have to wake up because I actually don't what I will do because we have to… I don't know; meet Harry and introduce you to Remus, that great git! We have to get married as well and oh God Malfoy, I don't what I'll do if I know a girl like you has died a virgin!" he was laughing again and I could feel it and I wondered if I was blushing but I couldn't tell. I wish we hadn't met this way either. Had never been engaged, had never been cursed, had never been imprisoned, but that was the price for the wonderful things. If it wasn't for curses and engagements I never would have met Sirius at all and I couldn't abide that. He was the reason this was an adventure and not a tragedy, I needed his help, I needed to help him; I was pointless without him, without him I was a girl who made wands for a living and where is the fun in that? He had saved me from a half life, or maybe I had saved myself by finding him but looking back he was like magic all over again.

But instead of being the newest and best part of me he was the newest and best part of my life. I would literally be dead without him even if we were only bound to another to accommodate a plot to kill some terrible wraith it would only kill me if we didn't.

Oh god, the Grin, the mirror. Maybe I was going to die, it was in my lungs, it was in my hands. But how could it get to me if I was supposedly safe from it. I was pulled from my thoughts by his breath against my cheek.

"Thank you Juniper." my cheek was wet with his tear and my heart was speeding with his words.

scritch-scritch-scritch zooip; and music and he kissed my tear stained cheek, his tears.

_**Hey Jude don't make it bad**_

Maybe I would have to cry too because no one had ever come up with a better way to thank anyone and I was on the receiving end of it and it was perfect. The dry noise had been the record and I realised that it mustn't have been the first time he had let it play out where ever we were. Then I made a few tears of my own and I realised my head hadn't felt like mud in a long moment and now if my body wasn't full of dirty water I might be able to tell Sirius you're welcome.

_**Take a sad song and make it better**_

_**Remember to let her into your heart**_

He lay beside me, at my back and pulled me toward him;

"Please wake up."

_**Then you can start to make it better**_

_**Hey Jude, don't be afraid,**_

_**You were made to go out and get her**_

_**The minute you let her under your skin**_

_**Then you begin to make it better**_

My hands refused to move, as if every direction I asked them to bend was backward on a hinge. As if they just weren't built to move that way, or anyway. It was really very frustrating. Sirius hummed along with the tune. I felt like I was living the perfect life of someone else and that my punishment for trying to steal there life was to be locked in. My only home would become my new prison, my body. The only root I had.

_**And anytime you feel the pain, hey Jude, refrain,**_

_**don't carry the world upon your shoulders.**_

But I wasn't all root because I had another gift, magic. Magic was like wings and I felt so happy for a moment because I could remember something from when I was very young, when I couldn't tell the difference between my imagination and reality; that I used to think I was spending time with my Mother, and that my Mother lived in a room underneath the floor. I used to press my ear to the floor and she would whisper up; "Roots and wings, it is the best I can give you Juniper. Roots and wings."

_**For well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool**_

_**By making his world a little colder**_

_**Hey Jude, don't let me down.**_

"But I have nowhere; no place else to fly too." I told the floor. "So what are wings for?"

_**You have found her, now go and get her.**_

_**Remember to let her into you your heart,**_

_**then you can start to make it better.**_

_**So let it out and let it in, hey Jude, begin,**_

"it's the best I can give you." said the floor.

_**You're waiting for someone to perform with.**_

"I am going to go crazy on my own. If I loose you as well. You are the only person who makes me feel like there is a right way to do it. The only person who can protect me form to doing the crime I should have been put away for right after I got out. When you aren't around I'm just bitter. I need you to bring me back." I knew that I wouldn't tell him that I heard him speaking if I ever woke up. _If _is such a scary word. If I wake up, if I don't die, if it all goes wrong, if he really cared then why wouldn't he say it to my face?

_**And don't you know that it's just you, hey Jude, you'll do**_

_**The movement you need is on your shoulder**_

A searing pain ran through my middle and I realised it had been a while since I had felt the tug and pull of the warm light through my middle. I tried to bring it out, to fill myself up with it, to puppet myself with it but it was like it was caught in something, like a web made of tar had bound it in place. My wand hit into the palm of my hand and I felt Sirius rise behind me;

"Jodie?" my hand wouldn't move to grip it and my mouth wouldn't move to answer as I felt like a bullet was somehow being shot through the centre of every which one of my bones at a time.

_**Hey Jude, don't make it bad**_

_**Take a sad song and make it better,**_

_**remember to let her under your skin,**_

_**Then you'll begin to make it better**_

There was a crack somewhere far off in the house and Sirius's whole body seemed to flinch behind me.

_**Better better **_

"I think our time is up Jodie, you are really gonna need to wake up now." I was pulled to sit up and like a high-tech baby doll my eyes opened as I sat up and the light attacked my eyes at first.

_**better better**_

"You really have some timing Malfoy, come on."

_**better better, oh.**_

He wrapped his hand around mine and pulled me from the bed, my feet hit the floor and I hissed with the sensation of pins and needles but my body remained upright. I looked at Sirius from the back as he pulled me out of what I realised must have been his old bedroom because, similar to Sirius, it was completely out of place in the house. The biggest give away, aside from all the naked girls and motor cycles and cigarette butts and the (hate to say how glorious) smell of him was the laughing photographs. I wondered if he laughed in photographs under every circumstance. I had enough figured to understand that a household like this wouldn't be caught dead with a picture with a young moustacheless Remus Lupin unless the young leather clad Sirius Black had something to do with it. Oh Black was really a very beautiful boy. I blushed, he had matured well too; oh the leather was just cruel! He tugged my wrist again in a get a move on gesture and caught me looking. I narrowed my eyes.

"What?" One gloating grin later I had the picture pocketed and we were half way down the hall smeared with blood which I remembered vaguely to be mine. Yup, there is were I smeared it into the carpet for delirious fun. On the wall were the runes I recognised from the inside of the mirror, written in blood because I am just that artistic. I stared at them until I heard a little pop which made goose bumps rise all the way up my arms and down to my legs. The song played out in the background;

_**Nananana nananana hey Jude.**_

I wished I had more cause to appreciate it but unfortunately I was to busy appreciating what a certain intrusive head would look like on a certain far more intrusive pike. Sirius let go of my hand and pointed his wand at the intruder;

"Where did you get that?" I asked eyeing the wand. Distracted for a moment before remembering the magnitude of the situation and pulling out my own wand; "it's actually not important just remember to remind me to ask again later cause I really do want to know.

"Jodie." he said warningly and I nodded;

"What? I'm focussed, jeez, you try losing more blood then you knew you could fit in your body and come out the other side and not even lose focus for long enough to notice your fiancés…" he looked at me with his eyebrows raised and I closed my mouth. He shook his head and turned to face the other wizard who had just turned to face our end of the hall; oh splendid. Now he is going to grill me about the end of that statement until I can come up with a good enough lie to keep him happy.

"Stupefy!" Sirius sent a spell which was assumedly a hex at the intruder. The spell lit the other end of the hall as the wanker deflected the spell;

"I guess I am a bit rusty." mumbled Sirius glancing down at his wand.

"At least you have a nice bum." I said and then smiled conspiratorially. Ha! Now he couldn't try and get it out of me cause I had already told him! In retrospect that wasn't as genius as I had originally thought. Better follow it up with something hard core; stepping ahead of Sirius I pointed my wand and shot of pushy light toward the other end of the hall.

And you know I was really on to something before Sirius took the opportunity to pinch _my _bum.

"Sorry," I heard from behind me; "couldn't help myself." I laughed as I redoubled my effort to lash out at the idiot approaching up the hall. He wasn't laughing. Some people have absolutely no sense of humour.

**A/N: thanks for reading! Please review**


	38. Showing Off

**A/N: Enjoy!**

**Chapter 38**

**Showing Off**

I felt whole and strong. For a whole second of my life I didn't feel alone and I felt like Sirius was on my side, I was blushing and laughing and beating the hell out of the bane of my life all at the same time. I didn't think I had ever been happier all at once then I did with my toes wiggling against the carpeted floor stiff and stained with my own dried blood with my more or less my only surviving flesh and blood trying to wipe me off the face of the earth. Maybe I was mad, insane, crazy, all of those words which just sounded to me like a broken record. The Beatles continued to sing in the background and just as my insides seem to stutter and squirm against some sort of restrictive cave, like the tar net was back. Just as the light I was using to hold off Lucius stuttered disconcertingly as it illuminated the manic grin on my Uncles face and my heart began to pound with the eventual arrival of gut wrenching panic Sirius had his hand wrapped firmly around my wrist and I turned to him.

"Stop showing off love, let's get out of here." my chest heaved as my head span and my eyes closed for a moment as I inhaled slowly before nodding as I released a shaky breath in the dim light of the hall way. Sirius's eyebrows pressed together and I liked to think it was with concern because, well it would be nice, wouldn't it?

"Ruducto." I followed the shot from the end of Sirius's wand with my moderately unfocused eyes and I heard the curse of outrage from the other end of the hall as the roof released a cloud of dust and a crack split the ceiling. I watched confusedly as the split began to move up along the ceiling and clouds of flaked paint and pieces of plaster fluttered to the floor until a great groan seemed to come from somewhere far off in the house and creaked over us with the pressure. I looked straight a head. Lucius stared from his end of the hall. Icy eyes mad, lengthy light hair in disarray, broad build pinned perfectly into his tailored black robes. The caned sheath of his wand held in his right hand. His eye bored into mine and Sirius tugged on my wrist as I was transfixed. The cage pressing in on the power running up my middle seemed to convulse and although it really only happened in a heart beat and the roof came down and the crack in its structure reached as far as where Sirius and I stood. Whatever he was yelling became more urgent I could here my heart beat in my head and the music seemed to warble on in the back ground. The contentment, the safety and the assuredness from the moment before seemed to fall out my shoes. Pressing my lips together I pointed my wand at Lucius and tried to shoot him away, it was fear. I was afraid. I shot him with more than I had, like a cornered animal. I didn't want to crumble and even though I could of just turned and run I couldn't leave with the fear, I couldn't leave feeling desperate.

The light seemed to slip around the edges of the net and out toward my wand but as it flew into the Ash wood in my hand it stopped as my fingers sprung open reflexively. My hand stung and my wand landed on the floor with a soft thud. I looked down at it as another second on the clock ticked by. I saw Sirius sweep down and scoop up my wand and I was pulled by the wrist to start running down the hall after Sirius. My legs moved below my cooperatively for once but I was detached. Pound pound pound, my heart, my footsteps, my head and my hand. My fingers curled in and out around themselves as I felt the absence of my wand, I felt something so very absent but as shot after shot of adrenalin ran through me it was like I had no time to think about it. To worry about it. The only thing I could see in my head were icy eyes, I scowled against the image as the walls collapsed in around Sirius and I.

We were in a kitchen and I turned to see Sirius talking to me. No wonder he looked so dashing, he had really nice shapes to all his face and he was wearing these nice black trousers that fit him really well. He looked at me and I smiled at him. He just continued to look worried but he had really nice eyes. I opened my mouth to say so but I was interrupted by the floor which was very suddenly right beside my face. I frowned at the musty carpet, it flew away from me quickly and I found myself thrown over the bothersome mans right shoulder.

"You know Sirius, in case you were wondering, these trousers fit equally well from the back." I felt him heave a sigh as I giggled lightly;

"You know what Jodie? You really know how to pick your moments." I responded with an upside down shrug as Sirius began to run us through the house.

I was set down on a mouldering moss green love seat a minute later as Sirius passed me my wand;

"Can you sit here and keep an eye on your wand in case you decide you want to function again for me love?" his sharp eyes searched my clouded ones meaningfully for a moment and I wondered what he was looking for. Deciding he might just need some support I scanned my brain for motivational titbits since I was apparently incapacitated by something or other;

"Even though I am apparently incapacitated by something or other Sirius, I have scanned my brain for motivational titbits and I want you to know that you are…" I pouted my lips out as I stared him down for a minute; "a real winner!" he looked at me in what seemed to be genuine shock for a moment with a slack mouth and everything before running his hand through his hair and pulling my wand from my hand; I felt my bottom lip move outward and moved it back in as it was uncouth,

"Thanks Jude, I think I might hold onto this for the time being though okay?" there was a crash by the door as Lucius smashed into the room.

He sent a hex toward Sirius which Sirius quickly deflected as he stood in front of me. I pressed my mouth into a line, I felt really nice. Like his protectiveness really showed that he cared. Spells smashed off all different parts of the room as Sirius and Lucius took shots at each other and yelled ridicule at each other. I wondered what was going to happen but my perception seemed to become less and less lucid, I felt woozy, from my woozy point of view it went a little like this;

"Aha you filthy scum you can't hide from Lucius Malfoy look at my hair." and then there were some explosions and Sirius was like; well firstly he looked really good and then he was like;

"You don't know what you are talking about you puffter;" he actually said that word and I laughed so much I almost fell of the chair. Lucius got caught on the shoulder by one of Sirius's shots and then I said;

"That's what you get when you come looking for trouble!" and then Lucius caught me with a spell put me in so much pain I almost passed out, then everything _really _kicked off. My back snapped into an S-bend and my bones felt all ripped up and my throat was torn and the pain of it was so unbearable. I screamed and clawed at the floor below me. My whole body felt like it was burning, I was on fire and I was going to melt and choke and die.

When I woke up I was by a lake, I lay on a coat over a pebble beach. The sky was blue with light white clouds, the shine disagreed with my eyes a little but my body felt so shaken and used that I couldn't complain, or I wouldn't as long I was lying down. I could smell copper and I knew it to be the deposits in the lake. I wondered why I hadn't reflected on that fact the last time I had been in a lake.

My first truly lucid non-bleary thought that I had had in who knows how long was the unfortunate realisation of what I had spent the better remembered parts of my not so lucid time saying and doing and just generally;

"Uuuugh." I moaned; a finger pressed over mouth and a little hiss followed up beside me;

"To early Love." he mumbled drowsily and I nodded. He had a point.

**A/N: thanks for reading,**

**Please review!**


	39. Legitimate Curiosity

**A/N: Congratulations to Ms. TonksLupin for conquering her Sirius fic, this one goes out to you!**

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 39**

**Legitimate Curiosity **

Crunching pebbles and fluttering hands. My cheeks heated but a cool breeze brushed passed the trees to shift across my fevered skin. The brushing hands, the rustle of cloth, the hiss of skin, I was smiling wide. He was dazzling, I couldn't stop pinking every time I met his eye but when he smiled I couldn't look away. It was a real catch 22. The whisper of his breath when he said my name made me shiver. I was fast, my heart was fast and my lungs fought for all the air they could get. My insides twisted and for once it was in a good way. There was something different about the closeness but I couldn't control myself long enough to understand. Something was just beyond my reach, a clarity I craved but simply couldn't achieve. Sweet bright rapture and skin over compelling flesh. Then there was a different sort of shift and I opened my eyes a crack. The sun split in and I pouted. It wasn't real, I was dreaming, of course! He was asleep. I closed my eyes and for a moment I was back. We were smiling and laughing and we were close. What we were close to I had no idea but I knew that I needed whatever it was desperately. I needed the release. I was pulled out of the dream once more by a light tickle below my lip.

I sneezed through a dusty nose and lost the moment completely. I felt much of the dream slip out toward a place where I couldn't quite recollect and pouted. My tongue slipped over my dry bottom lip and I rubbed a hand across my eyes lazily. I scowled. That was anti climactic; I decided. Raising my head up a small amount I realised I had made a pillow out of Sirius's belly. Smiling I glanced up at his sleeping form surreptitiously before checking his belly for drool. All clear, I am the queen of sleep decorum! To bad I had no one to share it with, it seemed the sort of thing that would be ruined if I woke Sirius up to explain it to him. Nestling my head back along his abdomen I pulled my hair back around my shoulder. It was a dry clear chilled day but Sirius was obnoxiously hot as usual. I had been packed into a large dusty travelling cloak and laced into my boots. Thinking back to my dream I bit my lip. Even in my dreams he permeated everything. From my place below his chest I heard a low grumble in his throat and was jarred. Sitting up quickly I turned to face him. He continued to sleep soundly, I glanced at my hand hesitantly for a moment before stretching my fingers and breathing warm air over the frigid digits. Cautiously I slipped my hand below the edge of his (my) leather jacket and pressed my palm over his heart. I smiled as his heart raced beneath his inked in skin;

"I am onto you." I whispered and brought my face over his with my upper torso draped across his front.

The skin along his angular cheek bones was coloured lightly pink and he hummed lightly in his sleep as I followed the flushed trail with the edge of my mouth. I hummed back before shaking him lightly.

"Sirius." I whispered. Nothing. I smiled. Looking over the edges of the lake I took one last look at Sirius before telling him; "if you are awake Sirius you better tell me because if you are asleep I am going to hit you over the head with a rock and throw your corpse into the lake." I raised an eyebrow at him. Nothing. Satisfied I threw a glance toward Sirius's hip. Watching his face carefully I shifted my hand away from his heart and allowed my hand to run down toward his pelvis. Now cut me some slack! Can you even imagine? The curiosity was killing me and the opportunity was basically staring me in the face.

My hand rested at the edge of his black denim slacks. I braced myself and checking Sirius's face one more time I bit my lip and squeezed my eyes shut as I flicked the button loose. Opening my eyes and exhaling with the relief of what would have been a good successful step one. Unfortunately when I opened my eyes I was met with another set of considerably more bemused ones. Raising a remarkably well shaped black eyebrow Sirius smiled steadily; my hand seemed to realise it had been caught a moment later and quickly retracted toward my front.

Sirius glanced down and his smile grew;

"By all means Jodie continue, I want to see where you were going with that." I pressed my lips together and removed myself from Sirius with a dismissive huff. He chuckled and I heard the crunch of stone as he stood and as I regrettably turned to witness, stretch out his long fascinating limbs luxuriously. My mouth had fallen into a delicate oh. I closed it quickly and cleared my throat. Watching Sirius rebutton the button on his trousers, though slightly humorous, was over all mortifying. His grey eyes met mine and he brought his hand up to the level of his eyes as if he had been caught and he flashed these really white teeth;

"Please! Don't let me spoil your good work." he laughed. I pulled myself up to stand but my legs wobbled and I tipped forward. Sirius caught me at the elbow and I jerked away from him forcefully thereby falling bum first on the floor in front of him. He knelt in front of me and I put my face into my hands.

"My legs aren't working and those are terrible trousers." I told my hands petulantly and I heard the pebbles crunch beside me as Sirius sat down. His arm suddenly draped lazily over my shoulder and my mind seemed to brush past me with blurred disconnected moments from my time spent blissfully unaware of embarrassing mental tie related ramifications in dream land earlier. He smelt fantastic. I bet even a horse would be impressed.

"Good to know you are back to yourself Malfoy. Trying to corrupt my innocence and passing it off as an issue you have taken up regarding my dress sense." I elbowed him because I felt it was the mature thing to do. "Yup," he blurted in a strained just-elbowed voice as he retracted his arm, "you know; earlier when you were all discombobulated; you were dropping compliments like nobodies business. It was really very worrying." I pursed my lips and then turned to look at him. Bad idea, his cheeks were still kind of blotched with pink and I wondered if it was the cold. I smiled coquettishly while crinkling my nose a little;

"You seemed a bit more loose lipped yourself when I was asleep." I raised one eyebrow, even if I did look like a crazy twitchy freak Sirius would only laugh and I liked when he laughed, I guess I felt well adjusted enough with Sirius to trust his reactions. It was comforting. I was still not going to tell him that though, speaking of not telling him things, wasn't that one of those things. My eyes widened with his;

"Shoot." I murmured and my hand flew to my mouth.

"But you were unconscious!" came Sirius's reply. At least he didn't mention the eyebrow. I shrugged and stood up off the ground.

"Was I?" I asked and his mouth dropped I turned away from him and surveyed the area;

"You little minx!" he hissed and I rolled my eyes; I noticed a satchel on the ground; I reached for my wand and then stared at my empty hand confusedly. I put my arm out in front of me and pulled for my wand again but this time I felt like someone had lined a hook around my middle and pulled me back as I stumbled on the spot. My hand remained empty, I straightened and turned to Sirius. He was looking at me with a small frown.

"I assume you aren't actually practicing to be a mime over there." Sirius said as he came to stand in front of me, placing hand on each shoulder he turned me slightly to each side as he looked me up and down.

"What's wrong?" he asked and I showed him my hand.

"Well I keep trying to summon my wand but I can't seem to find it." he frowned with me and slid his hand in to his back pocket. He held my ash wand out to me and I just kind of looked at it as I remembered.

"Before we left the house, my insides got stuck and it jumped out of my hand." I explained as Sirius began to run his hand along the back of his neck;

"I have been meaning to ask you Jodie, what's the story regarding you and magic? or just you in general?" I bit my lip and met his eye;

"Well I don't know where I was born but it was my birthday a couple days ago." I smiled and Sirius smiled back;

"We can come back to what I will get you as a present;" I nodded and frowned at my wand in Sirius's hand; I pushed his arm away by the wrist and started toward the satchel;

"Well I never went to wizarding school." I said matter-of-factly as I pulled out the contents of the bag. A red and spotted one piece short top thing was the first thing I pulled out. The cut at the top curved like a heart and it buttoned along the front with white buttons. I turned to look at Sirius as I held it up for him to see; he shrugged;

"I couldn't stand to dress you in mothers clothes so I just took some of the stuff left over in my room." my where-did-you-get-this expression didn't change and he rolled his eyes;

"I had a prank planned for some muggle clothes. I was going to transfigure them to look like witches robes and then have it so that after and hour they would switch back. It was dumb, I used to always try and think of ways to sabotage my mothers dinner parties. It seemed as good a method as any. Lucky I got out of there before things had to go that far." he smiled like he was some sort of rebel without a cause and I gave him a look of condescension before turning back to the satchel;

"Good to know." I responded. The pin up short-top thing was placed aside for a moment as several T-shirts emerged. One with the cartoon dog Scooby-Doo on it. I smiled to myself as I continued. A skirt cut with a puff, a crop top with a strange heavy pattern on it, a pair of black trousers that looked to small to fit anyone ever and a striped shirt with sunflowers on it. I blushed a little as I realised the crop top was actually a vintage bra. This was followed by some knickers. I nodded in the affirmative as I shoved them back in the bag and rooted around more. Another pair of jeans like the ones Sirius was wearing at that moment and a black tarp bag emerged from the satchel.

"I didn't grow up knowing about magic." I threw out to encourage the flow of conversation as Sirius dropped beside me and sat with crossed legs as I opened the buttoned closed bag.

"Why didn't you go to Hogwarts when you got your letter?" I shrugged;

"I didn't get one." there was a scissors and a comb and a small bar of soap in the bag and I laid them out on the ground as I continued to forage through it.

"No, I mean your letters you received telling you about Hogwarts. Why didn't you respond?" I stopped rooting for a moment and looked at Sirius;

"I" I looked at him and nodded as if to ask if he understood and continued slowly. "did not" I shook my head to show this as I then mimed taking something off of someone; "get one." I turned back to the bag on my lap as Sirius made a "pfft" noise;

"Everyone gets one Jodie." I turned to him again with haughty derision;

"Not everyone." he looked as if he was going to say something more but I shook my head no; "Its rude to interrupt Sirius; anyway, I had no indication what so ever of the existence of magic _at all_" I gave him a look which dared him to contradict me, he mimed zipping his lips shut and throwing away the key and I smiled a little. "until Dumbledore came to the orphanage where I grew up and told me all about it." the little bag also contained a blade, a little pot of ink and a black tube.

"Well why didn't you get a letter?" he asked and I slapped my hand to my fore head in exasperation.

"I was just asking." he muttered and I threw a pair of knickers at him.

**A/N: **

**Thanks for reading and please review!**


	40. Hot and Cold

**Chapter 40**

**Hot and Cold**

"Did I not already tell you about my parents and the monster and the need to be hidden?" I hissed as he held the knickers out to me wearing a roguish smile;

"Vaguely, but I am pretty sure you were on top of me when we discussed it so I think my memory is a bit hazy on the subject." I turned the black tube I had found around in my hands before turning to Sirius and delivering a sardonic expression;

"Look there is this evil thing out to get us and the only reason it can't get to me is because I am engaged to you, in fact that is the _only _reason I am engaged to you. I still don't know what is so special about old fashioned bindings but anyway; when I turned seventeen I was findable. So that was…" I counted on my fingers and then turned to Sirius in shock.

"What?" he asked and I put the little bag down as I rechecked the maths in my head.

"Good news!" I smiled exuberantly and clambered toward him to place a kiss on his mouth. I had really intended it to be chaste but as I began to move away Sirius had his arm around my back and had turned me around to lie across his lap in a sort of movie kiss. It was quite romantic really, my mind spat images of my dream from the night before into my head and my heart picked up as my cheeks flushed. Being Sirius he wasted no time in laying me down toward the ground and turning his body so that one of his legs rested between mine. Our mouths didn't separate and I once again felt the thrill of it. The forbidden stolen act of kissing, the thrill of breaking the rules. I hummed lowly and I felt Sirius graze my bottom lip with his tooth. His thigh rested between mine seemed to catch on my core and little snaps of shuddering pressure ran through my muscles. I was frazzled. Sirius's hot breath flew over my mouth as we moved our lips together explicitly. His soft lips encompassed my fat puckered bottom one and I felt his tongue run over it gently. I felt my body melt a little as my brain seemed to give up on reminding me that we had important things to do. In that moment it seemed I had nothing else on the agenda. His hand caught on my hip and pulled my weight down against his leg with an eased force that I couldn't seem to conjure myself. The friction seemed lonely on its own as my head flew back with the shot running through me, the heat and I was just so full of the pressure. Sirius planted a kiss along my pulse as it raged through my throat. He mercilessly repeated the action as the tension built further, I bucked with confused frustration and despite how infuriating the experience was becoming I couldn't get enough of it .

"Ah" I crooned, I was so past reserve as my skin flushed. I cursed the thick travelling cloak Sirius had me draped in and even though there was a bitter breeze running over the lake I felt like I needed to loose the layer. With his free hand Sirius pulled my face back to his and I slipped my tongue over the seam of his lip curiously. Even at this point my mind was still present enough to paint a blush across my cheeks when Sirius released a groan deep and low in response to my shy exploration. The single broad and catching vowel I heard caused my nerve endings to tingle more then anything Sirius had elicited from me so far. I felt like I had won a marathon and had just been afforded drive enough for one hundred extra miles. I was beginning to perspire even in the bitter cold as Sirius continued to work like a pressure cooker. The smell of him. The soft sinuous feel of him. Still unable to decode his reason for allowing me this closeness in his arms, I felt more in his confidence when he sucked lightly on my lip then when he had cried into my hair. Like each movement was a little secret he wanted to tell me. My hands caught up along his jaw and fanned across his neck as I pulled him closer.

I wanted more, felt a need to return his confidence. I craved his understanding, I wanted him to like the parts of me I didn't want him to know about. I felt slightly weak, like I was made of jelly. I wanted to touch him but I felt as though I barely had the decorum or energy to just be touched never mind focus well enough to return the favour but the third stroke he made across my core caused my heart to contract forcefully and my ears almost popped as my back rolled; the moment was so erotic that my body seemed to finally decide that more noise was going to need to be heard coming from Sirius. Even his quickened breath worked to bring me into a state of rapture. It made me feel more like a woman than anything else when he gave under my hand.

My left hand shifted slowly down to his shoulder and pushed him lightly; his mouth moved away from mine and my lips instantly pouted in his absence until he began to trail more sunny little kisses along the delicate skin at the corner of my jaw

"Sirius?" I pressed out in a low altercation; "Ah;" I exclaimed breathily as Blacks smiling mouth nibbled on my ear. There really was a wrongness that sort of dislocated my mind whenever he did that. I mean, he just bit the side of my ear, never in a million years did I think anyone would touch my ear yet there he goes pulling lightly with the heat of his pouted lips; I steeled myself for a moment before speaking again "Sirius, hold on." he stilled and relinquished me in a moment. I smiled in relief for just that moment before a feeling of thorough dissatisfaction ran through my from all angles. My body seemed to tense up slightly as if its release had been stolen from it. I felt its pain; I looked up into Sirius's eyes, he looked kind of halfway between surprised and contrite.

As if he was being scolded for something he thought he would get away with. I smiled up at him and removed my hand from him to let them stretch over my head as I yawned in a fashion that could have been called on as teasing faux eroticism. Which it kinda was.

When I met his eye Sirius looked at me expectantly. His mouth looked raw, his eyes full, a slight flush was creeping up his neck under my gaze. I maintain that eyelashes like his really had no place on his obstructively masculine features but they really had me further mesmerised as I once again admired his features. I really had to stop staring, he enjoyed it to much, he really was vain. Surreptitiously shifting my leg I smiled detachedly. I saw Sirius form his mouth into a small "o" a moment before I had him flipped onto his back.

Hovering above where he rested intimately between my shaking legs in the most incredible and scandalous way I leaned close to his face. I smiled impishly as I took his hands in mine and pulled them to rest above his head. I laced my fingers in his and dropped my weight against him purposefully, my mouth fell open as the tension through me increased beyond comprehension. I kept my eyes on Sirius and he smiled up at me. It felt like a challenge. Pressing a chaste kiss to Sirius's top lip I released his hands and placed mine on his front before pulling his bottom lip into my mouth with indelicate curiosity.

His unapologetic growl as I bit into him and pulled lightly only made me feel further debauched but as usual when his hands found my hips to pull me closer I was passed caring. I remembered the taste of him then. The intoxicating flavour. My breath came fast, my mind was on the blink and I felt as if I wouldn't be able to hold out much longer for the life of me. I felt like I was going to split at the seams. The outline of Sirius's more masculine anatomy seemed to fit snugly against me through his jeans as I realised that our feverish grappling must have shifted enough of the cloaks I wore out from under me, leaving only my knickers to cover me as the only separation between me and Sirius's damned jeans. As Jude had warned; the light cotton seemed to be suspiciously damp and I felt a deep blush travel across my cheeks as I realised this. I needed to regain some of myself.

Decisively; I slowed my fevered kisses to a gentle tug and pull; with Sirius it was easy as he initiated his careful and measured responses comfortably. He really caught on fast. I hoped our new slowed pace would allow for my heart to relax as opposed to fluttering like a frightened bird. I also thought it would help loosen some of the tension built up between my legs and tingling in my frazzled nerve endings but instead the erotic deep movement seemed to make me ache. My breath rasped, my eyebrows pressed together and I swore that Sirius's heart was thumping harder then ever under the palm of the hand I had pressed to his chest. It was at this moment that I noticed the path of my other hand as it worked on the buttons of the cloak Sirius had dressed me in. regaining my sense in minimally that respect I shifted my hand to instead rest beside Sirius and I but of course I then realised that I had very well gotten all the buttons.

Unaware of the serious lack of boundary between us Sirius once again ground his hips up against mine and my heart stuttered.

"Ooh." I moaned deeply before biting into my lip to quiet myself. My hand curled into a fist around the materiel of Sirius's shirt as I fell away from his mouth and rested my head against his chest. That was a feeling I had not expected. I took a deep breath but his scent and being pressed flush against him as I was really wasn't helping. It was hard to gauge how long we had been kissing for but I was feeling incredibly light headed at that point.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked him confusedly. I felt him release a snuffly little laugh and I frowned to myself before pulling myself upright. Sirius brought himself up on his elbows and raised an eyebrow at me. He really had to stop doing that to me even if it was endearing.

"Isn't it obvious?" he asked and I wrinkled my nose and shook my head. The pebbles crunched as Sirius turned me over again. I looked up at him sternly;

"It is rude to answer a question with a question." I told him and he smiled down at me; he slipped closer to me and spoke right into my ear;

"Do you not think it's nice Jodie?" he asked and I felt a little silly as I responded;

"I do but.."

"No buts Malfoy;" a great flow of heat ran like water across my skin when he kissed the side of my cheek by my ear; "it's just that simple." I frowned, still confused and looked over to the side to see the round grey pebbles just below the level of my head. There were ferns and trees off the side of the lake as well as reeds and things. It was similar to the lake we had been at before if not slightly smaller. And this one seemed more like a flow part of a river as the water fed gently out its other side. The air was crisp and fine and;

My thoughts were interrupted by a sigh of frustration and I turned to face Sirius;

"Jesus Malfoy, talk about hot and cold." I blanched;

"What?" I blurted and Sirius was suddenly standing up and pacing. He tugged at his hair and I watched him from the ground;

"I might as well not even be here." he exclaimed and I pushed myself upright;

"I'm sorry Sirius." he stopped pacing and looked at me incredulously;

"Do you even know what you are apologising for?" he asked temperamentally and I squinted as I thought about it;

"No." I answered and looked at my boots; "I just don't know how to do anything right." I admitted quietly and I heard him snort from where he stood. It wasn't very attractive.

"That's rich." he said, he had his back to me and I scowled at the leather. It was a little easier to talk to his back;

"I'm scared." I told him and I felt frightened just saying it; he turned to me; his jaw set and his eyes flashing;

"Why would you kiss me and then ask me why I was kissing you? I mean come on" he sneered; "you were practically gagging for it." I pressed my lips together and stood up; we were obviously having two completely separate conversations. But then I remembered why I had kissed him;

"My goodness gracious Black you are so unbelievably arrogant." he rolled his eyes;

"You really need to curse more Malfoy, who the fuck to you think you are Doris fucking Day? Because trust me, women who say "goodness gracious" don't insist on topping five minutes before hand!"

"and men who have any measure moral calibre don't think that they can solve any problem a girl has just by allowing them the great gift of sleeping with you, to be completely honest I haven't actually got that much interest in bucking on the ground with you for hours on end, despite what you might think you buffoon!" I stomped toward him with every intention of giving a clear example of just how chaste that damned session of kissing would have been if he hadn't started rutting up against my leg like an overly exuberant unneutered puppy.

"Buffoon?" he asked in mock hurt and I sneered before reaching him and pushing some wayward strands of my wind frazzled white blond hair behind my ear. I grabbed the lapels of Sirius's coat and moved onto my toes to plant a singular soft kiss onto his pliant lips. Our mouths met gently before I pushed him off of me roughly and stepped back as he stumbled a bit;

"That was genuinely all I had intended to do! I wasn't the one swooping you onto the ground to have at it. I just wanted to wish you a damned Happy Christmas. Now please stop trying to accuse me of being your harlot and please, just calm down. I'm sorry, ok? please just be on my side Sirius; I'm _scared_." he groaned in frustration and turned his back to me again.

**A/N: Thanks for reading and please review**


	41. Hope

**Chapter 41**

**Hope**

I wished that life was just different enough for me to have somewhere to go and cry for a minute in a place Sirius wouldn't notice. I didn't care how many times he saw me cry as long as he never saw me crying over him. I just wouldn't be able to handle that. Knowing I couldn't escape him in the undergrowth by the lake I turned to the lake itself; having already undone the latch of the large cloak I simply slipped out of it. I was cold. I would have used my wand to hide myself or hide my tears or warm my skin but it seemed that that wasn't an option;

Pulling my blood stained rune cloak over my head I stood in my shamefully damp cotton knickers. Sirius still had his back to me. I bent and rummaged for the vintage bra from earlier and slipped it on, not wanting to seem like I was "gagging for it" as Sirius had so eloquently put it.

A tear slipped down on my cheek and I wiped it away fearfully before turning to Sirius like I had just been caught out but he hadn't seen it. I couldn't have it if he had lost any respect for me. Sirius stood with his hands on his hips staring at the ground. For once a sneaky look at his bum didn't make me feel any better, I bit my lip, maybe a teensy bit better. I wondered what he was thinking about as I kicked off my boots. I was half frozen but it felt good, bracing against my flushed skin.

Walking to the still waters edge I stepped in carefully. The pebbles under the water shifted more loosely under my feet and I struggled slightly to keep my balance. The cold attacked my feet but I smiled widely as I watched the rings of water move away as they were disturbed, I liked to think they were carrying little messages about me to the rest of the water; "there is a girl climbing in" says one little ripple; "knock her over;" say the mischievous one; "warm up a bit she must be cold;" says the considerate one; "hey that's not a crop top it's a bra!" said the one that was most like me. I waded out as far as my knees and giggled lightly. I wonder if the messages would make it all the way out to the sea or if the sea is so confused because by the time it gets out that far its like Chinese whispers and all the ocean hears is nonsense. I liked the bra, it covered most of my gored side. Glancing at my torso however I noticed a small issue.

A familiar set of runes were wrapped around my belly like an angry red belt; the letters were like blood stains but were imbibed into my skin like sealed wax. I thought of the cage I had felt around the light in my middle and bit my lip as I allowed my hand to float across the top of the symbols which I had seen in the mirror the day before; I didn't dare touch them. Was this why I couldn't do anything? I had been able to fight Malfoy at first; it was when I saw his eyes; nothing really went completely my way after that. After my wand spat itself onto the floor.

My sense of whimsy was long gone, I had also forgotten to be upset about Sirius and as I turned to where he stood I realised he was looking through the gaps in the trees calling me. Confused that he hadn't looked over at the water I glanced down at it for a moment. The water below me had stilled and I realised Jude was below me;

"Oh my God Jude thank God" but something was wrong, of course there had to be something wrong. She didn't answer she only shook her head and pointed to her mouth; leaning in closer I saw that her lips were stained the same as my skin;

"You can't talk?" I asked and she shook her head and did a large disconcerting smile;

"The grin?" I asked and she nodded before miming cutting her throat; she then made an x across her mouth with her finger and pointed to my stomach before doing the same.

"The grin dies, and the runes?" she drew the x's again.

"Are cancelled?" she shrugged and nodded as if to show that that was her best guess. I stared at the runes on my belly;

"What are mine for?" I asked but some pebbles beneath my right foot shifted and she was gone when the disturbed water settled. The next moment I was stabbed with cold from every angle as I slipped and went under. I had expected my bum to hit the bottom considering I had only waded out as far as my knees. No such luck. I could see my reflection again as my body stilled of its own shivering, cold accord. On the shining silvery underneath of the surface of the water I stared down at myself. Her arms extended as I reached for top side.

My stomach jerked. Glancing down I saw the runes floating off me like rope in the blur of being underneath the water and as things are inclined to do in my life it all went downhill from there.

The rope shifted as if drawn to something and then suddenly it was like an invisible force had grabbed the other end to drag me below. My guess was the runes were something that the Grin could use to get to me. It couldn't touch me but it could touch the runes. But then how did the damned monster paint them on? How did it do anything, like when it drew the on the inside of the mirror in the first place. Or when it made me write them again in real life. I mean it obviously had something to do with that but the Grin wasn't supposed to be able to get to me as long as I was bound to Sirius. And just so many questions, and now I didn't have Jude to answer them. Realising that the shards of cold making my blood lazy in my veins seemed to have ruined more or less any chance I had of keeping with my surroundings I noticed that my head hurt from the depth of the water.

"A vessel of the light;

Should not die doing what is right;

Though evil has your strength in ropes;

You can still be strong with hope.

May you look with your true sight;

And know not to give up the fight."

It was a song, with a chorus and everything, it was like listening to a song in a cave being sung by young voices with old souls. When I opened my eyes I saw light divulging through the greenish water which I was very much submerged in. There was a figure near me and I saw when I looked down, my own pale feet and that the runes had bound onto a rock. I could not breath, my lungs were full of water. My head and eyes felt ready to crack with the pressure. I was so cold that I could barely move. Yet I did not drown. My body was on the very brink of death, I knew it. Yet I would not die. Was this it? Was this me surviving because the Grin couldn't kill me? My hair floated around me and I thought detachedly that this was a very pretty place to die. The song began again and the figure seemed to barely have to gesture to cover the considerable space between us. It was there humanesque eyes with the mouth of a trout, with little whiskers and everything. It held a spear. I still didn't die. Its mouth was slightly agape and I knew it was part of the chorus of singing.

I suppose vessel of the light was as good away as any to describe being a sorceress. Since I wasn't going to drown to immediately I carefully lifted my arm which I couldn't really feel and extended it to the singer to shake hands. It flinched back and then I felt its delicate soft webbed appendage wrap all the way around my hand and as it did it let do of its spear and placed the other over my eyes.

Of course then I really saw. I saw the dulcet light centred in the being in front of me and its filtered connections toward the similar light occupying the lake. When I looked down I saw a black tar like viscous fluid arguing with the barely corporeal light in my middle, the fly out connection from my heart toward the surface which I knew to be attached the that of Sirius Black. And then I saw as the voices rang out around how each one of the connected in a stream and shifted to make connections to where my hand joined the singer in front of me. I nodded slowly, to spot connections and pattern in the web. Looking ahead I saw it all reflected back down to me and I saw all the connections twice. Strong with hope. I saw my the reflected glimmer of my own shine in the smoky limitless view of the world. Where everything seemed less pinned down. More malleable and less tactile. Reaching up toward my reflection I a silvered thread suddenly snapped to connect us and smiling I flowed through it. I was looking down at myself from the top a moment later and feeling less like I should be dead. I let the light of the sun show me what was around me instead of the light of every other soul, tree or creature. I was lying face down in the water and when I looked down I saw the runes wrapped around the rock and similar to a moment from Peter Pan though I had escaped through the other light it seemed I had switched places with my reflection in the way, though there was no second Juniper visible below there was something else. Behind where the runes reached to strangle nothing cast along the ground in the greenish light there was a distinctly me shaped shadow.

As my curiosity peaked I was momentarily distracted from the fact that it seemed like the water was once again making its way into my airway as I looked below. Flipping to float on my back a I spluttered uselessly. My head span, my limbs shook and now I thought, now that it wasn't the Grin trying to kill me but just my idiocy in lying curiously for a minute and a half face down in an English lake in the middle of winter, I thought that this might be the part where I actually die. My sluggish mind was really quite resigned to it before I felt a fin hand brush along the side of my arm. Sighing I remembered that I was bound to weakness unless I had the will to hope or something according to the singers who were really going out of there way to help me out which I did appreciate. So I tried not go asleep and put in great efforts to hope. Seriously, did everyday have to go this way? I set my jaw determinately in an attempt to increase my level of hopefulness. The thing below be reached up its frog skinned yet still scaly hand to the right of my head, it was holding its spear and at first I wasn't very amazed by this until the spear released a great shot of water into the air which was followed by the sound of a great battle trumpeting horn. What a cool contraption I thought and then it was gone as soon as it came leaving barely a ripple in its wake as somewhere not so far away I heard Sirius;

"Malfoy?" he was calling over the water and then there was some splashing and my limbs were past hurting so I just waited for him to come get me. I hoped he hadn't called me Malfoy because he was still upset with me. A few drops of water landed in my eyes as I stared at the sky. I assumed it was Sirius's sloppy swimming but when I turned around Sirius wasn't there.

"Fuck." I moaned a I was met by the maw of a giant menacing black dog. My voice came out cracked and broken and I just closed my eyes. Where was Sirius and why had he let someone set a dog on me? It barked and I flinched as it caught the side of the strap of my bra and began to swim with surprising ease. I just huffed and decided to go with it.

Sooner than expected the water was shallow enough for the dog to walk in and I felt my lagging arm brush against the pebble bank below the water. A gust of wind whipped past the valley and my skin stung with the cold.

"Sirius?" I hissed and to my annoyance the dog nudged the side of my face with his stupid dog nose. I wondered if it was Sirius's idea to send a dog and if he thought it would be funny. Go fetch!

Then a human hand eventually graced my face and I didn't have to look to know it was him considering that no one can actually generate heat, no wonder considering he wouldn't risk swimming in the cold water even if it meant I got eaten by his handy rescue dog.

"Jodie?" I was lifted from the water and my body was just complete dead weight. I was dizzy. When Sirius placed me on the black cloak I instantly rolled onto my stomach and began to splutter and cough. A lungful of water later I rolled back onto my back and began to take deep rasping breaths. I felt a wand press into my side meanly and after a while of incessant poking Sirius leaned over the spot he had been casting spells on and breathed out a great warm breath of air. To my great relief the heat from the spot seemed to role out across my entire body, fighting out the ice from each of my fingers and toes one after the other. I felt almost normal then. My body continued to shake violently and my eyes were irritated from the water but other than that I felt warm and lucid. Sirius looked at me in grim concentration and then flicked his wand to dry my hair. I sat up creakily;

"No, no. Lie down!" I shot him a look and continued to straighten my posture. He opened his mouth again but I waved him off.

"Thank you." I smiled wanly and then remembered before turning to scowl at him; "for the aftercare not for sending some mongrel into the lake to fish me out!" I rubbed my eyes with the heels of my hands and looked up blinking blearily a few times. At this point I realised that Sirius was wearing very little and dripping wet. He also looked slightly miffed. How could I have forgotten about his distracting body. His chest heaved with each and I took a moment to appreciate the fine line of hair running down toward his soaked black shorts before looking back into his dark eyes. Seriously didn't need anymore of the raised eyebrow stuff either.

"Do you see a dog, Jodie?" I pressed my lips together and shook my head. He rolled his eyes and stood up. Taking a few steps back and switching his weight on his feet gingerly Sirius took a few breaths as if he was going to jump off a roof or something. And he did jump and then he landed and he was dog; I wondered if I would ever find my eyebrows again they were so far up in my hair line.

**A/N: Thanks for reading and please review**


	42. Christmas and the meaning of life

**Chapter 42**

**Christmas and the meaning of life**

Switching my weight around so that I was kneeling I watched as Sirius sat down and looked back at me, head tipped to the side, tail slightly wagging. I smiled.

"Question," I crawled over to the dog curiously before resting back onto my knees. "are you a man that turns into a dog or a dog that turns into a man?" the dog shifted a little on its paws and I looked into his grey eyes. My mouth fell open in mock outrage when I realised that the dog was doing the dog equivalent of raising a singular eyebrow. It is just plain unfair! The dog shivered lightly and a moment later I was on my knees directly in front of a wet and almost naked Sirius Black. I looked up and met his eye, slightly taken aback. He smiled down at me;

"Sometimes I wonder that myself." I said matter-of-factly and I coloured slightly thinking he could some how see into my debauched mind before realising he was answering my question from the moment before. God he really was something to behold. I bit my lip and looked away; he chuckled and knelt down in front of me. A dog, it made sense.

"Well thanks for fishing me out of the lake as well then." I sighed and noticed I could see my breath. We were approaching dusk and another shiver let loose across me. He hummed lightly and I turned to look at him, his eyes seemed so conflicted. I knew since we had been caught and he had found his wand that he had no real reason to stay with me other than the false engagement that was really only in existence for my benefit so thinking that he might leave scared me. I wouldn't be able to deal with Lucius and the monster on my own. Or the aurors, I suppose there was still that. I had still broken him out of jail and I saved him from that dementor but recently it hadn't been me doing all the saving.

I wondered when we would have saved each other enough times to live happily ever after and how many times we would have to kiss for it to be true loves kiss. As I met with his half bitter half laughter gaze I ran my tongue across my lips unthinkingly, I suppose there was only one way to find out.

He caught me top lip gently and I closed my eyes as he held it for a moment in the unbearable blood boiling heat of his soft mouth. An entirely different sort of shiver racked my body as my heart picked up and Sirius pulled away slowly;

"Merry Christmas Love." with my eyes still closed I could appreciate the deep rumbling tone in which he spoke. I really needed to take more time to appreciate all the things about Sirius, it seemed like there wasn't a thing about him that didn't make my knees week and my more feminine anatomy quiver.

"Merry Christmas." I said as I opened my eyes and ran my hand through my magically dried hair. I looked at my hair for a moment and then turned to Sirius incredulously;

"Did you style my hair?" I asked good-naturedly;

"I just thought;" he shrugged; "you know, while I was at it." I rolled my eyes and pinched his arm;

"While you were at it!" a laughed lightly and shook my head as I stood up to stretch; I was unfortunately interrupted mid casual faux erotic stretch when Sirius pinched my bum. I let out a little squeak and turned around quickly. Sirius caught me mid spin by the wrist and span me again and I laughed as he pulled me close. Swaying lightly as he placed one hand high on my bare back and held both our other hand out beside us. I looked up at his ridiculous grinning face and rolled my eyes before resting my hand on his shoulder;

"We are both going to die of chronic pneumonia." I told him as he span us around on the pebble beach. He shook his head;

"Tell that to nine years in Azkaban." he said jokingly but I could here him making light of something he took seriously. I knew what that sounded like, I did it all the time.

"Ten years," I corrected and then rested my head on his chest; "They never turned the heater on in the Pembride either."

"Are you seriously comparing a muggle orphanage to Azkaban prison?" he asked incredulously and I moved to look at him again;

"Are you seriously expecting me to dance around wet underwear until the end of what ever song you are rattling off in you head? Because mine already finished.

"It's rude to answer a question with a question." he pointed out and I smiled;

"Well I'm not exactly _fucking _Doris Day." I laughed as he span me around again;

"I should hope not," he pulled me in close from the spin; "as my fiancé I wouldn't want you to be _fucking _anyone." I hummed as Sirius dropped me into a low dip

"That's a pity." I responded while smirking up at him challengingly as he swept us back up to stand; I stepped back from him a bit and curtsied;

"Thank you for the dance Mr. Black." I said with false decorum considering I stood in my knickers and he in his. He took my mutilated left hand in his and kissed it softly; just that made my hearts pace double;

"Pleasure's all mine Lady Malfoy." I rolled my eyes and pretended not to be phased by his silly gentlemanly gesture but it really did make my brain go blank for a moment to long.

I waked over to the piled of clothes and bent to pick up the scissors and comb before turning to Sirius;

"Come on then" I said, turning to him but he had turned his back to me; I crinkled my brow;

"What's the issue?" I asked from several feet behind him. He had his hands in his hair again and I heard him exhale heavily a moment later;

"Its nothing, love, something has just," he did a sort of laugh and I wrinkled my nose; "come up." he finished and my eyes widened;

"Oh." my skin tinted red and I bit my lip. I mean it wasn't as if I was unfamiliar with the issue but then again it usually took a bit more prompting then a dance and banter. Flushing deeper I reflected on my now questionable decision to bend at the waist just a moment before. I also face palmed when I realised for the enth time that we were more of less naked. This led to further moments distraction as I took the opportunity to take in the charming view of Sirius from the back. Really very charming.

Shaking my head lightly a coughed unnecessarily;

"Right, well, just come over here so I can cut your hair." smiling mischievously as Sirius made to turn around I turned and began to dig through the satchel once more.

"I don't think you need to shave again to be honest Sirius, like you did shave back at the house didn't you?" I tried to keep the laughter out of my voice. I straightened up as I heard the stones crunching behind me.

"You have a sick sense of humour." he hissed into my ear and my laugh bounced like a ring across the crisp lake as I shrugged; Sirius turned me around roughly as he pulled me close into his arms. My laugh died down as my cheeks coloured; he didn't look especially amused.

"I have no idea what your talking about Black." I ground out through my mirth and he chuckled lowly and kissed my cheek. For some reason the simple gesture shut me right up. I cleared my throat and moved away. I snipped the scissors once more;

"Haircut!" I said affirmatively and Sirius rolled his eyes as he settled himself on the ground. When he turned his back I put my hand on my tingling cheek and smiled.

**A/N:****Thanks for reading, I hoped you liked it and please review!**


	43. Parrot

**Chapter 43**

**Parrot**

_Look away. _Nothing.

_Come on, work with me. _My eyes seemed to have an agenda on there own as my brain seemed to clear eerily except for the ongoing conflict.

_**Look away! **_Instead my hands seemed drawn toward the neatly trimmed facial hair and more or less tamed tresses of my absurd and unlikely companion. To his eyes dancing with unlaughed laughter and his mouth pulled up ready to tease me over my lack of control. I couldn't help it. I was whatever the body version of speechless is. I had thought I would smarten him up not sexy him up. I scowled as I ran my fingers into his hair. Running his chin length waves through my fingers as if to check for even ends, as if I was scowling in concentration and not because I had just opened myself up for further opportunity to drop all station of decorum.

When I left Pembride on Friday I had expected magic, I really had. I have always belonged to story books, really. I just never thought it would be this sort of magic, or this sort of story I would end up in. When I was a wand makers apprentice I felt like I was onto something more sensible. I had prospects like I never thought I would. But it was like Dumbledore said, it was my job as an adult to make my choices and choose where I would go. I had made it quite clear to myself and more ashamedly everyone else that a job was not a part of that job. I have to stop saying job, anyway despite how ridiculous the decision obviously was and how ludicrously he made me and despite how obscene and arrogant he was, all the damned time. I maintain that Sirius was the best decision I ever made.

Am I _salivating? _Over a _haircut?_ I narrowed my eyes as I shifted closer, maintaining the pretence of completing my work. He smelt incredible too, life really had a funny sense of humour. It couldn't have just had won road, could it? On aspect? A setting and a costume and a goal? Note that they are all singular. Not a new hiding place everyday, more players, more façades and mysteries and stupid disguises and so many goals to complete. I felt like no matter how many things I ticked off my list the list still exceeded its original bounds.

Adventures aren't nice, they are really very scary. I would read about them and I wouldn't say I wanted it, I never wanted it to be my life on the line but I suppose my life was on the line the whole time, it was just on hold. This was just a beginning that led into a whole lotta middle. Like I had thought but just not how I had expected. How could I have guessed that somewhere out there was a piece of wood that when waved by me could fight off the illustrious ever growing list of enemies that I had seemingly had all the while? How was I to know that the girl I thought looking back out me out of the mirror every once and a while wasn't a product of a staple diet of sugar and storybooks? And dear God knows why no one thought to warn me that not only was kissing something beyond a formality but that it was a precursor to have a husband take his damned a anatomy and put it _**in**_ to _**me?! **_What?! _**In?! **_ oh and haha your anatomy was broken my a hereditary nightmarish specter who is trying to kill you but it can't because luckily you have been secretly _**ENGAGED**_ your _**WHOLE LIFE**_ to a famous murderer who is actually innocent. Yeah. Good one life, I can barely contain my sarcastic laughter. Sarcasm is supposed to be implied isn't it? Damn;

"You okay there, Love?" Sirius asked cautiously and I met his eye. Damn; why would I look at him? Have I learned nothing. I cleared my throat;

"Uh-huh." I am such a genius.

God, he looked so young and fresh and even though he was very thin from living in prison, and although he was kinda pale and tired looking, he was still warm and full of life and really very good looking. Good for looking at I mean. oh shoot, look away eyes I am begging you! He smiled and I realised my hands were tingling from being held up above the level of my heart for to long. It was just another reason to feel dizzy as I let them fall to my sides. Sirius ran his hand through his hair austerely and I almost got sick on myself I was so at a loss for how to react to what ever on earth he had just done.

"Am I Beautiful now?" He asked with a smile and my mouth decided that this was a great moment for the truth;

"God, yes." it whispered and I slammed it closed a moment to late. Damn thing was trying to get me killed. Luckily for me Sirius's vanity took this in its stride and I was allowed to move on with my joke of a life. Ha, no. As opposed to that conversation digressed from there and before I was completely able to comprehend how it had happened and thoroughly aware that it had been my idea we were kissing. I don't know why something visual could affect me so much that I was forced into the kinaesthetic but there you go. I crawled into his lap and felt him smile into the kiss. I always wanted to be closer. As close as I could get, to imprint myself on him forever. To keep him with me, we breathed heavy and rhythmic. Like it was some great struggle, like we had to kiss slow to keep our heads. I imagined my lips flowing light right into him. He groaned and I wondered if imagining me pressing into him actually did something. The kiss seemed to go on forever and I was happy to stay there and let time slip around us as long as this was what happened. He pulled me close and we were soon rolling around on the ground. Again.

"You are some girl Jude." he hissed around my mouth and my brow creased;

"Is that a good thing?" I asked concernedly as I ran my fingers through Sirius's excellent new hair, he shook his head and chuckled;

"No, I thought this would be a good time to insult you." my jaw dropped as I prepared to knee the incorrigible mind but he just turned us onto our sides and snickered;

"Of course it's a good thing Love, come on." he turned me around and pulled my back into his belly. My eyes lids pulled up unconsciously as my heart stuttered a little in surprise. I had never felt the way I felt just then. I just fit in the crook of his arms like a key in a, Jesus she really ruined that analogy forever didn't she? Like a …piece of puzzle? Much more appropriate.

I couldn't recollect ever having felt as held or as comfortable or as blisteringly hot, obviously, as I did in that moment in the arms of that damned pressure cooker of a man. He spoke into my ear because that is the sort of thing he liked to do to get a rise out of me. He had such a talent for it too;

"Come on Jodie;" he kissed the side of my neck and I pulled up my shoulders like a turtle; "What are you thinking?" he pressed and I began to fidget with my left hand.

"I was just thinking how much I loved it when people didn't try to encroach on my private thoughts." I said as I pinched the side of Sirius's hulking limb he had draped across my middle. He gave my torso a squeeze;

"Come _on_." he went on and the end of my nose widened slightly as I huffed;

"Let me start by saying I would prefer you didn't Sirius but I am just wondering why you haven't left? You're a better wizard than I am a sorceress, so why stick around now that you have a wand? I mean, I'm a liability, all I do is drown myself and get myself cut open!" Sirius moved out from behind me and I wish he hadn't but I didn't say anything as he moved to look into my face, which didn't help my conversational focus one bit as I seemed to have a sudden interest in the physical structure of my fellow man, curious considering through my life thus far I had probably accumulated less time for staring at others all together then I had spent staring people out in the last five days, maybe its just a part of being seventeen or maybe it was all Sirius's fault. It seemed more than likely. He looked surprised, I decided I was going to look surprised as I began to work to rearrange my facial features. He put his hand over the side of my squirming face and my eyes widened a I genuinely blanched behind his incredibly warm and lightly rough edged appendage.

"Stop." he demanded but I already had. He moved his hands away to meet his concerned features. A small frown and a searching gaze. That is concern, I had that much figured. His brow barely creased. Not like mine, not like us Malfoys, where creasing your brow is verging on a competitive sport.

"A sorceress? That's it? That's what you are? " I nodded and I swear Sirius gave me the once over of my life. Like I was some rare exotic something or other. Like a puzzle with no answer, like that kings knot, the one they cut with a sword because it was so unsolvable otherwise. I shuddered, it was scrutiny I was drawn back with, drawn to memory. A moments distraction for my own memories as an unwanted overeager unpopular lonely and invisible little girl;

"and you didn't think to mention this sooner?" he pressed and I rolled my eyes as I shifted my arm to use as a head rest. It was so different to be someone out loud, I was brought up with the understanding that adults spoke and children spoke when spoken to. It wasn't complicated, it was just true. Now everything was complicated and nothing was true. I didn't expect Sirius to believe me because I didn't think anything in life merited belief after the last five days, just an acceptance for what it was at face value. Deception seemed so ingrained in everything, there was nothing that didn't merit doubt in one way or another, just a pinch of salt and hope you don't get it wrong. I had been lucky so far, lucky with Sirius, lucky with Dumbledore, lucky with Jude. I felt like every time I told Sirius something he would doubt it and now that I had been wrong about so many things I was starting to see my own naivety. Wrong about Pembride, wrong about my parents and story books and magic and more than anything wrong about myself.

"Have you ever met someone who was brought up without magic Sirius?" I asked sardonically and Sirius suddenly seemed to have entered a staring competition with his own moustache, it looked challenging.

"Yeah, I did." he mumbled and I pressed my lips together. He really did have to be so mysterious about everything didn't he? I puffed out a breath of air and continued;

"Then how hard is it for you to understand that I have literally no conceptual understanding of the apparent poignant difference between being a witch or being a sorceress or a seer or a parrot trained to hold a wand for that matter?" I asked incredulously; "You know to be completely honest the difference between a witch and a wizard was a recent enough revelation in itself so if you want me to understand why you are surprised by things you might want to try using your words because judging by your tone of voice is becoming exhausting." I explained further with enthusiasm in the hope I was bridging some sort of long breaking chasm of communication between Sirius and I.

"Right." Sirius snorted and I blinked. "Parrot trained to hold a wand." I repeated back to me and I rolled my eyes. Chasm bridged my horribly scared left limb.

"If you are just going to repeat back everything I say I might as well trade you in for a parrot with a wand." I said glowering.

"Well, how do you know you are a sorceress if you don't know a wand from a stick Jodie?" Sirius asked petulantly and I rolled my eyes.

"Now, now. I know a wand when I see one, I used to be Ollivanders apprentice after all and when it comes to being a sorceress I guess it just takes one to know one and I am one so." I smiled and Sirius snorted again. He was such a classy wizard.

**A/N: ****Thanks for reading and please review!**


	44. The Fall

**Chapter 44**

**The Fall**

"Yeah and weren't you at work for like a day?" I wrinkled my nose at him;

"Two days and it's more than you ever did!" I hissed and Sirius brought his face closer to mine;

"How would you know?" he lauded out in his stupid rich distracting voice. I flicked his neck so he would flinch back. Times like this I almost miss the amassing crowds of love starved new children who would arrive in Pembride under the impression that I was to be talked too.

"Well I haven't exactly been hiding it, or did you think I became proficient at magic in under a week by taking a fresher's course, perhaps night classes while you were asleep, hm?" I asked because I still couldn't help feeling slightly barbed at his incredulous expression of how-could-you accusation; his features seemed ready to compromise however. I had never tried reading someone that way before. It was quite useful, as long as I didn't actually note the not-so-abstract beauty of the books cover.

"Jodie how long have you been in the wizarding world? To have not heard or me? To have not heard of Lucius Malfoy, to have not heard of _Dumbledore?!_" he said as if it was a crime and I snorted;

"oh come on Sirius, Albus is the Headmaster of a school that I didn't even go too, why is it such a shock if I hadn't heard of him? I mean really? Did you ever hear of…" I faltered for lack of even moderately legitimate examples; "me, before all this?" I finished assuredly and then continued to talk before Sirius could finish the curve of his phrase just to be safe from logical scrutiny. "No, of course not, but then I talked to you in your cell that day and you found out about me shortly after I found out about magic! It was my birthday." Sirius pressed his lips together before replying in his perfectly assembled accent; he really was a product of good breeding, fight it as he may. I knew it when I saw it. Apparently, even if I did grow up around crack babies a child that was raised with purpose always stuck out among us. A child that was brought up to be preserved, whether for love or for whatever sick twisted psychopathic bloodthirsty political agenda Sirius and I were bred for, it didn't matter. We had our roots, want them or not, they stood out plain as day.

"you know in Azkaban it could have been a week or a day between that first visit and the next Jodie. Keeping an eye on the time is a bit of a disrupted target due to the soul sucking monsters everywhere skewing your perception of time as an innocent bystander;" I nodded dumbly and look at the greying little pebbles just below the level of my eye. Little pieces of debris settled between the rocks. A crumbling coat of browned leaks and the fine dust that was all that remained of many of them. I sniffed and turned to face Sirius again.

"Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me you know." I murmured on an unassuming whim.

"what kind of tricks?" he asked and I wondered what sort of person he was.

"It changes things, hides them, enhances them. Sometimes I wake up in the morning and the world is so harsh and unforgiving and I know that that's how it really is. I know that I see things different to how they are most days and I wonder why." I knew Sirius was looking at me but I focussed on how the air from my mouth as I spoke shifted the small wispy flecks between the rocks and my mouth closed for a moment as if it was done but then opened again because it wasn't. I didn't think I would ever feel a need to bring it up but I guess it could of happened at any stage. I continued;

"But other times I see the world in a very different way all together and its entirely through my eyes and I know that there are no tricks about that at all. That It's more true than anything else you know? I don't think anyone else is looking at it the same, magic isn't like you see it." I looked down at his slightly parted mouth and sniffed as he snickered;

"What? It's not!" I prodded his chest with my index finger and then looked into his eyes before turning my finger to point at myself;

"It's like I see it;" I put my hand on his cheek and ran it along the edge of his jaw. "I see you Sirius," I was sure it was the quietest he had been, the most still he had been. Like all his energy was focussed on me, as if he really needed something and I wished I knew what it was but I just floundered for away to stop talking instead before I said to much. Things could not be unsaid, that was one of my new fears. You cant take something's back once you give them away. End of. Words, kisses, moments, actions and even thoughts. What is done is done, that's scary. But your whole life being over because you spent your whole time second guessing, I didn't want to be like Hamlet either; I wasn't about to start treating Sirius like we were on separate teams either. Even if I did have more practice at being alone it was just harder. With Sirius I felt like no matter how many bad things happened I was still ok. I was still happy, like I couldn't help it, like happiness was an unavoidable side effect of company, no matter how bad things got I still started smiling. There was just something about him.

"I know what I'm talking about." I told him and I focussed back on the pebbles below us;

"That makes one of us." came his reply and I smiled a little; what's the point in sending messages no one receives, right? I suppose so I don't explode with everything I didn't say.

"You didn't answer my question Sirius." I sat up and began to braid my hair with rhythmic practiced movements. Sirius shifted to lie on his back and I tried to ignore the sliver of jail-pale skin revealed along the line of his hip. He sighed and I focussed on my grey streaked light blonde hair.

"Which one?" he murmured in a pathetic attempt at nonchalance.

"Won't you confide in me, Black?" I pressed as I huffed and reached the end of his shirt to tug it down as the revealed skin continued to tug at my vision. A sardonic smirk from Sirius that he would surely explicate in the knowledge that he had bothered me in some way shape or form was something I would much prefer to that troublesome sliver of skin being on show.

"You don't want me to leave?" he asked and I narrowed my eyes at him before releasing the end of his shirt;

"Sometimes I think you want me to want you to leave Sirius," I hissed and he smiled. My traitorous mouth smiled too. "You are incorrigible but you throw all the other horrible events of the last few days into a slightly more flattering light with your abominable presence so." I rose my shoulders in a shrug and sighed.

"Hey!" Sirius said in a jesting tone of warning; his arms was on my waist and then a predictable role later and I was under him. I looked up at him with through my once again narrowed eyes as he pinned my arms on either side of my head; he allowed his smile to fall into a pout until he got to close and spoke into my ear;

"If you decide you want me to leave then I am going to want something to remember you by Juniper." My cheeks flushed. Why did I suddenly feel like I was being scolded? He kissed my cheek and my eyes shut of there own accord;

"I won't send you away even if your methods of throwing me off are old hat." I told him and he pulled his face away from mine. I could practically count his eyelashes but I could also see the light laughter lines around his eyes and the well worn in worry line over his brow and aside his mouth, I was going to deepen those laughter lines. It would have to be done, it would be good for the balance of things.

"I didn't think people like you existed." he told me and I looked away from his eyes and laughed unnaturally;

"We don't." I said insuperably and pressed my mouth into a line;

"if you must know, I think you that if I didn't have you with me I would end up chasing that rat Pettigrew, the length and breath of whatever country he is in until I slipped up and got myself caught." Sirius mumbled in a matter of fact markedly woeful tone. I nodded;

"I really am a sorceress you know, Mr. Ollivander told me I had an affinity for magic shortly before I abused my abilities to betray his trust in every way imaginable by pulling a certain miserable lout out of some demon fortress of doom when I could have just popped around to the pet shop for a parrot. Tragic really." I sighed woefully and ran my hand through my hair. Sirius gave me an disillusioned look and I smiled wryly;

"Is this you sneaky way of pointing out all you've risked on my behalf on the off chance it makes me feel like I am so far in your debt I couldn't possibly consider leaving you?" he asked and I huffed. Why didn't I think of that?

"I wish I was that smart." I blurted and Sirius laughed and met my eye.

"You are the smartest girl I ever met." he said and I felt my cheeks colour as I turned away. I laughed nervously;

"Are you going to leave?" I asked and I allowed my eyes to flash past his before staring down at my nails like looking away would pull my eyes right out of my skull.

"I have no place else to go Jodie." he told me and my brow creased.

"Wow, that is just about the most romantic thing anyone has ever said to me." I murmured somewhat scathingly.

"It's the truth." he said and I sat up again and began to gesticulate energetically as I spoke; I was really becoming frustrated. I may not have been the most upfront about something's but at least I hadn't actually outright lied to Sirius, not that I could recollect at that moment anyway.

"You see? That's just it! It's not the truth at all, firstly, I amn't a place, we haven't spent more then two nights in a place since we met. I guarantee you, we wont spend a second night here either so saying you have no place else to go is a moot point!" I cried and Sirius sat up next to me, atleast I wouldn't have to worry about his tactile compelling midriff at that moment;

"You know you are right, we probably won't sleep another night on this pebble beach in the middle of winter for want of avoiding hypothermia but my wish to not see a lady sleeping rough this many nights in a row is not exactly-" I cut across his attempt to disagree with me;

"Exactly, moot point, meanwhile the only agenda I have is to not get killed or caught and hopefully to clear you name at come stage." I explained and then turned to Sirius. He looked pretty miffed. Note to not interrupt him in future, I suppose it's a side effect of self importance that causes him to be so sensitive over things like that.

"And why have I been made into your responsibility?" he asked and my mouth hung useless for a moment as I realised I had upset his understanding of the balance of our relationship. It was slightly offensive on some level.

"Look," I touched my forehead with my hand in exasperation. "This hasn't been about you, it's about what's right." I explained carefully in a slow altercations as if explaining to an especially ridiculous child.

"Are you sure? Are you sure its not about me?" he asked and I picked up a stone by my side and hurled it out over the water distempered. It splashed inelegantly.

**A/N: ****Thanks for reading, please let me know what you think!**


	45. Someone to Perform with

**Chapter 45**

**Someone to Perform with**

"Just tell me the truth." I pressed and he sniffed before picking up a small flat pebble and flicking it out over the water. It hit the water and bounced and my mouth dropped. It bounced twice more before sinking below the surface. I bit my lip to restrain my curiosity fuelled questions, I wouldn't topple the balance of the conversation now. I could see him smirking though, he knew exactly what he was doing. I tried to manipulate my expression into one of disinterest as he did it again. I decided to stay agitated for the time being, it was safer.

"I amn't going to leave you in the rough, that wouldn't be very _right_ of me would it?" he said cautiously like he was choosing the words one by one.

"You can't leave me anywhere, I'm an adult, you cant abandon something that you owe nothing too. I saved you, you owed me one. You saved me, we're even. So why stick around? I can feel it, there is something you aren't saying so just, spit it out!" I asked feeling like my face was turning inside out as I spoke. It just made me acknowledge how true it was as I said it, I felt stuck, like there should be something more keeping him with me but I couldn't figure it out.

"It's not that simple." he answered and my heart crushed in and out in the hope he had a reason to stay. Something real.

"Well, what more is there?" I asked in confusion, my tone barely clouding my desperation.

"Seriously Malfoy? What sort of life have you lived that this is beyond you?" He ran his hands into his hair and exhaled before he turned to me; "Do you seriously look around you and only tie people together with logic and duty and debt? Is your view of the world really that… _cold_?" He asked and I pressed the heels of my hands into my eyes as I sighed.

"I don't understand." I hissed and Sirius flew up onto his feet beside me as he groaned. I felt small in the dirt at his feet.

"For fuck sake what is wrong with you?" he shouted and I felt smaller. I was sick of that question.

"Nothing." I told my hair which I allowed to fall over my face.

"What?" he asked loudly and he kicked up several stones as he turned around to me quickly. I pulled myself off the ground and pulled the cloak further around me.

"Nothing." I repeated and Sirius stood to tower over me;

"Then why are you so ridiculous." I pushed him and he stumbled as I threw my hands up over my head and cried out close to his face;

"I don't know, ok? Just tell me what I am doing wrong? What am I missing? Why are you mocking me instead of helping me you egomaniacal fool?!" Sirius moved backwards as I pushed forward and I could feel my middle flicker as I began to lose the run of myself. I stopped moving and laughed incredulously, shaking my head I stepped back from Sirius.

"This is ridiculous." he spat; "Look at you!" he gestured toward me and I looked down at my stocking feet and dusty cloak. The ends of my to-long hair stretching to below my waist. I looked back up at Sirius questioningly and he sighed;

"No, I mean this isn't about you being cold it's about you being stubborn." I crossed my arms and looked up at the overcast sky. This conversation was making me feel to many things at once. It was like a pile that wouldn't stop building, it was making my eyes try and cry but I knew I couldn't cry. I just knew it. It would be like a surrender, I tried to detach myself from it but it hurt to much, I knew the more we argued the further away he felt. He was going to leave, he would be gone by tonight. What a terrible Christmas. I wasn't sure what I would do without him, I had forgotten what there was to do without him.

"If you are going to leave please don't drag it out." I whispered, the fire in my belly stifled by the tears I was holding in my head. I wondered if I would have kept yelling if I put them outside.

"Why are you so convinced that I have to leave?" he asked and I turned away from him to face the blue lit trees;

"Because if you don't leave now I don't know what I will do when you do and I don't know why it's so important to me. If it's not magic or duty or debt or necessity then why am I like this? Why can't I think of you leaving without feeling like it's the end of the world? Why won't my insides let you go? Why is it different when I look at you or touch you or think of you? why can I feel you?" my right hand hammered over my heart frantically and my left hand did the same over the side of my head. I whimpered and my gut twisted. "What's wrong with me?" I asked no one and a tear ran out of my eye. Sirius deflated and pulled my hands away from my head to hold them still. He moved them down to my sides and held my face carefully pushing my tears away with his thumbs.

"Hey, hey calm down Jude, come on." I looked down at our feet. He lifted my chin and looked into my eyes. "I think I have you figured Jodie." my lip wobbled and I pulled away from Sirius.

"No, no, Jude come here," I could feel water chilling my eyelashes. I turned around, he was a really beautiful man, my stomach pulled in on itself and I looked away again. My heart shook in my chest.

"Stop running off Malfoy." he was losing patience and I was getting a head ache. It was becoming obscene, he pulled on my arm and I pulled it back.

"You stop." I hissed and pointed a finger at his tattooed chest; "Just stop avoiding the issue. What is it you won't say?" Sirius puffed up like a peacock as I called him out and then smiled wickedly; my mouth tripped on itself;

"You want to know why you are acting like this?" he asked and I froze. I didn't speak or move but my heart fought in my chest. I felt sick. "because you're in love with me." he laughed and began to pull on his hair. I flinched but my mouth slipped;

"I am?" I guess kissing isn't like shaking hands anymore then loving someone is like leaving them. I felt like I had been punched in the head.

"Don't you feel it?" he asked and I thought I saw the sun for a moment. I mostly felt afraid.

"What does it feel like?" I asked and my hand quivered a little as Sirius moved over to me and took my hand in his.

"I'm still kinds figuring it out myself to be honest." he admitted and I frowned. I was starting to believe him. Even when I felt like he was giving me a fever enough to punch him out he made me happy. Made me feel like I mattered more then little girl lost. Like I was somebody.

"You don't have to stay with me just because I'm in love with you, you know? You still don't owe me anything." I spoke down to our joint hands. I tried to still my hand in his but I couldn't. I was shaking like a leaf, and he was so solid. So monumental.

"You are so dense." he laughed and I took my hand back;

"Am I?" I asked as I sneered. "You obviously know how I feel about you yet you still say things like I won't be upset by them. Which am I Sirius? Am I the smartest girl you have ever met or am I so intolerably dense that you would rather hit me then hold me?" I asked coldly as I curled my hands in and out of fists. He seemed so full of static energy it was unnerving, my belly flipped. Apparently it was also kind of attractive. Sex is so confusing.

"Why do you have to be like this about everything?" he asked venomously and I began yelling again. This was the most exhausting and volatile Christmas of my life and I spent one of them locked in a bathroom crying in fear for over four hours because some older boy tried to light my hair on fire.

"Like what?" I asked exhaustively, to worn for dancing around it;

"Like a child." he spat and I recoiled, my mouth seemed to have a rebuttal ready however, it had had to stay silent in response to that comment several times to many if I was any sort of judge.

"Oh? Well I am so very sorry, I didn't realise I was being immature but I suppose it's a behavioural tendency you are so intimately familiar with that you wouldn't miss it a mile away. Since acting like a petulant child is your answer to everything!" he laughed derisively and crossed his arms;

"You're hilarious Malfoy." he said and I rolled my eyes;

"What a mature observation Sweet heart, thank you so much for your helpful input." I smiled sweetly and he groaned. I flushed and then scoffed.

"Oh my God, you haven't!" I shook my head and covered my eyes with my hand; "Please tell me you haven't fallen in love with me Black. This is messy enough as it is." I didn't dare look up, there was a quiet as he stopped pacing and the stones below him stopped crunching. I was right. I had hit the nail on the head. The tension grew. I could see how this was a tactical hell for two people on the run but I couldn't stop my heart from soaring out of my chest. Someone loved me. _He_ loved me. The man of the hour. I felt blind and deaf and full of light. I wanted to cheer and laugh but I felt a weight weighing on me.

I was so out of my depth it was unreal, this was all I needed.

"_I_…" he was going to say something but then he stopped; "This hasn't really happened to me before Jude, I don't really know what to tell you." I nodded behind my hand;

"Just tell me you'll stay." I said, but I knew he would because we were bound together with love. **Love**, like it was something that could move mountains or change the wind. Like it was the strongest thing on the planet and I had missed it this far. I really was becoming more like my mother every day, we really had to fall for the most complicated guy. Heck I had gone out of my way to do it. My hand was pulled away from my eyes and I blinked into the light. He stared right into me.

"I…" he faltered and I fought off a smug smile; "care about you." he said with a false smoothness and I bit my lip. It would have to do for the time being, this wasn't the way I wanted his love declaration to be anyway, I was repressing violent shivers and my limbs stung with the cold. He kissed my hand and I swear the sun shone for just a moment. "I'm going where your going." he kissed my cheek and I felt myself blush. "whether you like it or not." he told my ear and it was all I could do to nod. My heart beat like it was in a race and my lips shook despite my efforts.

"Just when I thought I'd got rid of you." I murmured sardonically and I was really impressed with my mouth, it really had a knack for saying the opposite of whatever I was thinking.

**A/N: ****Thanks for reading and PLEASE REVIEW!**


	46. Rolling Stones

**Chapter 46**

**Rolling Stones**

I moved onto my toes and fell against him, catching my self with my arms on his shoulders. I sniffed, he lifted his arms from his sides and pulled me into him. Warmth began to flow from my finger tips through my entire body and I smiled into his shoulder. He still had it. My belly flipped. By heart faltered. My mouth curved and I knew, he was right about me, even when I was wrong and blind he saw me. Even when I could close my eyes and have all the answers laid out in front of me. I saw the light reach from my heart to his but even then I didn't know what it meant. He had my heart from the moment I saw him, heck, the moment I heard him. Maybe even the moment I saw his name written on that piece of paper if it's even possible. As if as soon as it happened the silvering thread on my heart had tugged and I had been drawn to him ever since. Love was like a mental illness, but it was a pleasurable one, like a drug. It distorted reality and I couldn't help but think that was the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone you saw in any other way but your own, to love them without your own eyes to look at them with. I hummed against his shoulder. Yet even with the right eyes I still managed to look in every direction but the right one, I guess I had Sirius to thank for guiding me. My smile widened, a guiding star.

His monumental build surrounded my frail form even in his emaciated state. I could feel the heat of his skin fighting through his clothes and I couldn't help but think we would be warmer if he was wearing nothing at all. He chose that exact moment to start kissing me casually. My heart juddered in my ears and I almost kicked him when he pulled away within moments and I realised he intended it to be chaste. He made me crazy. I felt myself flush and cleared my throat as I pushed off of Sirius. I continued to move away from him until my arm was fully stretched out in front of me and the tips of my fingers barely grazed across his broad cloaked chest.

"Sirius?" I said as I eyed my hand on his front and allowed it to trail slightly lower before dropping it through the space between us.

"You ok?" he asked and I laughed a little.

"Well all things considered, I actually don't know. I think we need to find some place else to go now. You go pack, I'll just be a sec." he seemed on the verge of speaking as usual but I raised a finger; "Just…" I pointed to the pile of materiel on the ground and he threw his hands up for a moment in surrender as I barged past him. He grabbed my arm and spoke into my ear as I moved;

"Don't disappear." he warned and I smiled as I met his eye, my gaze flicked to his mouth for a moment and I looked at him again.

"No promises." I told him and he shaped his hand to the side of my cheek. I leaned against it for a moment unconsciously before I remembered myself and began to pull back. Being him, of course that wasn't an option. His lips touched mine before I could quite escape and I melted for a moment. All the air seemed to knock right out of me and all I could think about was how his mouth was like a little sculpture made of icing. Something soft and delicious that I had to savour. Who had I been fooling? My heart was so close to bursting out of chest when he moved his warm velvet lip over mine that I was almost relieved when he pulled away.

"Promise me." he ordered and my eyebrows shot up. I was so hyped to give him anything when he spoke to me like that I was startled, his rich tone just made me melt. His aristocratic voice shot right through me like lightening and my words stuck in my throat, luckily the hesitation allowed me to change the breathy yes to something less reminiscent of a seventeenth century streetwalker due to the offence I took at being spoken to like one. I mean really the man was spoilt;

I pulled his face down to mine with both hands and when I could feel only the lightest pressure of his mouth against mine I ran the tip of my tongue along the seam of his top lip. He shivered and I smiled before I pulled back, even though my gut had tensed pleasurably I would have to disappoint it;

"At least you taste sweet." I stated before I allowed my hands to fall back to my sides as I licked his tangy spicy self off of my mouth; "Even if you are spoilt" I smiled a little and walked on. I heard him sigh behind me and my heart continued to thrum in my chest. I took a deep breath and shook out my hair. I waited for a moment on the off chance he through a tantrum as I had realised he was quite partial to doing for a grown man. Then again Lucius seemed to have a knack for it too, maybe it was all those little pureblood princes, the dukes of hazard. I exhaled leisurely as soon as the crunch of stones below Sirius faded slightly, I stilled my chattering teeth for the air cooled dramatically and bit into my skin when Black took his obnoxious heat with him. I shifted my weight on my numb feet for a moment and rubbed my hands together. Closing my eyes and taking another deep breath I put my left hand out to the side and reached out for my wand. As I turned to my hand, eyes still closed, I saw a thin thread was wrapped around my head and looping out behind me. I pulled along it and felt a thud into my hand. My middle pulsed and I smiled. Through my heart I swore I could feel Sirius flinch and I thought for a moment that I must have pulled it straight from his pocket. I smiled with a little mirth and heat flooded through my hand. I felt so restored to just hold it. I didn't like to gaze around in the world of these seeping shifting whispering shadows for two long. Even if there were answers here there were some answers I wasn't ready to hear. Even if I could tell fates path by looking at the crosses and webs of the lines like my mother, like a seer, I still felt like they weren't mine to see. Even being a solid enigma here made me enough like some sort of shade that I could simply slip through whichever path I chose, I was out of my depth. I didn't know how it worked and this wasn't the place to figure it out.

I took one last lingering look at the line drawn from the light that was me, smudgy and quite indistinct compared to his clear white brilliance but more solid. I touched the ground with firmness. I didn't really understand why his light was so pure when I could tell by the set of his mouth and the glint of his eye that he had taken part in enough debauchery for a lifetime already, but then again he was rebuked of all prejudice thanks to having it stolen before he was even born. The rope between us was more than a rope, it was a twisted shifting and complex line of overlapping and interlacing light. Barely corporeal but blindingly bright. Bound to him. I wondered if it had always been here and then I suddenly knew a piece of information I had no source for. I knew that it another strap had reached between us every time one needed the other. As if without one another we were both just scraping by. Was that it? The longer I stayed in the light the more came to light? Or was it just easier to believe ones delusion in this state. I wondered why I could see no other connection aside from my heart to his and my wand to me but then I looked closer because I couldn't see Sirius's line to his wand. I stared a moment longer and I realised that there was a line, the faintest whisper of a line. Barely there, and as soon as I noticed that line I couldn't help but spot the little vaporous hair lines laced over the whole realm like a fog, giving Sirius's light a further surrounding ethereal glow due to the large amounts of connections running from him to the world.

Looking down at myself again I saw the wispy lines billowing delicately in front of me. Fascinated, I was compelled to pull taut the ones most clearly visible. I ran my shadowed hand over there surface like a harp but there was no sound. Yet even as I did it there was a distinct aftertaste of something else. Of memory and possibility, like when you smell a scarf belonging to someone long dead but loved. It brought back so much but was so barely preserved, like a dream. Barely within reach but present.

The most immediate line I recognised felt of chocolate, nervous clinking coins and a sort of bitter cautious curiosity. A stoic bravery and loyalty. Remus Lupin? But there was something missing. I held tighter and felt an assuaging, sarcastic humour. Yes definitely Lupin. The taught line slipped from the bow of my hand toward Sirius and I of course already knew that Sirius knew Remus. I should mention it to him. Wondering if I could travel through these strands I reached in through the one connecting Sirius and I and my hand fettered through it shakily before flowing into join it. I pulled it back out quickly and noticed a light terribly near me. I hadn't moved. I hadn't needed to. The whispers chorused up as he shone in front of me and I shook my head. I didn't need all the answers, I would ruin the fun. Would Sirius have taken my hand that day had he known who I was? Some answers hinder the truth and I didn't know how much you could trust an eerie source less whisper. Even if it was oddly fascinating, knowledge is power after all but power is valuable and I decided that for the time being I should keep the price on my head at a minimum on the off chance the power I gained wasn't enough to ward off those who would come after it. I shook off the shadow and opened my eyes.

He stood in front of me and he smelled of leather. He had the satchel swung over his shoulder and a ridiculous devil may care look on his fabulous face. I needed to get back into alliteration… and molluscs. I always felt sort of like they had the right idea, not like those lousy cephalopods.

I guess Sirius and I had such a bond because of us being, well magically bonded. Made for each other sort of, or raised for each other at least. God I wish he would make a move. Take me to bed. He was such a chicken, why did he always just give up when I started to panic, I could tell he wasn't unfamiliar with it. Would he just persuade me to have sex with him already, I would be to much of a chicken to initiate it otherwise. Ok my thoughts are becoming so strange.

"Are you ok, Jodie?" he asked and I nodded before looking at my wand held in my mutilated hand. It was an eerily beautiful sight. It was comforting to say the least and I smiled at my weapon of choice and my friend in more ways then one. My wings, for balance. Without it I was askew, clipped wings stump thoughts.

"We need to eat and find a place to stay." I murmured and I looked up at Sirius. "Can you think of anywhere?" I asked and Sirius rolled his eyes;

"I don't really have to many fans right now Love." he informed me resignedly and I pressed my lips together before nodding;

"Yeah, I'm not surprised." I said and Sirius began saying something or other before I waved him off; "just let me think please." I uttered quietly and began to replait my hair;

Sirius crunched a few steps behind me as I started pacing. I could still here him walking. God he was distracting, I huffed and Sirius tripped coincidentally. I smiled to myself as he cursed behind me.

"Very mature." he called over and I continued pacing nonchalantly.

**A/N: Thanks for reading and please review!**


	47. Smoking

**A/N: please enjoy!**

**Chapter 47**

**Smoking**

"Ok, I think I will try out this sorceress thing just to solve this stupid conundrum. Take my hand and I will drag you through this kind of in between place and I will take us out somewhere safe for the night." I told him deciding to tap into my mothers legacy. I wish I had had the chance to love her too but I knew I couldn't love her anymore then I could love Sirius after reading his name off of that piece of paper. It didn't matter because I had loved him then and all the time since, maybe even before and I had loved her too. It was built in, I had so much built in that I had just ignored. Things that were hard to except because I had no choice in them, even if they were things I wanted I wished they were mine to live or leave but I couldn't push away my own nature. A cat will purr in your lap and be a pet but if a mouse shimmies across the floor it will pounce and kill just as quickly. There are something's that couldn't be changed about a person and this was one of those things.

Sorcery, scrying or being a seer, call it what you will, for me it was my mothers gift to me. The best thing she had to give me, her key to all the roots and wings in all the world, my birthright. It was as inherent as things come, the things that came built in. Black, ridiculous though he may be, he had my heart. I didn't get to choose, it just was what it was.

Yet he looked as me like I was going out of my way to complicate things;

"You want to what?" he asked and I slipped my hand into his, instantly appreciating the heat.

"Close your eyes please." I told him and he did so. "and relax." I added as an afterthought as I saw his slight frown and realised he was quite nervous. I put my hand over his eye like the water creature had done to me earlier and thought of the way he must be feeling. I slipped my chin into the nook of Sirius's shoulder to be close to him for a moment but also to watch the end of my wand protruding from our linked hands as I produced a raven in my quiet comfort with ease and shot it into the water after the water people to say a subtle fare well to the water people. They had saved my life after all, and probably Sirius's as well. Always give credit where credit is due. That was another important lesson in etiquette I had been made overtly familiar with, as a child any credit you believe you have earned his due to the adult responsible for you. That was quite silly I had thought, not that it mattered anymore. As an adult the credit I was due would do just as well panned off on someone else. Preferably someone I didn't like, I could be credited with the destruction of a lot of private property along with disregard for the safety of those who would have sheltered me. The raven returned from the water and floated around for a moment. I felt infinitely better in moments and I thought I felt Sirius's body relax against mine as well and I smiled as I slipped into the shadows and whispers and flowing lights once more.

Somewhere to hide. To not be found. There was a cacophony of whispers and I thought I felt Sirius stiffen. I kissed his neck on the more corporeal level and smiled as I realised how I had improved in remaining connected to both realities simultaneously.

Sirius was talking but I just kissed his throat again as a heavy strand pulling from Sirius grew taught and lead off into the distance. The thread then frayed a little as a finer one was left and the other one went lax. I brushed past the thicker of the cords despite feeling slightly invasive and found it heavy with emotion. It led to curiosity and happiness and a little loneliness and fear. It led to someone young and I could feel the babies weight and hear his name called out in tears and I realised that this was the Harry I had heard of. I wished there was more time as I instead reached for the other, finer fibre. It led to somewhere and I could here the disappointment but also the understanding that this place was secret. That it hadn't been happy but it had been hidden. I pulled out for a moment as I had found the desired line and I pulled my hand off of Sirius's eyes. His eyes remained shut and I could feel his heart beat heavily against my shoulder. Even then I was on my toes. I wondered if I was of a short stature for a moment and then decided to just blame it on Sirius being a giant.

"I found somewhere to go." I said in a voice that sounded a little foreign to me and Sirius opened his eyes a little, squinting against the dim light.

"So what do you suggest?" he asked sceptically and I pursed my lips before sighing.

"I don't know if this will work but just roll with the punches on this ok, Black?" I moved closer to him again. "This might get kind of strange." I affirmed even as he snickered;

"more so then usual?" he asked condescendingly and I closed my eyes as I slipped out a little.

"much more." I answered firmly and I felt Sirius relax in a strange way. Like a surrender, like trust. How unusually mature of him. I mused.

The light of him shone briefly before me and I cut myself off from the outer physical argument of existence. The part where, even with magic, what was possible was limited. I imagined water flowing over my hand from a tap and then tried to imagine switching places. I tried to steer myself right into Sirius and grip him tight. I shifted my hand gently over the thread following from Sirius again and felt wind and cold. I didn't know where we were going but I didn't mind. It felt ok. I felt a tug as the thread began to pull me through it and I pulled it back lightly. In a strange series of movements that I couldn't even tell were really happening I threaded the cord around Sirius and I. As I then tried to find a way through the cord I found unnecessary. We swept right through it. It was like falling asleep, you don't even realise when. It was like the sort of sleep that you never fall into. That you only wake up from. And wake up I did.

I opened my eyes slowly and saw nothing but a small amount of light cracking in from under a draftee old door. I could here rushing and crashing outside and I flinched as I particular loud cascade played out before I realised with the slightest start that it was a sound I had heard crackling below me for the first time just a short time before as it eroded, with steady force of nature, the side of Sirius's own wizarding Fort Knox. It was the ocean. We were close to it.

Sirius stood in front of me, I realised as my eyes adjusted to the dim grey lighting. His eye screwed shut and his mouth pressed closed. He had his hands at my waist balled into fists and I saw he was holding his breath. I pulled on my wand lightly to light the room and a fire jumped up in an unseen hearth and several candles started aglow. The room was covered in dust an soot and I sent it streaming toward the door with a gesture of my wand. It began to sift out under the door as a small amount remained behind to fill the cracks as it fit its frame terribly. Sirius released a gusty breath in front of me as I he opened his eyes and began staring around him in a sort of shock. His chest heaved and I could feel a head ache coming on as he allowed his satchel to crunch onto the floor. I sniffed and stepped away from him to stand nearer the fire.

"Don't look so surprised." I advised him as I spotter a bulb hanging from the ceiling and shot some light into it. "I amn't completely incompetent." I informed him somewhat scathingly. There was a cough in front of the fire from which springs protruded on one side and a brass framed bed. A wooden untrustworthy stairs over to the side of the round room and a little kitchenette of sorts of to the sides. The magic and dust cement had done a good job blocking the draft from penetrating the cracked wooden door. There was a small etching framed beside a boarded window of a small light house and I pointed to it;

"We are in a lighthouse." I told him. He was sitting on the couch with his head lent back and a small smile playing across his mouth. I decided in that moment, for no reason I in particular, that Black was mentally unstable.

"I am just glad you're on our side Jodie." he sighed and I smiled a little.

"There are no sides anymore." I pointed out and Sirius snorted a little cynically as he pulled himself forward to rest his hand on his knees. He had brilliant hands, my skin itched and broke out in goose flesh. Sex is absurd. I decided as I bit my lip. He flicked his wand and the satchel twitched as the small black tube that had been inside flew into his hand. I wondered what it was for a moment before he unscrewed in the middle and tapped out a cigarette. He lit it with his wand and I couldn't help but think it was an silly use for such a spectacular item. To be used as a lighter. He took a careful drag a moment later and I changed my mind. I hadn't seen anyone smoke in person before and I can't say I didn't think it a little edgy. It had the same devious element as kissing, like you should be getting in trouble for it. Sirius sighed around his cigarette and I wrinkled my nose as I moved over to sit beside him on the couch. The acrid smoke filled the room with a warm woody scent. I quite like it in favour of the damp must preceding it.

"and I was so close to quitting." he informed me and I raised an eyebrow riskily. I watched the smoke flow from his mouth in a steady stream for a moment and revelled in any excuse to watch his mouth;

"Show me." I requested forwardly as I held my hand out to Sirius. He decided handing it to me would be to logical and held the it toward my mouth balanced between his own fingers. Shrugging, I straightened my posture and carefully set my lips around the filter of the cigarette. My idol curiosity noted that you couldn't mock the design of the cigarette for its ergonomics anyway. I inhaled carefully and my throat burned unpleasantly until warmth of the smoke settled in my lungs a moment later. I held it for a moment as my eyes began to water. I coughed dryly a moment later as the smoke escaped my lungs. I took in a careful lungful of reasonably fresh air and coughed again before exhaling slowly;

"Interesting." I remarked hoarsely and smiled as I noticed the herby taste left in my mouth.

"What's for dinner then?" I asked as Sirius took a rather alluring drag from his cigarette to disguise his mirth poorly. It was quite sexy with the leather and the new hair and everything. He was smirking and I was actually physically melting. Well not really that literally but I did feel more like a well balanced column of Jodie goo at that moment then I did a conducted woman. Why wouldn't he just scoop me up and take me to bed? My heart contracted at the thought along with various other muscles and I blushed. Sirius ran an inferno lighting hand over my cheek lightly and laughed.

"No need to blush Malfoy, the first time I had a cigarette I vomited." I pursed my lips as I realised he thought my colouring akin to embarrassment over a little coughing and bearing no attachment to my burning and thought consuming lust. I crossed my legs and stared at the fire for a moment as I nodded. He was an idiot but at least he just thought I was a shy smoker. Sirius took the black tube out again and placed his thumb over the cap as he shook it.

"Friend of mine used to make stuff like this all the time to give out as presents. Wicked smart, Lupin, good friend." he sniffed lightly and I pursed my lips over his melodrama but then inwardly scolded myself for being unfeeling. He showed me the black tube had some how filled with a light blue liquid. Sirius swallowed it quickly and shuddered.

"Replenishing potion." he informed me and then began to shake the vial again. "Lupin used to call this an multi compartmental extension charm or something like that." he trailed off as he lifted his thumb to show another mouth full of the blue liquid. He held it out to me and I took it as I nodded my thanks.

"Good magic that." he mumbled as I necked the Tabasco favoured potion.; I grimaced and coughed again as my whole body shuddered. My stomach suddenly felt heavy and as energy found its way, coursing through my limbs I suddenly took an even more keen interest in Sirius's incredibly warm physique. I bit my lip and smiled sweetly;

"It's good to be out of the cold." I said, deciding not to bring my knowledge of Remus up at that moment in time as my stomach tightened with excitable apprehension and I shivered in my seat. Sirius looked so good with that cigarette for some reason; he just hummed in agreement and I sighed.

"It's actually quite warm in here." I remarked and began to pull at the buttons on my coat; I cleared my throat, "Aren't you uum," I began to pick the lake dirt out from under my nails; "quite warm?" I asked awkwardly and cursed my uncooperative mouth and body and heart and head. Like I was always arguing with myself. I wanted to have everything in working in order at the same time just once but as usual it wasn't my choice to make. I took a slow breath, my body did feel energised for the first time in a long time, that was good magic. A shuddered as another wave of the energy slipped through my veins. I felt like two day old crackling sun burn pulling on your skin.

"Well, I don't really get cold." he mumbled as he sank further into the chair and I shifted my legs again.

"Oh really?" I pressed and nodded wonderingly; "I hadn't noticed." I hoped that the fact that I was already blushing would cover me.

"Hadn't you?" he asked closing his eyes leisurely and I pressed my lips together.

"No." I lied blatantly and he smirked as he took another drag from his cigarette. I narrowed my eyes, he was incorrigible and I realised it was sexy, his vain arrogant self important manor made my skin tingle. I hated it. I leaned toward him and slipped my hand beneath his shirt to run my hand over the smooth warm skin of his hip. I hummed against the side of his cheek as me exhaled his breath of smoke in a low hiss;

"Well I guess I wouldn't say cold." I allowed and Sirius opened his eyes slowly. To look at me, he smiled and pulled my hand out from under his shirt. He placed his cigarette to balance precariously in the side of his mouth before placing his hands on either side of mine;

"You're shivering." he pointed out disapprovingly and I shrugged. He took his cigarette and stubbed the flame out before placing it behind his ear like he had done it a hundred times before. Maybe he had. He pulled our hands to his mouth and blew a breath of hot air into the space. It was a strangely intimate movement as heat flowed up my arm like a stream of hot water and my mind became fuzzy. Had I been less stubborn a girl I would have thrown myself at him then and there but instead I just said;

"I'm not shivering, I'm trembling." and took my hand back. I was so proud and afraid that I couldn't say anything I wanted. I couldn't tell him I loved him or even that I wanted him because I wanted to belong to myself. I had only just been freed and I was already tied again, tied to him. Surely, on some level he must have felt the same way and I hated it. I didn't want him to blame me or resent me for keeping him. It wasn't fair and it didn't make sense for him to think it but I couldn't blame him for it either because I was doing the same damned thing. I wondered how I could ever be happy the only thing I could think of that made me crazier then being without Sirius was being with him.

"and why is that?" he asked like he didn't already damn know and I wondered if it was a good idea for Sirius and I to talk alone when we were actually refreshed. At least when we were exhausted something would have to give to avoid fainting. I didn't want to concede, I so did not want to concede. I decided that if words wouldn't work for me there always seemed to be a fall back with Sirius.

"Don't be a brat." I told him and stood from the chair to pull at the threads on the cloak Sirius had given me.

"What are you-"

"Just finish your cigarette Black." I let the cloak slip to the floor and tried to remember when I had put on the silly ScoobyDoo shirt I had seen in the satchel earlier before pulling it over my head. I moved to pull my hair out of its plait before beginning to fumble under Blacks scrutiny.

"Please just light your cigarette, as long as you're smoking that thing I don't have to worry about my brain trying to think." I said as I leaned over Sirius's seat and pulled the cigarette from behind his ear. I felt my wand tingle from where I had jammed it in my cleavage and the cigarette began to smoke in my hand. I wrapped my mouth around it purposefully and closed my eyes as I inhaled. It was hot and scratchy but I once again appreciated the herby taste I blew the smoke over Sirius's face impolitely. At the end of the breath I hummed as quietly as I could and focussed on stifling the oncoming bout of coughing. I took in a breath of fresh air through my nose and shook my head as I met his eye and put the cigarette back into his mouth and snickered.

"Did you really throw up?" I laughed and Sirius turned and pulled me across his lap. Predictably when he started smoking my brain cleared blissfully. He planted a kiss on the side of my neck and I brought my arms around his shoulders. I swung a leg over his lap and faced him. I ran my hands up and down his front and lent in to kiss the corner of his jaw. His hands ran up my near bare back and my stomach knotted as I delivered a light nip to the end of Blacks ear. He pulled me closer still so that not even a sheet of paper could fit between us. I was melting fast and I _so_ didn't want to concede. My brain twisted and my heart fluttered. I wanted everything from him and I would give everything to him. I breathed over his ear as he began to pepper kisses along my neck and I hissed and spoke in a huskier whisper then I had planned;

"Tell me you love me and I'll go to bed with you."

**A/N: ****Thanks for reading and please review**


	48. Losing It

**Chapter 48**

**Losing it**

I could feel his heart hammering below my hand and his arms went still at my sides. I was very nervous, it was a little thrilling, my insides didn't seem to quite fit where they were and pushed against each other like hot wax in hot water. Sirius was breathing on my shoulder, a warm fan of heavy air that fuzzed up my thoughts. I felt him sigh heavily below me and put some space between us so I could face him. He looked shocked and a little frightened. I smiled and ran my hand through his hair.

"Sirius, come on, it's only me." his hair was smooth and soft. He didn't meet my eye as he began worrying his lip. His mouth was captivating and I watched it for a moment like a kid watches cake mix being stirred. Something tempting that is always better and hotter when you wait for it to be ready… he also smelt incredible. He opened his mouth to speak and he kept his eyes cast to the side.

"Do you trust me?" he asked and I blanched. I had expected something more closed, more defensive. The question was surprisingly inclined toward unanticipated vulnerability I hadn't considered Sirius capable of. It was foolish to believe that I supposed. did I trust him? his fingers rested hotly on my skin, unmoving and stiff. Trust was complicated, it made love look like a cake walk, but like love trust had different levels. You can trust with your head and you can trust with your heart, and my heart wasn't smart enough to fear betrayal and my head wasn't smart enough to teach it too.

"I trust you with all my heart Sirius." I told him and one of his fingers shifted slightly. He still wouldn't look at me, his mouth moved sensuously as he spoke. I wondered if he would have stopped touching me if he thought it wouldn't be to obvious, he had stopped looking at me after all.

"Then you're a fool." He hissed and his hands pulled off of my skin as if I had burned him. My lip pulled into a snarl and before I could even blink I had already hit him. I had struck a firm slap across his cheek;

"Look at me." I cried and my hand flew up to cover my mouth but I stopped it. My voice was only looking out for its own. His eyes met mine, full of bitter anger and confusion and still, love. My lip was still pulled back. My breath was rhythmic and shuddering. "Have you always mistaken bravery for foolishness Black? How about honesty? Is honesty foolish?" his hand covered his cheek and he matched my sneer as he grabbed my wrist. I wondered if he could feel my pulse pound, he jerked my arm and my face was inches from his. His eyes bore into mine and I struggled for a moment before his strength stilled me.

"Is love?" I asked and his eyes flashed with an emotion I had never seen before. I didn't know what it was, I hadn't a clue. It wasn't fear or anger or misery or lust. I couldn't even tell if it was good or bad. My mouth formed a fierce tight line as I became frustrated in my confusion. I waited for an answer, the fire cracked behind me and the sea crashed outside. I could hear my heart.

"You remind me of someone." he whispered and my brow furrowed. His voice spoke with its usual husky musical flow and I realised I had been holding my breath. I released it in a gust as his hold on my wrist loosened slightly. As I began breathing again our breath mingled due to our still close proximity, it smelled of smoke. I didn't dare speak. "Of someone I used to hate." he still spoke gently even as he spoke cruel words. He spoke as if he was figuring something out and I decided to just continue shutting up but apparently it wasn't an option;

"Who?" I asked and cursed that I still spoke like a child, still acted like a kid even if I knew what propriety demanded. He did something I didn't expect then, he laughed, like I had made a joke and then shook his head. His hair tickled my cheek as we remained a bare inch from one another. His eyes were suddenly alight;

"Of me, Jesus Christ, I had forgotten, you are so like me, you have no ides… they were right, I was bordering on impossible live with." he muttered and I huffed;

"You still are." I pointed out and he smiled;

"But you love me." he challenged and I smirked back;

"I never said that." came my rebuttal and he rolled his eyes.

"Don't think I haven't noticed," he said and I attempted to put some space between us to clear my head but he held me fast. "but you haven't denied it either." he stated smugly and I tried and failed to distance myself from him again. I still felt anger bubbling in my belly as I remembered just why I had slapped him in the first place. In stead I closed the space between us and administered a punishing bite on his velvet lip. He growled but didn't move away as I had anticipated. Instead his hands were suddenly everywhere and my thoughts were suddenly no where. He pulled me so close to him that his tight grip barely left room for me to find air but I didn't care. When I had released his lips he had simply captured my mouth in a searing kiss, I wanted him like this, raw. I tried to press even closer, I felt like I had a fever. My pulse pounded through me and I felt a severe need to press my thighs together in a desperate attempt to relieve the pressure building between my legs but Sirius was merciless. As if on cue he had my hips in his hand and thrust up toward me violently. I broke away from his mouth as my body jerked violently in response. My skin tingled and I cried out breathily. He growled pointedly as I squirmed in his grip and he held me still. I felt like I was on fire, the pressure below me only increased but somehow the feeling brought on a slight relief. I panted into his mouth opened my eyes slowly. He was staring at me, blatantly and I wondered if anyone else had ever been looked at quite like that. So thoroughly, so passionately, so naughtily. He made me feel like I would die for just a touch or a taste or even a glance. I wish I could way it was sobering but rather it was maddening. I decided I would never share him.

"Say it." I demanded and he narrowed his eye wickedly with a smirk. I moved against him slowly and moaned in earnest. I was walking a fine line, I knew it; "Say it." I ground out in a silly high breathy voice and he shook his head;

"Fuck no." he hissed and I rolled my eyes;

"Three little words and you can _fuck _me." I punctuated the sentence by snapping my middle over the significant groove in his trousers and his head dropped back on the couch revealing the length of his delicious pale neck as he took in a large breath of air. I smiled at my silly come back;

"You're such a cock tea- oh fuck…" my mouth had been unable to avoid the unstained alabaster of his neck any longer. It was one of the few places on his body where he had no tattoos. I wondered what his body had looked like when it was clear of all its ink, a little blank I guess, he was so well decorated. They changed his skin from the first look he could find to something tailored specifically for him. I began to suck on a particular part of Sirius's neck that I had found on my adventures exploring the soft heated skin. I swear it burned my skin everywhere I touched him but my new favourite patch on his neck seemed to be driving him out of his mind. His skin was so alive under my mouth, so warm, it filled the air with its humid musk. It was so unlike anything else I had encountered, he was so unlike everything I could think of. Such a puzzle, so hard to understand I wondered if he was doing it on purpose just to frustrate me. I bit into his skin just in case it was but then huffed as I realised I had shown him he had won. He released a low throaty groan beneath me and his hand fused a firm grip on the edges of my hips. His hands were warm and heavy and appreciating his show of possessiveness left me inattentive enough to shudder and groan in shock as Sirius growled and thrust up toward my centre.

"Just fucking say it." I begged pathetically as I felt all semblance of decorum unravel. Jude and him were both such terrible influences on my use of appropriate language. He pulled me down on him again, this time even harder and when I looked at him his smouldering eyes burned through me. I could feel myself quiver between my legs as the side of his mouth quirked up and my breathing sped up as my centre practically ached to be touched. I had never felt that way before, with just a look, I felt like I would beg on my knees just to have him. I felt like I would make a deal with the Grin just to kiss him, fortunately I didn't have to go through such lengths. My tongue ran over my drying nervous mouth and he quirked an eyebrow as I felt my lip pull up in distain.

"You wanker!" I growled before practically melting into him and kissing him like I would die if I didn't. I probably would have, I felt about ready to spontaneously combust as I whimpered around his mouth. His perfect hot wet stupid mouth. He pulled me tight to him once more and I felt like I was going to start to hyperventilate. Even the scratch of his facial hair turned me on. I wondered when his lascivious touch was eventually going to send me into a conniption. My blood rushed through my head and I felt the violent oncoming return of the dreaded vagina fever as somehow he found enough space between us to reach my surprisingly sensitive breast with his large talented inked-in hand.

I pressed my self into his touch willingly, with a sigh, like it was exactly what I needed. His mouth broke from mine and he began placing hot brain fogging kisses on my suddenly overly receptive neck;

"Please." whispered my mouth in a dainty girly little voice, get off and say it or I will refuse to even look at you, said my brain. But we both knew there was no way that was going to be said out loud, so instead I settled for pulling the man off of my neck by the hair and raising up enough to look down in his eyes. His eyes were slightly glazed but I knew that he wasn't nearly as far gone as me, my virginity was hanging by a pathetic thread of obstinacy and it was going to give.

"You practically already admitted it Black, just say it." I had to fight with every particle of my being not to move. Not to lean in and kiss him again or push my tense pounding heated self down on his strong stiff prominent self, to resist arching further into his palm as he stubbornly refused to stop weighing my tingling breast in his sadistic mischievous hand. As if he was just taking a short inconvenient break from feeling me up to pretend to hear me out. He ran his thumb over my aching nipple through the flimsy materiel of the vintage bra and I felt my eyes weigh closed before having to literally shake my head to clear it enough to speak. But he moved so that our lips just touched each other lightly. Almost like a little wind, barely there.

"I could show you." his voice was low and husky and just;

"Not if you don't tell me." I whispered weakly knowing that if I spoke at any reasonable level it would just come out like some sort of feral cat call and result in me throwing myself at him. He ran his tongue over my bottom lip and under my top in a quick jolting flick before speaking, I gasped pitifully but kept my eyes trained on his; he spoke like a spoilt child but still made it sound like the singularly, most sexual thing ever said by anyone, besides him;

"I might have to call that bluff." I had never been more thankful or more furious to have such poor control over my actions; seemingly of its own accord my hand swept between us to move boldly over the bulge in Sirius's jeans. His eyes widened as his head fell back once more, his mouth formed a little O and my mouth seemed to quirk with mischief. I was scandalised, insubordinate, but as usual I felt a familiar kick from the wrongness of it. I moved into a fast rhythm immediately as some part of my brain insisted that I stop what I was doing immediately but then he made this noise and;

"Oh fuck Malfoy," At the sound of his perfect posh voice which held a bizarre unravelling authority, I sort of lost the run of myself and my mouth seemed to be pulled onto his neck like a magnet to metal. As my heart pounded in my chest I pressed down on his member slightly harder and he began to thrust up into my hand. The sound of our breathing and the crackle of the fire and the crash of the waves and my own blood rushing through me filled the room like an ever building cacophony. I was enraptured by the site of him writhing below me. The perfect contrasting masculine form of him. I felt so close to having him, to really having him but the more I thought about it the more I wanted to give to him, I wondered if this was such a good plan after all. His hand was suddenly gone from my breast and I realised I had become so accustomed to the heat of his palm that I had sort of forgotten it was there, everything sort of faded when I saw him looking so close to undone. I had mysteriously forgotten everything when I looked at him looking like he did, this was better than any dream. He placed his hand over mine and began to move even more forcefully, adding pressure. He tipped his head toward me again and met my eye with his lustful gaze, I most likely looked a mess while he looked like a work of art painted lovingly by Donatello to capture a man who epitomised sex. Sirius Black was cigarette smoking, leather wearing, tattoo flashing, fresh out of jail with his damned deep husky voice sex on legs. His hand which had been practically burning the back of mine flew up and ran into my hair along with the other and pulled me into a searing kiss. I tried to match the pressure he had shown me as his tongue swept into my mouth so thoroughly and completely, like he was finding every nook of my mouth and massaging it into a soft irresistible surrender. I moaned over into the kiss as my stomach tightened further with each careful fluctuation of push and pull from his mouth. He could give lessons in kissing someone so spectacularly it might kill them. He broke off a moment later and pressed his fore head to mine as he hissed.

"Jodie, please, more. Holy fuck." I once again questioned the merits of my plan as his voice escaped him between grunts and gasps and my mind conjured up so many images in the space it took him to speak those five words that I thought that even the slightest touch to any of several well chosen spots on my body would cause me to pop. Like being hit by lightening, I felt the slow building applause of the thunder through my middle, but I would just die miserable if I conceded. I relieved my hand to apply only the slightest pressure as Sirius shifted his hips restlessly. There was something about the power I felt that I decided I liked; like I knew I had this on him. That he had called my bluff and I had raised him a scandalous underhanded show you what your missing show and now it was on him to tell.

I let out a solitary humph of amusement and Sirius took in a great lungful of air before exhaling in a groan and running his hands into his hair as his hips eventually stilled;

"What part of _more_ don't you understand?" he asked petulantly before waving me off; "You always had a sick sense of humour anyw- oh sweet…" I palmed him heavily through his jeans because he shouldn't waste his time talking when he could be make noises like that instead. God, I loved the sounds he made, I bit the inside of my cheek and relieved the pressure to only a slight brush once more. I felt like I had at least some semblance of control, yet still I nagging feeling that this wasn't my best idea.

When he caught my gaze this time his eyes were so unchecked and open that I physically flinched but I couldn't look away. It wasn't until that moment that I realised how guarded he had been with me, how much he had to push to the side to get through this ridiculous misadventure we (I) had landed ourselves (us) in. I was thrown off as it really hit home that he carried the weight of an entire life I knew barely anything about. I blanched as he stared me down and I suddenly felt a pulse of inferiority, my foot started to shake rhythmically at my side as the feeling settled in my stomach. I had never really thought of him with other women before, but he was sitting with me now, probably the most broken he had ever been, and still the most sexy thing I could ever imagine. I had loved him almost as soon as I heard him speak and I could tell looking into his eyes that I knew only a fraction of the man that he was, that he could have been.

Surely before, as a young, famously innocent, devastatingly handsome man with tattoos and things, he had had girls coming at him from every angle. Happy whole regular girls, who understood things and didn't always argue with him. Seemly obliging women, refined and popular and funny and beautiful. Surely if he had fallen for me he would have fallen for them as quickly, who's to say Sirius Black was not fickle in love? His eyes were brimming with so much that I couldn't understand most of it and that was one thing I was acutely aware of. I sincerely doubted there was any woman to ever cross Sirius's path before who knew as little as me. I felt the intoxicating panting lust in his gaze, cloudy and challenging, I could distinguish curiosity, bright and mischievous, all the edginess, how he seemed to find a way of making trouble out of every feeling. How he had to pair every thought or opinion with unruliness, he looked a little bewildered, afraid, like he was waiting for something.

I took a moment and tried to keep myself together. Tried to not feel jealous for one, jealous of crowds of faceless superior women who may or may not exist. To not fall apart and beg him to love me and make love to me and to take my love. To not give in to my goddamned thought consuming thought stealing arousal. I was flushed and hot and so on edge that I couldn't even see the ledge when I looked down. I felt like a cartoon, already over the gorge but knowing that I wasn't going to fall unless I checked for the ground, that was the gag after all. Every time I blinked images of our bodies writhing and hot heavy groans play out, Sirius was like a terrible, wonderful hallucinogenic drug. Blurring my thoughts from my actions, pitching me forward like only lust can, but I had to hold it together.

It wasn't fair that he knew I loved him before even I did and that even now I didn't know if he loved me. I had felt so sure, but as time ticked by, there were few conclusions to be drawn from his lack of response. That perhaps I was more naïve then I thought, that perhaps he was meaner then I was giving him credit for. Maybe to him my love was a little bit of a laugh, like when that seven year old boy brought me a pile made up of the nicest marble chips from the mostly mundane granite gravel in the yard outside of the institute as a gift on my fifteenth birthday. I had taken the nicest one, touched his head, cleared my throat and walked away. Would my virginity, my love, be like a little keepsake for Sirius to think back on and later use to prop the to short leg on his poorly constructed mass-produced Latvian desk to stop it tipping all the time? A novelty?

Sirius seemed to take a restorative breath and I realised that if he just told me he didn't love me but he still planned to have sex with me, I, in this weird state of needing to be wanted, would probably go right along with it. I took my hand off his still prominent bulge anyway and stuffed my hands into my arm pits for safe keeping for the time being; Sirius raised an eyebrow and I braced myself for his rejection;

"As if I was ever going to even _fuck_ a deluded child like you, if I need a _fuck _I could find a grown woman who wasn't fucking _botched _on the inside and who doesn't beg for it like a desperate little slut. How did you ever convince yourself that I could ever want you? Never mind love you! you must be even stupider then you fucking look you pathetic, ugly cow." I could hear the cutting words so clearly in my head that I knew I wouldn't be able to take hearing them out loud. He had yet to open his mouth, he hadn't said a word but when he did open his mouth I quickly pulled my grotesque left hand from where I had had it tucked under my arm and pressed it over his perfect beautiful unattainable lips. His soft mouth under the hardening skin of my hand which had previously only ever been dented slightly by my to-firm grip on a pen when writing just above the second knuckle on my middle finger made me wonder why he had ever let it get this far. Was it because he felt indebted to me? My heart stuttered a little, did he pity me?

My features eventually contracted from what was a faux confidence which had become so cheap I couldn't even fake faking it, into a lonely, bitter frown which used to occupy my face more or less all the time. It never used to hurt so much, it used to go on like a shirt, sure I would rather not wear it but as long as its there its one less thing for people to bother you about. Now it hurt like all the things I truly believed could have been mine. All the minutes I thought I had left to spend with Sirius, but if he didn't love me or want me, I couldn't believe how willing I was to try and exploit his pity to make him stay with me. My gut twisted as I realised I would truly do anything to keep him. Sirius smiled underneath my hand and kissed my fingers. But I had never had an opportunity to get used to getting what I wanted. Abruptly I pulled them back but he kept smiling this silly charming smile as I held my tingling fingers to my throbbing chest. I turned away from him to watch my shaking foot tap against an iron spring protruding from the edge of the worn grey upholstered sofa.

"if I were you I wouldn't love me either." I said quietly in a tone I didn't recognise. My body seemed to reject my thoughts though and reached out desperately, my arms secured themselves around his neck and my legs at his waist as I pressed my face into his shoulder. I felt ridiculous for making such advances on him;

"You will be my friend though won't you Black? You don't have to love me, or want me, we can just make each other happy, ok?" I asked, using his second name in an attempt to restore a sort genial formality, trying to remember the reasons I should be happy right then. Even though I was more or less sat on the edge of imploding my entire head with the massive effort it took to not cry hysterically. God he smelt incredible, and he felt so good against me, like he was home. Are friends allowed to be in love with there friends?

He hissed as I pulled him as close as I could, was trying to melt into him desperately, his hips seemed to shift slightly and he hummed lowly. He then placed his hands delicately around my waist and after a moments hesitation, pushed me away to sit in the space to his left. He removed his hands from me purposefully and pressed the heels of his palms over his eyes. I looked down at my hands folded in my lap, I watched my blood tear through the visible veins of my left wrist. My heart was in over drive, I gulped loudly around the lump in my throat and reflected on the shape of my fingernails once more. Perhaps after a few nights sleeping rough my nails had been bludgeoned from there original ovular shape into sharp cornered rectangles. Sirius shifted beside me and I tried not to feel overly exposed in my underwear as the distance between us made it much more obvious.

I looked at my pale uninteresting body and decided that even if he didn't love me Sirius did want me, or maybe any girl would have done. The point being that he gave like soft wax under my touch, but maybe that's nothing special.

"You are killing me here Jude." he whispered in a gravelly tone that made me blush and I once again saw flashes of us moving together, hot, naked, wet and intimate, I cleared my throat. He looked at me with clear calculating side-long gaze, the depths of his feelings once again tucked away in his soul somewhere.

"Look love, I…" he began and then he was huffing again and rolling his eyes. Maybe I really had done a number on his brain. And to think I had called _him_ emotionally unstable. Although in my defence, he is, he laughed all the way to Azkaban, the mans a maniac. I watched his black moustache frown with his mouth for a moment and wondered how we had ever started kissing. When we had become what we were in under a week. He had called me love. He must of called me love at least five times now, I bit the inside of my cheek again and glanced over at Sirius beside me just as he threw himself up from the couch and began to pace gracefully. Everything he did was graceful, like instead of learning to walk via trial and error he had been drill trained to do it with gruelling ancient perfected methodologies so that he could be just a little better at it than everyone else. I turned back to my rectangular fingernails. He was waving his hands around like a mad man as he thought silent thoughts and he even made that look sexy. _HANDWAVING… SEXY?! _He was a freak of nature.

"I don't make friends with birds." Sirius announced like he had finally found the right words. I decided that he mustn't have looked very hard. "I mean, besides this one girl, I have never really been close to a woman." he chuckled and suddenly his body took on a posture I had never seen him wear before. This sort of arrogant, high energy confidence suddenly snapped in as he grinned ruefully; "Well, not close in some respects, closer then any other man probably had since in others." his sudden ease as he leaned against the weak mantel over the fire had me crossing and uncrossing my legs all over again;

"So there was a girl?" I asked in a small voice and Sirius turned from what looked like fond reminiscing to look at me;

"Hm, what?" he asked and I narrowed my eyes;

"A girl?" I pressed and his eyelids pulled back slightly as he shook his head;

"oh, no no no no, that's what I mean. I mean, that girl, her and I? No way, are you kidding, I'd be beheaded." looking genuinely scared for his life Sirius rubbed a hand across his neck as if someone with an axe was leering around the next corner. I realised he reminded me quite of Tonks, young and jovial and likable. I felt stiff and jerky and rehearsed in comparison.

"You loved her?" I asked wonderingly, was this the side this girl brought out. Bright and young and there it was, free. That Sirius Black had been a free man once played on my mind for a moment as his light eyes glazed over;

"Yeah, me along with anyone who had ever met her." I looked down at my hands some more, his perfect, sensual, graceless figure which he had suddenly seemed to remember what exactly to do with practically burned my eyes. Lust was horrible. Then I remembered where I had heard the word before I knew what it was. The things you go to hell for, lust, like envy, I sank further into the chair, and pride. Wow, I had become seriously morally lax. I flicked my eyes toward Sirius again and saw he was smoking again. In that instant I more or less decided being morally lax wasn't really a bad thing. There was no point going to heaven, judging by the company I was keeping I wouldn't know anyone there anyway.

"What was she like?" I asked and I could see him shrug in his new infuriatingly elegant manor; really, you think he would be a bit more ashamed about walking around fully erect. Yet once the thought crossed my mind I immediately had trouble averting my gaze from the issue. I wondered if she was like me, but then I wondered what I was like and that never ended well so I stopped.

"Smart, wicked smart and sweet." he smiled fondly and my leg began shaking habitually. Smarter then me? My brain screamed and I knew I was being irrational. I couldn't compete with a girl who seemed to take the weight off of Sirius's shoulders just by being on his mind.

"How did you meet?" I remembered what Sirius had said about wishing we hadn't met the way we did. How he wished we could of met before he went to jail.

"School." He stated and I began plaiting my hair again.

"So for how long were you two, um, involved or…?" I let it hang and then Sirius had turned to me. I kept my eyes on my fresh braid;

"Lily and I?" he snorted. "We were never _involved_ as you so delicately put it, not in the sense you mean anyway." and I frowned. Sirius's easy air seemed to lighten everything and yet I was still frowning, Lily was a much better name than mine;

"But she was sweet?" I stated it, though more like a question and Sirius smiled as he kicked my discarded cloak on the floor;

"A bit to sweet for my taste." He gave me a look that embodied every ounce of the aura I had felt flow out of him in the last few minutes. Foot loose and fancy-free and he took a drag on his cigarette and it was a good thing I was sitting down because my leg stopped shaking as my knees went weak. How on earth did he do that? I opened my mouth and it clacked dryly as I coughed mutely to try and get my voice back; he plopped down on the couch beside me like the movement was a piece of contemporary dance;

"She was smart?" I pressed and he smiled at me in a sort of gentle fond sort of way that was simply infuriating;

"Not smart enough." he said as if it was a little joke he was sharing with me and suddenly I smiled wider then I had since I met my wand and I blushed and I bit my lip and what was wrong with me that I couldn't just be one girl for ten minutes straight? Sirius was right, I did run hot and cold. I just needed to figure out where my own damn on off switch was. As I watched Sirius from the corner of my eye once more I couldn't help but imagine Jude's voice saying in her ridiculous lecherous tone; _"You're lookin' at'im."_

"Well how smart does a girl have to be?" I asked despite myself for reasons my subconscious was unwilling to fully disclose.

"Well I used to think as smart as they could be without being smarter than me," he wiggled an eye brow at me and I began to untangle my plait disinterestedly; "but now I think I prefer the sort of girl who is so smart that even she doesn't understand what she is saying. There's just something about an oxymoron that gets me." we laughed lightly together and for the first time I met his eye without feeling a need to tear his clothes off or hit him, much. I just met his eye like it was a regular thing to do, like it is something that should be easy, that I was wrong to feel tense with it in the first place. It was just two people sitting together. It was a simple thing I had been deprived of, an equal, a companion.

"You're my favourite person." I told him and he smiled his new slightly goofy incredibly sexy smile like it had been the start of the verse of his favourite song and it had gone out of his head till just now. I felt like he was pulling himself out of himself and the closer he came to the surface the more I liked him and the more I wondered how he had hidden a personality so big in a human sized body. He was tall though, very tall. I bit my lip.

"The stuff you come out with" he said in his deep voice which seemed to be developing an ever escalating vivacious booming quality. Like even his voice had to bounce of the walls.

"That's a fragmented sentence, Black." I pointed out, wrinkling my nose at the strange mix of Sirius's aristocratic diction and his poor use of English. He must have been brought up around beautifully structured linguistics yet he simply chose not to use them. He was such an odd sort.

"I love that" he said smiling at me ruefully and I was once again reminded of his being a dog that turns into a human. I rolled my eyes;

"You just did it again, _what_ are you trying to say you…" what he had said dawned on me, I faltered; "love?" I finished and felt a blush creeping up my cheek, I wondered how his long full eyelashes didn't weigh his eyes down more and what they were going on a man anyway. It was a silly thought considering I knew exactly what they were there for, to drive me half mad with raw unrelenting desire.

"The way you screw up your whole face like someone is about to hex you whenever something bothers you, which is pretty much everything, I mean let's face it." he sort of snickered and my eyebrows pushed together as I tried to think of examples to disprove his observation, I realised what he meant and decided to move the conversation on;

"I amn't bothered by everything." I defended and Sirius made a face like he begged to differ; "Why are you making that face like you don't agree?" I asked sharply and Sirius shrugged;

"Why do you correct me on my English and then say things like_ I amn't_?" he asked and I tipped my head to the side as I thought about it, are you not supposed to say amn't?; Sirius seemed to be on a role however as he continued speaking;

"Why do you take your clothes off all the time and then act like I'm not here when I kiss you?" He asked like I should know, he didn't seem upset though, just confused, sort of incredulous. Like he couldn't believe it was the way things were;

"Why do you spend sick amounts of time trying to figure out something on your own instead of just asking a simple question?" I tried not to fidget as he went on but I could feel the edge of one of my fingernails was chipped and I wanted to investigate;

"Why are you just sitting there staring at me with that look that you always have that I don't even have a word for? Why did you climb into the lake? Why did you haemorrhage at grimmauld place? Why did Lucius Malfoy look like he was afraid of you? Why anything, Jodie?" he spoke with tremendous fluidity;

"You are such a good orator when you want to be Sirius and as I am blue in the face from saying, you shouldn't answer a question with a question, I don't know where you picked up that habit but it is dreadful. Do you feel at all better after that? You seem so frustrated." I remarked and Sirius, who still had his hands in the air from his expressive tirade dropped the limbs and lowered his eyebrows. They had been pulled back in a sort of _well?_ position, like he expected me to get a word in edge ways without talking over him. Maybe he didn't realise he was interrupting me before I even spoke, maybe he had one of those hyperactive compulsive disorders.

"I just don't understand what's going on, every time I think I've got my bearings you find a way to trip me up again." he spoke earnestly and I nodded thoughtfully, I had seen this between people before. When something was hard you would confide in someone and you would feel a small amount better. Typically it led to controversy in that confiding in a someone about something they have done is much more difficult then speaking about it with someone else as saying it to someone's face, though more productive, can be insensitive. It was quite fascinating and as Sirius spoke I could see him loosen slightly, he was clearly familiar with the confidante method. I wondered who he had practiced confiding with before, Remus perhaps, I decided to try and answer as many of his questions as best I could. It seemed a logical enough approach; I cleared my throat;

"uhm…" my voice tripped up, perhaps it was easier said then done after all, be bold, I told myself. I wanted to be a good friend to the people I liked, I just wasn't sure I had an aptitude for it;

"You really want to know about all that stuff?" I asked and Sirius stretched like it would help my thought process at all and he took off the cloak he was wearing and as if it was some sort of sick joke he liked to play he was wearing the damn leather jacket underneath, why hadn't I just left in the institute? He must be roasting, I made a bet with myself that his skin was even hotter than usual.

"I reckon just the lake and Lucius Malfoy could keep me quiet for now." He responded concisely and I nodded stiffly as he wrapped his still raw ruddy lips around his cigarette slowly; "I can pretty much guess the answers for everything else." I decided not to challenge it as I watched the smoke escape his mouth and turned to the fire to clear my head enough to speak a little;

" I thought I would figure out how to swim as I went along and I hit Lucius in the head with a big wooden box." I mumbled shyly, knowing it wasn't the most lady like thing to do but then remembering the horrible curse he had cast on me and shuddering. I felt a second shiver travel up my arms as I remembered waking up earlier than morning. This was such a strange Christmas day. The sun had set, there was probably about four hours left till boxing day. I jumped out of my skin a moment later as a great loud free incredibly masculine bark of laughter broke through the room. Sirius was in fits of it, I couldn't think of a time I had seen someone laugh like that.

"You, you, God…" he was off again, he had gotten a second wind and this time I joined him half heartedly as he held his stomach from the pain of his apparently uncontrollable mirth. I probably would have been in the same state as him if he didn't keep throwing his head back and smiling like he had never felt better.

"You're such a" more barking; "genius" he panted out sensually and instead of laughing as I remembered the look on my Uncles shocked face when the box hit him on the back of the head I just thought of my toes curling and Sirius driving into me again and again as he panted against my mouth. I could feel warmth prickle the back of my neck and shiver down my back as my mind wandered unchecked. Sitting next to the leather clad man I felt as if he had set himself on fire as waves of heavy heat rolled off of him and broke over my skin into a thousand brushing, pressing, pulling, pushing, tugging little hands. He was so preposterously sensual and I once again speculated over the legitimacy of his movements, there was no way he wasn't putting on a bit of a show as he ran his hand threw his lustrous just trimmed hair and looked at me with beautiful dancing stormy sky eyes and shook his head as he said;

"You're perfect, you're fucking perfect!" I blanched as I felt that if I spoke out loud I would speak to the Sirius in my head and say something like _"Don't stop, more, please!" _when Sirius in real life was being so wonderfully sweet. "I'm an idiot amn't I?" he looked at me with that I-can't-believe-it look and I raised an eyebrow, just the one, please hold your applause. I nodded my head carefully, still to scared to speak, not knowing what I would say if I did.

My lady parts quivered between my tightly crossed legs and I bit my lip. He wasn't even touching me but my mind was trying to kill me with scenario after scenario and image after image of me and Sirius, in the lake, in my flat, in his old bedroom; I had folded my hands in my lap and my grip tightened as I imagined myself rhythmically bouncing off of Sirius on my strict old choir instructors desk from Pembride, the one who had been on the biggest power trip in the whole place, besides me maybe. Yeah, that was a good one, it was so wrong and blasphemous and bad and forbidden and just so hot. It was oddly degrading having to sit next to Sirius in the mess I was in and I noticed he was sitting much closer to me and I realised I had been staring at his smiling mouth, which was saying things. I cautiously swallowed the mortified lump in my throat and tried to tune into his spiel;

"Never thought it was in me to love a woman but there you go, I love you, it's always been you, every fucking wet dream and unsatisfying shag was all _your _fault for fucking having terrible timing. I mean I should have known that I wasn't gonna meet _the girl _in some bar or through a friend or…" deciding whatever he was nattering on about could wait I threw myself at him. As soon as his skin touched mine I was like jelly, I moaned pathetically as I almost fell apart. I tried to pull myself together a small amount but I could only shiver and press closer against him. I sighed in relief when I kissed his mouth, I needed him, damned deal be damned, I would do more then concede, I would willingly agree to be his slave at that point as my brain fogged over with so much lust that I was already sucking on his lip and pressing against the still mostly present bulge in his jeans before he had even closed his eyes.

Unfortunately however, instead of finding the same page, we just traded. At the same time Sirius wrapped his leather clad arms around me and let loose low lumbering groan against my feverish lips a distant part of my brain had just decoded what Sirius had said. I pushed myself off of Sirius and felt my mouth fall open my eyes widen in shock;

"What did you just say?" I asked between heavy laborious breathing, slightly louder than necessary so that I could hear it over my heart; Sirius just smiled at me lazily;

"You are such a fucking hot kisser." he hissed as he lent toward me again but I put a hand over his mouth to stop him as a smile crept across my mouth; he closed his eyes and groaned disappointedly against my hand as he shook his head and pulled away; "For fuck sake, you are not doing this to me again Malfoy." he spoke dangerously, there was no question to it, it was like a demand, or more an order. In the knowledge that I had already more or less won, that he saw me as _the girl_ it seemed like his ordering me was nothing to get upset about because everything melted away in the face of those three words. It didn't mean I wasn't going to have any fun though. The authority in his voice was another thing that turned me on. I guess I just had a thing for breaking the rules, I should probably get that seen to when I get the chance.

"I told you that if you ever wanted to go anywhere I was going to want something to remember you by, didn't I?" he asked, his tone like a warning, I remembered his tendency for throwing tantrums and dropped my hand from where I had placed it between us to block him.

"And didn't I tell you I would go to bed with you if you said you loved me?" I asked calmly and Sirius's stiff posture seemed to relax slightly as he moved toward me tenaciously. I stood up off the coach and walked over to the woodcutting of the light house on the wall;

"Where do you think this light house is?" I asked curiously as I tried to calm my breathing and keep away from laughing. There was barely a whisper of his steps across what was a really creaky floor but within moments of emitting a growl on the coach Sirius had pulled my back flush against his front. One hand splayed across the healthy side of my ribcage and the other weighing heavily on my hip, I bit my lip as I stared at the crudely illustrated lighthouse ahead of me; I could feel his hot length, now at full attention, at the base of my spine. He pulled my back against it forcefully and spoke into my ear in his perfect husky whisper;

"I want you." his jeans were rough against the back of my cotton knickers and the skin just above; his hands pushed heat through my body and I felt weak.

"I know." I said and pressed back against him gently; I hummed; "But maybe we should get some sleep, it has been a long day." I tried to pull myself away from him but he held on.

"Fucking Malfoys are so unbearable." he spat as the hand on my ribcage began to trace along the hem of my bra gently, I bristled.

"Don't compare me to them;" I warned and managed to maintain a slight edge despite my breathy tone; "besides, Blacks aren't any better." I shot and he span me around and pressed my back to the wall with his hands on either side of my head. He towered over me, I wanted him.

"Why are you allowed to compare me to those psychopaths?" he asked vehemently and I stared up at him derisively, I could feel him press to the front of my underwear, I felt about ready to burst into flames from the heat rolling off of him, weighing down the air around us;

"I was just stating a fact." I spoke coldly. My middle squirmed;

"You are such a hypocrite." he spoke sort of highly, moving once again to being frustrated and incredulous and more or less ready to throw his tantrum;

"and you're just a cute bitch!" I said, satisfied, everyone loves a good dog pun. He snorted and my eyes narrowed;

"and you're a fucking nutcase!" he yelled and I grimaced;

"Wanker!" I prodded back firmly and he brought his mouth close to mine, I breathed in his breath.

"Not bloody likely with you around because as it turns out you're just a prudish little virgin!" he pushed himself off the wall in one swift classically graceful movement and I was left to stare at his back as my weak over stimulated body crumpled back against the wall behind me for support. I was breathing hard, the surrounding air assaulted me with its chill but did nothing to slake my lust, of all the men in all the world I had to get myself stuck with that arse. What an incredible arse it was;

"and whose fault is that?" I asked as I collapsed in a heap on the floor and began laughing, hard. Already flushed and feverish from the whole damned day with Sirius and his beautiful body and his pouty mouth and his bright eyes. Sirius who was temperamental and reclusive and strangely optimistic and troublesome and basically taught me what it means to be sexy just by looking at me. Sirius who got so upset about his ongoing string of unattended erections that he looked close to tears before starting a tantrum and going into a sulk.

"You're right;" I said between hiccupping little laughs as I clutched my soar belly; "I do have a sick sense of humour." I started laughing a little again and then started taking deep calming breaths; "Oh God, I can't breath." I cried as I began another bout of raucous laughter. Sirius kicked the ground I probably could have calmed down at that point if I hadn't heard Sirius grumble;

"I hope you choke." and then before I could really think anything of it my mouth said;

"On what?" and I was off for what would have been a good minute and a half of mocking giggles if Sirius didn't scoop me off the ground to stand in front of him with a sort of an indistinguishable look in his eye and my laughter sort of died into a goofy sigh as I grinned at Sirius, he had me against the wall again. He was scowling and I rolled my eyes, his hands rested on my back, as I held both of mine flat to the wall at the level of my eye;

"Hey! Lighten up Bla- _Black…_" running his hands down my back Sirius swiftly gripped my bum and lifted me off the ground before grinding against my quivering lady parts with unrelenting force. My arms flew around his neck as my back arched off the wall. Innumerable teeny tiny electric shocks had slipped through every nerve in my body and I felt all my muscles coil and tighten slightly. After the last while with Sirius I felt already close to the peak of my arousal. He was driving me insane in every way imaginable. I pressed back against him and he groaned against my throat.

"You're going to kill me." he said in a low irresistibly fancy completely undone sort of way. I whimpered unintentionally when I opened my mouth to respond. I couldn't believe he had just done that, why hadn't he done that sooner? I began to pull at the lapels of his (my) leather jacket to show my intention but forgot every intention I had when Sirius closed the space between us to kiss me fiercely. His lips pressed against mine insistently and I hummed as he pulled me against him with one hand and began to shake his other arm out of his coat. his hot wet lips practically burned through me and I wondered how I had even lasted this long. I wondered why people ever left their homes when they could be at home kissing, or in a lake kissing, or up against a wall in a lighthouse kissing. His tongue slipped along the seam of my lip scandalously and my heart picked up another notch and I began to pray to who ever was listening that I wouldn't pass out from the heat of him because I would be damned if I was going to miss another minute of this.

Sirius had managed to squirm out of his coat as we kissed and as it hit the floor with a heavy rustle of materiel I felt Sirius smirk against my mouth before moving his free hand to shamelessly palm my boob.

"Love your tits." he growled out hotly as he found a new angle to kiss me from. I felt my cheeks flush a little in embarrassment as he said it but I couldn't pretend it didn't turn me on. I really did love breaking the rules and his voice just spelled trouble. I locked my legs tighter around his hips and pressed against him as we panted around each others raw tender mouths. His lips were still so wonderfully soft beside the hard angles of his incredibly masculine physique. Suddenly the wall was absent from behind my back and Sirius was stumbling around the room as he began kissing my neck softly.

I sighed as I felt my heart flutter beneath my ribcage and Sirius sat me on the counter in the dim kitchenette. He pulled his black tee over his head and quickly moved back toward me like my skin was the cure to some terrible illness he was suffering from but I stopped him so that I could look at him. I was still fascinated at the sight of him, the tattoos, that little trail of hair headed south, several silvery scars, the fact that I was looking at body that didn't belong to a toddler or me. It just made my fingers tingle to even think of his skin. When I looked into his sharp grey eyes clouded with lust my belly flipped and we were on each other again. He kissed me again and the heat of his skin made me dizzy. Did I mention how good he smelt? Or the sounds he made? Or how much of a blur everything was in the wake of the bliss he some how knew exactly how to make me feel? His hands seemed to be unwilling to settle as one moved from my neck down and up arm and up around my back leaving goose bumps in its wake and the other made me squeak as it snapped the band of my knickers against my hip playfully before running up my side and my mouth dropped open;

"Oh _God_." I hissed, he casually caught my nipple none to gently through the damned troublesome bra, my whole body shook of its own accord. Sirius chuckled lowly as he used his non breast assaulting hand to hold my hips still so that he could once again thrust his jean clad length against my fluttering tense core; I let out a strangled sort of moan and before I knew it my hands were grappling with the catch on Sirius's infuriatingly sexy trousers. What was he doing to me?

"My name isn't actually God you know." Sirius explained in a voice so steady and calm you would swear he was talking about, well come to think of it there was actually nothing I had heard Sirius talk so calmly about. I don't know how I even heard him over the sound of my heart hammering just under the breast which Sirius just wouldn't leave alone, he was alternating between rolling the sensitive nub between his wonderful talented fingers and pressing the over stimulated flesh with his palm. It was like getting a lesson in all the things I never knew my body was capable of feeling. Why was he so good at that? Somewhere in my head I remembered Sirius making a sarcastic comment and fortunately my mouth seemed to know what it was doing;

"Would you prefer I called you something more fitting? Like vagabond or charlatan or-" he swept down and was suddenly sucking on the pyretic skin over my pulse so hard it almost hurt, I forgot what ever it was I had been saying "Ah… Sirius." I breathed out in the seemingly unwavering overly feminine tone that had been slipping from my mouth all night. The button on his jeans finally gave and they fell to the floor with a definitive thud. A soft pop later and the recently abused patch on my neck was exposed to the cold air of the light house, which hadn't seemed so cold before being compared to Sirius's piping hot mouth. He kissed the spot and I shivered as I felt the smile of his mouth against my skin. He moved away to look at my throat and I felt my brow crease as I touched the throbbing spot. It was never a good thing when he looked that pleased with himself;

"What?" I asked breathily, looking out through the haze of the heat which seemed to reduce me to a puddle on the ground and not feeling my focus improve as he stood more or less naked on the other side. My eyes raked over his body and I couldn't help think of when I had first seem it and I had almost had an aneurism. I smiled as I remembered thinking that he wore clothes for the safety of those around him. I suppose I was right, if he walked around looking this perfectly dishevelled and sexual all the time there would be a lot more traffic collisions. I felt a little possessive for a moment there as I thought of how perfect he was at everything he did and how practice makes perfect. How dare he practice without me? I thought unhappily, I'm his fiancé! I continued petulantly, feeling oddly entitled to having Sirius Black all to myself even though there was no way he could have known that I existed. He shrugged and moved close to me again;

"I was just making sure I hadn't lost my touch." he whispered in my ear and a small frown graced my lips as I tried to make sense of his words through my slightly possessive mostly erotic fuzz of hectic thought. My mind flitting from the feel of him to the smell of him to another woman feeling or thinking the same thing. I was breathing heavily as he began to pepper my jaw with kisses and I was about to verbalize something troublesome when suddenly his mouth was on mine and that was all that was left.

My arm snaked up to fan across the side of his neck as the other rested against his broad chest. His hands shifted to wrap around my back and pull me so close to his naked front that I thought I might explode from the heat. He was so hot it almost hurt, I felt like I was being scolded but instead of flinching away I felt like I couldn't get enough, that I had to have more. His moustache scraped against the skin just above my mouth making me dizzy and his soft sweet searing hot lips pressed against my fretful curious wanton pucker firmly making my heart jump so violently in my chest I was afraid for my life. Then I realised that I could feel his heart pound under my palm. Fast and furious and so alive and he hummed against my mouth and for a moment there wasn't an erotic thought in my brain. All that was left was that sound and the feeling and my heart felt like it was soaring as I felt pure true joy. I felt like we had won, like we had to win, like this was so painfully right that things could only go one way as long as he loved me and I loved him;

"I love you." I breathed as we pulled away and I felt like I was glowing, a goofy grin made drew an unfamiliar path across my mouth. We loved each other, it was such a powerful, unstoppable thing, something that not a single person in the world knew about or would be happy to hear about was the most powerful perfect thing to ever happen, ever. "I love you, I don't even know you but I know I love you." I laughed and pulled him into a hug;

"I…" he started but I put my hand over his mouth and shook my head into his chest as I smiled. I pulled back, I loved every part of getting to know him, I loved his spirit and even though he wasn't exactly easy to spend time with I never wanted to stop spending time with him. His eyes were completely unreadable but predictably gorgeous, no wonder he was arrogant, he was perfect and even if there was some flaw the world had stained onto his skin it just made him sexy as well as beautiful. I felt like some sort of sick joke next to him but he loved me so I just couldn't let myself start thinking that way. I had to be better then every other girl in the world because there was no way there was a girl alive who could resist Sirius if he looked at them the way he had looked at me. Being a crazy person probably wasn't the best place to start either but I was all I had to offer him. But he loved me.

"You could show me." I suggested and moved my hand away from his mouth. He quirked a brow as his breath fanned over my face. My skin flushed, I ignored it, I never used to be so reactive, there was a time when I could listen to wild unfounded accusations over my character and bizarre appearance every time I was addressed and shrug it off but now I felt like the world had torn that out from under me and in many ways it had. I would like to say the only thing I was sure of was Sirius but I didn't understand a anything about him except that I loved him. But that was something in its self.

He lifted my mutilated left hand to his lips and kissed the back of it gently. My mind found a gutter to jump into and I wondered how I could ever accuse Sirius of being a cad when my brain wasn't satisfied untill it was so full of racy images that it was on the verge of falling out my ear. I gulped heavily and the fire let out a heavy roar from the grate. My wand was heated against my skin and Sirius turned around startled dropping my hand as he turned to stare over at the fire place. The muscles in his back rippled and the image ingrained itself in my brain along with every other overtly sensual image of Black I didn't need consuming my entire mind.

"Oops." I blurted, the fire died down with a wush, "kind of lost the run of myself there." I admitted and his posture relaxed as he turned to me with that stupid incredibly sexy arrogant look on his face. I rolled my eyes from my place perched on the counter. His intricate tattoos moved with his skin over his lithe muscular torso delicately. I thought of what I knew of conventional couples. It wasn't much, the sets of adults who came in to Pembride looking for sons and daughters were always clean and nicely dressed and a bit older then Sirius and I but they didn't out old Sirius by much, but really, how much growing can someone do in a one room cell anyway? I reflected as I thought of how Sirius seemed to have a young spirit. But then I had only really had a house and a half at my disposal my whole life. I guess I had a lot of growing up to do. Sirius reached his hand out towards me and I ran my hand through my hair, he looked like a dream in the dim light. He looked like a dream in every light, but I had never seen anything beautiful enough in my life to inspire him. In a way it was proof that he was real, simply for the fast that there was certainly no way that after my life that I could have made him up. He was a wonder. He gestured for me to join him with his large pale hand;

"Come here Juniper." I smiled tightly and lowered myself off the counter before walking over to him. His hand wrapped around mine securely and he pulled me close against him before tipping low toward the floor like a ballroom dancer. He thought he was such a charmer yet when he kissed me hard and I couldn't help but moan against his mouth as his tongue slipped past my lips to permanently conquer what was left of my restraint. I felt heat pool at my neglected centre and my hips rocked up of there own accord, my body shivered in desperation as I met no contact. With a growl Sirius bit the edge of my lip and my brain melted as I saw white. I could feel his mouth smirking as he kissed the no doubt slightly swollen edge of my lip slightly; I knew giving into what he wanted would just make him act even more spoiled and I cursed the fact for a moment before deciding he was sexy when he got all haughty, which was even more infuriating;

"You are such a brat." I growled indignantly against his mouth and then unthinkingly pulled a thread of light across the room as it fit into my hand like an extension of my arm. We landed with a bouncing squeak on the bed as we disturbed the springs and Sirius looked around seemingly disorientated, at least when I moved us around it didn't feel like being pulled through a silly straw. You were just one place and then you were another, much more appealing if you had any sense at all, Sirius rolled his eyes as he realised what I had done and gave me a this silly sardonic look, really though, what could have changed in the last hour that made him all coy and flirtatious and for lack of a better word big headed. It was like he suddenly remembered how gorgeous he was. Not even realised, if he had realised he would have been a little more unsure, to be this pleased with himself being sexy must have greeted him like an old friend.

"If you were in a hurry you could have said so." he pointed out offhandedly and I slipped us over with a loud creak of the bed so I lay on top of his, straddling his waist. I quickly twisted my long white blonde hair into a pile on the top of my head and pulled my wand from my cleavage to jam through it and pin it into place. Sirius placed his hand on my thigh and I looked down at him before slapping it away;

"If you want me to slow down you could have just asked." I leaned down and kissed his cheek and moved to whisper close to his ear as I let one of my fingers graze his nipple curiously, his breath hitched and I smiled; "I just thought it would be kind of cute to lose it on Christmas." I explained in faux disappointment as I kissed the corner of his jaw; God I loved kissing him. For some reason I was slightly surprised that his tattoos weren't at all textured as I ran my hands over the soft warm skin of his chest, I did notice a few small ridges of scar tissue however. I could feel Blacks harsh breath shifting my hair as I sat on top of him before he groaned;

"Take of your damned top." he ordered and I blushed shyly as the last time I had been that naked in front of Sirius I hadn't understood relevance of it.

"It isn't a top it's a vintage bra." My mouth mumbled brilliantly and Sirius growled;

"Don't you ever get tired of teasing me?;" he asked as I felt an odd sort of pleasure, like on some level I had gained the upper hand;

"Do you ever get tired of being teased?" I asked as I pulled back enough to look in his face. I wondered if my smile had to be quite so smug but decided to leave it be, it doesn't get many moments like these. He reached up to trace the side of my cheek and looked at me with the most intoxicatingly sexy smouldering look in his eye and he pulled me down to kiss him and I instantly moaned over his mouth as I felt him tug on my wand, my hair fell down around us, the slight styling Sirius had gone through such great lengths to sneak into my hair only a little more lax (not that Sirius his weirdly effeminate in some ways), suddenly I felt Sirius's lip curve to match the expression on my own. A slight feeling of dread curled my stomach before in a light scandalizing whoosh the last fragments of cloth I wore vanished and I pulled my mouth of Sirius as I gasped in shock. My wide eyes staring outraged into his triumphant amused gaze. My hands detangled from his hair and crossed across my chest to cover my loose breasts which tingled at the drop of there weight and the recent press of the double-dealing louts incredible addictive skin. Sirius placed my wand on the small table by the bed with a light clatter. My mouth and my eyes squeezed shut as he shifted below me to reach the nightstand but as his torso rippled below me on his way back my body let loose a light moan. Every part of _me _lay bare against the panels of his warm shifting muscle and a red blush stained my cheeks as I became hyper aware that he must be able to feel the flushed damp heat of my arousal pressed to his abdomen.

"Yes actually." he hissed against the edge of my ear before suddenly I was turned onto my back on the bed, hands still covering my breasts. Sirius's body whispered lightly over mine and I knew that even if I was ready to sleep with Sirius I may not be well enough prepared to survive sleeping with a man like him. A man who played my body like I was a violin and he was first chair on the Phil-harmonic. He looked down at me like he would devour me and as I felt the brush of his length against my thigh I realised he had divested himself of his own remaining garment, I wasn't particularly pleased to realise it. I had been looking forward to tearing those damn black briefs off myself for being so much closer to him then I was. I didn't dare look down in that moment though. Not entirely sure of what I would see. I knew I lay with my legs closed, one knee slightly bent, with my arms crossed in front of me, my breath coming in harsh puffs, my brow creased at Sirius's underhandedness, my tingling lips parted, my skin flushed and my silvery hair fanning around to my left, my heart trying to hammer its way out of my chest between nerves and arousal. I could feel myself lying naked below him like a breathing contradiction. Sirius looked at me with a strange mixture of amusement, lust and concern. He was so dishevelled and distracted and I knew that spending time with me was trying for him but I didn't really care, the man was preaching to the choir.

"Do they give you lessons in how to stay out of trouble by looking that sexy?" I asked scathingly and Sirius smiled ruefully;

"You say that like I have a good track record for staying out of trouble." he pointed out and I reflected on his recent jail time. I shook my head as I thought of what a mess my life was.

"Would you consider yourself a trouble maker Sirius?" I asked as I tried to ignore my itching skin and the frantic need for friction in between my legs. Trying to take a minute to regain decorum before he touched me again;

"I pride myself on it." he whispered over my mouth before licking the seam of my top lip; Oh sod it;

"Show me." I dared him and he inhaled sharply; his hands blazed a trail down the sides of my arms as he caught my bottom lip between his and pulled on it gently before speaking over the roar of my own erotic thoughts;

"Last chance." he warned and my belly flipped as he went on; "I'm only one man Love and I can only take so much." I rolled my eyes at his dramatics but in a way my pounding heart reflected is sentiments, I nodded hastily and acquiesced;

"Take me." and apparently that did it because within three beats of my racing heart Sirius had fixed my hands onto the head board with his own and had started kissing a line of searing delicious kisses down my neck. He bit lightly at the dip of colour bone and I gasped, his hands moved from where he had placed them over mine and he planted a light unexpectedly tender kiss on my lightly trembling lips, groaning hotly over my mouth. My head started to spin as his deep gravely posh voice filled the room with a husky demand;

"Just hold on and try to relax for a while, ok Jude?" he asked and I pressed my lips together stubbornly, you would swear he was going to reset all my bones or something but I nodded obligingly anyway because damned if it wasn't hot to just give over to him.

"Such a brat." I remarked acceptingly as he somehow found the exact same spot on my throat from earlier and set to work again as my head cracked to look to the side and my mouth fell open with a breathy gasp. I really had no restraint and but he just groaned in response. One of his hand immediately slid down to my hip before beginning to write a series of indecipherable symbols over my skin. Each one sending a snap of deep infuriating heat to my impatient feminine anatomy. His unoccupied hand whispered over the top of my décolletage conspicuously and my eye fluttered shut as he eventually relieved my sensitive neck but even as he moved away I felt the chill as he left the moisture of his mouth to mark my flesh. It felt like a brand, like a signature, like he had signed me. I liked it but my focus quickly shifted far from the recently assaulted patch on my neck as my back snapped into a familiar unchecked S-bend and Sirius sucked my swollen puckered nipple into the impossible heat of his dangerous mouth like a damned grape. My grip tightened on head board above me as my toes curled. An unreserved broad vowel cracked its way past my lips as my back sighed back against the bed still arching up sporadically of its own accord. Suddenly Sirius's other hand had my neglected left nipple in a light grip. Sirius pulled his mouth off of my aching breast without warning and I groaned as my whole body felt like it was unravelling. His teeth grazed over my nipple daringly and my chest heaved as I cried out and he kissed my breast with a sense of finality before kissing across to the middle of my chest gently. His careful educated movements unhinged me more then anything and my hips rolled up to meet nothing as Sirius shifted to avoid me expertly. I whimpered wantonly and for the first time didn't care even a little. He was so, mania inducing. I felt like I was addicted to every bit of him but I craved his touch like air. I had never wanted something as badly as I wanted him to love me, as badly as I craved to make love to Sirius Black, even his name made goose bumps prickle my skin. My hands were trembling and I felt him inhale through his nose at the base of ribcage as he took in my scent and he groaned;

"Sweet merciful fuck you smell so good." he hissed as if my scent gave him a head ache, I heaved an overtly sensual sigh and pushed myself up toward Sirius insistently, he growled and I felt him pin my hips with his hands as he kissed along toward the side of my rib cage to where the bizarre scarlet scar tugged at my once white skin.

"I know it's not really my place to ask Malfoy but please tell me there isn't some other lucky bastard out there who has put his hand on you." he kissed the laceration on my side and I blushed deeply as even in the haze of my lust I noted the quiet desperation in his tone as he said it;

"First man to hold my hand," I breathed out as Sirius started placing open mouthed kisses along my abdomen and I tried my best not to ask what in the hell he thought he was doing. We were going to hell for this, no one could have this much fun outside of heaven and get away with it. "was you." I told him and I felt him smile as he kissed the light protrusion of my hip bone and my hips bucked unconsciously. I readjusted my grip on the bed but had a feeling it wouldn't last as my fingers trembled ever so lightly with the need to feel the heat of Sirius. I wondered if I would ever cool down after being touched by Sirius and wondered who he had become so swelteringly heated in the first place.

"Good." he responded gruffly his facial hair scraping along the soft delicate skin where the line of knickers would have rested had I been wearing any. I opened my mouth to tell him again how much of a scoundrel he was for magicing away my knickers so sneakily but all that came out was;

"First man I ever kissed was you." my mouth confided happily and I shut it sternly. Damned mouth was always speaking out of turn but it was a lovable rascal really. He nipped my skin again and this time his hands held my hips in place firmly as they shifted unconsciously. I bit into my lips as my head span. It was like he had declared war on my inhibitions and now he was celebrating at the after party, apparently in cahoots with every hormone and pulsing component in my over stimulated body. My stomach tightened, goose bumps prickled along my skin as my whole body shook ever so slightly;

"Liar." Sirius announced against my skin and I huffed as I looked down at him to give him what for. My mouth decided to shut up as my eyes took in the broad plain of Sirius's pale subtly inked in back and then shamelessly goggled right out of my head to get a good view of his perfect round arse. My head flopped back on the pillow almost instantly. Completely mortified at my own obscenity as a rush of heat seemed to pump through my veins at a hundred miles an hour and set me alight. I stared at the dilapidated ceiling unseeingly for a moment as I thought of Sirius casually rested at the tops of my thighs, kissing his way toward my aching shamefully eager vagina. I felt nervous and excited and so turned on I was about a hairs breath away from whatever damn peak I was headed for.

Sirius began to kiss back up my rib cage lightly and my back arched as he passed the seemingly ticklish spot at the bottom if ribs and I let loose three little ha's, giving myself away to what undoubtedly would be an onslaught of abuse. I decided to change the subject quickly and my mouth remembered what it had meant to do before, before well… well it remembered;

"My first kiss, in the flat. To thank you." explained and the gasped as Sirius ran his tongue along the edge of my boob against my ribs.

"Thank me for what?" he whispered in his damned accusatory tone;

"For shutting up." I growled and I sat up. He sat back with me and I grabbed his hair and tugged him to my mouth as blood prickled its way back into my arms painfully. Sirius kissed back with such fervour that I almost melted like ice-cream when his tongue breached my mouth but I was so far past boiling point that all I could think of was whistling with steam. I pressed myself flush against Sirius's front and arched my breast toward him, attempting to seek some relief for every aspect of my overly receptive body. I wondered if Sirius had actually just cast some sort of ridiculous spell because there was no way I could be feeling this good just from the natural all consuming heat of him. I moaned into his mouth shamelessly and he pushed back against me with clear purpose, not if I could help it, and I probably couldn't. I pressed against his chest pointedly and remembered how weak I was compared to him. He was like a rock but he tipped back anyway and we lay upside down on the bed. He stared up at me looking deliciously dishevelled. I spoke against his mouth, I did everything against him;

"It's ok Sirius; I promise I'll respect you in the morning." He leaned forward to catch my lips and I pulled back to avoid me. He let his head bounce back toward the mattress and rolled his eyes at me as I smiled down at him. I stared at the column of his throat for a moment, I traced my finger along the bump in his throat and smiled as I watched his skin prickle. Only boys had those I mused before a low growl emanate from Sirius's throat and laughed lightly as I began trailing kisses along his addictive hot tattooed chest. I mean oh my god he tasted amazing, I passed a small fading tattoo on my toward his navel and saw it was hooked like a J, I instantly took a liking to it and decided that it was my favourite. I placed an open mouthed kiss over it and inhaled the scent of his skin. Perfect masculine heavy musky scent to him, his whole body was like a wonderful accident of nature, hard to believe he even existed.

I sighed against him and bit my lip before glancing down past my shaking hand rested on his hip and my tenders breasts grazing along his abdomen. I won't pretend I was prepared for what I saw but before I could really take in the proud jutting heat of him my hand was already on him. I felt nerves flutter across my stomach as a rational part of my mind fretted over how he was going to fit inside me. A more lecherous part of my mind seemed to be delighting in finding out as I wrapped my hand around him in a tentative grip.

I rubbed over the soft firm flesh nerves over taken with troublesome curiosity but I pulled my hand off him as if I had been burned when he shifted violently below me and cried out my name loudly in the most how wet can you get tone he had come out with so far. My heart jolted. I held my arm utterly startled as I turned to Sirius guiltily;

"I'm sorry." I said as a heavy blush travelled up cheeks and I grimaced, had I hurt him? He pulled himself up on his elbows and met my wide apologetic gaze with his own sensuous grey eyes, my hand rested just above his navel and fiddled over his skin with a small figure of eight.

"You should be." he murmured as he sort of collapsed back against the bed. My hand balled into a loose fist.

"Did I hurt you?" I asked shyly and he exhaled heavily;

"It was good like everything you do and you know it," he admitted like I was making him recite a particularly dull and offensive ode to the wonders of his family name. I pressed my lips into a line as my hand slipped toward him again; I pulled him into my hand carefully and his hips snapped up toward me sharply and my own hip swayed accordingly. "but I guess I will just have to take your word for it that you're a natural." he grated out, I pulled over him again and his whole front shuddered; "Oh fuck finally." he groaned out and I was spurred on.

"I'm just a really good guesser." I announced and smiled mischievously as I began to run my lips along the torturous teasing line of dark hair headed toward his crotch, his voice whispering through me. My heart sent blood roaring past my ears and I tried to keep my hand steady as I touched him with less reserve. As compelled as I was at the surprisingly velvet soft skin of a part of him which I knew to be the source of so much of my trouble without much though I soon rested with my head over his bizarrely arousing firm anatomy. I leant forward gently and pressed my mouth to the slightly moist tip. It was soft and he tasted tangy, my tongue explored along him trying to commit every feeling and heated corrupting detail to memory as I sighed lightly. The tightness I didn't even realise had formed in my chest relaxed considerably, I don't know what sort of complicated rigmarole I had been expecting but this felt as warm and soft and naturally intimate as everything I had shared with Sirius. I started to wonder if we could be even a little contrived even if we wanted to but then we were sort of free flowing people. I suppose we just caught up in each others current. It was hard to worry so much about what people thought of you when they had so many preordained conceptions. Compromising myself to make people who already thought little of me think a small but more of me wasn't something I believed either Sirius or myself to have made a habit of. I still think we wouldn't have argued so much if he was just a little more obliging, only a little. I pulled my hair over my shoulder before bracing a palm against his thigh;

"Jodi- uhh… you, just. Damn you're…don't.." he sucked in a breath of air past his teeth and though I certainly wouldn't congratulate him on his decorum, my belly didn't seem to mind as it went in to complex acrobatics at every sound he made; typical.

I felt his hand knot into the back of my hair as his hips rose of the bed toward me. Raising an eyebrow up at him as he tipped his head toward me looking completely undone. I shrugged, took the hint and wrapped my mouth around him again shivering as I did so. I marvelled again at how completely bizarre sex was before losing myself in the ever present erotic aspect of every part of Sirius. I made a fist around the base of his length and pulled more of him past my tingling lips. He thrust up shallowly and the sounds he made were more erotic then any image my mind could conjure up, even nude and flushed and vulgar he was the most elegant regal man I could envision.

I felt strangely consumed in his reactions and began to build a cautious tongue and pull rhythm, I could see Sirius's hand clutch on the sheet somewhere off to the periphery vision as his breath came ragged and I hummed around him as I felt like I was sort of getting the hang of it. Just as I thought this however he heaved what sounded almost like a sob;

"Fuck, wait, just…" he barked and I pulled my mouth off of him with a pop, startled. He groaned again and I sat up slowly, as if I moving to fast would spook him, I ran my tongue over my lips unconsciously. They felt heavy and I pulled my hand from Sirius to prod them lightly;

"Did I….?" wondering if I had done something wrong but Sirius just shrugged and waved his hand in a noncommittal gesture as he panted beside me, I crawled up beside him to look at his face. His eyes were closed tight and his mouth set, I kissed the edge of it and he let out a snuffly laugh as his hand pulled up around my bare waist, tactfully ignoring my new scar. I wondered how it would ever leave my body as it didn't seem built to fade. He pulled me into him and his breath fanned out as he laughed into the crook of my neck;

"It's just been a while." he mumbled against my clavicle and I took in a shaky breath. Him and his other times doing things, I pinched the side of his arm and ran my hand into his hair;

"I don't want to hear it." I told him and he kissed the side of my shoulder, I could feel him smiling and I wondered if he was doing it on purpose, raising a suspicious eyebrow;

"To be honest I am glad we didn't meet when I was younger." he mumbled and I felt his hand trail down my side.

"Really?" I asked sceptically, glad that I didn't sound as over-heated as I felt as my heart hammered in my chest and Sirius acted as if he barely noticed his own damn hand searing through my skin over the side of my hip. His mouth ghosted over my skin as he spoke;

"If I had met you then I wouldn't have had a clue what to do with you." I bit the inside of my cheek as I wondered what exactly he thought he was doing to me in that moment;

"I can barely handle you now." he snorted and I gasped as his hand ghosted up the back of my thigh.

"Oh" I sighed and then tried to cover it with nonchalance; "I wouldn't say that." I cleared my throat and began to collect my thoroughly scrambled thoughts carefully… _smack._

"Ah." I cried out as my mouth fell open and Sirius's mouth came into view flashing a mischievous.

"Come to think of it, neither would I." he announced. I blushed deeply as I stared into his dancing bright grey gaze and narrowed my eyes at him. My bum smarted lightly and Sirius seemed to have no intention of removing his hand. It was like he was taking every opportunity he could to manhandle me just to see if he could get away with it. I felt my lip curl into what would have been a sneer if I wasn't lying (naked) on top of Sirius Black (also naked) in possibly the sunniest happiest most glowing perfect moment of my life. So I just start grinning at him like a fool and then decided his silly smile was going to make the room explode all on its own meaning that it was up to me to find a new occupation for my mouth. I took it upon my self to lavish a long ridiculous lick up the side of Sirius's face. When I pulled back I carefully memorised his features as they rearranged themselves carefully to say _ok-now-you-are-freaking-me-out_. I just shrugged and smiled down at him;

"What?" I asked as I wiped the side of his face with my hand; "Is that not a dog thing?" he stared at me blankly for a moment before catching my smiling mouth with his. His lips forcefully willing mine into heated discombobulated submission as he flipped me under him so fast I wondered if he even knew how close he was to throwing us onto the floor. I pulled back a fraction but ended up just breathing out my words over his perfect soft crushable lips;

"You're such a lecher." he bit my lip so fully he actually managed to pull it about an inch from my mouth before releasing it. Little zips flashed through my belly as his lust darkened stormy grey perfect eyes stared through to my most likely eerie as usual colourless ones;

"Stop talking." he ordered and he was on my again. My lip stung slightly but for some bizarre reason that just made me crazier. He was driving me out of my mind. All those people who were convinced I was crazy were wrong. The Juniper Malfoy of December nineteenth and before was about as threatening as an empty brown paper envelope compared to the wand wielding sex crazed skin addict I had morphed into.

I could feel Sirius's hand tickle my inner thigh and my breath hitched, I would never have enough of this. Of him. I was frigid without him.

My hands slipped up into his hair and pulled his face toward mine to receive a bizarrely touching soft caring sort of kiss from the mouth of an undeniably dangerous fugitive. Whether he was guilty or not. I somehow still doubted many girls would want to bring him round. Perhaps he had walked a similar awkward path of suspicion surrounding a child hood eccentricity becoming something more sinister in the eyes of his piers. It seemed more like that every single person was so blinded by his sex appeal that they didn't notice what an incredibly dysfunctional person he was. Although personally I prefer a man with incredibly low inhibitions and an incredibly high level of arrogance. It suits me down to the ground.

I don't know why I reacted like I wasn't expecting it but I suppose in a way I wasn't expecting to feel quite as I did. Like rain after a drought or the sun rising after a Norwegian Winter, when he eventually touched me I needed it so much that all I could do was sigh as I melted off of him and sank into the mattress as he lavished my body with the most careful exploratory caress. One of his hands occupied itself barely grazing over the edge of my rib cage and my left breast as the other touched parts of my body that I didn't even know were there until he found them.

As my legs gave and spread unreservedly to receive his touch my head thrashed to the side and my back arched up to meet him. For the first time I think a part of my body managed to be warmer then Sirius as his warm dextrous hand worked to sooth the over heated hypersensitive puckered folds between my legs. Unexpectedly my hips launched themselves off the bed and began to make sporadic desperate movements in search for more of his incredible suspiciously well intoned touch. I heard my stuttering groan as if from a distance and as if responding to the call my hands sprang to life and quickly pulled Sirius's large powerful masculine hands to move more forcefully against my body as I writhed uncontrollably (as in without control if you want to judge someone judge whatever sick combination of factors had to fall into place to make a man as bad for my mental health as Sirius in the first place). Sirius grunted harshly against my cheek as I increased the pressure of his hand against me and began to sway my hips accordingly in desperate need for release;

"Fuck you're so wet." he groaned against my ear and I blushed deeply at the sound of his voice and at my own give away. I opened my mouth to defend that it was all his fault but some how all that came out was a pleading moan and;

"Only for you." suddenly my whole body felt like it was floating about a metre above my head as Sirius grazed what had proven itself to be the centre of my pounding mind numbing arousal with torturously light pressure. My back arched violently off the bed pushing my slight body against his smooth painfully warm front. My body felt so delicate and feminine nest to his broad blatant strength, his arms making me feel slightly weak. Or weak_er_ rather as I felt about ready to pass out as it was. That potion better not wear out or I'd probably die. Sirius swept an arm under my arching back and held me to him as he pressed his thumb to that wonderful spot again making every fibre in my body snap and remould again and again as all I could manage to do was breath through it. I wondered if you could die from heat that probably wasn't even there. If I had more faith in what I had believed to be an overactive imagination I might have believed this to be a dream brought on by fever.

"There?" he asked casually as he ran light barely there circles over the heated needy flesh making my hips jerk up to increase his pace. My toes curled as my hands which had released his to grip onto the covers beside me snapped up to clutch around Sirius's neck and hold on for dear life. I could feel my body climbing some never ending mountain. I either needed to jump off the top or to have a very cold shower to cool myself off in the wake of the ever nearing sun.

My legs began to shake lightly as I opened my mouth to release a sort of delicate wanton sob. I felt like very pour in my body was screaming and was glad I wasn't nearer my wand for fear of what could happen. I began to panic as my body heaved and I tried to hold myself together. My body jerked so violently I wondered if I was having some sort of fit when suddenly my whole body stilled and I realised why. He had stopped. That bastard had taken his hand off of my body, I responded by digging my nails into his back and meeting his eye with what I was sure was a formidable stare. He looked at me like I had just descended from the heavens and he looked so turned on that I thought I might be able to tip over the mountain just at the sight of him. But I couldn't, I needed his hand on me. I doubted I would even be able to find that spot on my own, he may have been the smartest man I had ever known but he had just done the stupidest thing I had ever seen done, worse still he did it _to me._ His treacherous lips moved against mine as he spoke;

"Are you;" he glanced down between us and despite my fury I still flushed shyly. To think before I knew what he was thinking when he looked at me naked I didn't really care but now even in acting those thoughts I was still confused and shy about them; "on any sort of contraceptives?" he asked and I felt my brow furrow;

"I don't know, why? Is there something wrong?" I asked wondering if contra-whatever's made it feel different down there or something, if he could tell if I had one without me even knowing. Like having a freckle on that spot on your back that you couldn't reach;

"You don't know?" he asked like I should and I whimpered lightly;

"Stop confusing me," I hissed as I arched up against him; "If I am going to die then I am going to die from your suspiciously well practiced touch not from being deprived of it." my mouth said in all its strangely timed coherence, but Sirius's body did not give as easily to my touch as I had become so used to. I slid my hand down his stomach ready to pull out the big guns when suddenly his hand was over mine;

"Malfoy" he grated out as his abdomen shuddered slightly under the light scrape of my fingernails; "this is not a good time to be getting pregnant." he hissed like it was a warning and my heart throbbed in my chest painfully before returning to the accelerated rhythm the sight of Sirius so perfectly swollen lipped and heavy lidded reduced it to. I shook my head;

"I won't." I told him and then looked up into my fringe as he huffed like I was being naive; "I can't." I affirmed sharply before meeting Sirius's eye fleetingly. "It's all uhm…" I coughed to clear my throat as my stomach batted with nerves; "I'm all tangled up." I finished flushing again before Sirius grabbed my chin to try and meet my now closed eyes. I so very much, more then ever, did not want to cry. I was desperate to not cry. Sirius ran a thumb along my cheek;

"Look at me." he spoke in his affirmed _no, this isn't the first time I have been a position to boss someone around _voice and I was pulled into his deep broken glass gaze as I bit the inside of my lip to keep it form trembling like it used to make a point of doing every time someone pulled my hair before I was seven.

"I love you." he told me and my mouth pulled up toward my eyes of its own accord and my heart decided that it wasn't beating fast enough already; I wanted to speak but I knew that if I said a word I would cry. So I breathed deeply and steeled myself to the suddenly much more heavy knot of useless baby house rubble in my belly before nodding slowly and exhaling as I stared into Sirius's eye. He would love me even if parts of me were missing. I could see the curiosity, the question of how and why and all of it right there at the tip of his tongue and the gentle quirk of his eyebrow. I wasn't going to say anything. He pulled my bottom lip into his mouth gently and sucked as he ran his tongue over it before releasing it carefully, the tension in my body broke in half like a twig in response to his lips as I released a shaky sigh.

"I love you Jodie.;" he repeated as he trailed his hand back down my stomach and kissed along my neck; "and I can't love you for what you're not." he whispered carefully. Before running his hand over _me _again and suddenly a part of his hand eased _inside_ me, spurred on by the gratuitous moisture flowing freely from me like a physical representation of my newfound insatiable libido and every other thought or feeling besides burning all encompassing passion and slow lazy affection was instantly banished in the wake of the new feeling of being penetrated so intimately by the man I practically spent everyday since I had had a day to myself worshipping.

His strong left hand swept over my side to hold my hips in place firmly as one of his long insatiable digits began to move within me shallowly. Jude had announced that this part was going to _fucking __**hurt**_ since my body wasn't used to it so I accepted his movements with a certain level of apprehension;

"Sweet Jesus, you're tight." Sirius seemed unable to keep himself from blurting and my hips fought against the hold of his hand for a moment at the sound of his deep growling unbelievably sexy voice. Even though I wouldn't highly commend his restraint on a regular day in the first place to see the level to which he became undone once you took his clothes off was mesmerising… and undeniably gratifying I noted as he began to stretch me deliciously with the addiction of a second confident finger. My arms and legs felt like jelly as my fingers and toes curled and uncurled repeatedly, desperately seeking purchase as Sirius pressed his thumb onto that spot which he had thankfully memorised the location of and my eyes snapped shut to a view of scattered twinkling white spots;

"You're close?" he asked and my passage began to clench and unclench around his hand causing me to hiss slightly as the weight of his addictive obstructive digits seemed to big to fit when my muscles tensed stiffly around them.

"God I hope so." I cried out breathily as my back arched and shoved my breasts up against his magnetic body. I wouldn't be able to take much more I decided, without some sort of release and the dewy heat of my flushed and sweating skin pressed against Sirius's already steaming hot body was making it impossible to figure out exactly what it was that I needed. What ever it was I was supposed to be close too, apparently Sirius had a clue though as he knew how to stop and start a _freight train_ like it was just a _regular __**fucking**__**train. **_

His hand removed itself from me again and in my panicked hazy state I was more or less ready to knock him unconscious, have my way with him and then kill him. Unfortunately, I realised that it felt like my limbs had been filled with led. It was like someone had turned the gravity up. I opened my eyes carefully to see Sirius looking down at me with this crazy mixture of deep resounding love that didn't belong in someone's eyes after just a few days of acquaintance and a bazillion other even more confusing things that I wasn't even going to get started on, was it so hard for the man to just feel one thing at once? Did he have to be so pointedly outlandishly emotionally unstable?… and sexy?

My eyes narrowed as I felt the aching absence of his scandalous touch in my quivering feminine anatomy that felt bizarrely swollen and sensitive and tragically miserably empty. I bared my teeth at him and was bout to slap him upside the head for what would now be the third and would undoubtedly not be the last time when suddenly my eyes widened and my mouth went slack with scandalised shock.

Not breaking eye contact Sirius had taken his index finger, still lightly glistening in the clear moisture from my body and proceeded to run his tongue over it lightly before licking his lips and smirking down at me with a facial expression that expressed his infuriatingly accurate knowledge of the state he had just rendered me. He ran his tongue between the seam of my parted lips and I gasped belatedly as a distinct tang crossed over my tongue like an erotic _yes, that actually did happen. aren't you supposed to me beating him around the head right now? Siriusly?_ I shivered lightly and goose bumps prickled temptingly all over my skin. Tickling along my breasts and twisting across my over heated inner thigh like Sirius had planned it that way. I closed my eyes shut and kissed slightly as my body melted and I became genuinely concerned about the risk of a pulmonary embolism as my heart seamed to think it was funny to half kill itself over such a simple and ridiculously wicked and reprehensible gesture. He was evil. I should have carted him back to jail right then but instead I just stared at his pink pouted smirking velvet lips and cursed;

"You foul incorrigible-uh" not even having the will or energy to finish my slanderous spiel I compensated by pulling his evil blasphemous forbidden mouth down on me and pushing up to meet him with the most bruising force I could muster. One hand worked to stop him from moving away by running over his perfect unmarked neck and attempting to brand it with forceful pink fingernail drawn lines as my mutilated left hand also made a claw printed path down his torso. Running a stinging line over his soft puckered nipple and following the lines of each one of his rebellious _devil may care but I don't give a damn _tattoos. He growled against my mouth as I drew a sweeping low dipping line toward the strange outstanding piece of weaponry he brandished below the mouth watering just visible Y of his hips before swooping back up to his navel and I let loose a mischievous smirk of my own. Our mouths moved together hotly, the feeling so unfamiliar and bizarre it was difficult to keep an upper hand in but his focus seemed to be slipping as his hips bucked against my touch frustrated. I assaulted his mouth with pulling sucking biting force unceremoniously before alternating to a soft barely there promising brush of a kiss and dipping my hand lower. I wondered how long I could get away with it before he eventually acquiesced to touch me or we passed out from the limited oxygen. Despite his clear eager reaction to my increasingly confident ministrations however suddenly my wrists were pinned above my head and a good five inches between Sirius's mouth and mine. The biggest gap we had succeeded in creating for quite a while. I scowled.

"Are you ready?" he asked earnestly and I raised an eyebrow;

"Are you kidding me?" I asked even as my heart jumped and I suddenly felt the blunt tip of him pressing over my aching overly sensitive arousal. "If I can fall in love with someone as unbearable as you in under a week then you can imagine how quickly my body can prepare to love something that is actually not completely repulsive." I slipped a leg around his waist as he curled his lip in preparation to defend his abhorrent yet charming eccentric personality; "So imagine how fast my knickers dropped when I caught sight of this Adonis of a body you drag around." I murmured in an mimicry of one of Sirius's more sultry tones as his large hand brushed over my pale arm on its way to take a firm domineering grip on the side of my thigh.

"You were so sweet before you got your bearings." he did seem slightly placated I will point out, even though he still glared down at my flushed face, most likely creating a harsh contrast to my arguably white eyes. His participation in banter was always a sign of borderline good humour. I tried to control my lust enough to deliver a winning answer in a conversation I really should of ended before I allowed it to start;

"No I wasn't." I admonished ingeniously and a smile cracked predictably across Sirius's high cheekbone strong jaw line smouldering eye featuring face. He was so… good looking, for a brat. He shook his head lightly and moved down to kiss my pink cheek;

"No." he lauded out before moving to meet my eye and smirking; "You definitely weren't." we laughed together just for a moment but I felt my belly shiver in anticipation as our laughter died together and he gazed down at me soberly. His eyes searched mine and I placed a light peck on his slightly parted lips. Kissing the ghost of his laughing smile. Liking to think I stole it off him. Just a little something to have. That moment, that pure simple hard earned moment between us. We would have to leave the light house tomorrow. It didn't do to dwell, we both knew that.

I was just glad that I want lying when I said I was ready, I was a woman and I had found love in less time then it had taken me to find a matching pair of goofy socks in the past. When we found a chance Sirius and I would really have to go goofy sock shopping. Sirius and I, Sirius and I.

"You'll do." I declared aloud to him and the sea and the crackling fire and to the squeaky bed rested on the creaking old oak floor. This moment with him was all I would need to smile for the rest of my life.

"Hey Jude" he articulated in his perfect confident aristocratic tone; "don't let me down." he said and I once again got the feeling that he was mentioning something that bothered him quite a lot in a dismissive off hand sort of way, but then I knew these moments before making love with Sirius for the first time would be ingrained on my memory for a long time so arguably it was the least flippant way to state something of all. I felt a small rush of affection that he had alluded to the best song I had ever heard along with me. I looked into his eye purposefully and touched a hand to the side of his perfect, world weary face;

"You're a good man Sirius." I said and he flinched strangely; "You aren't allowed to feel guilty about something you didn't do anymore." I told him in a slow rational voice used to tell children to put down your most elaborate and unique goofy sock and step away from the fire place which has been lit for once in his useless life.

"I still feel like there is only one person hear who believes you're innocent Sirius." I whispered and he began a staring competition with the spot just to the left of my eyes. "You'll be free again Sirius." I promised him and his hand began to slip leisurely up and down the length of my thigh. I pressed another soft kiss to his lips, trying to put the ghost of his smile back. I swear it worked as he looked down at me again; I smiled genially and ran my fingers through his hair (which had been murder to brush all the knots out of by the way, worth it). I felt his heat weigh against me a little more heavily and a smirk pulled at the side of my mouth;

"I won't let you down." I crooned and Sirius grunted as I ran my foot up the side of his leg to rest at the cleft of his bum and arched toward him subtly. His free hand palmed my breast considerately as I felt my eyelids weigh down;

"Don't I know it." he hissed before placing the most breath taxingly glorious bone melting kiss on my gently shaking swollen lips. He pressed his forehead against mine and watched my eyes as his hand moved from my thigh and slipped between my legs. He kissed me again, swallowing my poorly controlled vocal reaction to the increasing pressure he began to apply to that spot, that sweet sweet spot which for all I knew had been planted there by him while I was sleeping as it was outrageously difficult to believe that that had been a part of my body the whole time. The kiss became sloppy and unreserved as I was reduced to a panting pleading mess under his touch, I was shocked at how close to the peak I had remained but I felt more swollen and tense now then I had at any stage before. Like a second wind at running, allowing yourself to rest only made the laborious exhaustive torture even more extreme later. It was like that except even in the wake of my snapping inability to connect my mind back onto my body as Sirius pulled every nerve into a high to the heavens rapture all I could think or say was;

"More, please, more." and for once since I met the formidably intelligent beautiful troublesome strangely unrefined enigma of a man he didn't need telling twice;

"Just try and relax Love." his breath whispered over my mouth and I nodded minutely as my head span with no notable intention of pause. But my lips still smiled when he called me Love, because that made it an even twenty-five times doing so. If you count the times he yelled it at me like an insult, but he couldn't threaten me with love any more. Not again, not after this. The first thing I thought as the head of his penis entered me was that it was going to be fine. There was no pain, only a strange sort of stretching sensation and a jolt of pleasure as his wonderful hand shifted over what had become my favourite spot on my whole body making me sigh with nerves and release a breath I didn't realise I was holding. I felt a little dizzy.

"So hot," he spoke harshly over my cheek, as if he was under great strain. Unfortunately at that particular moment I had my own issues to be dealing with. After beginning to breath again my body seemed to notice there was a certain ignoramus trying to climb into my body, fucking giant cock fucking first. I felt Sirius's whole body shudder over me as he took a hot heavy breath as he inched further inside me. What sort of idiot consents to this shit? A rational part of my mind groaned petulantly as a distinct feeling of being split in half pushed tears toward my eyes. I bit my lip to shut it up as the part of my mind that liked to make sure I seemed like I was hard core at all times hummed in thought before beginning to fidget; have some faith! It insisted. Lord alive if Sirius Black can't get you off your first time then there isn't a man alive who can.

I mentally stuck my tongue out at the general direction the source of the sordid unsympathetic thought had marched off toward but began to focus on my breathing and try to relax none the less. Finally Sirius stopped moving forward with a deep groan and took my hand from his cheek to kiss it sweetly like some sort of gentleman who wasn't ravishing me as he did it. I could see my pulse flying through my hand through the unnatural translucent skin which Sirius placed a second kiss on tenderly. I wrinkled my nose in mortification but resisted jerking my hand away knowing full well that in his happy virginity taking state he would say something ridiculous about it being a part of who I am and how he loved every part of me and how not to question his highly questionable taste in horribly scarred women. I tried to stop the muscles surrounding Sirius's from clenching and unclenching to no avail. He groaned deeply and shifted further forward inside me as I released my harshly bitten lip from between my teeth with a light whimper of complaint, the showy bastard _still_ wasn't fully inside me. Did he ever end?! I thought as I grated my teeth against the increasingly forceful pressure he placed against some internal barrier;

"Oh." Sirius gasped, although for some reason he spoke with genuine surprise opposed to guttural pleasure.

"What do you mean _Oh_?" I asked alarmed and sounding strained and generally pissed off at his lack of smoothness in this whole debacle. I mean really, for him it was a simple enough gig. I was the one having to lie back and think of England to keep from taking a swing at him. Oh, so that's were that phrase came from. I wondered if this was all part of being a woman, the pain of giving yourself over to lust teaching you a lesson in letting someone have there wicked way with you. Well I was to stubborn to let my own stupid vagina ruin this for me. I was going to have sex with Sirius Black and that was that;

"You uhh…" he groaned as his head dipped into the cleft of my shoulder and I felt my muscles convulse around him in there discombobulated response to his never before seen intrusion;

"What?!" I exclaimed in a tone so high pitched in was verging on shrill, and I had a deep enough voice for a girl;

"Fuck," he readjusted his grip on my thigh sending a jolt of rattling pain through up my spine before actually resting into a much more amicable though far from pleasurable position;

"You're a virgin." he wheezed out like it was news to him and from where his head panted to the left of mine I could see his eyes wide in genuine shock and I was about ready to box the head off him for not believing me in the first place but the broad triumphant grin that spread across his mouth certainly wasn't doing him any favours. I wondered how it was that I was still immeasurably aroused.

"Not any more." I ground out moodily "I was sure I'd mentioned it. Must have (large breathy gasp) slipped my mind." I hissed and I saw the smile fall from Sirius's mouth with some grim satisfaction on my part as he turned to meet my tight lipped glare with obvious apprehension;

"Well, can you blame me?" he asked and I wondered if he realised he was **inside** me and I glared up at him incredulously;

"Are you being serious right now?" I spat hoarsely, my voice still sounding husky from being so close to the edge of where ever he kept bringing me so many times in one night. I saw his lip twitch slightly before he spoke;

"I'm always Sirius." he said as if he actually didn't have the power of will to not say it when the oppurnity presented itself. I pressed my lips into a tight line before fanning my hand out on Sirius's chest and applying a firm signalling pressure as I spoke to him in a slow I-am-pretty-sure-I-am-going-to-need-to-beat-you-up-to-die-happy. I was humiliated.

"Get off." I demanded and his mouth clapped shut as his hand thumbed over my thigh lightly and I felt a bizarrely painless throb resonate from where our bodies met and I realised his cock had sort of twitched inside me. Like it was loosing patience. Well I have got news for you giant dick, you can just go away. Yelled a part of my brain that I used to let talk out loud a lot more but somehow didn't feel like it had a place speaking up just now. Sirius stared into my eyes with a gaze that reflected little or no remorse and I braced my hands against his chest to push him off when just one of his hands, the one that had been casually resting on my breast, slipped around to effortlessly fuse mine in place. I felt my brow furrow in distain as I turned from my firmly retrained hands back to Sirius who was staring at my mouth, I felt him move inside me again despite a distinct lack of going-the-fuck-away action from his hips.

"You know;" Sirius spoke as if I wasn't about a second away from summoning my wand and throwing him into the middle of the Pacific ocean, which I know for a fact to be farthest away from anything good. "when ever you get all angry like this I swear you turn me on more then anyone else ever has." he hammered a kiss onto my lips and I tried to remember that that wasn't a compliment it was a lecherous comment that I didn't need to hear. I bit his lip hard enough that for once it actually made him pull back to lick over the small nick of broken skin from the edge of one of my chipped teeth in the lower set. He ran his tongue over it and I noticed that his eyes did look significantly more hazy and his hand did weigh against me with more heat if it was even possible;

"If you don't get the fuck off me right now I'll see to it that you never get turned on by anything ever again." his face was close to mine and I could see the confused resignation in his eyes as I stared at him unfalteringly trying to translate my odiousness to him directly. His grip on my wrists loosened as he fumbled remorsefully;

"Jodie, I'm sorry I…mmph" Woops, we were kissing again, I groaned against his mouth. God his mouth was so hot which I was allowing myself to appreciate due to two very important things happening at once and one even more important thing that hadn't stopped happening even when he had convinced himself that I was a harlot. Number one, he actually began to remove himself from me and my body simply refused to allow this to happen after it had been through so much trouble to get him there in the first place, resulting in two dewy limbs gripping his waist with uncouth force to stop him from moving so much as an inch in either direction. Number two, I couldn't blame him, believe me I was trying but despite all my efforts the most important things of all remained and that was that I loved him even more then I hated him, and that was really saying something because I really don't like most people and he had offended my every sensibility to the nth degree.

I pulled my mouth off of his and he followed my lips to press a sweet peck on the tip of my fine upturned nose. I licked my lips lightly, I could taste the light coppery tang from the small cut just under Sirius's bottom lip. He lapped my tongue over the slightly damaged skin apologetically as I felt a slight shiver in the flesh before pulling away. I didn't know what to make of it.

"I love you." he breathed and I nodded consensually as his hands slipped around my waist to move us more centrally on the bed and I laced my arms around his neck to pull him closer to me. I was pleased to find that even as Sirius reoccupied the space he had previously occupied inside me that there was only a niggling pull and a sudden flash of arousal as I felt Sirius's body clench and unclench and move into my touch as I ran my hands over him his breath rasping deeply as apparently, once he had begun moving again, his pace was becoming more difficult to maintain. He pulled back to look into my eyes as he reached the point of sore stretching pressure;

"Are you sure love?" he breathed over my mouth his face tense, I could feel the muscles off his back ripple beneath my hands;

"You'll do." I repeated in an airy teasing tone, a smile playing its way across my mouth as my mood returned to the odd balance of if-it-hurts-anymore-I'm-leaving and I-wouldn't-have-it-any-other-way. I swear I could see his mouth mouthing the same word over and over. It was either peas or please. I think it was a safe enough bet. His hands, hotter then ever if I do say so myself, gripped my hips purposefully and I stared into his eyes unabashedly. Trying to take in every bit of him, and succeeding might I add as I clawed at his bicep to keep myself grounded and he filled my core completely; I frowned slightly as I still felt oddly unfulfilled despite proving to be thoroughly filled. Sirius seemed to be having an incredibly difficult time keeping his eyes open and his hands steady but continued to push insistently, still not fully sheathed within me. As he pushed still further a sharp pain made me whimper;

"Sirius;" I hissed as my eyes began to well up from the sting, he kissed the furrow in my brow lightly and my body shuddered. I tried to think how to explain to him that there was simply no where left for him to go when suddenly something side me broke and gave way and Sirius panted into my hair as I stared at the dark freckle on Sirius's clavicle that drove me out of my mind consistently.

My body stiffened with panic as I felt like I had been torn in two. Was it because my insides were all mangled? Was I not able to have sex either? Sirius hissed in frustration and wiggle his hips ever so slightly and I panicked further. Something had definitely torn, my lip quivered as a tear tracked its way into my hair and there was a clatter from the top of the bed which was at our feet after our apparent turn over in the throes of our lust. In a quick quiet movement I pried my stiff hand of Sirius's shoulder and the cool wood of my wand met my hand with a swift pat, in stark contrast to the body heat I had adjusted to since entering the light house. Glancing at my increasingly rectangular fingernails I realised there was blood underneath them and noted that I must have torn Sirius open when he tore through me without realising. I allowed my wand to whisper along his arm and dry the blood around the small half moons in the hope that they would heal before he noticed them. I was suitably mortified. I pressed my wand over my belly and suddenly felt like I had a conscious working control of my bodies business. My muscles relaxed ever so slightly and my wand filled me with a familiar warm whole light which flowed through my extremities reassuringly.

My body melted into the mattress below Sirius as I allowed my wand to hit home back on the side board at our feet with a clatter. I tightened and relaxed around Sirius lightly and thankfully for the side of me that had thought that getting into bed with Sirius was a big priority felt only a warm deep seated intimate pleasure. Unfortunately for my mental stability I found myself whole heartedly agreeing with her as Sirius enough of his weight onto his arms to look at me;

"Are you ok?" he spoke hoarsely and my heart picked up at the idea of actually enjoying sex with Sirius. I smiled up at him and he smiled cautiously back down at me;

"That was supposed to happen wasn't it?" I asked as it dawned on me that Sirius had only decided I was a virgin after shifting inside of me. I gave me a sort of a funny look, like he had gone a bit funny.

"I can't come up with any argument to the contrary." he muttered deeply and I snorted at his taking a romantic meaning from something I said the one time I was enquiring about something pragmatic.

"Typical." I muttered and he looked confused before I tensed myself around him, thankfully painlessly. I was actually embarrassed to not have thought of magic sooner. His arms slackened slightly as I felt the muscles in his back working under the reach of my shaking legs. I didn't think my mind would ever forget the look in his eye in that moment and I decided it was best to see it twice just to be safe. I placed my hands on either side of his face and we kissed warmly. His tongue ran against mine forcefully and I wondered if sort of kissing we did was legal as I tensed the sheath I created around him again. His mouth broke off of mine as he groaned loudly. I felt my lips play up in a smirk and I could practically feel my eyes flash with mischief as Sirius stared down at my with his lips parted like they weighed to much to hold together. Which wouldn't surprise me as keeping that much sexual magnetism in one place can't be light work;

"Are you doing that on purpose?" he hissed through his apparent nervous break down in disbelief. I tried to look innocent but it was hard when an escaped convict is buried to the hilt in your trembling over heated lady bits and _he _is looking at _you_ like you're dangerous.

"Why? Does it bother you?" I asked in faux concern, he bared his teeth as his hips wiggled slightly and I bit my lips as the friction caused my temperature to shoot up by about ten or so dizzying degrees.

"You aren't exactly making it easy to take things slow Malfoy." he placed a soft thought murdering kiss on my pleading lips before shifting his arm and casually catching my tender nipple with agonising accurate flicks and roles as if to emphasise his point as allowed his lips to move so closely against mine that he was practically speaking into my mouth, "Just set the pace love," he punctuated with a kiss to my bottom lip making my breath pick up, "I'm sure I can keep up." and his hot breath seemed to travel into my lungs like a toxic fucking cloud of, making you want sex more then ever in the middle of having it and forget all your favourite words. Sirius pulled his mouth off of mine and moved to catch my raw aching nipple between his stupid perfect straight white teeth like he was some sort of incredibly sexy cannibal.

His lips closed carefully around the puckered pink skin and before I could adjust to the sensation and note the buzzing noise building in my head Sirius had administered a shallow thrust, setting off shots of twirling pleasure through to every nerve ending as the friction seemed to pull on the inside of parts of my body that I didn't for a moment expect to be there.

I ran my tongue across my dry tingling lip and tasted the heavy tang of my own sweat sourced from the unstoppable storm of heat raging through my middle. Pulling my self away from Sirius as much as his firm grip on my thigh would allow I sighed at the gentle relief of the friction as I moved away and let loose what could easily be described as a growl when I thrust my hips back around the whole of his heated maddening length. Cold air hit my taut damp nipple accordingly as Sirius glanced up to meet my eye before pulling his pelvis back so that he was barely inside me at all and I frowned slightly before the bastard actually winked at me and thrust fully and deliciously back into my waiting hollow. My hips snapped back to meet him as my head snapped to turn to the side uncontrollably;

"Did you drug me?" I asked as my veins sang and my heart muttered against my ribcage in so many different rhythms I thought it might explode. Sirius simply answered my kissing my nipple softly and following it with a path of kisses toward my mouth before looking into my eyes.

"Of course not," he spoke earnestly and my playful accusation suddenly felt better grounded under Sirius's sombre denial. Sombre denial wad not a good thing, the last time he denied doing something he was accused of he denied it between fits of manic laughter. His hips moved up in a debauching sway against mine sending fiery jolts up and down my legs. "that's just poor sportsmanship." he explained and my body relaxed into his touch at his goofy statement. At least when he was goofy he was honest. I shook my head and opened my mouth to tell him to shut up and get on with it when instead all that came out was;

"I love you." which wouldn't even come out begrudgingly no matter how hard I tried. I would practice with a mirror later. Sirius administered a shallow thrust inside me making us both groan appreciatively at the perfect far reaching nerve caressing erotic intimacy of friction his movement created.

"I love you too." Sirius promised and I wondered why it took us so long to get the words out in such a regular simple order, he ran his lips along my cheek bone before pressing them gently to my pliant mouth sweetly. I bit the inside of my cheek as he followed up the tender gesture with a slow deep thrust;

"Jeez Louise" I cried out as my toes curled and my eyes closed tight shut, my torso rubbing lightly against the tattoos on Sirius's front as my back arched dramatically. I opened my eyes to see Sirius smiling cheekily down at me making my insides squirm;

"There?" he asked and I nodded in slight shock as he smirked down at me like he had just found the holy grail, which to be honest would have been disappointing in comparison.

He repeated the movement making me whimper uncouthly and released his own low rumbling growl of approval as he seamlessly hit the same spot inside me with each burning depth defying swing of his hips. I rocked back against him boldly and we groaned louder together as I tried to remember why I had ever even insinuated that he should get off of me without getting me off first. Sirius rubbed his hands intuitively over my body before one hand slipped between us and applied generous pressure to the neglected collection of live to serve nerves within the soft hot folds between my legs. My head lashed from side to side as my blood seared through my veins, pumping faster and faster through me with each rhythmic piston of Sirius's hips.

My hands ran into his hair and pulled his mouth down on mine for a long inelegant heated kiss as the wondrous friction of his body over mine caused us to simply pant hotly against each others mouths.

His pace slow and full bodied and deep and torturous and completely disregarded the use for any punctuation what so ever for almost a whole paragraph as he drove into my desperate tightening centre with unrelenting force. The flame of arousal practically a towering inferno so high I wondered how I even remembered how to speak as my mouth managed to whisper;

"Please don't stop, not this time, don't stop." and Sirius shook his head and was probably saying something but all I could hear was the rasp of my own breath and the rush of boiling blood through my veins. I wondered if he had actually managed overload my sense of touch so much that I had gone deaf. I instantly decided this was a fair trade as suddenly my body seemed to sigh and relax like waking up after a steady nights sleep before Sirius landed one more thrust in my gracelessly convulsing anatomy and placed a searing kiss on my raw lips. He said something or other which I once again failed to hear before I finally fell off the other side of the damned scale model of mount Everest Sirius had spent all night working up.

When I closed my eyes I saw only a twinkling mass of light and my parched throat didn't feel capable of taking in any air as it instead emptied my lungs with a fierce carnal cry and somewhere beyond my own raucous mind blowing toe curling back arching bliss I was vaguely aware of Sirius's firm grip controlling the violent jerking of my hips. I could hear Sirius release his own guttural growl against my mouth as my body relaxed seamlessly. My eyes felt heavy along with every bone in my body, I giggled lightly as I was eventually able to take in a breath;

"You've done it." I cried melodramatically flopping against the mattress; "You are so hot that you managed to melt my bones." I told him as I closed my eyes contently not caring if there wasn't a bone left in my body as my heart began to join me in my happy I'm-surprised-I'm-alive-after-that glow.

"and I was using those." I complained snappily with a goofy smile on my face before meeting Sirius's eye. His gaze remained open and carnal and wicked and entirely loving as I noted he had softened lightly inside me. He pressed his lips to mine in a breath taking kiss and I hoped to god that he wouldn't take to much of my breath with him because I had lost most of mine and was still panting heavily. Sirius began to move to role off me but not wanting to break from him for a moment longer I turned my body with his leaving my limp spent jelly self panting flush against Sirius's over the top sexy very sexed up everything. He blew out a gust of air and ran his hand through his hair as he shook his head. His voice was deep and perfect when he spoke;

"Only you could find something negative to blame me for after…" his hand went slack above his head as he stared at the raftered roof, "_that._" my belly flipped as I noticed how undone he still was;

"Yes I'm sure deflowering virgins is a very low point in an average day for the average resident of Azkaban." I spoke sardonically still not finding the energy to be miffed over Sirius's lack of Faith. He cleared his throat as I began tracing over his J tattoo with my index finger.

"Are you ok?" he asked in a voice I thought oddly shy to be coming from his mouth of all mouths. I smiled at the J on his skin and kissed.

"It was happy days once I remembered I owned a wand." I giggled again uncharacteristically before smiling over his musky skin; I noticed his body relax even further and noted with some approval that he had been tense with concern, Jude hadn't lied about the pain.

"and we had sex," I added, pleased with myself as I ran my hands up Sirius's warm skin, "that wasn't so hard was it?" I asked rhetorically and Sirius snorted and I spotted his tongue poking his torn lip;

"That wasn't sex Jodie," he informed me and my eyebrows shot up into my still sweat dampened fringe;

"It wasn't?" I asked alarmed and Sirius shook his head.

"No, I've had sex Jodie and sex is nothing like that." I wrinkled my nose as I tried to catch his meaning which he seemed to be equally flustered in search for before I snickered lightly;

"Are you going to right in your diary about how you _made love_ for the first time?" I crooned, as if there was one thing you learned in the bizarre atmosphere at Pembride it was how to make fun of someone the good old fashioned way. Sirius shook his head resolutely as I smiled up at his face mockingly. He turned away from me.

"Maybe I will." he muttered aloud before rippling as he stretched leisurely and folded his hands below his head; "One for the wank vaults." he announced triumphantly and I rolled my eyes at his lewdness but decided to let him have his moment anyway as he smirked at the roof.

"I though I had gone deaf and I didn't even care." I let slip thinking it humorous in retrospect but biting my lip as soon as I realised how unbearable Sirius would be if I let his ego swell anymore.

"I almost got kicked out of bed by a _virgin_," Sirius hissed at the roof as the events if the last while dawned on us both and I smiled as I yawned. My wand snapped into my hand and I moved the duvet to cover Sirius and I with a swish.

"You have got to stop doing stuff like that." Sirius hissed as he began to curl a hand through my overly long hair. But I just nuzzled closer to Sirius's musky skin.

"Merry Christmas you lecherous mutt." I mumbled against his skin and he yawned deeply below me.

"You have no idea." he said gently and I traced over his curvy J tattoo one more time before falling asleep.

**A/N: Well this is the first time I have written anything even remotely like this if you know what I mean so thanks for reading and please let me know what you think!**


	49. Boxing Day

**A/N: ****Please enjoy, actually passed the middle of the story now, can't believe it myself. It's a mammoth piece by my standards I'll tell you that! On with the show anyway, special thanks to MsTonksLupin and BloodandViolence for everything.**

**Chapter 49**

**Boxing Day**

My stomach lurched nauseatingly without warning and I jolted in the bed as my body took its time separating from the image of me spinning off of that damned broom toward the icy lake that night. Goose bumps instantly flooded across my skin as I felt Sirius huff against my breast distemperedly. One wonders how he had found his way down there in the night.

For half a second it was the nicest start to a boxing day I had ever experienced, which is really saying something considering there were no left-over's to be had. I loved Christmas food, not to mention I had just fallen out of a nightmare, which I didn't love.

But just like everything in my new arguably improved high action life, it was not to last.

"Well, isn't this cosy." A voice from the above us spat and I felt Sirius squirm beside me as I gaped up at the familiar face and not so familiar wand end of my old new friend Remus Lupin. To say he looked livid would be to put it lightly, it was surreal to see him there. I had never seen my hands looking more red. Or more naked. Sirius squirmed beside me and managed to slur a not so placating;

"Actually Moony it was much cosier before you barged in." over my neck and then I felt him still beside me as his breathing paused and for the strangest moment Remus's face tightened and loosened and tightened again. Like he had been given a hug that felt for all its familiar warmth, like an unrelenting punch in the face. His wand shook lightly as it shifted between Sirius and I. I frowned and focussed in my almost dreaming haze to watch the connections between us shiver complexly.

Remus was not a threat to me, I could feel his wand stuttering and decided it would be easily talked round. Lupin was not nearly as rational however, a connection between him and Sirius was intricate and perhaps even more complex then Sirius and mine. It was like there was a whole other set of people tangled up in there. And in retrospect I suppose there were.

"Remus?" Sirius rasped against my skin in genuine shock and Lupin said nothing for a moment. He looked me in the eye, something he had been slightly uncomfortable doing back in Diagon Alley. He was brazen in his betrayal. I could already feel the weight of something else, something more. Remus was the first dark cloud of an oncoming storm. This was going to be quite a boxing day. I cleared my throat and pulled Sirius's arm from around my waist before taking the shrug from where it was flumped on the floor and stepping out of the bed as I wrapped myself in it. I pulled my hair around onto my shoulder and faced away from both of them with my best posture. I could feel Remus staring down at Sirius as Sirius lie on the upside down bed frowning detachedly. Things were going to fall apart and then Sirius said;

"Pettigrew-" and Remus just sort of roared and Sirius cried "No." and I screamed and put my hands over my ears and ducked to the ground and the wall just to the left of where my head had been a moment before smoked and cracked from the force of Remus's spell. I slowly rose back to my feet and stared gaping mouthed at the wall before there was another clang on the other side of the room because Sirius had gotten his hands on my wand. They just kept screaming fragments of things to each other that I don't think they even understood as spells bounded all over the place and I threw myself over to the other side of the coach, quilt streaming behind me, to clumsily yank on the ScoobyDoo T-shirt from before.

My heart seemed to be well adjusted to picking up the pace at this stage and my palms began to sweat. My neck was beginning to hurt from stress. I remember stress from my first years of finishing school. French verbs still make me shudder;

"What? Did you think it would be funny to have her talk to me? Is that it?" Remus asked vehemently and a blue streak of light cracked off the side of the wooden mantel. I regretted not taking the innumerable opportunities to mention to Sirius about Remus. Or perhaps even visa versa for that matter;

"What do you know about it?" Sirius was yelling and I flinched as I noticed a touch of what I now recognised to be jealousy in his tone.

"That she's a damned good liar." Lupin shot out and I pursed my lips from my side of the coach;

"I never lied to you Remus!" I cried from the other side of the coach and Lupin snorted derisively and a curse hit the sofa, smelling of seared upholstery;

"Shut up." demanded Sirius in almost a pleading tone. I was about to retort when I realised he was fighting Remus very dramatically and wondered if it was, in a way, to keep the were wolfs eyes off of little old me. Then I wondered if it was because I was naked and he was a possessive prole or because he wanted to keep me out of harms way. Either way he was being stupid but quite adorable. I decided that that would do me before standing up from the back of the couch and receiving a beseeching look from Sirius and a calculating look from Lupin. I pulled my wand off Sirius and quickly used it to yank a surprisingly resistant thread to retrieve Remus's wand.

"You know sometimes it takes a little punch up like this for me to realise just how out of hand things can get in a very short space of time." I announced to the two gasping furious men. They looked at me with all there questions before sneering in a similar manner that would have earned a giggle had the surroundings been more accommodating but instead they just got a slightly remorseful look from me which they took as initiative to cover the space between them and begin pounding down on each other.

Both landing jaw clacking cracking fists across each others faces and grappling down to the floor with grunting groans from punches landing toward the gut.

I felt my eyes widen as I clambered over the coach and clambered toward them;

"Stop." I cried, reaching out toward them in preparation to grab one of them before the back pull of a fist almost caught me and I flinched back before stomping my foot and ordering; "Stop!" again and trying to grab any purchase I could to remove one from the other. I wondered if Sirius had gotten up in the night as he had mysteriously acquired boxers. I noted a fresh cigarette somehow still lodged behind his ear as I cleared the swinging distance of the two men as they huffed over each other.

"Traitor!" hissed Remus between deep breaths.

"Liar!" Sirius ground out and I pulled my lip up in an awkward expression. He was definitely, irrationally, jealous. Pointing my wand at the two men I half pushed the light in my panic, I miscast and instead of putting space between them I put myself between them. For a moment Remus still had a punch pulled back for Sirius's rib but when he met my eyes his mouth just fell open as he panted into my faced and I heard Sirius curse quietly behind me as I pressed my hand to Remus's chest and began to push him away. We all lay on our sides Remus facing Sirius and I and Remus allowed himself to be pushed flat onto his back, still a gentleman apparently.

"Jodie," Sirius started but I elbowed his torso behind me;

"I'm the only lying traitor here so just…" I put my hands out in front of me and paced my palms out as if in surrender; "Stop." I saw the edge of Remus's moustache twitch over a cut lip as he spoke through gritted teeth;

"Jodie I am going to ask that you try and not meddle in things you have no understanding for." I noticed his eye flicker to his wand in my hand and I redoubled my grip on it. I placed a hand on Remus's shoulder which he quickly shrugged away from before turning to sneer at me;

"Remus please." I attempted to dissuade his ire. It wasn't working and I felt Sirius stiffen at my back most likely in response to my obvious familiarity with the never before mentioned Mr. Lupin. I huffed.

"He didn't do it." I stated clearly and I saw a muscle jump in his neck before Remus curled his lip and said;

"Stay out of it." his voice rising slightly and I could practically hear Sirius saying something stupid before he even started speaking so realising he wasn't going to stop being ridiculous I sat up and summoned the quilt from the other side of the coach and let it fall over Sirius lying on the floor and bind there. I pointed my wand to ward the bed and his jeans whipped toward me along with his shirt by the kitchenette and I saw Remus actually raise an eyebrow at me like it was in anyway the time. Shoving the clothes under the cover and muffling the sound of his curses emanating from underneath the enchanted quilt I smiled lightly and sighed.

"Put your clothes on Black." I advised and rolled my eyes before turning to Remus and fiddling with his wand in my right hand deciding to return it to him shortly. He looked torn as his eyes flicked from me to the wand to the struggling quilt and around again. His eyes still heavy and calculating as he decided whether he could justify lunging at a lady. Not that I was anything of the sort, I blushed and stood up before extending a hand toward Remus and pulling the strange black tube from the bedside locker where Sirius had apparently left it.

Remus stared at my hand as he sat up and I noted that I had extended my torn injured appendage. Remus looked thoroughly done-in in his tweed coat over his dark slacks. Breathing hard, scarred, bashed and bruised, he stared at my hand. I retracted it and moved over to the coach to sit on the ground with it at my back. Lupin sat up and distributed his weight heavily onto his right hand which I surreptitiously fused to the ground assuming it wouldn't be moving anytime soon unless he intended to lunge or collapse. He noticed immediately however and hissed as he jarred his battered body in an attempt to dislodge his hand.

"Just leave it." I instructed and though he turned to me, by the strain of his posture I could see he was still trying to free his palm.

"Dumbledore collected you from that muggle shelter himself." Remus ground out; "So how is it that you disarmed me." he stared at his wand in my hand for a moment longer giving me the urge to fidget which I dutifully ignored.

"You were distracted?" I suggested with a little to much scepticism in my tone and Lupin shook his head as I wondered how advanced ones magic had to be if one was to have hopes of disarming someone successfully.

"Silent summoning? Notably silent apparating? Gluing my damned hand to the," he strained against the stick again before sighing; "damned floor?" he pressed out and I chewed my lip;

"Peter Pettigrew isn't dead." I announced and Remus blanched as I averted his gaze;

"What?" he sounded furious and my head began to hurt. Chewing my lip I stared hard at the worn floor boards to my left;

"He betrayed you, them… and he isn't dead." I met Remus's furious gaze and my eyebrows pressed together as my finger tapped soundlessly against the floor. "Sirius is no more a monster for being a Black then I am for being a Malfoy or you are for being a werewolf. It's our choices that define us, isn't it? and he would rather die then be like them, I bet you used to know that." his eyes went cold, like he had gone somewhere else and I sighed before pushing the quilt to the other side of the room to reveal a surprisingly obedient clumsily dressed Sirius who also looked bruised and remained flushed. He sat up and glared at me but I simply pulled Sirius's wand from who knows where with my own and rolled it along the floor toward him while doing the same with Lupin's before freeing his hand. They then both held there wands and eyed the wood in there hands. I wrinkled my nose before sighing and saying;

"As you were." the tension in the room was palpable but it really was not my business to intervene in this conversation, my social education had brought me to that point at the very least. I just wouldn't let anyone get killed, it seemed doable when suddenly there was a pop from the other side of the room and we all whipped to face the latest arrival with apprehension. My heart hurt in my chest as it was carelessly trod on by my stomach which was on its way to my throat in an attempt to escape whatever horrible thing was going to happen next and of what fresh hell is this?

**A/N: **

**Thankyou for reading,**** please review and thanks to those who did!**


	50. Doubt

**Chapter 50**

**Doubt**

"Nymphodora?" Lupin hissed in confusion;

"Tonks?!" I cried hoarsely and she scanned the room quickly before her eyes landed on Sirius sat beside Lupin looking uncomfortable. When did he light that cigarette? I wondered as he took a casual drag and breathed a stream of it in my direction earning a distempered look from me.

"Black." Tonks growled as she sent a Patronus gallivanting toward the East. I noticed that she was dressed in her purple auror robes and my heart began to beat back at my stomach as it thumped in my chest like it was in a race.

"Cousin." Sirius gave a small wave and took a smiling drag on his cigarette. I gave him a beseeching look and received only a wink in return, I sincerely hoped to God he wasn't going to start laughing like a lunatic again. Remus looked ready to pass out as Tonks shifted her wand to face each of us in turn and then began muttering. Her eyes glazed over;

"Wait, cousin?" I asked confused as I turned to Sirius and then Remus spoke;

"An anti-apparation ward." I turned back to Tonks and realised her purpose. I noted that she was being quite careless leaving herself open to attack from the supposed mass murderer Sirius Black but then I saw a slight shimmer manifest itself between us and realised she had already layered up a shield for protection;

"She's Andromeda's Nymphodora I assume." Sirius explained and Lupin looked at him for the second time with something other then vengeful wrath, with intrigue. As if he had once again forgotten about Sirius's inaccurate reputation;

"Andromeda Black?" Remus asked, thoroughly forgetting himself and Sirius seemed in much the same situation as he took a small pull on his cigarette as he nodded;

"Andromeda Tonks as I now understand it." my mouth fell open as Remus nodded absently and glanced over at Tonks before seemingly remembering himself and grunting as he pulled himself up from the floor. He pointed his wand at Sirius. The atmosphere between them changed significantly in a snap. The force pushing them toward some sort of brink as inevitable and swift as gravity.

"Are you going to kill me Remus?" he asked from his place looking up at Lupin from the floor and a small whisper of smoke followed the words out of his mouth as he said it. I stood as well and I heard Tonks call out from behind he shield;

"Don't move." I turned and she had her wand trained on me. I didn't want to point my wand at her, she looked at me sadly.

"You have a very difficult job." I said, my voice partially muffled as the waves outside picked up and the tide changed. I had read about the tide, it was pulled by the moon. The full moon had not been long ago, only a day or two, I noted the slight shake in Remus's wolf torn later beaten left leg. I frowned, Tonks looked ready to cry;

"Why help me that day and even bother to make me think you were different?" she yelled and I knew she would want an answer before he colleagues arrived; "Why send _me_ to Dumbledore?"

"We were your friends!" Lupin growled at Sirius, gesturing with his wand, distraught. "And you betrayed them, you betrayed all of us." Sirius looked on the verge of hysterics as that lunatic smile played against his mouth and he placed his wand on the ground in front of him;

"I betrayed no one." Sirius hissed with a strange hint of amusement in his voice and I stared at him and then Tonks and then Remus and then I caught his eyes and I saw a tear run down his cheek. Why didn't I just tell him what was going on? But it was to late for that. So I just sniffed as I realised I was crying and shook my head as I mouthed;

"I love you." and barely caught his mouth do the same before I turned back to Tonks;

"Because I am different and because it was the right thing to do." I wheezed pleadingly, her eyes narrowed. Remus had bent to pick up Sirius's wand and now had his own wand jammed under Sirius's jugular. Sirius closed his eyes. Tonks snarled and I could feel her collecting herself to strike me down. Pop.

Everyone froze again and this time I felt goose pimples rise along my skin as everyone's wand arms were dropped and Sirius's wand was dropped to the floor with a clatter and he had the good sense to pick it up as he turned to face the danger at my back;

"I see there is quite a variety of scum here this evening." I heard the light posh smug drawl resonate across the whistling wind cooing light house, Remus looked angry, Sirius livid. Tonks for all the life of her just looked shocked. I turned to see over my shoulder. My Uncle stared into my eyes form behind a twisted gargoyle-like skull. He was attired in black with the eerie devilish mask concealing his face. But it was only a mask, there was no danger ever to come from a mask that couldn't be sourced from the person behind it. Still it ignited an irrational fear, making my tongue heavy and my hands shake.

"Bastard." growled Sirius as he flew to his feet in a sort of clattering grace. In that moment the whole room was faced with a decision, Sirius Black and a poorly disguised Lucius Malfoy now stood toe to toe, wands on each other, to people who didn't already know it, it was suddenly quite clear that these two men were not on the same side.

"Padfoot?" I heard the voice emanate from Remus's direction and I felt the connection between them shiver. For that moment it was a lot less complicated, for just a flash the familiarity, the hesitant understanding between the two shifted deeper then a moment where conversation without fury slips out from habit. The whispering silver bond of light between them was suddenly very firm and smooth. It just whispered along with hope and in my periphery vision I saw Sirius nod at Remus stiffly. Then from the edge of the room where Tonks stood there was cacophony of popping and a familiar voice rang out;

"_**Sirius Black; for your heinous crimes against both the wizarding and muggle population, your attempt to escape your life sentence of imprisonment in Azkaban Prison and your later charges for evading arrest, destruction of private property and the theft of seven tonnes of granite stone from the walls of Azkaban Prison you have been sentenced to receive the dementor kiss by eleventy two votes to one from the higher order members of the Wizengamot. To Ms. Juniper Malfoy, you have been corralled on the charge of aiding in the escape and…"**_

Pop; I jumped, startled as a small stout man in similar attire to my stupid Uncle appeared very close to my right and suddenly the Aurors clattering was chaos as the two suspicious men were noticed in there stupid disguises;

"He is ready my Lord." squeaked the smelly man toward Lucius and a spell whizzed passed my head as I span round to see it was Sirius who had cast it. The man beside me squealed ear splittingly as the spell smashed off the smoking coach behind him and I yelped soon after as a red shot of light was narrowly blocked by Lupin on its way to Sirius;

"Remus?" I heard Tonks cried in shock and I reflected that it was probably her spell;

"Pettigrew." both Remus and Sirius growled. I whipped around and met the watery eyes of the man beside me as Sirius blocked a streak of orange light aimed at him and Lupin curled around his back to shoot a hex at one of the nine new aurors to arrive in retaliation. My head was spinning as I whipped around to face the putrid gargoyle.

"Peter Pettigrew?" I whispered harshly at the man in shock whose stubby wand turned to point at Sirius's back;

"Forget him, get the girl." Lucius ordered and suddenly the lights in the room were struck out and the only glow in the room were the spells cast and the door off the side of the building was blasted out and light along with a significant amount of sea water flooded in as a wave struck up against the edge of the house. A podgy sweaty hand suddenly found its way around my wrist and in the grey natural light as another red spell whizzed toward me I felt my mouth flap uselessly as my heart sank;

"Sirius?!" I called out to him and he turned to the side staring at me in panic before I saw a large smoky black figure floating behind him. Of course I assumed it was a dementor but then it pinned me with its glowing red eyes and I could barely hear Sirius call back to me as through the middle of the Grin a spell was passed and it grazed ever so lightly off of Sirius's chest as he watched me on his turned angle. The spell pummelled toward me and I felt a tear fall and cool over my cheek. Sirius stared into my eyes and shook his head. My wand rose but stuttered in my hand and clattered hopelessly to the floor as I felt tar encompass the light in my middle once more. So I simply waved my empty, gross left hand at Sirius as he turned to run toward me as if he could run faster then the spell that had just knocked the breath right out of my chest, it definitely felt like goodbye. He stopped running. He stood with all the damn grace and poise I had become so familiar with and I could see him trying to look like I could be fine. I say him smile toward me a little and then he winked and a tear pressed out of his eyes. I thought then I understood why he had laughed through the worst day of his like. He waved back. I was incredibly scared.

I felt the slimy mans hand grip my right arm with more gusto and I was yanked for the third unwanted time through a tunnel so fine it was clear I was never meant to fit through it. My body was limp, my wand was gone, the Grin was back and my insides were tied with tar. Not to mention Peter Pettigrew was touching me, gross. He threw my arm from him, I fell on my hands and knees onto a marshy ground and retched uselessly against the absence of the terrible pressure around my stomach.

From my position curled and crying on the ground I carefully ran my hand under my ScoobyDoo shirt and felt my skin over my waist, I whimpered. As I had feared the belt of wax like symbols sat slightly raised off of my skin as they had before I had met the water creatures in the lake. It was like they promised, you can still be strong with hope, but I had lost there protection with doubt, my shadow had caught up with me. The bile in my throat caused my eyes to burn as I couched weakly. Suddenly a harsh force kicked me in the side of my rib knocking the breath from me as I flopped onto my back. My chest hurt from where the jinx from earlier had hit me. It felt tight, like every breath became progressively shallower. My vision sketched in an out, from one view to another, from whispery ropes and smoke and the occasional flicker of angry burning red eyes, to the towering black figures and smudgy grey winter sky above them. It was colder here then it had been at the light house. I noticed that, though we were in a marshy clearing devoid of it, there was a hefty layer of snow carpeting our surroundings after somehow penetrating the canopy of bare trees above us.

Someone was talking. It was very still, with great conscious effort I stopped coughing. Who ever was blabbering had probably kicked me to demonstrate a want not to be interrupted. At a guess since the only other noise was a soft crush of foliage as the speaker paced in what could barely be seen as boring looking black shoes. I turned away from the shoes and the source of the kick, causing my head to spin but allowing me to continue to collect scattered information. All the men here were strongly tied to the shifting centre of strange menacing conflicting light which made my stomach hurt… more.

On my other side I was shocked to see a familiar face. The blonde witch from Gringotts bank, the one that made my palm tingle and my brain think of stories. Her long hair fanned around her as she lay on the ground beside me in her grey winter cloak. Runes littered its surface, her lip was split, her eyes closed, she was breathing with a stutter. I still felt safer with her there.

I heard a dry rasp which I took to be my own breathing before two hands caught me around my ribs and hauled me up to kneel rested back on my bum as I was to weak to accomplish much more. The blonde which was suddenly placed by my side in a similar position, she slumped precariously and my hand slipped around and under her back before I had really decided upon the movement. She turned to me and smiled fondly before frowning in confusion and looking ready to say something. But a voice floated down from above us and we turned to face the source.

The woman's hand rose from her side and secured mine at her front with a shockingly firm grip. She ran her thumb gently back and forth over my scar, almost taking my heart down a rep or two, I was far from relaxed though. We both stared up at a young troubled looking man who was apparently the key speaker at the black cloak coalition. My neck arched out weakly as my head lolled unconcernedly to look up at him.

My gut twisted and I gasped with a start as I stared up at him detachedly. I hoped to God I was imagining the rustle of frigid air shifting the hair over my face, that I imagine the prying tugging feeling along my shivering skin. That the Grin wasn't present and conspiring as I tried not to dry retch onto the strangers shoes, his back to his ring of followers. But then his voice spoke up again and his mouth failed to move. I blinked cautiously, confused, but the young man did not look at me or the Irish witch, he simply stared ahead and blinked as a voice from the back of his head spoke up in a choked whisper. Sometimes I really hated magic.

"These women have made a mockery of magic's greater purpose and of our purpose which is one in the same." the back of the mans head wheezed and continued; "These filthy traitors have tragically shamed their legitimately magical blood in favour of consorting with muggles and muggleborns alike." a shiver ran through me as the Grin placed a barely corporeal hand on my shoulder. Chill blades of ice hot down my arm and I whimpered.

"Perhaps they could be more use as meat, there carcases to feed the forests beasts." there was a collective chuckle from the surrounding cloaks and my vision began to furrow and stretch and lie. My arm still hurt form the cold, my chest from the hex, my side from the kick, my stomach from the Popping and my heart ached and pounded in panic and sorrow and heart break. Was the Grin here to finish me off because Sirius was gone? I gasped lightly as my blood began to move sluggishly through my veins. Like they had frozen to be more like glaciers and I bit the inside of my cheek. My colourless eyes scanned the perimeter and found no escape.

_**Four be the things I'd be better without:**_

_**Love, curiosity, freckle, and doubt**_

…

_**Three be the things I shall have till I die:**_

_**Laughter and hope and a sock in the eye.**_

**A/N: ****Thanks for reading and please review!**


	51. Hoping

**A/N: Please enjoy!**

**Chapter 51**

**Hope**

The ventriloquist turned to face the crowd proving that he was not a ventriloquist at all but simply the body on which the voice rested. Staring down at me with soulless deep dark swarming red eye was a monsters face. The man was home to a monster. Undoubtedly. It set its eyes on the blonde which who was now breathing sporadically but had tilted her shaking shin arrogantly and was staring up at the monster defiantly. Apparently resigned to being a carcass for a beast.

"Marlene McKinnon." the thing cracked down at the stubborn blonde witch whose firm grip remained fused to my and as she dragged her nail harshly along my skin making me bite my lip as I noted blood beading from the force.

"One of the few remaining members of a pathetic order which sets out to site delusional ideals of compassion and good and light, perhaps if you had trusted your power you could have escaped this fate." there was a snicker from the edges of the group and I stared into he suddenly penetrating gaze as she turned to me and the man turned around again;

"Avadakadavra." the words fell from the young mans lips like they were filth. Yet there was an odd sort of excitement lit in his face as the unfamiliar green light shot from his wand and as I turned quickly to meet Marlene McKinnon's gaze I saw only a fierce flash of disjointed determination and then nothing. Her grip on my arm slackened, her fingernails removed themselves from my skin, her weight deadened further in my hold. Deadened. Dead.

"Marlene?" I whispered expecting her eyes to turn to me but there was no minute response, just like that. A carcass for beasts just like that. I placed her on the ground carefully and reached with a shaking hand, bloodied by her, to close her eyes. She was still warm from life, still soft and pretty, still a human, but then a dead human. I stared at her as the whispering evil creature on the back of the man turned to look down at me once more and began to speak. I watched her chest not moving, I watched her eyelids not flicker, I held her limp hand and felt her pulse not thump through her veins, just like that.

"and Juniper Augustus Malfoy I take it." my eyes stopped watering, I didn't feel like crying as I nodded and coughed to clear my throat.

"Jodie is what I have been called, when I have been called, but yes. If you feel like being formal you can take it as you like." I spoke to Marlene, my mouth seeming to run on the trace of determination and the arrogant jut of her chin which had slipped out in a flash of green. She had made it look easy and I did quite want to rest. Mutterings stirred around the clearing as a wand was jammed by the demons body to press to my temple threateningly. My throat burned still from the acidic resonance of my own bile. I gulped against it only succeeding in further nauseating myself. I could _smell _Pettigrew nearby, it didn't help.

"This traitor is not only basking at the level of filth but is also a fool. A completely useless individual;" the bodies true face turned to me, keeping its wand on me. I shut my eyes tightly and held onto Marlene's hand firmly. I wondered how long I would be warm, how long it would take for all traced of life to leave me. How long before any mark I made on the world was erased. That Sirius and I were going to be just like my Mother and Father after all, without a step different. Every good thing about us would be forgotten and there would be no baby to try and make it ok.

The tragedy would come full circle and the cold stab shirking my shoulder would run right into my heart and freeze in the heart break. I still didn't feel like crying.

_**And anytime you feel the pain, hey Jude, refrain,**_

_**don't carry the world upon your shoulders.**_

I would be gone, just like that, just like the Marlene. I felt like a large part of me was some place else and I hoped to God that somewhere out there Sirius was alive and awake and whole enough to be worrying about me. He would be ok without me as long as he doesn't do anything to stupid.

_**For well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool**_

_**By making his world a little colder**_

"Kill her." came the soft hissing crooning command of the gargoyle leader.

_**Hey Jude, don't let me down.**_

I inhaled sharply and braced myself, flinching tightly.

"My Lord." the young mans voice sounded afraid as it paused and I opened my eyes, holding the air in my lungs which I had expected to only escape after I had been murdered by the mutant in the boring shoes in front of me. I peaked up through my fringe. Eventually releasing a shaky breath as a flicker of a burning red eyed smile menaced through the smoke realm and I noticed as I exhaled I once again breathed out smoke like a dragon, as I had once thought I had hallucinated doing since Sirius didn't seem to see it.

_**So let it out and let it in, hey Jude, begin**_

The smoke floated up, rushing out from behind and around and in me in a whoosh causing me to cough and my eyes to water and my brain to fizz and as I reached up to my lip I realised a small trail of blood had slipped from my nose. I coughed one last time as the smoke bulged and slipped and began to take on a familiar form. I sniffed lightly and rubbed the blood from my face as I watched the hooded figures react with shock some even throwing spells toward the stretching towering figure but the magic simply ran through to blast trees and send masses of birds cawing into the sky. Ravens, I stared at the large black rush of birds through my still smoke scratched watery eyes. Nevermore. I inhaled as much fresh air as I could into my lungs shakily as my vision flickered dopily. My body feeling heavy, my hands feeling weak, like the possibility of tightening a fist was out of the question. I curled and uncurled my fingers a few times detachedly. Still warm. I was surprised they could see the Grin. It didn't usually happen.

Looking up through my minds haze I saw the Grins hunched form levelling with the monster living on the man. I was breathing loudly as I stooped carefully and lay on my side as if to go to sleep.

The Grin began to gesture as if there was an understanding, one monster to another. The Grin began by lifting one wraith like arm and sweeping it over to the right revealing a tense silvery thread to the red eyed creature as it did so. The thread led from the red eyed man toward one of his followers who the leader called to;

"Lucius." he hissed out and my Uncle flinched as he was called to and I recognised him easily as he walked toward the terrifying exchange. Yet even as my pulse ripped through me painfully I could only wheeze lightly to myself. My body trembled;

"My Lord." Lucius responded as he bowed lowly to the unnatural parasite.

"You know of this being?" the thinly veiled threat in the high pitched voice was not even lost on me and my dizzy attention was very much consumed by dark smoke and I could still hear the echo of the ravens long gone.

"This specter is likely to have want of the girl my Lord." the proud mans voice was cowardly and seedy. His attempt to be humble forced and grating. The Grin pointed the corporeal blackened smoke clocked skeleton of its hand toward me broken on the ground and then traced a line from me to Lucius and tugged on it lightly, letting it quiver in a silent twang. The atmosphere in the clearing created by the few remaining devotees was morose, one of abject terror. The kind where you couldn't help but look on but wanted nothing more then to look away. I could no longer smell Pettigrew and I wasn't surprised. If I had had any strength at all, any hope, any thought other then how odd it was that no one here left small clouds in the air as they breathed despite the cold. Anything but resignation and fear and sorrow. Sorrow that the last moments of my life were these ones and that I hadn't quietly died in my sleep last night. If I had any fight left in me at that moment, that would have been the moment to fight.

_**And don't you know that it's just you, hey Jude, you'll do**_

_**The movement you need is on your shoulder**_

"She is your charge Lucius?" the jarring voice asked with such delicacy that one wonders how something so weak could be so poisoning.

"As a Malfoy she is, yes, of course." he sounded afraid, his voice shivering, his gaze averted. A strange grotesque expression of glee crossed across the demons face as the Grins own gleeful mouth opened over so slightly to release a furrow of smoke which passed across the young mans second face only momentarily.

"I have been offered a deal." The man rasped as the Grin held out its hand and became completely stationary. Every furrow of smoke stilled as the mutated leader of the cowering black cloaked bigots turned to Lucius.

"She is your charge my dear Lucius and you are my servant, therefore I must ask you to use your position as this filth's keeper to break her supposed magical binding to one, Sirius Black, so that I may deliver her unto this being and fulfil my side of this deal, do you understand? You will break the bond." the last part was a command and I felt my stiff lips began to move as they whispered;

"No." I cracked out beseechingly and I managed to lift my head from the ground as I turned to face Lucius and grabbed his sleeve like a child as he approached me. "No!" I cried with as much volume as I could muster but Lucius simply kicked me back forcefully causing me to clatter gracelessly to the ground. Taking my mutilated left hand which had been further bloodied by Marlene Lucius placed his wand to my ring finger and began to murmur an incantation as I struggled exhaustively against his grip. My efforts proving futile as I began crying again. Hot tears burned along my cheek as my lip trembled and as Lucius dropped my hand I suddenly didn't know what I was so upset about, feeling like I had lost something. A part of my past, so much of what had brought me here. Something terribly vital had been taken, I stared blankly at the three monsters as they each nodded at each other and one had to turn to supply a hand to shake the Grins.

_**For well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool**_

_**By making his world a little colder**_

_**Hey Jude, don't let me down.**_

Whatever I had had left only a hole in its places and my empty chest did not know what to do without it. My soul felt crushed, my spirit sore, I did not like me anymore. Another tear seared my cheek as I coughed out a sob. Nevermore.

_**Remember**__** to let her into you your heart.**_

From there hands a flood of glowing silvery threads flow in the odd smoking doom sealing beauty and my heart contracts painfully in my chest as an unnatural barely decipherable scream stabs at my ears raising shivers over my body like nails over a chalk board. It spoke. The black hell sourced wraith filled the air with its words. Not spoken in English or any remotely human language but as my head felt ready to explode I could still understand it;

"_Before the Winter Solstice returns,_

_The length of every life of every soul I have earned_

_Will be yours_

_This is sealed in the blood of this flaw of destiny_

_I take it now as you have delivered and so it belongs to me._

_Before winter breaks again she dies_

_Or from my own black bones take thy penalty."_

Then sweet blissful silence. I almost didn't care that I was going to be bled to feed some sick plot; to give hundreds of years of life to the sick parasite whispering poison from the back of the young mans head, because at least my head didn't hurt so unbearably in the quiet.

_**If wild my breast and sore my pride,**_

_**I bask in dreams of suicide,**_

_**If cool my heart and high my head**_

_**I think "How lucky are the dead."**_

**A/N: Thanks for reading, please review!**


	52. An awfully big Adventure

**Chapter 52**

**An awfully big adventure**

I felt a nag around my waist and realised it was the brand of runes on my skin being tugged firmly, striking fear into the very core of my being. I would be murdered then, it was like a point in my brain that I could get passed as I noted that the smoky wraith seemed to plan to drag me through the light to somewhere else first. Feeling the weight of the movement increase I took one last look around the snow surrounded marsh. Lucius had removed his ridiculous mask and as I spared barely a beat to catch the nauseating look of pleasure on the gnarled unnatural face of my would be murderer I met my Uncles eyes.

He stared back at my disjointed gaze looking almost shocked and my brow matched the furrow in his as I realised that he looked distinctly remorseful. In a movement which reminded me strangely of something I used to know well I shifted my bloody left hand in a slight wave goodbye which made his mouth tighten. We were family after all, and then I was gone. I was passing through smoky light-knotted windowless space like there was a one hundred tonne weight bound around my middle.

I landed hard against the ground of a large room reminiscent of a cavern shaped like a stadium with no chairs, only rough stone. My stomach knotted as I felt a great sense of purpose about the place. Flopping from my rattled side onto the flat of my back I noted as I looked up, a flowing materiel from which soft coaxing voices flowed like warm clean water. I shifted my arm and almost bit through my tongue as I groaned. That was definitely broken. Voices floated from the curtain strangely.

_I'd rather you than me_

_You'll be ok, you're strong_

_Don't fight it, it's beyond you now_

_You did your best_

_Roots and wings Jodie, roots and wings._

The voices began to layer on top of each other in a buzzing clamour as I noted a plume of smoke slip from beneath the curtain. I had no where else to go any way, so what would wings be any good for?;

"Ssshh…" I sighed out and my body slackened further against the floor and the cacophony of noise slipped away. Leaving only my own bated breath, every passing of air jarring my arm painfully. My ankle also didn't bare thinking about.

The Grin manifested above me and its glowing eyes burnt into me as its broad smile made my insides recoil. The sort of fear I had only ever felt in nightmares assaulted my body. The sort that recommended no movement in the face of imminent danger. The sort of fear that was infinitely more terrifying because it informed you that trying to make things better could only ever make things worse. It swept its hand above me revealing every thread that existed to connect me to my past. Every root. They branched from my every cell and as the Grin reached down and wrapped a wiry appendage around a handful of them I stiffened.

I felt my face contort in pathetic futile misery as I began to shake my head vigorously and stutter out pleading sobs;

"Please." I wheezed around a misplaced rib and the demon brought its ever smiling face level with mine, its eyes reflecting its sick sadistic joy as it braced an ice cold bony hand against my stomach weighing down on my abdomen like a cage and pulled unceremoniously at the bundle of light which strained under the force of its pull and eventually began to snap from my body, giving under the pressure sporadically, curling away painfully, causing my mouth to open wider then I knew it could and lock in a horrified terrified scream;

"No!" I cried; "Please! Please stop no!" and then words were lost to me and it was just burning red eyes and staring up at the veil and hearing the roar of voices from the other side as every single person I knew was torn from me. The things they had told me, the things I had loved about them. The things I hated, the things I had had yelled at me. Every moment that had made me, pried carelessly and painfully from my soul taking all that I was with them in a scream that defied the amount of air I had in my lungs.

It didn't stop. It was going to pull me from the world like a stubborn deeply rooted tooth. I tried to slip away, to pass out, to go into a coma, to loose all feeling in my or even to die. Anything but the never ending unequivocal pain at the hands of the monster that I knew had caused me enough pain. Even if in the process of pulling me from every one I'd ever so much as passed on the street it had successfully taken the knowledge pertaining to its past misdeeds against me. My ears hurt from hearing my own screaming but I hadn't a hope of stopping as the things hands combed through me, deep and thorough. So cold it almost felt like burning.

After what could have been years I was sweating and panting and crying and pleading with no one for a single thing to hold onto as I noticed the dull lifeless cords which had been my lifelines fall detached to the ground and begin to draw away, smoking up like burning fuses, but one still glowed bright as the wraith above me twisted and twisted it mercilessly, sending bolt after hammer of joint-cracking spine-stretching pain through my every nerve.

All I knew was pain and the demon and that my heart thumping in my chest had a shining silver rope securing me off toward the wall of the building and that the nightmare didn't want it to be there as it eventually stopped assaulting it and slipped its hand around a dark red rope at my waist and began to drag me toward the dry cool veil. My heavy shaking legs passed through without issue, almost feeling like immaterial once passed to the other side. Like I could have forgotten I had legs at all if it wasn't for the still present throb of pain forcing me to grit my teeth as my voice had long run out from screaming. My head span, my heart hurt and with each of my breaths escaped a little sob. Cold ragged stone tore at my spent arms, one bent awkwardly, as I surrendered myself to the will of the terrifying menace looming over me. The seething anger rolling off of it in heavy noxious smoke burning my lungs and causing my eyes to sting as I was tugged insistently into the veil. My body refused to follow however even as I suddenly realised with a flicker of thankful relief that my minds grip was loosening. Perhaps I could escape my bodies pain at last. Perhaps I wouldn't be coming back.

_I hope the exit is joyful and I hope never to return._

**A/N: Thanks for everything!**

**Please review!**


	53. Code Yellow

**Chapter 53**

**Code Yellow**

**Razors pain you**

**Rivers are damp**

**Acids stain you**

**Drugs cause cramp**

**Guns are unlawful**

**Nooses give**

**Gas smells awful**

**You might as well live**

The large black thing had successfully taken my entire right side through the curtain as well as both my legs. I was blind with both eyes open but when I shut my left eye I was free to stare about the inside of the veil. Everything within was smudged and shifted as if someone had put a pair of strong convex lenses over my eye yet in disturbing focus a smoking figure glared at me through a smile. On this side of the veil he was not overtly large or crooked or without flesh, unlike his state when viewed through my right eye he didn't stand with stretched and marred proportions. He was straight and narrow and even had skin. White papery shifting skin shaped in a fairly gormless mask but pressed to flash a gargantuan nauseating grin. When its mouth opened ever so slightly a shrill over baring shriek almost as loud as my own tiresome terrified screams filled the air, pulling all the light from what was left of my heart. Only one thing could be derived from the ricocheting lamenting defeated keen.

_**Consummated, tainted.**_

It flew back toward my prone figure and once again began to fight to claw me through the veil but seemed unable to pull passed the shining thread at my heart which still curled off, further infuriating the red eyed deafening pain delivering wraith. I had taken to only breathing on occasion as tears ran steadily one after the other down my cheek and I wondered why this was happening to me.

I knew the square root of pie and that outside of the veil there were people. People had nothing to do with me, they existed like clouds. They looked like fun and I could imagine what time among them would be like, but I never expected to be near them. To understand them or feel them. I didn't name them or call them friends and they did me the same courtesy. I understood and knew plenty of things, but quite literally for the life of me I had no clue why it was me this grin was grinning at in fury, I had no idea why my tainted flesh was any of its business or why my flesh was tainted in the first place.

The whispering had quieted, I wondered if it had ever been happening. The screaming grew louder, I wondered why I could understand the meaning of the other worldly sound. I wondered what had broken my heart and then I wondered why I was desperate to die when I had nothing to die for.

When light leaves dark comes but when light remains dark can not be. The light I saw straining away from the arch sourced at my thudding heart forbid me entry to the dark inverted realm. Full of half voices and light which acted as shadow, the other edge of the arch betrayed little but a horrible deep seated fear. The thing allowed its creaking fingers to unfurl from my squirming disconnected form soundlessly. The skin at the side of my mouth split and dry from screaming, I allowed my lips to part to take in a great rasping breath. My tongue was heavy in my mouth as I allowed my eyes to role and meet with the burning red of the unnatural creature.

"Would you let me go now please?" I croaked and it was followed pathetically by a rattling sob. _It is my life after all._ The words begged to follow but found no strength to promote them. I wheezed silently on the floor as the creature moved its collection of menacingly bared teeth intrusively close to my ear. It spoke in a voice, a human voice. A voice the same as my own but layered with every whispering voice around. With someone else, the voice of a man, I closed my eyes tight shut and shook my head painfully as I sobbed as it spoke.

_**You gave no true life left to live but one year of lies and then a merciless death. Go mortal and be mortal.**_

The words terrified me but my heart convulsed in my chest even as it stopped talking. I realised that in a distant echo of its words there was something that rang so clear and refined and homely that I craved it. I almost wanted it to keep talking and I opened my eyes to meet its gaze my mouth almost pulled up in a smile. I remembered to be afraid then, I remembered I had been promised death and I instead glared as best I could.

"I'll see you then." I hissed and the ghoul curled its hand around my eyes and dug its finger into my skull painfully.

_**No you won't .**_

And everything went very bright and very dark and everything in between and I forgot why I was so afraid and what I had been. I sat up straight and clean in a small cot and felt instantly at a loss for how I had gotten there. The room span around me and I watched it, feeling dizzy. I beeping resonated from my left.

"Code yellow, Dr. Richardson to ward twelve, code yellow." a female voice spoke. I stared at the cardboard tiles on the roof as an aging man slid into the room and instantly approached to shine a torch in my eyes as his free hand moved to press unrelated spots along my neck and the side of my head.

"Can you tell me your name young lady?" The man asked in what I decided was a gentile accent. I met his tempered brown eyes and frowned as I opened my furry tactless mouth to meet his gaze. My voice cracking out weakly;

"No." I answered honestly and a small hysterical laugh hitched out of my throat as a tear slid down my cheek and my lip quivered with a second hiccough; "No, I can't."

**A/N: ****Thanks for reading and please do review, I mean really guys. It'd be ever so good of you.**


	54. The Perfect Pint

**A/N: Please enjoy and let me know what you think**

**Chapter 54**

**The Perfect Pint**

"The trick to pulling the perfect pint," he said pausing dramatically and wiggling a fairly annoying fair eyebrow in my direction as he added a slow pressure on the smooth black lever; "is…"

I couldn't believe he was talking that slowly. How could any person be expected to just sit back and listen to someone milk a sentence that much? I didn't say anything though, I had managed to get this job by charming this guy with my weirdly symmetrical features and if I told him to shove it now it would be added to a pile of three others. The job where I couldn't stay on because everyone noticed how terrible I am at simple tasks had been the first I ended up storming out of. Just nod. I told myself, just nod. It was four in the evening, he had all the time in the world to slowly talk his arse off in the empty bar. He was the youngest of the family who owned the place and apparently acting manager.

"Are you ok Siri? You seem a bit glum." I pressed my lips together as the man boy bar hand boss guy or whatever addressed me at a normal pace, proving he was capable of such a feat and further depleting my stock of patients as physical inability was ruled out as a plausible excuse for being so trying. I realised that in my nodding I had forgotten to smile. I put on a nice bright one.

"So sorry-" what's his name? what's his name? what's his name? Ah fuck- "love," I surrendered and stared forcefully into his eyes; "I was caught up in the sound of your voice, a slow even pressure. Can you show me again?" I asked raising an eyebrow coyly. His ears flushed, it wasn't even remotely endearing. He cleared his throat, I felt bad;

"Right, just put your hand here," he guided my hand up toward the disturbingly phallic piston before swooping in far to close beside me as he grabbed a glass and guided my hand down;

"Maybe this time you could do it slower?" I asked lightly, keeping the bite out of my words but enjoying the joke on my own. A private mockery, something I was doing more and more as of late, or perhaps as much as I always had. Who knows? Nine months since I had woken from a three month long nap. Nine months in which I learned that I already knew how to do long division and that my vocabulary was grotesquely expansive. Nine months to develop an accent to match my fellow Londoners as upon waking I had no mark of a past. No hint of being anyone, no age or name or family. Just a right to claim on disability and a form to right whatever name I wanted on.

Serena had a sound about it that I liked. I misspelt it though Sirina just looked more homely on paper. Something about the way the letters curved, Sirina Blake, it seemed to me to be a name that belonged to me. If I said it enough times to the mirror I could almost see myself nodding back to myself approvingly.

"_Siri_" They sigh breathily _"Siri."_ I almost feel a need to sigh back, I wonder if I'm a narcissist when I smoke and drink strawberry milkshake in the diner under my apartment. The owner of the diner wouldn't hire me because he thinks I'm after his daughter. I told him I liked girls just to get a start out of him and to change the subject off of rent. The truth was I didn't think I liked anyone, people who were in love just made me want to go back upstairs and talk with the mirror some more. I felt like the mirror was listening, I wonder again if I am a narcissist but then decide I mustn't be a very good one if I feel like I am my favourite company but also hate myself for letting me abandon whatever my life had been. The girl who had made my life this way, surely I had no one to blame but myself. I was virtually unmarked when they brought me in they said. They searched for clues, anything. Files, photos, missing persons archives. I was wearing a Scooby-Doo T-shirt and boys underwear. I had strange diamond shape open wounds along my ribs and along my left hand. They took skin grafts off my thighs.

Nothing was stranger though, then on my hand bellow the knuckle of my thumb where it appeared someone had scraped in a symbol with there fingernails. These were things I often repeated to the mirror, the girl I was before wore a Scooby-Doo T-shirt and boys underwear. I was brought in with open wounds along my rib cage and on my left arm. They took skin grafts from the girl I am now, they took ribbons of clean skin from my thigh with a stripper that worked like a cheese grater. I still can't bare to look at cheese graters.

Someone carved a symbol into the girl I used to be with their fingernails, I wrote it down everywhere. In fogged up windows, in drying cement, I especially liked to write it under my name when I signed something. The strange symbol rested purposefully underneath Siri Blake. The girl in the mirror and I would stare at it for hours and we were glad we didn't know anybody to well because we didn't have time to wonder if we were crazy when there was so much wondering to be done.

I had started kissing the fair haired boy now, I was tired of talking and I thought maybe it would distract me. Maybe for some reason I would turn out to be the love of his life, maybe it was meant to be, maybe I wasn't meant to be alone. He groaned;

"I want you." he whispered against my cheek and I hummed vaguely before feeling slightly miffed.

"Why do you want me?" I asked scornfully although really I knew I was being unfair. Knit picking at the admittedly innocent perverse motivations boys like him said such things to me and knowing that I would not push him away if I wanted him as much as I wanted to belong with someone. He huffed a gentle laugh against my cheek, not yet realising that I was that coldest girl to ever kiss someone.

"Because your beautiful and smart and sweet." he remarked, it was phrased a little like a question and I bristled further as he kissed my cheek;

"Don't say that, that's empty, anyone can be born beautiful, beauty, intelligence and disposition are not to be praised." he kissed the corner of my jaw and I frowned; "they are hollow victories, understand? Even if I was the most beautiful girl on the planet, its just and accident of birth, are you going to congratulate me for being born as well? Because I assure you it was just as much my doing as the shape of the bones underneath my face." he pulled back a small amount and looked at my eyes. He was wearing a name tag but it wasn't his, it said Karen.

"A pretty girl like you shouldn't say such sad things." Karen whispered before moving toward me again, I pushed him away and began to untie my apron;

"I'm not saying beauty doesn't matter because I don't think I'm beautiful Karen!" I explained and threw the apron on the counter as I barged around the side of the bar.

"I am saying beauty and intelligence are worthless because you don't do anything beautiful or intelligent to earn them and the words should have merit _because_ I have those hollow things, it shows I am saying it because it is true and not because I feel a need to depreciate things I can't because I was born without them. If I said it and I didn't have those things then _that _would be empty as well. I am so sick of this conversation." I opened the door of the bar and turned around to look at Karen before I walked out.

"I was just trying to-" He began but I bared my teeth;

"To spew some meaningless jargon which you've probably spat at a hundred other girls in the hopes that I might swoon all over you? Well I'm sorry but I'm not interested, thanks for letting me feel up your beer phallus." I let the door swing shut behind me and felt the stinging December air slip around my nose. I looked at the mark on my hand, I had traced in pen earlier and scrawled my name over the top of it. It made me feel lucky. I began to walk quickly around the corner toward my bus stop and kicked can petulantly along the road ahead of me. I turned into a shop on the way and bought a snickers.

I chewed noisily on the bus on purpose causing the boy sitting across the aisle from me to smile as if he thought it was cute. I scowled and moved to sit next to him to have the exact same conversation I had just had with Karen all the way home. As usual he just ended up going on and on about how he had never met anyone like me before and he felt bla bla.

"This is my stop." I cut across him and climbed off the bus, I had actually let the bus run a stop further to get a bit more flattery. As usual it didn't make me feel any better as I walked back toward the diner and the sky darkened. I sniffed against the cold and shoved my hand into my armpits to make them warmer. I wondered if I had been happier before as I clinked into the diner and sat in the booth farthest from the door as usual. Vern was behind the counter, already making up my milkshake as I pulled a packet of cigarettes from the folds of my coat. I couldn't afford them and I didn't even inhale. I just like having something to do with my hands and it was a conversation starter, not that I generally enjoyed conversation, conversation was something I dominated and took out my frustrations on, I longed to talk to someone who talked back. I felt lonely, always being the only one to take anything into an interaction. Always making people think and never thinking beyond what I can provoke alone.

"There you are Serena." Vern's daughter Orna smiled as she put the milkshake down on the table in front of me along with a paper wrapped straw. Her smile was bright and familiar, she played piano and had what Vern's wife Margaret described as an artists temperament, I just called it hormonal imbalance. Not that I could talk. My face screwed up oddly as the thought soured my would be happy smile. Instead I just bit my lip and winked up at her.

"My hero." I ground out teasingly. When her cheeks heated I wondered if she was going to propose we take our fantastical lesbian romance fuelled by Vern's paranoia before she just let out a nervous laugh and span on her heel, marching away. There was cream on the shake, I must have looked fairly miserable coming in to earn cream. I made a note to look more cheerful when I went out to get a new job the next day. I had been under slept the last while due to a series of dark and foreboding nightmares.

Like a horrid premonition they plagued my thoughts, I spent I a great deal of my new life, although well looked after by Vern, startlingly frightened. I was confused and verging on homeless. I often dreamed of a family or a home somewhere who would have me, I felt an odd familiarity that came with the longing for a family. I drank some of my shake and put my mouth on the cigarette for a moment before moving it away and tipping some of the ash into an ashtray. My face felt funny again when I thought of my knotted innards. I suppose I would just have to buy babies like Woodie Allen. That night I listened to the blues on my second hand Marconi radio and burnt out an entire packet of cigarettes.

I dreamt of shifting darkness and every so often I thought I saw something terrible smiling out at me from the hell I looked in on, but only every so often and only for a moment.

**a/n: ****Thanks for reading and PLEASE REVIEW!**


	55. Night Cap

**Chapter 55**

**Night Cap**

"Come on! Early to bed Moony, wouldn't want to be to tired for the big day tomorrow." I slid down the banister from the third floor of Grimmauld place to the second and plodded heavily down on to the landing hearing Remus's polite footsteps pottered down the stairs behind me. Things between Remus and I had improved greatly over the last year. It had been strange at first, the mystery of what went on that first week after my side of Azkaban prison was blown off remained steadfast. There were a few things I remembered from my escape, I remembered the look in Remus's eye when he realised I was innocent, I remembered staring out over a lake searching for something, I could remember but all of our memories were damaged in the blow at the lighthouse and how most of my return had been achieved was unknown to anyone.

Not that it mattered, I was still a fugitive, I had to stay in Grimmauld place and keep my head down as the Prophet span tales of my misdemeanours and I could only go out as Padfoot. Not to mention that just because Remus believed I was innocent didn't mean he forgave me, it was exasperating really, that emotions were so close to catch up to everything else. I hated Grimmauld place most of the time but the kids were due back from their Christmas holidays the following day which was almost good enough news to have me hugging Kreacher. Harry was incredible, just like James had been Harry was a true and honest companion, although sometimes I could spend a moment to long staring at that stomach turning scar on his forehead or when we laughed his fathers names would just fall out of my mouth and in moments like those I felt like we were to ghosts meeting in limbo. Harry's friends and there family had become so deeply involved in the newly formed order that they would be joining us for Christmas as well. It was going to be a good few weeks, I was determined. For once the house didn't smell of must, it smelt of Christmas pudding thanks to Molly Weasleys not entirely unwanted although overtly irritating fussing.

The only thing that made staying in this house of hell bearable was that I felt like I had a real family forming in it. Whiling away the days teasing Moony over his blustering crush on recent Order devotee Nymphodora Tonks and arguing with Molly over my drinking had made Grimmauld place feel less like it had when I was a kid and more like a house for good company.

Unfortunately in truth there was often no denying it, when an entire week would pass with just me and mothers echoing screams and then I would really start to feel it. I would feel a sense of foreboding that no amount of fire whiskey could stave off. I would sit across from the biggest mirror on the first floor on this strange dark stain on the carpet and ring my hands together and stare down the wall. It was the most disconcerting spot in the house with the roof creaking dangerously over head but it felt important. Like I had a reason to be there. Molly insisted that the dark symbols written on the wall in blood here must have been a poltergeist and had insisted it was washed off before anyone got tricked by them. I made myself look like a right loon when I tried to convince her to leave them be but there was no stopping that woman once she had made a decision, even if it isn't her house. Sometimes I wished it was, I certainly wasn't overjoyed that it was mine, the Noble and Ancient House of Black getting blacker with filth everyday, I wrinkled my nose.

"I'll pick up Harry at the station around one o'clock Sirius, I'll see you when we get back." Remus called from the first floor before making his way to the ground floor quietly trying not to rouse Mothers horrid painting.

"Right, stay out of trouble you great dusty moth." I called back to him just as a particularly large and dusty moth batted my clumsily. Remus just hummed distractedly before letting the front door click closed behind him. I turned into my room and tried to ignore the growing sense of panic I often felt when alone. Especially in these last few weeks, I had been having strange dreams almost every night. I began to turn the old ring I wore on my pinky finger around in circles as I had formed a habit of doing since I had found it beside some charred cloth the day I met Remus after the blast. It was a traditional Black family engagement ring but I could tell from the strips along the side that it was meant for either Regulus or me but no amount of research through dodgy old accountancy files of the Ancient house of shit there was no trace of who commissioned it. I was uncomfortable that such a ring even existed when I really though about it. Most likely one of my mothers relics of hope that I might suddenly return to whatever form she had expected of me. Or perhaps even more disturbingly it belonged to Regulus, thinking of it that way only made me want a drink or to punch something so I usually refrained from thinking of it that way if I could. I was drinking like it was a wedding every working day as it was.

The ring felt heavy on my hand, it wasn't something you could forget about wearing, no matter how many ways you turned it, it still meant to much for that. When I reached my room I climbed into bed and stared at the flat packed rafters above. I didn't really want to go to sleep to have another nightmare but then again, spend enough time around Dementors and it's a wonder that nightmares don't start having you. I shuffled in the bed and decided I would perhaps be better off after a night cap, fortunately I always kept some liquor within arms reach.

_I fell right into the dream as I slipped into unconsciousness, as if I blinked and opened my eyes somewhere else. Like apparating in your sleep, I was standing down the hall from the room I had just fallen asleep in staring into the large poshly framed mirror. My reflection looked the same as always, to old and to weary and a little drunk._

"_Sirius." _

"_Wha-?" my head span to the source of the cool deep feminine voice, there was no one there. I turned back to the mirror and suddenly my reflection was gone. The frame was empty except for the symbols that had once been written out on the wall were scrawled on the wall in the mirror. They made me panic, I realised I was holding onto the mirrors gilded edge._

"_Oh, fuck." said the voice and I was going to question it further when my legs gave out and I collapsed heavily on the floor._

_I shot up into a sitting position a moment later in a loudly creaking bed in an oddly round room. A fire smouldered on in the corner, and a single dim muggle bulb hummed toward the back of the room I fell back onto the bed and frowned. None of my dreams had been like this, they had been smoky and ashen and terrifying. Visions of dead loved ones and what felt like a warning or a threat. I sense of premonition, I woke up and the ring weighed heavily on my hand, none like this. With this presence._

"_Relax." I jolted as I felt the breath of the woman sweep across my chest. "Can you hear me?" she asked and it sounded oddly tender._

"_I can feel you." my voice hissed out in a whisper, and I could of course, a flush flowed up my body as I realised her soft pliant weight was lavished over my side, she was holding my hand. No one had held my hand since I was twenty one, maybe younger. "Who are you?" I asked and she chuckled to silently to herself. I had never been so conscious during a dream without being closer to waking up. It was more like a vision._

"_I'm a friend of a friend." she answered mysteriously before eventually emerging from beneath the blankets to stare down at me. Not without allowing her body to rub sensually off mine however. She looked very pleased with herself, she was that strangest looking girl I had ever dreamed into my bed. Her white blonde hair was greying and her dark lashes drew out an attack for her startling near white irises, she was very young and violently beautiful, I just wanted to stare. I was suddenly very afraid that I might accidentally wake up before I could memorise everything about her. She looked at me like I was something she was half pushed to buy. Like she was deciding if she wouldn't prefer something else. Needless to say when it came to girls I was in bed with it wasn't a look I was used to receiving._

"_You don't remember her." the nymph stated and I wondered if a faery of some sort had found its way into my dream. She looked a little disappointed._

"_What's your name?" I asked just so that she would talk some more._

"_Juno," she smiled a little, "but your friend calls me Jude."_

"_Which friend of mine?" I asked curiously and she bit her lip before giving my bare chest a thorough once over and shifting closer;_

"_A very lucky girl by the looks of things." she stared into my eyes and smiled mischievously; "Let me remind you." she slipped her hand out of mine and brushed her fingers up along my chest before raising herself up slightly and pressing her mouth to mine. It had been a long time since I had had a dream like that, a beautiful dream, a dream girl. I held her at her waist and pulled her closer sighing slightly and feeling her cool skin relax against me. She moved with a sure confidence, her mouth slightly parted against mine the pressure measured, her breasts pressed against me brazenly as I ran a thumb gently across her ribs. She smiles against my mouth, sucking erotically on my lower lip as she shivers underneath my hands and pulls us up so that I was sitting up straight with her in my lap. She moves back just a millimetre as a shudder runs through my skin;_

"_Hot." she sighs over my mouth and I realise we are some place else, that we are on a large old fashioned bed and a taste of sugar resonated in my mouth. I clear my throat as a blush creeps into my cheeks;_

"_I…" I didn't know what I was planning to say but I'm sure something smooth was on its way out before she cut across me._

"_Don't you ever let me do that again." the girl smirked at me and I quirked an eyebrow before continuing; "Now tell me if you remember anything now Sirius Black." Juno demanded and I shrugged as I realised I was wearing a cotton shirt and she still lay draped across me, mostly naked. I shook my head;_

"_Sorry babe." I admonished and she climbed off of my to sit beside me, sighing wearily._

"_Well, even though there is literally no indication that that was going to work it was worth a shot, don't you think?" she smiled at me again and I was captivated by her strange eyes. I said nothing._

"_She did say you were a good kisser, I was just making sure she hadn't deluded herself." I frowned down at her but my vanity couldn't help but ask; _

"_Was she?" the sprite glanced over my again coyly before suddenly seeming to sober greatly._

"_Before sunset tomorrow you will go to the Ministry of Magic Sirius Black." suddenly the dark presence that haunted so many of my dreams felt disturbingly close, I bit the inside of my cheek._

"_Why?" I asked quietly and felt the beginnings of anger rise in me as I grew weary of the faeries tricks._

"_Because I know destiny and if you don't go now by choice you soon will by fate and then it will be you who needs saving." a slightly manic smile flitted across my lips as she said this and I felt the beginning of fear. There was nothing more laughable to my broken soul then fear the girl put her hand on the side of my face and turned me to her as she spoke. She was so strange but she made me feel safe, I felt like she was really trying to warn me. Everything about her seemed so true as she continued._

"_Their will be no one to save you if you don't save the one before the setting of the sun. come with me." she took my hand and pulled me from the canopied bed, as she opened the curtains we stared out over a stone atrium, in the middle stood an arch and in the arch stood a monster._

"_It can not see you." said the colourless girl standing beside me in a pair of my underwear and a t-shirt with a muggle cartoon on it I used to wear to annoy my Mother brushing the tops of her thighs. She held my hand again, she was such a steadfast being, her touch was firm and assertive as she guided me toward the veil. I tried not to look at the demon, I tried not to stare at the large hunched skeletal creature bathed in its smoking black cloak as its red eyes stared at the girl beside me with a large feral grin._

"_Can it see you?" I asked and she did not turn away from the monster as she answered;_

"_Yes." I blanched as the things hovered closer toward her and gnashed its teeth at her. She smiled frighteningly at it and for a moment she looked equally inhuman as she hissed threateningly._

"_But it can not understand me, or hurt me as long as I touch you." I nodded slowly before my heavy terrified tongue shifted to ask a question, I hated not having the answers;_

"_Are we really here I asked?" recoiling slightly as me voice bounced off the atrium;_

"_I'm as here as I can be, you are at home in your bed, I am there to, watching over you. I am with her and so is it, it is watching over her." I shuddered as I imagined the grotesque creature whispering to someone in there sleep, and suddenly the dark manifestations sickly aura felt familiar and I felt nauseous, I was equally as misfortunate._

"_He will bring her here and carry her through there unless you stop it, you are going to have to take that ring and put it on her finger and save her with true loves kiss. Her life is in your hands." A charred skeletal hand which reeked of burning flesh reached out for the girl as she said this but she simply took a step back and flipped him the finger before shuddering into smoke. I was have way between incredulous laughter and crying don't leave me here when I realised I had shifted with her and we were sitting in a closed muggle restaurant in a booth that smelt strongly of cigarettes._

"_But to do that you will of course have to fall in love with her first." the girl stated as she through her feet over the edge of the table, she was dressed in an ankle length old fashioned blue grey witches dress and wiggling her toes at me._

"_I don't know if I can fall in love at all never mind to some girl I've only just met." I hissed heatedly, starting to feel more then a little animosity toward the dream walking woman, she lent across the table and smiled as she put her feet back on the floor and lifted my shirt, I was about to question her as she shifted further across the table and spoke right into my ear;_

"_I knew you'd say that, but don't worry, you're already inlove with her, you have just been a fucking idiot about it." she moved the front of my confused face for a moment and smiled as she pressed a shockingly cold finger the curved tattoo above and to the right of my naval and applied painful amounts of pressure. It felt like a thousand painful and small knots were attaching and tugging along my body forcefully making me cry out as my head felt ready to pop._

"_Just one more for the road, you really are a beauty." exhaling shakily I received another bizarre kiss from the beautiful woman before feeling the pain dissipate and falling away from the dream._

I sat up in bed with a start my head buzzing and my hair on end as I clutched at my sweat drenched shirt over my fast beating heart and stared at the faded stationary muggle girl glues permanently to the wall. The sun shone into the room as I remembered the sweet smell of her skin and the sizzle of misunderstood magic in her every touch. How she had changed my entire heart in one stolen week;

"_Jodie."_

**A/N:**** thanks for reading and PLEASE REVIEW!**


	56. A Grim Among Men

**A/N: This one goes out to MsTonksLupin to congratulate her on her completed Sirius/oc**

**CONGRATULATIONS!**

**Chapter 56**

**A Grim Among Men**

Leaving grimmauld place had been less troublesome than it would have been any other day of the year. None of the order would be in the Ministry to stop me as Padfoot and ask me if I had a death wish, Molly Weasley was already on her way to Kings cross along with Remus and hilariously Tonks as I had orchestrated earlier in the week when I had been idol despite the love of my life strolling along on a knifes edge and knowing her, I was surprised she had made it as far as she had without a wand. Bizarre that someone with as much magic had her has ever managed to get herself into a life threatening situation, but, I reflected fondly, I was hardly going to fall in love with some bint who didn't know how to rile up a little adventure. I groaned as I choked down a healthy spoonful of sobering potion before grabbing my coat, god the stuff was vile. I frowned as I put the leather coat on and shifted it it over my shoulders, it had been hers. With my newly restored memory settling into mind I felt terrified, it felt like barely a day had passed since I held her, since I had made her smile. She smiled at me like I was the world and spoke to me like I was the end of it. A clock chimed somewhere in the house having obviously been set to the wrong time but still making its point. I ran my thumb along the rim of the ring in my hand and ground my teeth together. I promised myself she wouldn't die and apparated into the large atrium in the ministry of magic, landing inelegantly on four paws and earning the attention of many of the ministry staff.

Senses quickly heightened I fell into stride with a man with a visitor pass and hoped people I assumed he had brought me in with him. My heart hammered hard in my chest as I was on the receiving end of more then a few sceptical looks but no one seemed to take to much care of the large black dog lumbering through the ministry. I turned quickly into a lift and wished for all the life of me that I had nicked some polyjuice potion when I had had then chance but I quickly shook the feeling off. Remaining wearily focussed. I sat in the lift for a moment, my tail wagging nervously, waiting for someone to step in and press a button. I was beginning to feel increasingly foolish untill something much worse happened. My doom presented itself in the form of Lucius Malfoy striding into the lift sneering stupidly, I didn't have time for it not that I wouldn't have loved to tear the snide bastard limb from poncy limb, I quickly sprung to my feet and bolted for the door but with all the sadistic satisfaction he was known for the bastard yanked me back into the lift by my tail before flicking his wand to the door. I yelped uncouthly before turning back into myself and feeling a wand press to my neck.

"Well, well Lucius is that your wand or are your just pathetically happy to see me?" I asked goadingly receiving a swift kick to the ribs for my trouble.

"That's a rather pathetic choice for a mans last word don't you think Black?" and I could here the weight of his smirk on each word before I turned onto my stomach with a flourish and disarmed him;

"Expelliarmus." I spat and caught his wand in my hand as he was cast back against the edge of the lift making it squeak and shake disconcertingly. I rose carefully to my feet and tooked his wand in my pocket just as we dinged to a stop as the door open in front of me and Malfoy slumped across the floor outside as the door fell out from under his back;

"_Basement level nine: Department of Mysteries." _I stared at the five bright eyed bushy tailed young Aurors staring at me and ran my hand through my hair quickly, thinking of how much I wish I still had James or Remus with me. Not that either of them would of come, not that either of them would have accused this of being any less then mad, even for me never mind them. Was I just going mad? Running to the Ministry of Magic over a dream?

"Bollocks." I cursed and disarmed the smallest Auror before picking him up and throwing him at the rest and sprinting past them down the hall; I heard them behind me clambering and yelling but simply turned back with a glare and cast a defindo at the wall beside me watching it crack and crumble menacingly from the spell before yelling maniacally;

"Stay the fuck down." and hoping that they were as scared as I was before turning and buckin' it down the hall. I was already winded from running when I reached the end of the corridor after so much of Mollys cooking and the large amount of sitting I had enjoyed over the last few months I was starting to wonder if I was even physically fit enough to pull this off. Not that I even knew what I was doing, as I tried to catch my breath behind a large pillar in the arch of the door. Not that even I could correctly justify risking so much by being right in the lions den, I didn't have long. Harry would arrive at Grimmauld place soon and I wasn't going to be there.

I began to walk on briskly searching for anything that might lead me to the veil, to her, to the monster, not that I knew anyway to defend against it. The lift around the edge of the corner pinged forebodingly and I felt my stomach clench before quickly rolling my eyes at my own panic and shifting into Padfoot, snuffling my nose around the corner I watched as the machine announced the floor and a young woman stepped out in a cheap faux fur coat and a green bowler hat. She padded softly along the ground and I noted that she wasn't wearing any shoes. She stared straight ahead, focussed on thin air as if it were terrifying, her eyes glazed over with tears, her brow furrowed. My stomach twisted at the sight of her, as all of what had happened suddenly felt real. There was no fun and games about this now, it wasn't just me being reckless, I had a responsibility to this girl and I had to get her out of there.

She reached where I sat at the end of the corridor which contained two turns and stared at the blank wall in front of her, paying me no mind, as if she hadn't seen me. I turned back into myself and placed my hand on her arm to turn her but she wouldn't budge;

"Jodie?" I asked hoarsely, feeling my nerves acting up as I noted her frozen skin and wondered if she had always been as pale as she looked then, her mouth certainly hadn't been. Her mouth had always looked bitten and berry stained, how I had longed for that mouth, her lip was trembling. I realised then that she wasn't really with me, that she was in some kind of trance as I waved a hand in front of her face and she continued to stare ahead at the blank wall before reaching forward and gripping onto an invisible handle, I recoiled slightly fretfully before remembering myself and trying to remain steady. I needed a drink.

"Jude love? Please?" I asked and reached to touch her face but as I did I felt a cold sweep of breath behind me and turned quickly to face it, wand raised, the corridor was completely empty and I once again began to feel concerned over my sanity. It didn't help that when I turned back Jodie was no longer standing there. Cursing colourfully I rubbed a hand over my face before standing in the same place she had and reaching out to the same place. Sure enough my hand wrapped around the empty air as if it was solid and I turned it slightly before pushing it forward. The door swung open into a room filled with various potions which smelt heavily of smoke. There were two desks on either side of the room and as I stepped in two flames rose up and glowed softly over head to light the dingy space. I spluttered over some dust before remembering not to be such a snob. Though truth be told I couldn't stand any sort of grime. How I had put up with so much filth in Azkaban was beyond me. I remembered my first weeks there, most of which was spent gagging over the smell, the dementor lay off a bit at first so you don't go crazy to quickly and ruin their fun.

There was no sign of Jodie in the room and I began to doubt I had seen her at all for a moment before I heard the door rustle behind me. I quickly stepped back behind it as it opened and watched Malfoy and two Deatheaters barge into the room purposefully. By their respective statures I assumed them to be Crabbe and Goyle. I felt my nerved jump up as Lucius spoke.

"This is a fools errand Lucius, it has misled us." grunted the taller of the two gestures, confirming himself as Goyle but Lucius simply shook his frazzled head, apparently still feeling a little like he had been side-longed by an elevator door, I smiled to myself.

There is a portkey to the correct location over on that shelf bring it to me." Lucius demanded and pointed at an obviously painfully cluttered shelf. I wondered how Goyle had any hope of retrieving anything without even a clue.

"Uhm…" came his lacklustre reply and I rolled my eyes at him before stepping out from behind the door.

"Accio Portkey." I said hurriedly and a muggle lighter flew into my hand as the three Deatheaters all span around comically to face me.

"Come now Goyle," I smiled; "surely even you could have thought of that." Lucius looked livid and I was preparing my next remark when the supposed Crabbe spoke up;

"Sirius!" It sniffled and I snarled at it as I spotted its fucking traitor watery little beady betraying rat eyes behind its traitor mask, my stomach dropped into my feet, I felt all the colour drain from my face at the mere sight of the fat bastard and rose my wand purposefully;

"Peter." I spat but then I felt a sudden pull behind my navel and before I could cast anything Malfoy had caught my wrist and we were both pulled out of the room and spinning through the port key.

For two pureblood wizards we certainly made a muggle of our landing after going up with the portkey as we fell hard against the stone ground of our destination. I rolled on to my back and stared at the familiar cavernous room from my dream. I thought of Harry coming off of the train and of Pettigrew somewhere in the ministry.

I promised myself again that I wouldn't let her die as I pulled myself to my feet and kicked Malfoy in the gut before marching toward the veil.

_The deal, dealt. The seal, blood. The penalty, death._

_But for you life is a punishment, for a grim among men._

The veil whispered seductively as I stepped closer toward it, blabbering nonsense but still, compelling. "Where is she?" I whispered back to the room and my voice lauded back off the walls harshly.

The veil fluttered slightly and I felt my chest tighten before within moments half the order a fuck load of death eaters and what looked like the entire auror office all flooded into the room. I watched Lucius clamber to his feet and point his wand toward me as I received an unimpressed look from Remus.

"Well fuck." I hissed and a young auror through a hex at me, I turned to him antagonistically;

"I thought I told you to fucking stay down!" and then all hell broke loose.

**A****/N: Congratulations again and thanks for reading.**

**Please leave a review! **


	57. Choice

**Chapter 57**

**Choice**

Spells and curses clashed and smashed off hastily cast shield charms and the already degrading infrastructure of the cavern cracked disturbingly. Noise echoed jarringly in what looked like an arena and the veil waved on like an eerie neutral flag, waving in support of the anarchy. Waving for the destruction of the lines between us. Mostly between me and every fucking other person. The order, the death eaters, the aurors, I hadn't a single person in that room who was happy to see me. I was such a wrecking ball, why did Jodie have to do this? Why did she have to disappear.

I remembered kissing her by a lake and how her body had felt ready to fall apart in my arms. How she shivered but never said a word about the cold. When I had asked if she was ok and she had just laughed and said that she didn't know. When I was with her I had wondered if she sort of got off on conflict and danger. I mean, she could make an argument out of anything or an enemy out of anyone. I deflected all the spells being thrown toward me and moved to side of the arch facing the opposite way to the order members so none would try and grab me to apparate me away. I needed to be there.

The time spent in Azkaban had, obviously, not been kind to me, but she was the only person that made me feel like everything was alright. As soon as she touched me first I needed it, that first kiss got me through the day, like her clear giving body head helped to heal my tattered tortured soul. She had taught me to love in every way again without even trying. I needed her to heal my heart, to make me hole, to make me a better man. I trusted her too.

I had stopped her that day, I had taken her arm and begged her to not disappear. From the very first time I had heard her speak I had felt like she could disappear at any moment. It was like trying to hold on to water and watching it flow through your hands. She had smiled just a little, her shivering lip curving in its unpractised way and making my heart hammer as she watched my mouth. The memory was so fresh as I pressed my back to the large stony outcrop surrounding the veil and continued to deflect all the spells I could and search the crowd for a glimpse of her gossamer hair, I could almost feel the untouched silk of her skin under my hand and the brush of her breath as she had sworn to promise nothing. How she would fall right against me the moment my lips touched hers. Like all that was left was kissing and touching and she would just emanate joy. I wished so much that I could hold onto her just like that, that simple, when she lost all her complexity and I understood her completely. I knew that when I was understanding her she was more confused then ever. Suddenly Remus's back was pressed flat to the rock beside me as he duelled some unworthy adversary and cast him aside quickly. Great, I was going to have to talk to Moony about why I was trying to get myself killed.

He failed to distract me from the memory of how hard she made me when she had pulled me to her in that moment and lapped across my mouth with the feather light touch of her sinful tongue. I tried to push the memory away from my head as I almost caught Tonks on the side of the head with a wayward hex due to my distraction. Remus was talking as I remembered Jude running her tongue over her lip seductively and felt my neck heat up.

"_Don't disappear." I had pleaded_

"_No promises." she smiled._

"You shouldn't have come Remus." I told him as he turned to me as if he had just realised I was there and he paled as he saw me, his lips thin in an impatient line.

"I suppose it would be pointless to tell you that you shouldn't have either since you have gone mad." he ground out as the pile of stupid death eaters surrounding us began to casually build up, under any other circumstances it would have been quite fun but the jumble of aurors in the mix certainly disturbed the situation. Really if I could just forget about Jodie I might have enjoyed being out and sparring. I mean who knows? Since my memories had been restored only hours before everything had changed. She made everything different.

"I have to do this." I told him and then bit my tongue at the poor choice of words, I knew how much he hated half explanations. He threw a spiteful glance my way as we shot a streak of light at a less then lithe auror who crumpled disturbingly.

_The room was emptied in the next instant as I turned behind me and could see that on the other side of the veil bloodied and broken was her lithe form. Clawing at the ground and weeping tiredly as her weak protests were ignored and she shifted closer and closer to the veil. Her call for help echoing loudly in my head, her methodical pleading whisper as she begged to be let be. I marched, stricken toward the veil before I felt a firm hand on my shoulder._

"For Gods sake Sirius don't go near that thing, its obviously something dark." I stared at my hand outstretched toward the veil as my body was puppetted by my twisted vision. I shook my aching head as I thought I could still here her whisper.

"Destiny Remus;" I turned to him as Tonks stood behind us in the grappling chaos. I realised I could see a familiar fucking fat form scurry in the fray and stiffened as I redoubled my grip on my wand. I turned to him and met his confused concerned amber eyes. "I have to do this." my eyes wandered from Pettigrew to the veil again as Remus deflected a curse aimed at Tonks and her cheeks coloured slightly.

"Do what?" he hissed angrily and my brow furrowed as the traitor made his way to the exit. What indeed, my heart thumped in my chest as I felt torn. I promised myself again that I wouldn't let her die as I ran after Peter. There was time, I was sure of it. His robes squirmed in the chaos as I heard Remus yell behind me, he was furious. He would do himself a favour and get out before things got quiet enough for officials to start noticing there were people besides death eaters and aurors their who seemed to be suspiciously supportive of Sirius Blacks wellbeing. He didn't need anymore trouble. I had the filthy traitor in my sights as I felt my gut twist with fury.

"Peter!" I roared and he stopped his scuttling as I fixed my wand to him and he turned slowly, shaking visibly. I smiled roguishly, feeling a daunting sense of twisted satisfaction at finally having him at my mercy.

"Sirius you-" he began pleadingly but I cut him off.

"Don't even try that with me you disgusting rat. You are a failure of a man, a traitor to your friends, a murderer."

"No!" he squeaked as I began to laugh uncontrollably and shot a jet off burning purple light at him, he avoided it sloppily and I laughed louder, the duel would be short, I could do it, I had time.

"_I trust you with all my heart Sirius." and I looked in her eyes and I knew she did and I hated it. I wanted to push her away but I would never forget the truth of it, that she would forgive me and she would trust me and that a part of me that had been dead so long really wanted her trust, really wanted to deserve her trust._

"No." I hissed defeated as my gut twisted, I turned my back on the rat to make my way back toward the veil and leave the battle till she was safe. I felt sick passing up my own fury but I had to deserve, I would give anything to deserve her and as I felt the pop of Peter disapparating behind me to my very core I knew that it was completely true.

"_You're my favourite person." She announced plainly. We smiled at each other, I shook my head. She was such a fool and I was so grateful for it._

When I reached the veil someone had just set off a spell that had caused my ears to ring and my head to pound. I reached Remus again and he barely noticed me as the fighting became more heated. The chafe had been cut leaving only the most skilled duellers to battle it out, few had fallen since I had left Pettigrew. One Deatheater in particular had taken up heaving the prone bodies strewn across the floors and hurling them at the remaining Aurors and Order memories.

I wrapped my hand around Remus's left arm for a moment and gave it a squeeze before turning back toward the veil. I ignored his attempts to call me back as I lifted the fluttering curtain away and marched through.

As I set my first foot passed the threshold of the veil it was predictably apparent that it did not lead to the opposite side of the arch. It was cold and dark and scentless on the other side of the veil, crooning with a shifting fluidity of sound that alluded to the ebb and flow of a deep sleep. To step into a dream. Suddenly a loud rush of breath came straight toward me and seeping fog billowed around a gaunt hollow eyed figure that rushed in its purple dinner jacket toward me. The unhealthy waxy skin and vile misery of my own doppelganger was enough to make my heart stop as a lonely fear reflected back at me.

"_Sirius Black" _its roaring whisper bounced at every dark angle and seemed to reverberate around my own head; _"you have no business with death yet." _I suddenly felt something with in me identify with the degraded apparition before me as my heart clenched tightly in my chest. My breath became short, destiny.

I opened my mouth to question my own presence in the veil before my stomach constricted and I was blown back quickly onto the atriums floor once more among the unending brawl. I rolled hard off the floor from the built momentum of being thrust with such strength and lay face down on the ground panting and dizzy. My own face still stared gauntly and unhealthy toward me as I blinked at the floor.

"_Jodie."_

I panted to the floor and suddenly an ear splitting scream cut across the grunts and shouts of incantations to instinctual to be thought out before casting. A woman span through the air from the veil which billowed after her from her disruption. I stared at her falling form before;

"Fucking perfect." I realised she was headed right toward me on her path across the room. We collided roughly, the air was quickly knocked out of me again as she quickly started grappling against me. I already knew who it was before she rose far enough above me for us to face one another. She stared down at me wide eyed and stiff jawed for a moment before her lip quivered erratically and her eyes began to haze over.

"Help me." she rasped and suddenly another shriek broke across the room and everyone turned to face the arch as the demon emerged, fully visible and emanating a horrible fury. It screeched intelligibly toward Juniper and I and began to move baselessly toward us. Her eyes were fixed on it as I pulled the ring from my pocket. She suddenly clambered purposefully off of me and ignoring the spells being thrown around the room, toward the demon and between people to in depth to stop she marched toward the specter unarmed and shaking.

"I am not your property!" she cried and the demon clamped its hulking charred hand around her wrist, the smoke which tumbled from its ever limb falling over her skin. She jerked her hand around uselessly as it began to pull her back toward the veil. I rolled my eyes and grunted at how little she'd changed in the past year before rolling onto my stomach and lifting myself from the ground. But then, the sort of extraordinary thing that only she could make happen happened as every person in the room eventually stilled arms to stare, many afraid, some simply mesmerised. My wand was gone from my hand and into Jodies and she stared at in confusion for a moment and turned behind her to face me for a moment, her eyes gliding surreptitiously over my form before she set her mouth into a firm line and used the wand to ram through the monsters wrist.

"I will not bend forever," she hissed through gritted teeth as a blinding light began to emanate from the end of the wand and the creature began to scream but still did not relinquish its grip as it jerked and tugged her unwilling body toward the whispering gossamer veil.

"something's got to break." she finished and grunted exhaustively as suddenly the room was white with the power of whatever spell she had just cast with a wand that wasn't even her own and the light was filled with an odd warmth not unlike a Patronus, but more communal. When the light dimmed she lay weakened on the floor, a Deatheater, probably one of the Carrows, was the first to shirk a spell toward Madeye moody, apparently not aware of the term constant vigilance it was blocked easily. The fighting took off again and her crumpled form seemed almost as forgotten as me as my company fought around the unarmed public enemy number one, feeling both a little smug and a little neglected I half jogged over to Jodie on the floor.

Tipping her up into my lap I tactlessly pulled her left hand into my own, momentarily noting the absence of the unexplainable wound that had been there before slipping the platinum ring onto her ring finger. I ran my thumb over her hand and stared to her, her pulse ran soft and fast under my fingers like a birds. It wasn't what we in the business call "a good sign". Trying to remain unperturbed I almost bit through my tongue as I waited for the rise and fall of her chest. She took the occasional measly breath.

"You know this is doing nothing for my nerves." I mumbled before tipping down lightly and pressing my lips to hers gently. It was only for a moment but it was enough to make my whole body heat up with happiness. She gave me happiness like it was a contagious fever. I smiled as I pulled back and she was looking up at me. Her almost snow white eyes causing my chest to tighten, I wanted to kiss her again.

"Jodie, I-" I began but suddenly the infuriatingly familiar feeling of receiving a slap across the face stopped me from speaking as she scrambled away from me. My heart hammered hard and scared and a little turned on in my chest as her body heaved as if she was rejecting something.

"What did you do?" she asked hoarsely and I simply shook my head at her before noticing the stream of smoke slowly seeping from her mouth as her body jerked violently, black and thicker with each repressed breath, she noticed and began to hyperventilate in a panic. "What did you **do**?!" she repeated more urgently before standing up from the ground dizzily and watching fearfully as more smoke tumbled from her mouth. She began to splutter and I was reminded horribly of when she had haemorrhaged onto the carpet at Grimmauld place as a single bloody tear escaped her eye. My mouth flapped uselessly as I tried to think of something to do, I could hardly take her to Mungos without getting us both chucked in jail. She stomped her foot petulantly as I began to pull myself up from the ground but she turned and ran as I reached from her. Feeling my head start to ache I took one more look at the thoroughly preoccupied occupants of the room before taking off after her.

Damned witch was going to get me killed.

**A/N: Thanks for reading!**

**Please make my writing feel worth while review! **


	58. Freedom

**Chapter 58**

**Freedom**

_26 December 1992_

_7.47 p.m._

The Grin, weakened almost to the point of death by Junipers survival, was forced to return to shadow.

Sirina ran through the ministry and successfully reached the surface. Running to the nearest muggle pub she ordered herself a glass of water and hyperventilated in the corner which was usually used for phone calls until the phone cord had been cut by some snotty teenagers. She can feel bruises beginning to form along her thighs and across her shoulder but is thankful that she was not to concussed to run. Her hands shake, her head aches and each breath is followed by a muted hysterical whimper. She does not know what to do next, the people in the pub shrug it off as dramatics probably a bad trip. She hopes it's a bad trip but she still feels the weight of the whispers in the dark. The thought shivers through her body, _"Your soul is no longer your own silver girl."_ she inhales the scent of stale beer in the chatter holding pub and stares at the heavily tarred wood of the bar. Her heart thumps on like a brass band. She wipes at her tears and she waits to wake up.

Sirius watches her coat ends whip behind her as she runs with panicked unchecked speed through the labyrinth of the ministry, she doesn't stumble or slow but takes large gulping roaring breaths as she runs.

"Please, please, please…" she prays with each step and as she slams into the bottom of the phone booth leading up to the muggle platform she hammers the buttons with her palm and still does not look back, still refuses to even so much as glance behind her.

"Wake up, wake up, wake up,…" she finds a new chant as Sirius fails to reach the lift before it pulls toward the surface. He can see her falling to her knees within the booth as she hulks up a great and final lung full of thick black smoke. It sinks around her just as she is pulled out of site. Sirius apparates carelessly to the surface and sees her emerge, spluttering. The smoke roles out with her and billows along the ground. As Jodie turns and runs Sirius watches it stretch and pull in on itself before eventually folding into a jet black lineless ring. He stares at it and approaches it. He nudges it with his shoe and taps it into a muggle drain a few feet away, it falls with a plip. He chases after her once more. The muggles don't notice, as usual.

She barges into a red fronted pub and when asked what she'll have she blanches before gulping down a harsh exhausted breath and managing a dismissive;

"Water if you have it." and stumbling into a deeper alcove with muddy lighting.

Sirius hesitates. He stares at the end of her coat sticking out from the corner she has jammed herself into and thinks of Remus fighting his battle in the ministry, the pubs patrons smoke and drink detachedly. The bar hand looks at him expectantly, Sirius scans the room and sees a jukebox by the door he had entered through. He stares at it wonderingly;

Sirina thinks of the man who had chased her, the one who had looked half mad and who had kissed her. She realised she was still wearing the ring he had placed on her hand and stared at it. The idea of waking up without having it to stare at suddenly did not appeal to her.

The Jukebox on the other side of the bar began to click as someone placed a coin in the slot.

_**Hey Jude **_

Siri sank against the wall as the first notes began to fill the room.

_**don't make it bad**_

_**Take a sad song and make it better**_

"Excuse me Ms…?" he approached it like a question and white eyes met stormy grey;

_**Remember to let her into your heart**_

"Blake." her voice trembled as the stranger rounded the corner and she realised she was trapped. Still pumped with adrenaline and dizzy from the heavy impact she had experienced Sirina flinched at the sound of her own voice. The beautiful man nodded and clicked his tongue as he looked her up and down. She ran her finger along the inner rim of the shockingly well fitted ring and listened to the song as it some how made her heart feel ok. She had never believed in love at first site.

**Then you can start to make it better**  
**Hey Jude, don't be afraid,**

"Well, do you have a cigarette going spare Ms. Blake?" the man quizzed and her stomach knotted as he leaned against the edge of the partition separating them from the bar, putting her at the strangest sort of unease that didn't feel entirely unwanted. She nodded dumbly and patted at her pockets.

**You were made to go out and get her**  
**The minute you let her under your skin**

"Do you smoke camels?" she asked hoarsely but still felt as if she was regaining some footing in this bizarre to-real dream. He wrinkled his nose and took one;  
"I'll smoke anything that burns." he lit it with a lighter he kept half hidden in his pocket and took a deep drag before meeting Sirinas eyes once again.

**Then you begin to make it better**  
**And anytime you feel the pain, hey Jude, refrain,**

"Do you like this song Ms. Blake?" he asked gently with a strange look in his eye that almost made Sirina want to look away but she felt like looking away would be losing.  
"Very much, Mr…?" she lifted an eyebrow as he smile roguishly down at her. He was painfully gorgeous, she decided, she began to blatantly admire his form, deciding he was probably used to it anyway.

**don't carry the world upon your shoulders.**  
**For well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool**

"I'll tell you if you'll dance with me." Sirius needed her to remember, Siri wanted to touch him, a lot.  
"I'll dance with you if you let me lead." Sirina dared and laughed at his flabbergasted expression before catching his waist and turning him out of the booth gracelessly, almost knocking down a waitress who they both just laughed at rambunctiously.

**By making his world a little colder**  
**Hey Jude don't let me down**

"You are quite beautiful when you laugh Ms. Blake." the sexy man said but as usual it sat uncomfortably for Sirina.  
"What of it?" She bristled as she turned him again and failed to hold a stern expression as he continued to show trouble with the reversed roles.

**You have found her now go and get her,**

"I was making sure you knew," he shrugged before snickering as he allowed her to turn him under her arm; "But I'm sure you know good when you see it, you strike me as a woman of fine taste." he watched her colour as she miscounted a box step.

**Remember to let her into you your heart**  
** then you can start to make it better**

"My name is Sirius Black." he stated purposefully and Sirina Blake stopped dancing as soon as she heard it, she stopped dancing and stared at the man in front of her.

**So let it out and let it in, hey Jude, begin,**  
**You're waiting for someone to perform with**

"You know something." she hissed and she didn't know what she meant about it but having decided it was increasingly unlikely that she was dreaming she had to speak up. The man simply took another pull on his cigarette and ran a thumb down her aching neck as her shoulders still felt heavily bruised from the fall.  
"I know you." he whispered and his mouth was suddenly distractingly close to hers.

**And you don't know that its just you hey Jude you'll do**  
**The movement you need is on your shoulder**

"You don't know a damn thing about me." she grumbled as he held her a little closer and began to turn her with the music once more, she allowed him to take the lead, she was tired. She said his name in her head over and over again, Sirius Black, Sirius Black, she was dancing with Sirius Black, Sirius Black.

**Hey Jude don't make it bad**  
**Take a sad song and make it better**

"You know I think you may be on to something there Jude." he breathed against her hair and he thought he felt her jolt once more under his hands, he smiled. Something remained, a part of her heart still knew.

**remember to let her under your skin**

"Can I tell you a secret Sirius Black?" she asked quietly as she watched her tears roll off the side of his beaten up leather coat.  
"Yeah sure." he mumbled and she smiled a hidden watery smile.

**Then you'll begin to make it better**

"A year ago I was in an accident and I forgot my entire life." he twirled her around and he spotted her tears. Some punters watched the exchange with mild interest, others continued drinking, far past caring. "Any thing or any person who I was ever closed to or who ever loved me is lost to me." he span her back in and rubbed a thumb along a smudge of rubble with a small tear along her cheek. She stared up at him, she thought his eyes were startling.

**Better better better oh**

"Did no one ever tell you Jude? That the ones who love us never really leave us," he brushed some of her hair aside and brought his hand to her heart, feeling it hammer frantically. "you can always find them," he pointed delicately; "in here." she sniffed and giggled lightly as she stared up at him wonderingly;

**Nanananananana,**

"I bet you think you're real smooth, don't you Sirius Black?" she asked sardonically as he brought his lips ever closer to hers. Sirius Black almost kissing Sirius Black.  
"Am I not?" he asked as she stared at his pink mouth, his lips appearing temptingly soft.

**Nanana**

"Sirius?" she asked confused as she suddenly furrowed her brow and met his searching gaze. The ring felt warm on her finger, her heart felt light, a small smile began on her mouth before he tilted his head to kiss her ever so gently. She leaned into him easily and felt her heart swell further in her chest as her cheeks coloured lightly. The kiss was short as she pulled away delicately, she tangled her fingers with his and he spotted a spark of danger in her eyes as she stared up at him.  
"Come with me." and she led him out of the dingy bar hastily, he laughed and they ran through the cold Winters night as her untouched glass of iced water perspired on the bar.

**hey Jude**

And the song played out.

* * *

_Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose._

_._

_._

FIN.

**A/N: and who would have thought that this day would ever come. There it goes, it is all over. So I guess all that is left is to thank everyone for reading this whole damn thing and to humbly request a review, assuming you are capable of issuing and opinion I would like to receive it, this is my first fic so please do let me know where you think I should could or ought to go from here!**

**Meanwhile I would like to acknowledge my fellow writers and inspiring muses;**

**Ms. Tonks Lupin; who writes beautifully and to whom I don't even know what to say for her unfailing and gracious support chapter for chapter, I can pretty much accredit the whole thing to you!**

**BloodAndViolence; whose overall enthusiasm and bloody mesmerising writing has enabled me to complete my own fiction.**

**AmaranteX; who I can thank for her support but also for just flat out killing my writers block with her optimistic perspective when writing.**

**And to IWLTxo, aprothe, PureAngelEyes, Nana, anica, Riley Erin and innocent deviant, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me, it really does mean the world.**

**Thanks also to all those who favourited and followed, knowing people like this story really did give me cause and drive to write it, so thank you.**


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